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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

A search on here and found out things you wish you hadn't. Well I have, I now feel in a right quandary. Finding one of my best mates fellas on here with veri's. What should I do?

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By *asokittyWoman
over a year ago

Nr Worksop

Ouch. are you sure he's not allowed and she's not mentioned it?

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman
over a year ago

Tenbury Wells

Would you want to know if it was you?

If so go round and tell her

If not.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A tough one personally I would want to know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

hard one but i would keep well out of it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 01/03/15 19:21:13]

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Ouch. are you sure he's not allowed and she's not mentioned it?"

She knew about my swinging past when I was married. She said at the time that she couldn't do what we were doing. And couldn't be with anyone who wanted to. So I'm guessing she doesn't know.

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

I would keep it to myself, something are best left alone, just block him

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham


"Ouch. are you sure he's not allowed and she's not mentioned it?

She knew about my swinging past when I was married. She said at the time that she couldn't do what we were doing. And couldn't be with anyone who wanted to. So I'm guessing she doesn't know."

guessing....so not entirely sure.

Personally i would leave well alone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 01/03/15 20:08:05]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Finding one of my best mates fellas on here with veri's. What should I do? "

See...

Thing is you don't know that she doesn't know.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit


"Ouch. are you sure he's not allowed and she's not mentioned it?

She knew about my swinging past when I was married. She said at the time that she couldn't do what we were doing. And couldn't be with anyone who wanted to. So I'm guessing she doesn't know."

I would tell her ,but i realise its a tough decision.would you want to know?

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

You are her best friend. So you will be ready to be there for her if she ever finds out herself and needs you. Though even then you will never let on you knew beforehand.

In the meantime there is no part of you that would want to bring her the pain and hurt that such knowledge would surely bring. Instead you will block him sharpish, and try to forget you ever looked.

I'm pretty sure that's what best friends mean?

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Block him.

Then ignore.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You are her best friend. So you will be ready to be there for her if she ever finds out herself and needs you. Though even then you will never let on you knew beforehand.

In the meantime there is no part of you that would want to bring her the pain and hurt that such knowledge would surely bring. Instead you will block him sharpish, and try to forget you ever looked.

I'm pretty sure that's what best friends mean?

Mr ddc"

not my idea of a best friendship! If I was with someone and my best mate found out he was cheating, Id want to know, so I could stop wasting my time with the scumbag!

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By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

Keep out and block him. It usually ends with the messenger being the one who gets shot!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You are her best friend. So you will be ready to be there for her if she ever finds out herself and needs you. Though even then you will never let on you knew beforehand.

In the meantime there is no part of you that would want to bring her the pain and hurt that such knowledge would surely bring. Instead you will block him sharpish, and try to forget you ever looked.

I'm pretty sure that's what best friends mean?

Mr ddc

not my idea of a best friendship! If I was with someone and my best mate found out he was cheating, Id want to know, so I could stop wasting my time with the scumbag!

"

my thoughts exactly! also he may well be putting her at risk healthwise...making a choice for her that she isn't even aware if being made!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You are her best friend. So you will be ready to be there for her if she ever finds out herself and needs you. Though even then you will never let on you knew beforehand.

In the meantime there is no part of you that would want to bring her the pain and hurt that such knowledge would surely bring. Instead you will block him sharpish, and try to forget you ever looked.

I'm pretty sure that's what best friends mean?

Mr ddc

not my idea of a best friendship! If I was with someone and my best mate found out he was cheating, Id want to know, so I could stop wasting my time with the scumbag!

my thoughts exactly! also he may well be putting her at risk healthwise...making a choice for her that she isn't even aware if being made!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You are her best friend. So you will be ready to be there for her if she ever finds out herself and needs you. Though even then you will never let on you knew beforehand.

In the meantime there is no part of you that would want to bring her the pain and hurt that such knowledge would surely bring. Instead you will block him sharpish, and try to forget you ever looked.

I'm pretty sure that's what best friends mean?

Mr ddc

not my idea of a best friendship! If I was with someone and my best mate found out he was cheating, Id want to know, so I could stop wasting my time with the scumbag!

my thoughts exactly! also he may well be putting her at risk healthwise...making a choice for her that she isn't even aware if being made!"

I completely agree I'd be heartbroken if I found out my best friend was keeping something like this from me!

