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"family meeting? sit round a table and all talk it out with each other? write it down? go for a walk.. i find that talking about a situation, physically writing it down and being truthful about the situation to myself is a really posative step because its then acknowledging the situation." This sounds like a plan!! If the kids are old enough to be part of the solution then a family chat would be great - and fresh air and exercise are fantastic for stress/depression/anxiety - especially if you have some peaceful beauty spots nearby. And never underestimate bending the ear - and utilising the shoulder of - a good friend either! Big hugs hun!!! Xxx | |||
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"Yeah, I'm taking them out tomorrow. I don't feel like being out though. I want to crawl into a hole and make everyone go away and hibernate. Going out is hard work. They have behavioural problems and are "runners" so we have to plan careful strategies to make sure we minimise problems. Then again staying in requires huge planning too. I just wish I could have one mealtime, bedtime routine, getting dressed routine, visit to the park or soft play, or SOMETHING without all hell breaking loose. I'm not coping. And neither are they which is heart breaking. And then I have health problems on top and am struggling to find the time to manage them having the kids home all week. Husband was supposed to be off this week but his stupid, idiot place of work has decided he needs to be at work instead. Oh and we move house soon too. And I have PMT this week. Ever seen "Falling Down"? " It wouldn't feel like a crisis if everything came one by one. You can't hide unless you can get some respite care so somewhere safe tomorrow where they can run and get tired and you can sit and watch. | |||
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"Yeah, I'm taking them out tomorrow. I don't feel like being out though. I want to crawl into a hole and make everyone go away and hibernate. Going out is hard work. They have behavioural problems and are "runners" so we have to plan careful strategies to make sure we minimise problems. Then again staying in requires huge planning too. I just wish I could have one mealtime, bedtime routine, getting dressed routine, visit to the park or soft play, or SOMETHING without all hell breaking loose. I'm not coping. And neither are they which is heart breaking. And then I have health problems on top and am struggling to find the time to manage them having the kids home all week. Husband was supposed to be off this week but his stupid, idiot place of work has decided he needs to be at work instead. Oh and we move house soon too. And I have PMT this week. Ever seen "Falling Down"? " your life sounds exactly like ours it suck but chin up and try to keep calm..... ((HUGS)) xx | |||
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"your life sounds exactly like ours it suck but chin up and try to keep calm..... ((HUGS)) xx" Oh I hope not. I'm not too good at the keeping calm thing right now. I am determined to try exercise though. But I am always worried it will use up what energy I have. Right. Gonna do something though! | |||
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"have you any respite care in place ?" This having chatted to you before please seek help from the right organizations, go and see your gp and talk to them, getting help is not a weakness it's a strength and vital to get you all through this period xx | |||
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"Having such a bad time. Feel like crap. I'm eating crap. And putting on lots of weight which is... making me feel like crap. I have lots of real-life stress and broken sleep. And more stress. Then a bit more on top. Husband also mega stressed. Kids mega, mega off-the-charts stressed. How do I stop the cycle of being stressed-eating crap-feeling crap-being stressed? Any tricks or tips? I feel if I ate better or something maybe I could cope better? Or am I clutching at straws?" Eating better is a start. Try cutting out bread, cake biscuits etc.instead try nuts, seeds dried fruit. If taking family out for a walk is too difficult. Take yourself out for twenty minutes tonight after hubby gets home. You are not a bad parent if you occasionally turn round and don't fight the kids For control of a situation, yes they have behaviour issues, so do mine but is it going to hurt if just once, for your sanity sake, if they eat that packet of crisps before tea and watch 3 hours of you tube rubbish. You make it clear to them that it's a one off and the only way it'll ever happen again is if they cooperate the next time you need them to. then with your free headspace you do something for you. Even if it's just a nice bath and rub yourself with nice smelling creams. | |||
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"your life sounds exactly like ours it suck but chin up and try to keep calm..... ((HUGS)) xx Oh I hope not. I'm not too good at the keeping calm thing right now. I am determined to try exercise though. But I am always worried it will use up what energy I have. Right. Gonna do something though!" Short term maybe but long term as your fitness increases so will your stamina. Sounds like the only tool you have in your arsenal is sheer willpower. Moving is so stressful so once that's out the way things may improve. | |||
