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Colonoscopy... how to alleviate the embarrassment of a very personal procecedure

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Every year I have to have a colonoscopy... camera up the bum for those who dont know what it is. I am going in on Saturday for the latest one.

Needless to say, its invasive and embarrassing.

I thought to lighten the mood that I will get a joke false eye from a toy shop and swallow it.

Do you reckon the doctor will appreciate the joke when his camera reaches it?

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Draw a 'w' on each cheek!

A

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Ask to use poppers....

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Ask to use poppers...."

They've already offered gas and air and a sedative.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Wear leather chaps, white vest and biker boots, grow a handlebar moustache...

It will be in, up and out before you say sing Bohemium Rhapsody...

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

Before I had my ileostomy (at 22), I had a fair few of them (due to Ulcerative Colitis). On more than one occasion, upon learning that I was a Biology student, angled the screen so I could _iew my colon too...

Which was nice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Assert copyright of the video and post it on YouTube.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Every year I have to have a colonoscopy... camera up the bum for those who dont know what it is. I am going in on Saturday for the latest one.

Needless to say, its invasive and embarrassing.

I thought to lighten the mood that I will get a joke false eye from a toy shop and swallow it.

Do you reckon the doctor will appreciate the joke when his camera reaches it? "

What if he panics and rushes you to theatre for emergency surgery to remove the eye lol

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Just say you draw the line at fisting, it will put the medical staff at ease....

ps.. Hope it goes ok

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just say you draw the line at fisting, it will put the medical staff at ease....

ps.. Hope it goes ok "

Ditto

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

When they pull the camera out, grunt and drop a fake rat on the floor... Shout... Ffs, thats where the other Ben went.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have to have these every 3 months too, there always seems to be a sexy young nurse knocking about which only adds to the embarrassment. My consultant is also quite tasty, she's Scandinavian and always has the top 3 buttons if her blouse undone showing off her bra. I've seen her that many times now that last time I just dropped my jeans facing towards her without thinking and she gave me a little smile. It's not too bad once you get used to it, they do it day in day out

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

Surely with enough practice, it must be possible to fit a kaleidoscope up there? Just to give them the full Dr. Who experience? (Don't forget to sing the theme tune as the camera goes in)

Good luck

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Before I had my ileostomy (at 22), I had a fair few of them (due to Ulcerative Colitis). On more than one occasion, upon learning that I was a Biology student, angled the screen so I could _iew my colon too...

Which was nice. "

I got to see it last year. Was quite fascinating

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Before I had my ileostomy (at 22), I had a fair few of them (due to Ulcerative Colitis). On more than one occasion, upon learning that I was a Biology student, angled the screen so I could _iew my colon too...

Which was nice.

I got to see it last year. Was quite fascinating "

I've watched every one of mine, I thought it was the norm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They do dozens, daily, it's only you that thinks it's embarrassing!

Take a friend to hold your hand and joke along with, and good luck x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After having this done, your prostate check should be a piece of cake. They might even give you a thumbs up.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"After having this done, your prostate check should be a piece of cake. They might even give you a thumbs up."

#BoomTish

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Google the "Picolax Thread"

Really..

Seriously..

Do it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i had 1 a few year back after some scary symptoms that turned out to something n nothing but was well worth gettin checked out n was cringin coz the guy doing it was young n really hot but he was great n really chatty so i felt at ease n ended up saying "sooooooooo turdology must be a fascinating after dinner covo " took the poor bugger 5 mins to stop laughin lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have to have these every 3 months too, there always seems to be a sexy young nurse knocking about which only adds to the embarrassment. My consultant is also quite tasty, she's Scandinavian and always has the top 3 buttons if her blouse undone showing off her bra. I've seen her that many times now that last time I just dropped my jeans facing towards her without thinking and she gave me a little smile. It's not too bad once you get used to it, they do it day in day out "

You're bloody lucky - I have to have one every 3 months for my Crohns, and the woman that does them is a South African former shot-putter with an accent that could cut through Kevlar.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I have to have these every 3 months too, there always seems to be a sexy young nurse knocking about which only adds to the embarrassment. My consultant is also quite tasty, she's Scandinavian and always has the top 3 buttons if her blouse undone showing off her bra. I've seen her that many times now that last time I just dropped my jeans facing towards her without thinking and she gave me a little smile. It's not too bad once you get used to it, they do it day in day out

You're bloody lucky - I have to have one every 3 months for my Crohns, and the woman that does them is a South African former shot-putter with an accent that could cut through Kevlar."

