FabSwingers.com forum: Courteousness

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I've been on the site 5 weeks now and before I'm hung drawn and quareted I know it isn't a given right!

When conveying with couples and singles with a well thought out message taking points or notes from their respective profile is it really too much to offer a response.

I totally understand this with single women as they are more than likely inundated with messages however I'd have thought that couples (not saying they are less desirable) would have less haste in deleting without responding.

It may just be me being too sensitive but when I'm messaged I do take time to respond even if it is to say no thank you. Again I know full well that a single male does not receive anywhere near as many emails as that of the single woman or a couple.

Has courtesy been lost, are we all really that busy that to respond is too much effort?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends if the aforementioned effort is timely relevant and not snowed under a multitude of unsolicited bovine faeces.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

It can be tricky to send your message at the right time and to the right person, etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe your just messaging the wrong people

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

a deleted message without a response is the equivalent of an in box message that says 'no thanks' when opened

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't take it to heart, it's not an insult it's just a no thanks. If the ladies answered every message they received then they'd never get anything else done.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Four possible results from a polite no thanks;

1; No response (fine)

2; A polite thanks for your reply (Preferable)

3; The Spanish inquisition as to why its a no, constantly pestering you to try and change your mind (very annoying)

4; Childish abuse (blocked and reported)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Quite happy to accept a no thanks and move on, it's the request from a profile that says message me with more than "Hi how are you".

These are what disappoint when they are simply deleted. I know we can't please everybody all of the time, there also isn't a right or wrong way of messaging (debatable), it's just an observation that I'm making.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Quite happy to accept a no thanks and move on, it's the request from a profile that says message me with more than "Hi how are you".

Unfortunately its life on here. My advice would be to delete your message as soon as its sent and don't dwell on things you have no control over, you'll either get a reply or you won't.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Quite happy to accept a no thanks and move on, it's the request from a profile that says message me with more than "Hi how are you".

People view profiles before opening messages.

If they have no interest in what they see then they're unlikely to reply.

It is what it is!

Would a whole line of 'no thanks' replies make you feel better?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yes it would actually, perhaps that's something I need to learn but I'd prefer that than ignorance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Quite happy to accept a no thanks and move on, it's the request from a profile that says message me with more than "Hi how are you".

But why would a 'no thanks' or 'you're not my type' actually make you feel any better versus just having it deleted? Genuine question.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Grow a backbone and move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Quite happy to accept a no thanks and move on, it's the request from a profile that says message me with more than "Hi how are you".

But why would a 'no thanks' or 'you're not my type' actually make you feel any better versus just having it deleted? Genuine question. "

Common courtesy, manners, etc Anna - guess its similar to the thread on text speak.

Would you be as rude in real life?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I have a backbone thanks

It isn't about the rejection it's about the fact someone appreciates that you've made that effort regardless of the fact you are unsuccessful.

Just call me old fashioned!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Quite happy to accept a no thanks and move on, it's the request from a profile that says message me with more than "Hi how are you".

But why would a 'no thanks' or 'you're not my type' actually make you feel any better versus just having it deleted? Genuine question.

Common courtesy, manners, etc Anna - guess its similar to the thread on text speak.

Would you be as rude in real life?"

Thanks Knightslayr

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

do you send a 'no thanks' to unsolicited mail that comes through your letter box ?

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Yes it would actually, perhaps that's something I need to learn but I'd prefer that than ignorance."

Ignorance?

Ok.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"do you send a 'no thanks' to unsolicited mail that comes through your letter box ?"

Would you apply for a job and be disappointed if they didn't respond saying you didn't get it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Quite happy to accept a no thanks and move on, it's the request from a profile that says message me with more than "Hi how are you".

But why would a 'no thanks' or 'you're not my type' actually make you feel any better versus just having it deleted? Genuine question.

Common courtesy, manners, etc Anna - guess its similar to the thread on text speak.

Would you be as rude in real life?"

I guess in real life you don't have 50 plus people a day trying to get in your knickers (or maybe some lucky folk do?!) Some women get so many messages, imagine not being online for a couple of days, logging on to a 3 figure amount of messages then reading them all, reading all the profiles and messaging the majority back with a no thanks, all the time getting more messages because you're online and more replies to your no thanks messages asking why etc etc! There would be no time for fun!!

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

"do you send a 'no thanks' to unsolicited mail that comes through your letter box ?

Would you apply for a job and be disappointed if they didn't respond saying you didn't get it?

no i wouldnt ...that is standard practice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 25/02/15 14:39:54]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try to reply to all mail but somedays the number of one liners "wana fuk" how u" really does get on my nerves so it's just block & delete

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"do you send a 'no thanks' to unsolicited mail that comes through your letter box ?

Would you apply for a job and be disappointed if they didn't respond saying you didn't get it?

no i wouldnt ...that is standard practice "

I'd expect a response if it was a job I cared about and wanted!