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"Yeah, I'm taking them out tomorrow. I don't feel like being out though. I want to crawl into a hole and make everyone go away and hibernate. Going out is hard work. They have behavioural problems and are "runners" so we have to plan careful strategies to make sure we minimise problems. Then again staying in requires huge planning too. I just wish I could have one mealtime, bedtime routine, getting dressed routine, visit to the park or soft play, or SOMETHING without all hell breaking loose. I'm not coping. And neither are they which is heart breaking. And then I have health problems on top and am struggling to find the time to manage them having the kids home all week. Husband was supposed to be off this week but his stupid, idiot place of work has decided he needs to be at work instead. Oh and we move house soon too. And I have PMT this week. Ever seen "Falling Down"? It wouldn't feel like a crisis if everything came one by one. You can't hide unless you can get some respite care so somewhere safe tomorrow where they can run and get tired and you can sit and watch." You know what lovely? - A much larger number of singles than you think - me included - are on fab because they have kids with behavioural problems/special needs and know that their kids couldn't cope with mum/dad having a 'real relationship' right now! - So fab is all they can have right now! Not sure how on earth it would work - but some kind of mutual support group may not be a bad idea? Very big hugs - I do know exactly where you're coming from!! Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx | |||
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"Yeah, I'm taking them out tomorrow. I don't feel like being out though. I want to crawl into a hole and make everyone go away and hibernate. Going out is hard work. They have behavioural problems and are "runners" so we have to plan careful strategies to make sure we minimise problems. Then again staying in requires huge planning too. I just wish I could have one mealtime, bedtime routine, getting dressed routine, visit to the park or soft play, or SOMETHING without all hell breaking loose. I'm not coping. And neither are they which is heart breaking. And then I have health problems on top and am struggling to find the time to manage them having the kids home all week. Husband was supposed to be off this week but his stupid, idiot place of work has decided he needs to be at work instead. Oh and we move house soon too. And I have PMT this week. Ever seen "Falling Down"? It wouldn't feel like a crisis if everything came one by one. You can't hide unless you can get some respite care so somewhere safe tomorrow where they can run and get tired and you can sit and watch. You know what lovely? - A much larger number of singles than you think - me included - are on fab because they have kids with behavioural problems/special needs and know that their kids couldn't cope with mum/dad having a 'real relationship' right now! - So fab is all they can have right now! Not sure how on earth it would work - but some kind of mutual support group may not be a bad idea? Very big hugs - I do know exactly where you're coming from!! Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx" | |||
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"Old school, forget about reward charts etc.. load of bollix. Pocket money and activities they enjoy more so, as when it is taken away they feel it more than a silly star or marble. Remember a child is an individual, so work out what they each individually value.... very important!!! Also and as equally important both you and hubby must support each other decisions on the punishments for bad behaviour, ie not undermined each other... because kids are clever and will play you guys.... You have to love the little rascals " its about what works for each family situation.. its not a load of bollocks and isnt silly. the marble thing works for us | |||
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"Old school, forget about reward charts etc.. load of bollix. Pocket money and activities they enjoy more so, as when it is taken away they feel it more than a silly star or marble. Remember a child is an individual, so work out what they each individually value.... very important!!! Also and as equally important both you and hubby must support each other decisions on the punishments for bad behaviour, ie not undermined each other... because kids are clever and will play you guys.... You have to love the little rascals " When you are dealing with kids with severe anxiety problems, typical parenting strategies go out the window. Punishments do sod all. It doesn't teach them what they should be doing. And they don't have a clue what they should be doing. They don't know. They can't remember. They don't have the communication or coping strategies to deal with something simple like putting their shoes on. They can't even go and get them without forgetting what they were doing or legging it and hiding in their room because they can't cope with direct demands. I could punish, but all that would do is destroy the tiny bit of self esteem they have. And it doesn't achieve anything. Although I'm not sure what does these days! On the up side I'm encouraged that school struggle as much as I do. And to be honest the demands that school places on them don't help - I get the fall out at home. Oh it's just shit. I just feel so bad for them. Spend hours reading trying to find something that could help them. Always on parenting courses. Knackered! Noticed one last night had a complete lapse of short term memory which scared the crap outta me. He got really angry. He did something then had no idea he'd just done it. I wonder how many other times this has happened and I haven't realised? They are utter geniuses too. So much potential. It's just down to me to try and give them the skills to get through everyday life so they can achieve whatever they want. I feel like I'm trying to teach Einstein make sure he wears clean underwear. It's frustrating. | |||
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"Did someone say 'self-indulgent' and 'attention-seeking'?" Sometimes knowing when NOT to be is as important...... | |||