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire


"You are her best friend. So you will be ready to be there for her if she ever finds out herself and needs you. Though even then you will never let on you knew beforehand.

In the meantime there is no part of you that would want to bring her the pain and hurt that such knowledge would surely bring. Instead you will block him sharpish, and try to forget you ever looked.

I'm pretty sure that's what best friends mean?

Mr ddc

not my idea of a best friendship! If I was with someone and my best mate found out he was cheating, Id want to know, so I could stop wasting my time with the scumbag!

my thoughts exactly! also he may well be putting her at risk healthwise...making a choice for her that she isn't even aware if being made!

I completely agree I'd be heartbroken if I found out my best friend was keeping something like this from me!"

I agree, which is why if she decides not to tell immediately, I suggested she must never let on she knew.

Either way she'll be damned if she does, damned if she doesn't.

Call it being non-judgemental, call it keeping my nose out, call it cowardice or call me a c7nt for daring to have an opinion different to yours.

I have a feeling I've stumbled into one of those "all cheaters should be strung up" threads....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't get involved. You have no idea what goes on inside someone else's relationship, even if they're your best friend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I found my best friends partner on a fetish site where he declared himself in a relationship with other people, the first thing I did was called her and told her. Of course I had to tell her, I couldn't not. I knew she'd be heartbroken.

And then I went round with wine, and we talked about what a cunt he was.

I'd be very, very upset if one of my friends found out something like that about one of my partners and neglected to tell me. They certainly wouldn't be a friend of mine anymore.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You are her best friend. So you will be ready to be there for her if she ever finds out herself and needs you. Though even then you will never let on you knew beforehand.

In the meantime there is no part of you that would want to bring her the pain and hurt that such knowledge would surely bring. Instead you will block him sharpish, and try to forget you ever looked.

I'm pretty sure that's what best friends mean?

Mr ddc

not my idea of a best friendship! If I was with someone and my best mate found out he was cheating, Id want to know, so I could stop wasting my time with the scumbag!

my thoughts exactly! also he may well be putting her at risk healthwise...making a choice for her that she isn't even aware if being made!

I completely agree I'd be heartbroken if I found out my best friend was keeping something like this from me!

I agree, which is why if she decides not to tell immediately, I suggested she must never let on she knew.

Either way she'll be damned if she does, damned if she doesn't.

Call it being non-judgemental, call it keeping my nose out, call it cowardice or call me a c7nt for daring to have an opinion different to yours.

I have a feeling I've stumbled into one of those "all cheaters should be strung up" threads....

"

You forgot "all cheaters spread disease" as well. My definition of best friends is more akin to yours; rather than the truth at all costs, truth is king despite the consequences belief being espoused on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When I found my best friends partner on a fetish site where he declared himself in a relationship with other people, the first thing I did was called her and told her. Of course I had to tell her, I couldn't not. I knew she'd be heartbroken.

And then I went round with wine, and we talked about what a cunt he was.

I'd be very, very upset if one of my friends found out something like that about one of my partners and neglected to tell me. They certainly wouldn't be a friend of mine anymore."

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire


"My definition of best friends is more akin to yours; rather than the truth at all costs, truth is king despite the consequences belief being espoused on here. "

Thanks Anna.

I'm sorry folks, but I have a complicated history, and am the child of a completely broken home. Now, for that I could blame my dad, my mum, the other person involved, or the News of the World who chose to break the story in order to sell papers. Either way I would want to keep my nose well and truely out, but be ready to be a friend if I were needed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What happened to the swinging ethos, live and let live

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a tough one....

Sometimes it's best to just keep quiet - Ignorance is bliss.

You also don't know that he may get twisted and say that you messages him and he turned you down and that's why you told her!

Or if you told her she may be mad at you for causing trouble - she might get in denile and fall out with you - plus he could just delete his account and say you were lying.

Keep out of it - it's not your battle!

But I totally sympathise with your feelings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What happened to the swinging ethos, live and let live "

That wasn't on the contract when I signed up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What happened to the swinging ethos, live and let live "

When was that ever a swinging ethos?

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By *eithoWoman
over a year ago

Chatham

I've been in this situation myself and I told the friend in question straight away. She's now with someone better who deserves her.