Kinky!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have to have these every 3 months too, there always seems to be a sexy young nurse knocking about which only adds to the embarrassment. My consultant is also quite tasty, she's Scandinavian and always has the top 3 buttons if her blouse undone showing off her bra. I've seen her that many times now that last time I just dropped my jeans facing towards her without thinking and she gave me a little smile. It's not too bad once you get used to it, they do it day in day out

You're bloody lucky - I have to have one every 3 months for my Crohns, and the woman that does them is a South African former shot-putter with an accent that could cut through Kevlar.

Kinky! "

You could ask one of the younger staff whether he/she ever looks up old friends. That one's always good for a chuckle.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I had an endoscopy and colonoscopy done together a few years ago. The doctor was very jovial and said I'd be fine. I felt like saying 'have you ever had one?' Oh, and the nurse was a cow.

But I managed without a sedative so could leave straight away. All clear, luckily.

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By *it44Woman
over a year ago

Telford


"When they pull the camera out, grunt and drop a fake rat on the floor... Shout... Ffs, thats where the other Ben went."

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol


"Google the "Picolax Thread"

Really..

Seriously..

Do it "

Fuck me. I just read the whole thing. It may actually be better than the infamous hair removal cream for men re_iews on Amazon.

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By *3xymamaWoman
over a year ago

Uptown Top Ranking

I work on an endoscopy unit. We get all sorts of comments. The procedure can be quite painful for some people others just say it's more uncomfortable than painful. The air that's used to inflate the bowel slightly is what causes most people's discomfort. So I always encourage patients to "break wind/fart" as it can help that windy, crampy discomfort

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Google the "Picolax Thread"

Really..

Seriously..

Do it

Fuck me. I just read the whole thing. It may actually be better than the infamous hair removal cream for men re_iews on Amazon.

"

I defy anyone to read it out loud to others and manage it

Without stopping

Crying

Snorting

And/or wetting themselves..

I know the guy who wrote that - poor fucker

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had endoscopy, gastroscopy, sigmoidoscopy and colonoscopy, didn't bother with any sedation, give me the bum ones any day of the week, I hate the endoscope ones, I'm always a slobbering mess afterwards, they're horrible

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Got to have one on Monday absolutely petrified

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Got to have one on Monday absolutely petrified "

Which one are you having

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Every year I have to have a colonoscopy... camera up the bum for those who dont know what it is. I am going in on Saturday for the latest one.

Needless to say, its invasive and embarrassing.

I thought to lighten the mood that I will get a joke false eye from a toy shop and swallow it.

Do you reckon the doctor will appreciate the joke when his camera reaches it? "

Insert a butt plug before you go and tell them you were trying to make their job easier and it was nothing more, honest sir!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Got to have one on Monday absolutely petrified

Which one are you having "
. Colonoscopy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Got to have one on Monday absolutely petrified

Which one are you having . Colonoscopy "

Ahh it's not too bad, it just makes you jump a bit when they go round corners but it's more uncomfortable than painful. Good luck

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford


"Got to have one on Monday absolutely petrified

Which one are you having . Colonoscopy "

Theres nothing scary - look up 'colonoscopy farts' on youtube for a good laugh.

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

draw eyes on each cheek and tell him you are watching them

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Got to have one on Monday absolutely petrified "

Its not too bad. When they inflate you its uncomfortable, but nowt to worry about.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

not had a camera up my jacksie but had one (twice) down my urethra which was err interesting..

for anyone who is nervous of any procedure have a chat with the staff they will help to ease your worries..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

not had a camera up my bottom,,but have had camera man up my bottom

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By *umpkinMan
over a year ago

near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack!


"Every year I have to have a colonoscopy... camera up the bum for those who dont know what it is. I am going in on Saturday for the latest one.

Needless to say, its invasive and embarrassing.

I thought to lighten the mood that I will get a joke false eye from a toy shop and swallow it.

Do you reckon the doctor will appreciate the joke when his camera reaches it? "

I had a very straight talking Aussie woman do mine. Her words to me were "we fill you up with air. We`d like it back!" Sadly I had both ends done and they quickly realised my gag reflexes would make things difficult so they gave me a general anaesthetic and was asleep through the whole procedure! I hope they used a different camera for each end!!!

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

Never experienced anything like that but I hope all goes well with positive results .x

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Fab has a thread for every occasion.

Reassurance when it's needed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fab has a thread for every occasion.

Reassurance when it's needed.