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" Do you have a support network of relatives and friends or is it just your husband .? I had a son who was hyperactive would drive me nuts but my mum and dad would step in and help . He is now 20s and changed as he got older . Just shopping doing normal everyday things was hard at the time . Thing is he is very cleaver like me dyslexia but now run businesses . So is severe anxiety problems like hyper like how my son was .? Just normal everyday things was hard . " That gives me a lot of hope for the future. Thank you. Yes very hyper, extreme emotions, unpredictable. Imagine living with minions. Real ones, full on 24/7. It's kinda like that. But very temperamental ones. | |||
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"Have any of you studied child psychological? Probably not, sorry for trying to help, get on with your Marbles then..... a parent cannot implement the same strategies that organisations such as schools adopt, because the relationship dynamic is very different..." i dont see why the attitude? i just suggested a method that works for me and my child.. i am fortunate that my child does not have behavioural issues but wasnt aware of just how bad things are for the op. | |||
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"Have any of you studied child psychological? Probably not, sorry for trying to help, get on with your Marbles then..... a parent cannot implement the same strategies that organisations such as schools adopt, because the relationship dynamic is very different... i dont see why the attitude? i just suggested a method that works for me and my child.. i am fortunate that my child does not have behavioural issues but wasnt aware of just how bad things are for the op. " See previous post, as an explanation. Not intending to be shirty, just feel that your previous comment wasn't taking into account that scientifically it is proven that there is a trend in human development. So the argument of it works for us, was a little lame. Your household and children's ages, stages of development are probably very different to the op's. | |||
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" See previous post, as an explanation. Not intending to be shirty, just feel that your previous comment wasn't taking into account that scientifically it is proven that there is a trend in human development. So the argument of it works for us, was a little lame. Your household and children's ages, stages of development are probably very different to the op's." at the time of that suggestion i wasnt aware there was an extreme issue with their behaviour.. just thought it was kids being a little bit naughty.. 'terrible two's' kinda thing.. | |||
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" See previous post, as an explanation. Not intending to be shirty, just feel that your previous comment wasn't taking into account that scientifically it is proven that there is a trend in human development. So the argument of it works for us, was a little lame. Your household and children's ages, stages of development are probably very different to the op's. at the time of that suggestion i wasnt aware there was an extreme issue with their behaviour.. just thought it was kids being a little bit naughty.. 'terrible two's' kinda thing.. " Sorry for the misunderstanding ... (still friends?) | |||
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" Sorry for the misunderstanding ... (still friends?) " only if you can make me a hot choc n bacon sarnie lol | |||
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" Sorry for the misunderstanding ... (still friends?) only if you can make me a hot choc n bacon sarnie lol " Sure that could be arranged | |||
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"With utmost respect, go to the LOBO clinic and heavily rely on their help, schools are a law unto themselves, please believe us on that. Kind regards and best wishes to you and your family.... " Just googled and it looks awesome. But do they take referrals from out of area? | |||
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"You're beautiful " If that's aimed at me, I kinda need someone to sit in front of me and say it in person, in a believable voice. But I'd probably cry. But thanks. (If it was meant for me!) | |||
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"Not sure to be honest, however there must be similar practises within your area. Your GP should be aware of them, if your children have a diagnosis for ADHD or Autism then that would have taken place in such an establishment as the Edwin LOBO clinic, otherwise their diagnosis would not be medically valid. Don't stop fighting hunny... " Yep every day is a fight. Swimming upstream through treacle, but we'll get there. We had to go private for one diagnosis, and travel miles and miles for the right specialist. It stressed him out so much, that night in the hotel he was attacking me and his sibling, and saying he was going to kill me in a weird low growly voice. Really scary stuff. He just wouldn't stop for ages. Then fight to get the NHS to accept the private diagnosis to access any support. Had to pay for an OT assessment for the other one privately as resources round here are awful. Had to fight the lying LEA for a statement for one of them and am about to go through the same for the other in a few months. And have to face the dreaded DLA forms soon too. I'll never forget one being diagnosed, aged around 3. We had loads of support, constant assessments up until then. Then they handed us a diagnosis on a but of paper with a leaflet and he didn't see anyone for over a year. It's just ridiculous. (I need some marbles in a jar. I'm losing mine... lol) | |||