The sooner people find out these things the better IMHO

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you are screwed either way. Tell her and (assuming she doesn't know) you are the villain. Don't tell her and if/when she finds out you knew you are the villain.

Not sure what I'd do. Possibly confront him?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What happened to the swinging ethos, live and let live "

Not heard of that one either dude? Is there a swinging charter?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I felt totally sick when I saw his profile. Then the veri's just to make it worse. As mentioned already I'm damed if I do, and damed if I don't. I would want to know. I've told my girlfriends that if they ever hear or see anything about any guy I'm seeing. Then I want to know. If she does know then that's all good and well. I can just forget what I've seen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what would you fell like if she rang you tomorrow with the great news she was pregnant? best mate? you shouldve told her then asked if youd done the right thing on here not should you!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take a photo of his profile hopefully with his face pic on it and send it to her via post anonymously then you also don't get any flack about it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Take a photo of his profile hopefully with his face pic on it and send it to her via post anonymously then you also don't get any flack about it "

I'd really hate to have a friend like you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Me too I'm a right bastard.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I would stay well out of it. Contrary to popular belief not everyone wants to know the truth, she may have an inkling but loves him enough to turn a blind eye, you telling her and everyone else may force her to 'do the right thing' and end it.

If you want to confront anyone, confront him, say what you have seen & you're not happy about it ~ you'll expose yourself but if you think she's worth it then that's the way forward.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"Take a photo of his profile hopefully with his face pic on it and send it to her via post anonymously then you also don't get any flack about it "

not sure you've quite grasped what friendship is actually about..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know what friendship is about but this lady doesn't know what to do. She doesn't want to tell her friend in 1 hand but the other she does so all I'm saying is do it anonymous that's all

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By *oconut2Woman
over a year ago

Nether regions of the back of beyond


"What happened to the swinging ethos, live and let live "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What happened to the swinging ethos, live and let live

"

Swinging and cheating are two different things!

Let's stop being ignorants then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd keep out of it

She'll ask him, he'll deny it, she'll believe him cause she won't want to face the truth, you end up being the bastard in the middle minus one friend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd keep out of it

She'll ask him, he'll deny it, she'll believe him cause she won't want to face the truth, you end up being the bastard in the middle minus one friend "

^^ pretty much

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Screen shot his profile, his pictures and his verifications and show your best mate. It's your best friend. I'd do the same and so would my best mate.

If I was sure he wouldn't recognise me from my pictures I'd even go as far as messaging him, get a conversation going so he reveals things about himself that confirm it definitely is him so he can't use the excuse of his pictures being stolen or him being set up, I'd agree a meet and take my best mate along.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Screen shot his profile, his pictures and his verifications and show your best mate. It's your best friend. I'd do the same and so would my best mate.

If I was sure he wouldn't recognise me from my pictures I'd even go as far as messaging him, get a conversation going so he reveals things about himself that confirm it definitely is him so he can't use the excuse of his pictures being stolen or him being set up, I'd agree a meet and take my best mate along. "
that's just crazy behaviour!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Screen shot his profile, his pictures and his verifications and show your best mate. It's your best friend. I'd do the same and so would my best mate.

If I was sure he wouldn't recognise me from my pictures I'd even go as far as messaging him, get a conversation going so he reveals things about himself that confirm it definitely is him so he can't use the excuse of his pictures being stolen or him being set up, I'd agree a meet and take my best mate along

that's just crazy behaviour!"

Have to admit I was thinking.....way to much drama

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Screen shot his profile, his pictures and his verifications and show your best mate. It's your best friend. I'd do the same and so would my best mate.

If I was sure he wouldn't recognise me from my pictures I'd even go as far as messaging him, get a conversation going so he reveals things about himself that confirm it definitely is him so he can't use the excuse of his pictures being stolen or him being set up, I'd agree a meet and take my best mate along. "

....seriously?

...and you wonder why the fuck your single. ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Screen shot his profile, his pictures and his verifications and show your best mate. It's your best friend. I'd do the same and so would my best mate.

If I was sure he wouldn't recognise me from my pictures I'd even go as far as messaging him, get a conversation going so he reveals things about himself that confirm it definitely is him so he can't use the excuse of his pictures being stolen or him being set up, I'd agree a meet and take my best mate along. "

I bet ya he would still deny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Screen shot his profile, his pictures and his verifications and show your best mate. It's your best friend. I'd do the same and so would my best mate.