"

It must be near that time again for him.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Fab has a thread for every occasion.

Reassurance when it's needed.

It must be near that time again for him."

I hope I don't bum(p) into him.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend


"Ask to use poppers....

They've already offered gas and air and a sedative. "
is that for the doctor?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

give the doc some eye drops & ask him to sort your dry eye problem out lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my daughter has to have these - shes learnt to laugh along with it - usually so ill at the time just glad they looking and checking no further damage to here inners

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By *enard ArgenteMan
over a year ago

London and France

What's so embarrassing about it?

They are professionals;

And they look up dozens of arses a day.

They won't compare yourcarse to anyone else's...it's just an arse with a camera shoved up it.

The worst thing is the gut ache from where they pump the gas up your arse:

And eventually the huge fart after that relieves it

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By *ary baileyCouple
over a year ago

basildon

[Removed by poster at 24/01/16 01:30:08]

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By *ary baileyCouple
over a year ago

basildon


"Have to agree i didnt find it embassing. just made sure my arse was clean as i had to put vasilne on it as was sore from power hosing the toilet. Worst part was the drink they give you was gagging the second half off glasses. That stuffs fail. "
edited

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By *mojeeCouple
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"Got to have one on Monday absolutely petrified "

Yes I've got one too on Monday at 0900. Can't say I'm looking forward to this tbh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm having a colonoscopy on Thursday & a pile of other tests to, I'm going in hospital Thurs,Fri & hopefully coming home Saturday, not looking forward to it

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By *hortieWoman
over a year ago

Northampton

Years ago, I had to go in to get my piles banded.

This involved me lying on my side, knees up to my chest, and air pumped into me (big mistake IMHO lmao), before nursie did whatever to put laccy bands round the offending klingons, then they would eventually 'die' and drop off.

She didn't seem too fazed as the air they pumped in of me came out quicker than it went in.

I was kinda past caring at that point.

Could have been worse for her. She could have taken a career as an accountant

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest


"not had a camera up my bottom,,but have had camera man up my bottom"

48 weeks late, but that made me laugh

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By *umpkinMan
over a year ago

near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack!


"I work on an endoscopy unit. We get all sorts of comments. The procedure can be quite painful for some people others just say it's more uncomfortable than painful. The air that's used to inflate the bowel slightly is what causes most people's discomfort. So I always encourage patients to "break wind/fart" as it can help that windy, crampy discomfort

"

I had one done in Poole Hospital a few years ago. The lady doing the procedure was a very straight talking Aussie. "We fill you full of air! We`d like it back!" Sadly/thankfully they had to knock me out as I was having the other end done at the same time and have a gag reflex problem. Hope they did the top end first!

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Ask them if they can guess what you had for tea

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield


"Ask them if they can guess what you had for tea "

Ask if they can check the filling on that back tooth that's been a little sensitive recently...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had an endoscopy and colonoscopy done together a few years ago. The doctor was very jovial and said I'd be fine. I felt like saying 'have you ever had one?

But I managed without a sedative so could leave straight away. All clear, luckily."

Same here

G

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

I'm going in for one next month and I'm going to ask them to play "Digging in the dirt" by Peter Gabriel.

...to find the places we got hurt...something in me, dark and sticky...

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By *elvet RopeMan
over a year ago

by the big field

Just as they're 'about to enter'- shout 'Up Periscope me hearty!' and pull out an eye patch for you both to wear

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By *agerMorganMan
over a year ago

Canvey Island

Fecking hated having a Sigmoidoscopy (halfway Colonoscopy), was so uncomfortable and the gas kept coming out for days after.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KcNXsogoVVs

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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago

Hull

The moviprep is always the worse bit for me. I don’t drink a lot anyway and it tastes vile to me. Then virtually spending the night on the loo whilst it takes effect The sedation is ok though and every time I’ve had one I can barely remember the procedure. Afterwards is a bit embarrassing when they put you in a ward until you’ve got rid of some of the gas and come round a bit. First time I was struggling as there were other people in the other beds. The nurse pulled the curtain round. I mean they can still hear you which is the embarrassing part!

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Coloscopy done, all clear apart from the potholed bowel aka diverticular disease. I only went in for the gas and air/entonox.

the bland diet was horrible, no veggies, fibre rich foods brown bread, followed by the fasting then the 2 hour wait, in a stuffy overheated waiting room.

I watched it all on screen, whilst tripping my tits of on gas and air (I love that stuff). The KY jelly was taken from the freezer (Thanks for the warning) Farting in her face for that felt very naughty, as the camera came out.

