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"Why is it that if I chase a guy they seem to lose interest? " Well I like a challenge. Personally. | |||
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"Why is it that if I chase a guy they seem to lose interest? Well I like a challenge. Personally. " Me too. So how does that work though? Both parties steadfastly refusing to message each other so they don't appear too keen. It is an art and a skill, I'll give you that. Just having an out of body "it's really weird when you think about it" moment. Ahh fuck it. I think I'll just go to a club. Get d*unk and throw myself at the nearest guy. | |||
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" My £0.02 Show a clear interest in possibly meeting, more than just chat, without being too pushy/explicit. " Maybe this is part of my problem. I can't invite guys to trek a billion miles to where I am for a quick cuppa? | |||
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"Why is it that if I chase a guy they seem to lose interest? But if I totally ignore them, they message constantly? " Im guilty of that and probably have drove someone mad recently because of it | |||
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"Why is it that if I chase a guy they seem to lose interest? Well I like a challenge. Personally. Me too. So how does that work though? Both parties steadfastly refusing to message each other so they don't appear too keen. It is an art and a skill, I'll give you that. Just having an out of body "it's really weird when you think about it" moment. Ahh fuck it. I think I'll just go to a club. Get d*unk and throw myself at the nearest guy. " Let me know when you plan on going, I will buy the drinks! | |||
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"Why is it that if I chase a guy they seem to lose interest? Well I like a challenge. Personally. Me too. So how does that work though? Both parties steadfastly refusing to message each other so they don't appear too keen. " That's different. Thats a fucking game. Fuck that. . Who wants that. I find myself attracted to those who are not anyone's for the taking. There's no challenge there at all. There has to be something going on upstairs for me. But that doesn't mean playing games. Nobody wants that. | |||
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"A survey is needed. I never chase a man,I can go weeks without any interaction with someone. I wait for them to contact me,which I have always done as I don't message first on here. If I have a kind of friendship going on I will sometimes ask if they are well etc but rarely ask for sex. I just can't do it easily " Me either. I never ask for anything at all | |||
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" My £0.02 Show a clear interest in possibly meeting, more than just chat, without being too pushy/explicit. Maybe this is part of my problem. I can't invite guys to trek a billion miles to where I am for a quick cuppa?" I prefer a woman to be direct. Makes a refreshing change. Tell them exactly what you want from them xx | |||
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"Most of us blokes are pretty simple creatures, I'd say simply be blunt and tell 'em you want to meet them. We're often shit at picking up on signals or flirtatious behaviour. Dancing around the obvious if you clearly fancy each other is where the boredom comes from cos each of you thinks the other has lost interest. Take charge and take the plunge. " | |||
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"Why is it that if I chase a guy they seem to lose interest?" Your profile is great and, from your pictures, you are very attractive too so, on that basis, have absolutely no idea why a guy would lose interest - most bizarre ! | |||
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"Why is it that if I chase a guy they seem to lose interest? Well I like a challenge. Personally. Me too. So how does that work though? Both parties steadfastly refusing to message each other so they don't appear too keen. That's different. Thats a fucking game. Fuck that. . Who wants that. I find myself attracted to those who are not anyone's for the taking. There's no challenge there at all. There has to be something going on upstairs for me. But that doesn't mean playing games. Nobody wants that. " But people do play games. It messes with your head | |||
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"Story of my life! As soon as I realise I like them and have feelings for them I get really intense and end up messing things up. I'm hoping the next guy I'm looking to date I'll use my head and think before I start acting all stupid. I'll use this forum to guide me in the right direction!" He problem I have is when people get really intense is that I feel claustrophobic. I would feel that if I got with some like that and slept with her, she would go even worse. When the girl I mentioned before fancied me, she would question my intentions when I talked to other people etc! I like people to play it cool. At the end of the day if I was with someone in a relationship, I wouldn't cheat, and I would like the trust to be there, without possessiveness! Possessive women scare me and most guys I know. | |||
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"Story of my life! As soon as I realise I like them and have feelings for them I get really intense and end up messing things up. I'm hoping the next guy I'm looking to date I'll use my head and think before I start acting all stupid. I'll use this forum to guide me in the right direction!" not looking to date but agree with you | |||
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"Why is it that if I chase a guy they seem to lose interest? But if I totally ignore them, they message constantly? There have been rare exceptions to this. But generally I'm thinking of changing my approach. Virtually ignore the guys I like and message repeatedly the guys that I'd like to leave me alone. My husband suggests just being more direct and telling the ones I want that I want to set up a meet. But my brain often seems to freeze at that point? Swinger's block, like writer's block somehow? I need help. Or possibly vodka." Can't understand this. Couldn't care about the chase. I'd be happy for people to message first | |||