If I was sure he wouldn't recognise me from my pictures I'd even go as far as messaging him, get a conversation going so he reveals things about himself that confirm it definitely is him so he can't use the excuse of his pictures being stolen or him being set up, I'd agree a meet and take my best mate along. "

Really?!

sounds like bunny boiler behaviour to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Screen shot his profile, his pictures and his verifications and show your best mate. It's your best friend. I'd do the same and so would my best mate.

If I was sure he wouldn't recognise me from my pictures I'd even go as far as messaging him, get a conversation going so he reveals things about himself that confirm it definitely is him so he can't use the excuse of his pictures being stolen or him being set up, I'd agree a meet and take my best mate along. "

Goodness me

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"A search on here and found out things you wish you hadn't. Well I have, I now feel in a right quandary. Finding one of my best mates fellas on here with veri's. What should I do? "

You should mind your own business.

Who gave you the moral high ground and the right to intefere in lives?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Screen shot his profile, his pictures and his verifications and show your best mate. It's your best friend. I'd do the same and so would my best mate.

If I was sure he wouldn't recognise me from my pictures I'd even go as far as messaging him, get a conversation going so he reveals things about himself that confirm it definitely is him so he can't use the excuse of his pictures being stolen or him being set up, I'd agree a meet and take my best mate along.

I bet ya he would still deny "

^5 for being one of the only guys on fab to get a meet with two women though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Screen shot his profile, his pictures and his verifications and show your best mate. It's your best friend. I'd do the same and so would my best mate.

If I was sure he wouldn't recognise me from my pictures I'd even go as far as messaging him, get a conversation going so he reveals things about himself that confirm it definitely is him so he can't use the excuse of his pictures being stolen or him being set up, I'd agree a meet and take my best mate along. "

Christ, it's not fucking Watchdog

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I would steer clear of telling her but I would tell him. I wouldn't lie if she asked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If she's your best friend then there is only one thing you can do...

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

As much as it might hurt me, I would want my best friend to look out for my best interests. It may not mean blurting it straight out, especially if I was under the weather, but possibly gradually make me aware.

It may mean a discussion about their rules etc first, but id let her know somehow.

But, you know her and I don't. You're the one holding the issue and must decide.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Screen shot his profile, his pictures and his verifications and show your best mate. It's your best friend. I'd do the same and so would my best mate.

If I was sure he wouldn't recognise me from my pictures I'd even go as far as messaging him, get a conversation going so he reveals things about himself that confirm it definitely is him so he can't use the excuse of his pictures being stolen or him being set up, I'd agree a meet and take my best mate along.

....seriously?

...and you wonder why the fuck your single. .. "

Although this situation doesn't apply to me what I've written seems normal to me! After reading the replies though I can see that it's not! I am learning on here how to not think the way I do because I know it doesn't do me any favours.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your choice, only you know you, and only you know your freind. We are for want a bunch of strangers. Swinging and cheating are poles apart!

Personally if it was me, I'd sing like a fucking canary!

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By *ashes83Couple
over a year ago

wirral

Personally I'd message him, use his full name and hers and just say

'I hope your missus knows your on here, and if not think of the hurt and pain she'll feel when she finds out'

Then block him it will give him a fright if he's cheating and hopefully food for thought.

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What goes on in other peoples relationships is their business and nobody else's.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Playing devils advocate I know but a phrase I see on most peoples profiles is "discretion is a must" Never once seen the phrase "unless you know me then you should sing like a canary"..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally I would stay well out of it. Contrary to popular belief not everyone wants to know the truth, she may have an inkling but loves him enough to turn a blind eye"

That's not love. That's obligation and subservience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And sometimes ignorance is bliss.

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By *omaMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Can I ask what if you saw your best mate on the site, full profile with verifications? Would you tell her husband she is cheating?

It's a tricky situation you're in op . . .but I would advise you to sit her down and tell her, show her the profile and let her decide what to do next. Don't encourage her to act in any particular way.

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By *omaMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

I should have added, give her the facts then stand well back and be there if she needs you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can I ask what if you saw your best mate on the site, full profile with verifications? Would you tell her husband she is cheating?"