It did hurt halfway through, as I took about 10 seconds off the gas. I howled, the scope stopped, I sucked the mouth piece again then went really trippy (love it), no pain.

Moviprep is evil, the taste wasn't bad, I had the trots four times with batch one, then I was weeing Lucozade out of my bum after breakfast, luckily I had some anti

diahorea on standby. #Bring some food and drink, as you will be starving and thirsty.

I was given a sandwich and hot drink afterwards. Then went home to have a bag of crisps, chips 2 eggs and sausages.

I was starvin'.

Keep aware that your guts will still send out the squits, so take some tablets to slow down the trots.

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By *asual777Man
over a year ago

i travel all over

One just has to completely separate medical issues from sex

They’re just a health procedure . Nothing sexy about them .

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By *he_Last_TitanMan
over a year ago

Bristol

Had one on Monday just gone and a gastroscopy the week before. Both done privately (NHS is a disaster at the moment) - which I didn’t do last time and will always do in future - much better service, before and after care.

Gastroscopy far worse than colonoscopy. Fentanyl and midazolam made both procedures much more bearable.

Gastroscopy- clear

Colonoscopy- everything looked healthy apparently - but need to wait another week for biopsy results, which the surgeon expects to be normal.

However, it’s taking awhile for things to return to ‘normal’ and I still have the original symptoms that sent me to the dr in the first place!

Not sure what the next stop is.

M

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Well done on the clear results and good luck on the biopsy.

As to where to go next. What are your original symptoms and is there a name for them as there maybe a dedicated charity that will be able to answer some more questions.

Until my investigation I had never even heard of GUTS UK! and British Society of Gastroenterology.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve had loads of these. The first one was my first thing up my bum. The big,butch Scouse doctor explained the procedure and asked if I had any questions and whether I was sure I wanted to go ahead without any sedation. I said ‘ how long will it take?’ He said 5 minutes… I said’ in that case,go ahead and I’ll count to 300. If that things still up my ass when I get to 300, I’m knocking you out.’He smiled,I got to 290 and he was done lol

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By *he_Last_TitanMan
over a year ago

Bristol


"Well done on the clear results and good luck on the biopsy.

As to where to go next. What are your original symptoms and is there a name for them as there maybe a dedicated charity that will be able to answer some more questions.

Until my investigation I had never even heard of GUTS UK! and British Society of Gastroenterology."

Thanks

Symptoms

Faecal calprotectin: 519

Sharp abdominal pains (off and on)

Occasional bloating

Achy joints (occasional flare ups)

Thought it might be Crohn’s but surgeon said didn’t look that way.

Biopsy should reveal more or nothing.

Thanks re the charities - I’ll take a look.

M

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By *licecdTV/TS
over a year ago

Hatfield

The worst thing is the jollop you have to take the day before to clean the colon . Talk about Ex Lax this stuff is like a chimney sweeps brush up your bum it leaves it spotless. The actual camera is painless in fact each time I have had it I didn’t even realise it was in.

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By *ibsonsgCouple
over a year ago

New Milton

Should be no embarrassment, it's not done for fun there a good reason. Camera up to arse or potential fatal Illness no brainer!

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough


"Well done on the clear results and good luck on the biopsy.

As to where to go next. What are your original symptoms and is there a name for them as there maybe a dedicated charity that will be able to answer some more questions.

Until my investigation I had never even heard of GUTS UK! and British Society of Gastroenterology.

Thanks

Symptoms

Faecal calprotectin: 519

Sharp abdominal pains (off and on)

Occasional bloating

Achy joints (occasional flare ups)

Thought it might be Crohn’s but surgeon said didn’t look that way.

Biopsy should reveal more or nothing.

Thanks re the charities - I’ll take a look.

M

"

Try this

https://www.crohnscolitisfoundation.org/what-is-ibd/ibs-vs-ibd

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Read their PDF on IBD and see what feels familiar, like joint pain.

Have you read up on IBD? This will answer a few questions.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Had one done 10 years ago. Couldn't look anyone in the eye at the time because it was embarrassing.

A couple of weeks later when talking to one of my neighbours I asked how she was getting on with her search for a few job. She said she had already found one and when I asked where she just smiled and said in the colonoscopy dept

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

She won't need to come round and see you, but you might get a black flexi tube popping through your letter box.

