FabSwingers.com forum: my fanny, I need help please

By *iamondsmiles. OP Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I'm a bit concerned about the size of my fanny, I think to be fair to guys I should mention the size of it on my profile. However, I'm not sure if its small, medium, large or well endowed.

I've never sneakily tried to measure myself up against the women in the changing room.

What do you suggest would be the best way of measuring it? I don't want to boast but I don't want to under sell myself either so I'd like to measure it as accurately as I can.

Signed

Worried of rutland

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah you definitely need help

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Dear Worried of Rutland,

have you tried measuring with with different sized deodorants? Perhaps start with the little travel size and work up to the Lynx can. If the Lynx can is too small then you have to class yourself as "room for plenty more".

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

use the detachable dick and mark how far it goes in lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sky Remote....??

Could that be a unit of measure?

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

We need a standard measurement. Tape measures are no good so maybe a standard wine bottle? (And no sneakily buying the 250ml wine bottles to make yourself look better

)

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By *callycatMan
over a year ago

Mid Wales

Are you talking depth or width?

For the former use an echo sounder.

For the latter two guys holding a tape measure would do the trick...xxx

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Well if ya can stick a pineapple up ya bum, the mind boggles

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why don't you let us come and test it for size

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Dear Worried of Rutland,

But Lynx comes in travel and a variety of other sizes!

Could you not just squirt some expanding foam up there, wait for it to set - and then whip it out and measure with a tape measure?

*although not a male tape measure obviously - they're unreliable!

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"Are you talking depth or width?

For the former use an echo sounder.

For the latter two guys holding a tape measure would do the trick...xxx"

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Dear Worried of Rutland,

But Lynx comes in travel and a variety of other sizes!

Could you not just squirt some expanding foam up there, wait for it to set - and then whip it out and measure with a tape measure?

*although not a male tape measure obviously - they're unreliable!

I have been reminded of the expanding cock dildos. That might be safer than the expanding foam. I wouldn't want anyone using No More Nails by mistake.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

depends....is there a echo when you shout??

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley

Inflatable dildo, pump to maximum, remove whilst inflated, then measure dildo.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

damn...someone already used the echo joke....lol

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By *iamondsmiles. OP Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Are you talking depth or width?

For the former use an echo sounder.

For the latter two guys holding a tape measure would do the trick...xxx"
fucking echo sounder pmsl

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By *hyblueEyesMan
over a year ago

Daventry

What about snooker balls?? If you can get a perfect 147 I will be impressed. Neither that or grapes. Just tell us the number of grapes you can fit in, you could then go one of two ways. A full on pelvic floor movement to crush your own wine, or of course the much more impressive how far can you fire the grape with a quick squeeze of the muscles. As you can see my solution is both practical and beneficial to your health

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get a butternut squash and insert. Black marker pen and mark the point, measure butternut squash with a tape measure! Hey presto a fanny measuring device

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Err....just a question. ...has anyone gone'missing in action' in your company? ?

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By *rcticFoxxxWoman
over a year ago

Hereabouts

Go see the nurse who attempted to fit my coil. She angrily spat at me saying 'you have a very long vagina!' Then told me off when i started laughing about that being the reason I like big cocks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a bit concerned about the size of my fanny, I think to be fair to guys I should mention the size of it on my profile. However, I'm not sure if its small, medium, large or well endowed.

I've never sneakily tried to measure myself up against the women in the changing room.

What do you suggest would be the best way of measuring it? I don't want to boast but I don't want to under sell myself either so I'd like to measure it as accurately as I can.

Signed

Worried of rutland"
If you,ve got any doubts go and see your doctor..

.. but seriously I,m sure They won,t mind..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Worried of Rutland

Go and sit on the nearest Postbox.

If it disappears, It's fair to say you've got a biggun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Worried of Rutland,

But Lynx comes in travel and a variety of other sizes!

Could you not just squirt some expanding foam up there, wait for it to set - and then whip it out and measure with a tape measure?

*although not a male tape measure obviously - they're unreliable!

I have been reminded of the expanding cock dildos. That might be safer than the expanding foam. I wouldn't want anyone using No More Nails by mistake.

Pmsl can you imagine explaining that in A&E

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By *oconut2Woman
over a year ago

Nether regions of the back of beyond

"Dear Worried of Rutland,

Pmsl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

reminds me of a punchline to an old joke

"put your hands in and clap"

"I can't"

"See, I told you I was tight!!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a bit concerned about the size of my fanny, I think to be fair to guys I should mention the size of it on my profile. However, I'm not sure if its small, medium, large or well endowed.

I've never sneakily tried to measure myself up against the women in the changing room.