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"I don't understand why you're chasing? Just be blunt. Tell them what you're looking for. They'll either say yes or no. Job done." Because I don't get attracted to a guy by photos alone, I need the talking thing to really WANT a guy. So the back and forth communication is important. And then it falls on it's arse. | |||
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"I don't understand why you're chasing? Just be blunt. Tell them what you're looking for. They'll either say yes or no. Job done. Because I don't get attracted to a guy by photos alone, I need the talking thing to really WANT a guy. So the back and forth communication is important. And then it falls on it's arse. " Which part falls on its arse? | |||
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"I don't understand why you're chasing? Just be blunt. Tell them what you're looking for. They'll either say yes or no. Job done. Because I don't get attracted to a guy by photos alone, I need the talking thing to really WANT a guy. So the back and forth communication is important. And then it falls on it's arse. Which part falls on its arse?" Message me and you'll see. | |||
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"Why is it that if I chase a guy they seem to lose interest? But if I totally ignore them, they message constantly? There have been rare exceptions to this. But generally I'm thinking of changing my approach. Virtually ignore the guys I like and message repeatedly the guys that I'd like to leave me alone. My husband suggests just being more direct and telling the ones I want that I want to set up a meet. But my brain often seems to freeze at that point? Swinger's block, like writer's block somehow? I need help. Or possibly vodka." You help me understand women,and I will help you understand men | |||
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"I don't understand why you're chasing? Just be blunt. Tell them what you're looking for. They'll either say yes or no. Job done. Because I don't get attracted to a guy by photos alone, I need the talking thing to really WANT a guy. So the back and forth communication is important. And then it falls on it's arse. " I can relate to this. It's frustrating. | |||
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"Most of us blokes are pretty simple creatures, I'd say simply be blunt and tell 'em you want to meet them. We're often shit at picking up on signals or flirtatious behaviour. Dancing around the obvious if you clearly fancy each other is where the boredom comes from cos each of you thinks the other has lost interest. Take charge and take the plunge. " Think this is the answer to Op's predicament | |||
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"Why is it that if I chase a guy they seem to lose interest? Well I like a challenge. Personally. Me too. So how does that work though? Both parties steadfastly refusing to message each other so they don't appear too keen. That's different. Thats a fucking game. Fuck that. . Who wants that. I find myself attracted to those who are not anyone's for the taking. There's no challenge there at all. There has to be something going on upstairs for me. But that doesn't mean playing games. Nobody wants that. " definitely my sentiments too | |||
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"Why is it that if I chase a guy they seem to lose interest? But if I totally ignore them, they message constantly? There have been rare exceptions to this. But generally I'm thinking of changing my approach. Virtually ignore the guys I like and message repeatedly the guys that I'd like to leave me alone. My husband suggests just being more direct and telling the ones I want that I want to set up a meet. But my brain often seems to freeze at that point? Swinger's block, like writer's block somehow? I need help. Or possibly vodka." story of my life. I don't get guys sometimes. It's like they can be moody, but if we do it, they moan at us? I don't know.. Pass me some of that vodka haha x | |||
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"I find it interesting that there's quite a few different views on this. Seems like there's no "one fits all" answer, which is strangely reassuring. At least I know I don't smell bad, because occasionally a guy who meets me asks to see me again! " | |||
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"So when we fucking is my personal favourite?! It's a bit blokey too so should get the desired response?! " yep this would do it! | |||
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"Is arranging a quick social with them out of the question? That way you'll get rid of the dreamers and be able to see if they have what your looking for in the flesh. Beats endless messages! " | |||
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"Is arranging a quick social with them out of the question? That way you'll get rid of the dreamers and be able to see if they have what your looking for in the flesh. Beats endless messages! " Makes sense plus it means you actually get to meet the real person as opposed to their alter ego - plenty of keyboard jockeys, both men and women! Quality is the key and there are plenty of lovely genuine people on here! Enjoy | |||
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"I hate it when people blow hot and cold all the time...I end up just blowing cold and then go into can't be arsed mode " This is absolutely me too. | |||
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"Why is it that if I chase a guy they seem to lose interest? But if I totally ignore them, they message constantly? There have been rare exceptions to this. But generally I'm thinking of changing my approach. Virtually ignore the guys I like and message repeatedly the guys that I'd like to leave me alone. My husband suggests just being more direct and telling the ones I want that I want to set up a meet. But my brain often seems to freeze at that point? Swinger's block, like writer's block somehow? I need help. Or possibly vodka." don't think anybody has said this.... why not send out some "fancy a fuck" mails to the guys you like | |||