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By *ryan...Man
over a year ago

1950's Original


"Got to have one on Monday absolutely petrified

Its not too bad. When they inflate you its uncomfortable, but nowt to worry about. "

The moviprep drink before is awful,it's basically a sugar and salt drink....I too didn't like the inflation bit..seemed like I was bursting...but those two downsides are nothing compared to missing bowel cancer ..

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Just wear a bathrobe when taking moviprep as undoing belt buckles, button flies and pulling off undies will take too long.

Assume all farts are wet ones, it's too risky, if you need to fart sit on the loo first.

I had 4 sit downs after an hour from taking the first sips, I've got loose guts, so my system drains really quickly.

In the morning afterwards you will be pissing out of your arse when you wake up and will have two more visits after the second doses.

You will have loose guts the following day, so take some arrets and slow things down abit.

Again assume all farts are wet ones.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough


"Google the "Picolax Thread"

Really..

Seriously..

Do it

Fuck me. I just read the whole thing. It may actually be better than the infamous hair removal cream for men re_iews on Amazon.

I defy anyone to read it out loud to others and manage it

Without stopping

Crying

Snorting

And/or wetting themselves..

I know the guy who wrote that - poor fucker "

After having suspect IBS and 6 years of the trots I am crying and howling like Mutley reading this.

Read the date, read the date, ask a friend just to be sure!

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough


"Google the "Picolax Thread"

Really..

Seriously..

Do it

Fuck me. I just read the whole thing. It may actually be better than the infamous hair removal cream for men re_iews on Amazon.

"

What's the link?

I found an Amazon Fire stick re_iew, that was says more about the customer than the product. Gaia and I quote..

________________________________

Saving me from cheap gin.

-----------------------------------

Re_iewed in the United Kingdom on 27 May 2015

Verified Purchase

I bought this as an electronic babysitter, for my husband, who is five. Oh, wait, not five, 48. I was pigsick

of him watching Netflix on his mobile phone, with his netbook pinging up Facebook messages,

with the TV on full blast, and the sound from his Netflix leaking out of his earphones, because he

had that on full volume as well, to counter-balance whatever was happening on the TV he wasn't

watching. It has worked a treat, as he now watches endless hours of crap on the big TV, while his

netbook and phone ping Facebook messages at him, and he lies on the couch, re-arranging his

crotch, and grunting.

The installation was easy, despite the fact that I only have full use of one hand, I didn't need any

screwdrivers, and I'm not allowed hammers anyway. I did stand on an apple that the dog had taken

behind the TV, for dog-reasons, and it squidged between my toes a bit, but I don't suppose that's a

universal installation issue, not everyone having a dog that hides fruit behind the TV.

The plug-and-play nature of the device meant that I was able to install without asking for help from

a man, and I didn't even break any fingernails. I'm relatively certain I've deleted any links to my social

media from Amazon, so the husband won't be able to ferret about, at two in the morning, while he's

watching something with boobs in, or yet another concert from the time period when I was being

potty-trained, and see all of the nasty things I say about him.

For me, it has been £35 well-spent, although the glut of adverts offering it for £25 have been a bit of

a kick in the crotch, I could have spent the extra £10 on gin, but it would have been cheap gin, so

there would have been no real gain."

21,078 people found this helpful

Such brilliant writing, I feel humbled.

Fringe festival material from Gaia and Blu-Tone

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough


"Wear leather chaps, white vest and biker boots, grow a handlebar moustache...

It will be in, up and out before you say sing Bohemium Rhapsody..."

I was in long enough to sing Supper's Ready all 22 minutes of it!

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By *otsossieMan
over a year ago

local, but not too local


"However, it’s taking awhile for things to return to ‘normal’ and I still have the original symptoms that sent me to the dr in the first place"

It took me a few weeks to get over, I think it was partly due to the biopsy and part because it’s fairly intrusive poking s camera down your bowel.

Bizarrely I think the colonoscopy actually cured my IBS. All they suggested was take Imodium if it gets bad, and put me on a PPI (Lanzoprazole) and I’ve been so much better ever since - probably 15 years ago now.

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By *otsossieMan
over a year ago

local, but not too local

Oh, they roofied me for mine but I do remember seeing the image on the telly and asking the doc if he could give me the vhs tape after.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

To those of you with IBS and similar conditions, this might be useful.

"Just can't wait card" and RADAR key.

It's not rude: it's an emergency.

bladderandbowel(dot)org

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough


"However, it’s taking awhile for things to return to ‘normal’ and I still have the original symptoms that sent me to the dr in the first place

It took me a few weeks to get over, I think it was partly due to the biopsy and part because it’s fairly intrusive poking s camera down your bowel.