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Someone had to do it.

From the site FAQ's

"There are too many rude people on here who don't reply to my messages!

It's not rude not to reply.

Some ladies and couples get hundreds of messages a day so it simply isn't possible for them to reply to everyone. If you don't get a response, you should assume they aren't interested. If you're getting a lot of "no-replies" then you should consider your profile and the messages you send. Are they giving the right message? Are you standing out from the thousands of other guys on here?"

So ignorance?

No.

Free choice?

Yes.

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

"I have a backbone thanks

It isn't about the rejection it's about the fact someone appreciates that you've made that effort regardless of the fact you are unsuccessful.

Just call me old fashioned!

Being old fashioned, courteous, with good manners and respect fo count for a lot in many people's eyes; it has been my style on (and off) here for ages.

But in similar viewpoints to other posters, you have to develop a "second or thick skin" to easily survive the knockbacks, turn downs etc that thrive here.

Not everyone shares or behaves like you aspire to, it's a fact of life everywhere.

You just have to move on and don't let it bother you. Just get on with life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Quite happy to accept a no thanks and move on, it's the request from a profile that says message me with more than "Hi how are you".

But why would a 'no thanks' or 'you're not my type' actually make you feel any better versus just having it deleted? Genuine question.

Common courtesy, manners, etc Anna - guess its similar to the thread on text speak.

Would you be as rude in real life?"

I understand all of those as reasons why some people think others should reply to messages. My question was why would it actually make YOU feel any better? Wouldn't you prefer to go on thinking it was ok, because the people who didn't want to meet you were rude, ignorant and discourteous?

And if in real life I was walking down the high street and had a constant stream of charity marketers, each with their polite and considered spiel all sorted, some even opening with a compliment, but I had no interest in donating to their charity and just wanted to get to the sandwich shop to buy my lunch - yes I probably would be that rude.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

We have a line in our profile asking that no reply is accepted as a polite no thank you. We do try and respond to messages where someone has made a clear effort and we never respond where it's clear thAt they haven't even glanced at our profile.

I do understand that not getting a response must fee as if the recipient is being rude and I think a "thanks but no thanks" auto reply button might help there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been on the site 5 weeks now and before I'm hung drawn and quareted I know it isn't a given right!

When conveying with couples and singles with a well thought out message taking points or notes from their respective profile is it really too much to offer a response.

Has courtesy been lost, are we all really that busy that to respond is too much effort?

I'm not sure if you understand my way of thinking... But I will give it ago....

I request things on my profile as EVERYONE does and expect people who want to get in touch with me to have read my profile and follow the request (face picture with a message) it's not much to ask is it. If I see no symbol that there is a pic attached I will just delete the message with out reading it. If there is a symbol with a pic attached great!

I will read it, decide whether the message warrants a look of there profile and pictures and then decide from there if I reply or not. We get shit whether we reply saying no thanks or just ignore it, so I think a lot of people on here just ignore if not interested. I understand it's bad manners, it's just the easiest option.

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

no i wouldnt ...that is standard practice

I'd expect a response if it was a job I cared about and wanted!"

you would probably be disappointed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Concentrate on the people who want to meet you, not the ones that don't and your experience of this site will be a much better one.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ok

Someone had to do it.

From the site FAQ's

"There are too many rude people on here who don't reply to my messages!

It's not rude not to reply.

So ignorance?

No.

Free choice?

Yes.

I agree with everything that the FAQs state.

I agree with what you too have added to the discussion however at no time have I said the recipients were rude just purely that wouldn't it be considerate to respond not that I expect a response?

So are you saying that I should consider my profile then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is covered in site FAQ's

http://www.fabswingers.com/articles/FAQ#noreply

There are too many rude people on here who don't reply to my messages!

It's not rude not to reply.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Ok

Someone had to do it.

From the site FAQ's

"There are too many rude people on here who don't reply to my messages!

It's not rude not to reply.

So ignorance?

No.

Free choice?

Yes.

I agree with everything that the FAQs state.

I agree with what you too have added to the discussion however at no time have I said the recipients were rude just purely that wouldn't it be considerate to respond not that I expect a response?

So are you saying that I should consider my profile then?

Haven't looked so couldn't comment.

Plus nobody wil know the content of your messages.

Getting a reply is beyond your control so is one thing it's always advisable not to worry too much about or expect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When conveying with couples and singles with a well thought out message taking points or notes from their respective profile is it really too much to offer a response.

It doesn't matter how well thought of your message is if they have already had 50 bazillion messages of shit. .. By the time they get to yours they are already pissed off.

No matter how good it is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OO don't give up there is some nice people on here .. OP nice pics made me smile.

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley

"Quite happy to accept a no thanks and move on, it's the request from a profile that says message me with more than "Hi how are you".