Good question and valid point

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Personally I'd message him, use his full name and hers and just say

'I hope your missus knows your on here, and if not think of the hurt and pain she'll feel when she finds out'

Then block him it will give him a fright if he's cheating and hopefully food for thought.

Good luck "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This has happended before with one of my mates ex boyfriends. I told her and made her aware. Cheatings not cool. Do what you gotta do hun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally I would stay well out of it. Contrary to popular belief not everyone wants to know the truth, she may have an inkling but loves him enough to turn a blind eye

That's not love. That's obligation and subservience.

"

No, it isn't. Don't presume to understand other people's relationships.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally I would stay well out of it. Contrary to popular belief not everyone wants to know the truth, she may have an inkling but loves him enough to turn a blind eye

That's not love. That's obligation and subservience.

"

Maybe from a physcology point of _iew it is, analysed and dissected.

But in the average persons mind the emotion they are feeling is love & for whatever reason they want to protect & keep it.

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

Have you searched to see if your best friend is on here as a single... as a couple. she might be keeping her private life very private...

For my 2p I'm sitting on the fence... I don't know enough to make a judgement on what I'd like my mate to do.

Rock and a hard place op...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 02/03/15 09:01:29]

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By *eerobCouple
over a year ago

solihull

If your friebd rings ypuabd says she has got aids and doesnt know how she got it how would you feel. Extreme i know but possible, if you could potentially prevent that wouldnt you?

Give her the information, let her decide what to do with it.

If he is being silly enough to be so so indiscrete and careless he clearly does not care for her in the least and deserves what he gets. If she knows, then no harm done andyou have proved you are a good friend. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stay out of it

S x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My last post somehow deleted itself

What I said was, the same happened to me. He mailed me and I recognised him immediately.

I deleted it and blocked him and forgot all about it.

The main reason I did that is its not my business.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What happened to the swinging ethos, live and let live

Not heard of that one either dude? Is there a swinging charter?

"

Whilst I don't condone playing away, I thought discretion was a given I guess

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By *hudBEfunMan
over a year ago

longford

Don't say a word . You could end up losing ur close friend . But maybe if you feel you have to say something . Say it to him

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By *untimes6969Man
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne


"Don't say a word . You could end up losing your close friend . But maybe if you feel you have to say something . Say it to him "

Maybe the best compremise as it settles your urge for doing the right thing but doesn't affect your relationship with your friend. See what he says and go from there as you never know what goes on in anyone's relationship behind closed doors!

Good luck!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Take a photo of his profile hopefully with his face pic on it and send it to her via post anonymously then you also don't get any flack about it "
That's a really nasty thing to do to a friend ..

She has a choice and that's hers to make .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This guy isn't swinging, he's cheating plain and simple. Speak to your friend face to face and she'll see how devastated you are having to tell her, if she tells you she is aware then no harm done and she'll know you're a true friend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd keep well out of it personally.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I'd keep out of it...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Don't say a word . You could end up losing ur close friend . But maybe if you feel you have to say something . Say it to him "

He could end up turning it round on her if she confronts him. He could make out she came onto him on the site. His spouse could forgive him (if she doesn't already know), leaving the one that brought it all out into the open looking foolish, meddling and a stirrer. And she'll lose friends.

Best to stay neutral.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Can I ask what if you saw your best mate on the site, full profile with verifications? Would you tell her husband she is cheating?

It's a tricky situation you're in op . . .but I would advise you to sit her down and tell her, show her the profile and let her decide what to do next. Don't encourage her to act in any particular way. "

looking at it from that point of _iew. I would tell her that i knew what she was doing. And that if her other half found out. She'd better be prepared to loose everything....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can I ask what if you saw your best mate on the site, full profile with verifications? Would you tell her husband she is cheating?

It's a tricky situation you're in op . . .but I would advise you to sit her down and tell her, show her the profile and let her decide what to do next. Don't encourage her to act in any particular way.

looking at it from that point of _iew. I would tell her that i knew what she was doing. And that if her other half found out. She'd better be prepared to loose everything...."

So are you going to tell your friend or what? I wouldn't speak to him because she would be pissed off if you spoke to him instead of coming straight to her. You shouldn't even have to question it it ask strangers what you should do. If she's your best friend then tell her.

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