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What to say or do?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

The other night my friends best friend killed himself. I don't know what to say to him. Have said anything he needs I'm there for him and his wife. I just dint want to say the wrong thing. Has anyone been in this situation and got any advice x

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I would check in with him tomorrow, then the next day. Give him some space but reinforce you are there for him if he needs you...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't say anything then. They'll talk when they are ready to.

As long as they know you're there for them that's all that matters

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"The other night my friends best friend killed himself. I don't know what to say to him. Have said anything he needs I'm there for him and his wife. I just dint want to say the wrong thing. Has anyone been in this situation and got any advice x"

Not that exact situation but it is difficult to say the wrong thing at times like this, take your lead from them and realise that sometimes just your presence is enough.

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By *horltzMan
over a year ago

heysham

Not a lot else you can say. Hard situation , just be a shoulder

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

It's moment by moment. Take your cues from them.

When our friend killed himself we just needed to keep talking to each other but his partner wasn't able to discuss it for a long time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I have, it's a horrible thing, I just found it better to say my condolences to my friend, ask if he needed anything and went to the funeral!

I found it easier to just be normal round my mate at the time! He seemed to prefer that too.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

and may his friend be at peace now xxx

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By *orksfuncoupleCouple
over a year ago

huddersfield

nothing you can say will help, it will be enough knowing you are there for them, my best mate died in my arms and i got annoyed at the sympathy, even tho all well meant, but my other mates all knew we were there if needed x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let them know you are there for them

And check in from time to time is all you can do

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks guys I wasn't sure whether standing back a bit was best or not. I won't be at the funeral as I will be looking after there little girl on the day . It's the 3rd person that he's close to that's killed themselves in the last few years. He seams to be blaming himself x

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

They will talk if and when they want to talk. All you can do is remind them regularly (but not intrusively) that you will be there for them whenever they do.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

the people left behind a suicide with the thoughts of 'should we/I have noticed, done something differently' may need some help with that over the coming months. I did and I got great help, it never goes away but you learn to think differently.

all the best to your friend.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thank you. Just dint want to make things worse x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Thank you. Just dint want to make things worse x"

It's difficult to think of a way you could do that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you. Just dint want to make things worse x"

There's not a lot you can do or say really except offer to be there if they need you.

I vividly remember the day a good mate rung me and told me his son had been killed in a car crash.... it was a four hour phone call but I just remember two words "(sons name) and dead". He rung me as he saw me as his closest trusted mate, and I could only offer to be there for him, which he knew anyway, but there's not a lot you can say really.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Thank you. Just dint want to make things worse x

It's difficult to think of a way you could do that. "

I just worry because there was no love lost between me and this guy. It's sad he's dead but my feelings about him haven't changed x

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire


"Thank you. Just dint want to make things worse x

It's difficult to think of a way you could do that. "

It sounds banal, but when our friends lost someone close, I made them a massive lasagne and a fruit crumble.

Afterwards they said how touched they were to know I'd gone to that much trouble.

Just showing you care is special.

Good luck to you all

x

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks for all the advice x

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Sometimes just listening is all you need to do. Let him know you are there for him but don't make all your contact about this situation.

Don't forget that as a supporting person your feelings are important also so take time for yourselves digest and understand things to.

Services such as the samaritans can offer support to both you and your friend whenever you need it either on the phone or email or sams or face to face.

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