Then why not accept no reply as being no thank you? I suspect you haven't sent out too many no thank you messages if you were honest?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good post ... As a new guy I shall remember this. Thanks to all for the considered replies ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't reply to people I have no interest in simply because I got fed up with the amount of rude replies to a simple no thanks, having guys telling me I can't afford to be so fussy and calling me a fat ugly cunt just because I don't want to meet

So if my not responding makes me rude and lack courtesy its the rude guys on here who have made me that way

Its a dog eat dog world

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get a lot of mail and don't mail all back and say this on my profile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't reply to people I have no interest in simply because I got fed up with the amount of rude replies to a simple no thanks, having guys telling me I can't afford to be so fussy and calling me a fat ugly cunt just because I don't want to meet

So if my not responding makes me rude and lack courtesy its the rude guys on here who have made me that way

Its a dog eat dog world

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By *reacher and TartCouple
over a year ago

High Peak

"I've been on the site 5 weeks now and before I'm hung drawn and quareted I know it isn't a given right!

When conveying with couples and singles with a well thought out message taking points or notes from their respective profile is it really too much to offer a response.

Has courtesy been lost, are we all really that busy that to respond is too much effort?

for some they are inundated! Look at how you respond to every piece of mail sent to you junk and not and every unsolicited phone call or text. Do you reply to them all? Base your judgement on that as I have yet to find anyone who does.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I responded to your message and fab your pics

Think I owe you a little spanking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I responded to your message and fab your pics

Think I owe you a little spanking

Now theres an offer you don't get very often.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I responded to your message and fab your pics

Think I owe you a little spanking

Happy Days!

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

I agree with everything that the FAQs state.

I agree with what you too have added to the discussion however at no time have I said the recipients were rude just purely that wouldn't it be considerate to respond not that I expect a response?

So are you saying that I should consider my profile then?

See I am not sure what you want to hear....

"Hey... You go champ!"

Maybe a mindset adjustment.... Think of everything as a no till you hear something back, you are not owed anything...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"do you send a 'no thanks' to unsolicited mail that comes through your letter box ?

Would you apply for a job and be disappointed if they didn't respond saying you didn't get it?

no i wouldnt ...that is standard practice

I'd expect a response if it was a job I cared about and wanted!"

Most job vacancies are vastly oversubscribed and it is simply impossible and impractical for a prospective employer to respond to all unsuccessful applicants with a 'Thanks but no thanks'

It is simply a fact of life.

The same applies here with women and couples. They simply have more messages than they can manage

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Courtesy and respect are very subjective and fluid concepts within swinging. Sadly.

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By *unPeteMan
over a year ago

Near Bristol

It isn't about the rejection it's about the fact someone appreciates that you've made that effort regardless of the fact you are unsuccessful.

Save effort by cut and pasting messages, just insert name and a couple of interests into your template. That's what I do .. erm I mean ...erm that's what some unimaginative men do on Fab ... ummm yes keep up the hard work and effort - you'll be rewarded!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Quite happy to accept a no thanks and move on, it's the request from a profile that says message me with more than "Hi how are you".

f someone has taken the time to write me a decent message then I will reply even if it's no thanks, if it's a quick one liner and they are not my cup of tea then sometimes I do just delete as I don't have time to reply to every message and find guys do start hassling as to why you are not interested sometimes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I responded to your message and fab your pics

Think I owe you a little spanking

Happy Days!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A guy messaged me recently and on his profile he states that it's rude to read his messages but not reply back.

It has totally put me off ever considering meeting him because what else is he going to judge me on? Am I rude if I decide I don't want to meet him? Will he send me abuse?

Am I rude if we meet and I decide I don't fancy him? If I don't fuck him?

It's really off-putting.

I often don't reply as I don't want to say no and then change my mind later.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being courteous goes a long way yes but to be honest mate get over it. In a regular club you approach a woman to dance and she say "F -off" or "move." It's a woman's right to respond or not too. I'm not saying this to get sympathy. I have sister and we've been out before and I know her looks when she doesn't want anyone around her and if they get aggressive I step in.

What's the difference here? You email a woman and she doesn't respond and so what? It's her right isn't it? Who says she's attracted to you or who says she's or they (cpl) aren't busy??!! Jesus Christ grow a pair!!! I've messaged a cpl on here and it took them a week to reply and now we are good friends. Did I abuse or bitch at them? No!

The ratio of men here to women is high so women have their pick and so do men.

You message and no reply. Smile and walk away FFS! Stop whinging like a female pup!!

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

We always respond to messages....winks we delete.

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By *ordic36Man
over a year ago

Manchester

So what excactly is on your profile that has such an effect to make women promptly reply you? Have a female friend or playmate read your profile and convince her somehow that you want honesty this time... Listen what she says.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP I think you need to read the FAQ's

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP I think you need to read the FAQ's"

And concentrate on your inbox, not your sent mail.

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