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"Why is it that if I chase a guy they seem to lose interest? But if I totally ignore them, they message constantly? There have been rare exceptions to this. But generally I'm thinking of changing my approach. Virtually ignore the guys I like and message repeatedly the guys that I'd like to leave me alone. My husband suggests just being more direct and telling the ones I want that I want to set up a meet. But my brain often seems to freeze at that point? Swinger's block, like writer's block somehow? I need help. Or possibly vodka." Youve got no chance of understanding us blokes as we dont know what we want ourselves! So many blokes on here that have wives that have no idea what they are up to. But yet they married them because at some point they were everything they wanted... Or all the other blokes that get meets set up but then dont show up???? | |||
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"There is a difference between the "Thrill of the chase", Games and Manipulation... See.. People think manipulation is bad. Well..ALL communication is fucking manipulation. Coercion is bad. Deception is bad. Manipulation is not necessarily bad - it's the point." I disagree. I think it's a violation and I go to great lengths to avoid it. | |||
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"There is a difference between the "Thrill of the chase", Games and Manipulation... See.. People think manipulation is bad. Well..ALL communication is fucking manipulation. Coercion is bad. Deception is bad. Manipulation is not necessarily bad - it's the point. I disagree. I think it's a violation and I go to great lengths to avoid it." What's a violation?.. You do realise, just the very act of saying "Hello..how are you?" to somebody in the street IS in and of itself, manipulation.. See.. When you say "Hello, how are you?" you're effectively manipulating a response. Negative manipulation is called coercion..and that's WRONG. | |||
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"There is a difference between the "Thrill of the chase", Games and Manipulation... See.. People think manipulation is bad. Well..ALL communication is fucking manipulation. Coercion is bad. Deception is bad. Manipulation is not necessarily bad - it's the point. I disagree. I think it's a violation and I go to great lengths to avoid it. What's a violation?.. You do realise, just the very act of saying "Hello..how are you?" to somebody in the street IS in and of itself, manipulation.. See.. When you say "Hello, how are you?" you're effectively manipulating a response. Negative manipulation is called coercion..and that's WRONG." OK, well we're talking semantics, I do not consider asking 'a clean question' any kind of manipulation. I do not mean coercion either, that's forcing, I mean: To control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly or unscrupulously. "the masses were deceived and manipulated by a tiny group" synonyms: exploit, control, influence, use/turn to one's advantage, manoeuvre, engineer, steer, direct, guide, twist round one's little finger, work, orchestrate, choreograph "the government tried to manipulate the situation" It's a question of intent. If your intent is to deceive or trick someone, to secure an outcome by devious means, that is a violation of their free will. | |||
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" It's a question of intent. If your intent is to deceive or trick someone, to secure an outcome by devious means, that is a violation of their free will." YES! And that's shitty. Which is what I meant by "Coercion" AKA Negative manipulation. Read what I said again. | |||
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" It's a question of intent. If your intent is to deceive or trick someone, to secure an outcome by devious means, that is a violation of their free will. YES! And that's shitty. Which is what I meant by "Coercion" AKA Negative manipulation. Read what I said again." Don't need to hun, I do not agree with your definitions. Coercion is the use of force or threat to make someone do something, to compel them, it's way stronger than manipulation where they have just been tricked or artfully steered into doing something they might not otherwise have done. | |||
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" It's a question of intent. If your intent is to deceive or trick someone, to secure an outcome by devious means, that is a violation of their free will. YES! And that's shitty. Which is what I meant by "Coercion" AKA Negative manipulation. Read what I said again. Don't need to hun, I do not agree with your definitions. Coercion is the use of force or threat to make someone do something, to compel them, it's way stronger than manipulation where they have just been tricked or artfully steered into doing something they might not otherwise have done." ermmm.. You have in fact READ what I've actually said haven't you? Because you are bastardizing the absolute shit out of what I ORIGINALLY said and/or missing the point Actually..I give up now. White flag. | |||
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"It's turning into a long thread Nortyair so it's not looking good. Deb - my location often means guys wanna meet but can't be arsed to drive for hours for a quick social." You're at the end of some very good, very twisty roads..... | |||
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"Human beings are hard work at times. I Often don't know if I'm coming or going with some people. " I know that feeling! | |||
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" It's a question of intent. If your intent is to deceive or trick someone, to secure an outcome by devious means, that is a violation of their free will. YES! And that's shitty. Which is what I meant by "Coercion" AKA Negative manipulation. Read what I said again. Don't need to hun, I do not agree with your definitions. Coercion is the use of force or threat to make someone do something, to compel them, it's way stronger than manipulation where they have just been tricked or artfully steered into doing something they might not otherwise have done. ermmm.. You have in fact READ what I've actually said haven't you? Because you are bastardizing the absolute shit out of what I ORIGINALLY said and/or missing the point Actually..I give up now. White flag. " No worry, we can agree to differ. Of course I read what you wrote - I just disagree with your definitions. | |||
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