Bizarrely I think the colonoscopy actually cured my IBS. All they suggested was take Imodium if it gets bad, and put me on a PPI (Lanzoprazole) and I’ve been so much better ever since - probably 15 years ago now. "

There is a chance that the prep has given your bowels a bloody good clean and gave your natural fauna a chance to restore the balance pH and bacteria-wise, thus soothing your innards. I'm hoping it will be the same for me.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough


"Google the "Picolax Thread"

Really..

Seriously..

Do it "

I've spread the word. It needs to come with a health warning:, may cause breathing to spasm, tears to flow and severe bladder weakness.

My re_iew?

POETRY IN MOTIONS!

(poo)

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Film Four presents 'The Purge,'proudly sponsored by Picolax."

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Ben Elton once said

"So, I'm in a public toilet, it was in the service station I was telling you about earlier, and I've gotta have a poo, and its an empty loo, o thank God, I can have a really noisy poo and its an empty toilet, well, obviously its not completely empty, there's the ferry man whose got to paddle you across the puddle of piss, but apart from that, its empty. So he paddles me across the puddle of piss, I tip the ferry man, wade ashore through the ripples of the piss lake, And I'm choosing my cubicle.

O, which one of these dazzling collage of fucked up primeval swamps am I going to entrust my pristine bottom to today? how wonderful to be a member of the human race when one sees the inside of a public toilet, perhaps the first one, where some friend of humanity has kicked a hole in the bowl and hung the seat from the cistern, lovely, I think not.

Will it be the second one, recently vacated by the gentleman with the sprinkler attachment on his arsehole.. there is shit everywhere, how did he do it! its on the floor, its on the walls, its on the fucking ceiling, he must have been having a shit standing on his head! so I'm obviously not going in that one,

perhaps the third toilet, where the previous bloke has neglected to flush it, why, such a small thing init, flush the toilet after you use it, "well its not my fucking toilet is it, why should I flush, I haven't got shares in it, I don't own it, why should I flush it, nothing to do with me, bollocks." and quite often, when a loo hasn't been flushed, you kinda look inside, well you can't help it, Its enormous, its like a chocolate Swiss roll! the bloke has obviously thought "now that is too beautiful to kill, someone is going to enjoy looking at that as much as I have" and quite often, quite often ladies and gentlemen, quite often when the toilet hasn't been flushed, you kinda look in, I don't know how to tell you this, fucking, there is no paper in the toilet! I mean NO PAPER, the guy has dropped a fucking house brick of a turd and there is no paper, I mean he's just walked in PLurrgrgrgrh right that's it I'm off,

I spose we should be thankful that he bothered to take his trousers down, "I thought it was quite a sophisticated shit really, I did it in a toilet didn't i.." ladies and gentlemen, what has this guy done? noway, I'm not going in there.."

Was the guy in cubicle 2 due to get a colonoscopy, by any chance?

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By *imbo59seMan
over a year ago

North Norfolk area

I had one a few years ago (all clear other than a bit of diverticulitis).

Apologised for the air escaping, and was told not to worry as they've heard it all before...."but not played so well"!! Certainly eased the tension

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough


"I had one a few years ago (all clear other than a bit of diverticulitis).

Apologised for the air escaping, and was told not to worry as they've heard it all before...."but not played so well"!! Certainly eased the tension "

Was this that tune?

Classical Gas, by Mason Williams from Granada's consumer programme This is your right/Aap kaa haak

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NE6X4IQNA4

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

I got the same results as you then aka a pothole bowel.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough


"Google the "Picolax Thread"

Really..

Seriously..

Do it "

It's a podcast on Youtube.

Play this one at full blast (pun intended)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eB03nnc_7AA

This is mainly Blu-tone's voice being read aloud. the others got left out, which is a shame: as the other comments say stop! No carry on are so funny and just add to the disASSter movie.

and for the record, I've had Picolax's bigger brother Movistar (I think its a contraction "MOVIng the whole of the Universe via your rusty STARfish") Whilst transforming Uranus into a non rotating pulsar.

Downloading never had such a Freudian meaning.

We're gonna need a bigger thumb!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell him the cameraman can go in, but the rest of the film crew will make it a tight squeeze

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough


"Tell him the cameraman can go in, but the rest of the film crew will make it a tight squeeze "

Go Pro's can go where iPhones fear to tread!

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