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"Having such a bad time. Feel like crap. I'm eating crap. And putting on lots of weight which is... making me feel like crap. I have lots of real-life stress and broken sleep. And more stress. Then a bit more on top. Husband also mega stressed. Kids mega, mega off-the-charts stressed. How do I stop the cycle of being stressed-eating crap-feeling crap-being stressed? Any tricks or tips? I feel if I ate better or something maybe I could cope better? Or am I clutching at straws?" swap you your crap food for some of my home cooked food, im cooking for my mum at the momen as shes just out of hospital so another plate wont be a problem. My suggestion other than my cooking lean on your friends and family for support.. Best i can do, other than my cooking | |||
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" Do you have a support network of relatives and friends or is it just your husband .? I had a son who was hyperactive would drive me nuts but my mum and dad would step in and help . He is now 20s and changed as he got older . Just shopping doing normal everyday things was hard at the time . Thing is he is very cleaver like me dyslexia but now run businesses . So is severe anxiety problems like hyper like how my son was .? Just normal everyday things was hard . That gives me a lot of hope for the future. Thank you. Yes very hyper, extreme emotions, unpredictable. Imagine living with minions. Real ones, full on 24/7. It's kinda like that. But very temperamental ones." well I have 4 kids and one son like that ... looking back it was hell .. sleep getting dressed shopping would scream the place down if we never give in to him .. school it was hell just getting him in the car and other kids would be so normal everyday was hard work ....... We found things he liked games on the pc was a thing he clicked with ... and just give us time off ..... you look and see what makes them happy so you can rest . All I know it gets better. But was hell until teens for us. Now he is doing so well so your hard work will pay off . xx hugs and kisses xxx | |||
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"Hard to comment in any real depth, but you mention some sorry of private diagnosis at the age of 3, that cannot be done, it can however be flagged and monitored for suspected difficulties (our eldest had that) I think the official age of being able to make a medical diagnosis is 7 years (I need to check with Danny on that, I've had a beer lol) the idea though, is that a young child of around 3 cannot be effectively diagnosed, because of the dreaded twos, which all developing children go through etc DLA are a nightmare, I am legally trained and also have personal experience dealing with them. So a little advice, make sure you have appropriate diagnosis & medication prescribed first and foremost. Fill out DLA forms only after establishing this. Then when that is done fill the forms in, they are rather ambiguous to say the least. Areas on the form that say don't worry we will call you if you can't answer, put down please call us etc... Then if you get rejected, appeal. But and this is the kicker (sneaky fencers) whilst the appeal is pending, they will advise you to re apply whilst the appeal is pending..... DON'T... just constantly ring them up and chase your initial appeal. Kind Regards, J&A " The one diagnosed at 3 was only because he'd been in an assessment playgroup for a year while they watched him and took notes. He got in because of severe speech delay and communication problems. The other one was privately diagnosed at an older age (but also under 7). A diagnosis is done by a combination of physical and psychological assessment by two or more separate professionals assessing the child. They also did a detailed interview with both myself and the school. One is now statemented and we'd never have got that without a diagnosis so thank goodness they diagnosed when they did! I think different areas do things differently though. | |||
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" Do you have a support network of relatives and friends or is it just your husband .? I had a son who was hyperactive would drive me nuts but my mum and dad would step in and help . He is now 20s and changed as he got older . Just shopping doing normal everyday things was hard at the time . Thing is he is very cleaver like me dyslexia but now run businesses . So is severe anxiety problems like hyper like how my son was .? Just normal everyday things was hard . That gives me a lot of hope for the future. Thank you. Yes very hyper, extreme emotions, unpredictable. Imagine living with minions. Real ones, full on 24/7. It's kinda like that. But very temperamental ones.well I have 4 kids and one son like that ... looking back it was hell .. sleep getting dressed shopping would scream the place down if we never give in to him .. school it was hell just getting him in the car and other kids would be so normal everyday was hard work ....... We found things he liked games on the pc was a thing he clicked with ... and just give us time off ..... you look and see what makes them happy so you can rest . All I know it gets better. But was hell until teens for us. Now he is doing so well so your hard work will pay off . xx hugs and kisses xxx" Yep I have two of that. Lol One or the other or both always school refuse. I am found daily standing in the rain in the car park trying to convince them to get out of the car. It's not the weather for it! | |||
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"Getting a grip is all well and good but it seems an impossible task if you don't know how" True. I'm covered in baby oil and everything is a little slippery. Keep dropping my phone and everything.. | |||
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"Getting a grip is all well and good but it seems an impossible task if you don't know how True. I'm covered in baby oil and everything is a little slippery. Keep dropping my phone and everything.." That is girl, keep that humour. It will help massively x | |||
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