What do you suggest would be the best way of measuring it? I don't want to boast but I don't want to under sell myself either so I'd like to measure it as accurately as I can.

Signed

Worried of rutland"

aaaw....i can understand you but don't let that affect your confidence. To avoid any errors while taking your measurement i advise you get a set of digital vernier caliper from any online store and you will be glad you did and your confidence will be restored

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By *iamondsmiles. OP Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I was thinking about getting a gas lamp and some rope and sending a man in to do the measuring

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Dear Worried of Rutland,

Funny you should say that...

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By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago

Beyond the shadows.

"I was thinking about getting a gas lamp and some rope and sending a man in to do the measuring"

Don't forget the canary

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the OP raises a fair point, why should guys have the monopoly on measuring?

Obviously VWE we all understand

For ladies may I suggest the following gradings based on depth, measured by an approved device such as a Lynx deodorant, sky remote or butternut squash.

VTP - very tight pussy

CAA - cosy and accommodating

LBW - loose but willing

LAB - like a bucket

TARRYW - tie a rope round your waist

SASP - send a search party

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You try the by volume test ,

You will need a liquid of your choice, water,orange juice or maybe something stronger

A measuring jug (a litre jug will suffice)

A very obliging friend

One rubber mat

Firstly lay on your back with your feet placed either side of head ,i'am sure you know the position

Next with your foo foo upper most get your friend to fill pour said liquid carefully into your fanny

Take care not spill any as this will give a false result

Once you are full up

your friend can note how much liquid is left

So as you know how much liquid you started with and how much you have left this will give you an amount and hence size of said foo

I think I've thought about this to much

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You try the by volume test ,

You will need a liquid of your choice, water,orange juice or maybe something stronger

A measuring jug (a litre jug will suffice)

A very obliging friend

One rubber mat

Firstly lay on your back with your feet placed either side of head ,i'am sure you know the position

And if emptying causes a tidal wave then ....swim !

Next with your foo foo upper most get your friend to fill pour said liquid carefully into your fanny

Take care not spill any as this will give a false result

Once you are full up

your friend can note how much liquid is left

So as you know how much liquid you started with and how much you have left this will give you an amount and hence size of said foo

I think I've thought about this to much

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im told there looking for somewhere dark and a little moist to store the old retired concord aircraft

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"You try the by volume test ,

You will need a liquid of your choice, water,orange juice or maybe something stronger

A measuring jug (a litre jug will suffice)

A very obliging friend

One rubber mat

Firstly lay on your back with your feet placed either side of head ,i'am sure you know the position

Next with your foo foo upper most get your friend to fill pour said liquid carefully into your fanny

Take care not spill any as this will give a false result

Once you are full up

your friend can note how much liquid is left

So as you know how much liquid you started with and how much you have left this will give you an amount and hence size of said foo

I think I've thought about this to much

I'm worried I might drown if I did that - there's nothing to stop me being filled.

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By *callycatMan
over a year ago

Mid Wales

Just toss in a pebble and time the splash....

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By *arnayguyMan
over a year ago

Durham Tees

Dear Worried,

Don't fret about it. Vaginas come in a surprisingly wide array of sizes. At one end of the scale, some are so small and tight that intercourse is like trying to shove a marshmallow into a Yale lock.

As we progress through, the width (flap to flap), the height (clit to chinrest) and the inner depth all increase until we have gone from Yale lock to airport wind sock.

Provided a) your partners penis doesn't look like a battered bunch of celery after unsuccessfully attempting entry (Yale)

or b) you don't keep getting visits from the local Gliding Club, you are probably perfectly normal and have nothing to worry about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well since you are a gusher then maybe use that to size yourself up?

When you gush is it like:-

a trip to Yellowstone park?

the Trevi fountain?

the Diana memorial fountain?

Manneken Pis in Brussels?

The 4th midnight outing to the toilet of a semi-conscience 70 year old man?

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Diamond: your fanny is the goldilocks of fanny's - just right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You try the by volume test ,

You will need a liquid of your choice, water,orange juice or maybe something stronger

A measuring jug (a litre jug will suffice)

A very obliging friend

One rubber mat

Firstly lay on your back with your feet placed either side of head ,i'am sure you know the position

Next with your foo foo upper most get your friend to fill pour said liquid carefully into your fanny

Take care not spill any as this will give a false result

Once you are full up

your friend can note how much liquid is left

So as you know how much liquid you started with and how much you have left this will give you an amount and hence size of said foo

I think I've thought about this to much

I'm worried I might drown if I did that - there's nothing to stop me being filled.

How's your breathe holding ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If your camel toe resembles an elephants hoof may give you an a good indication?

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By *iamondsmiles. OP Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Diamond: your fanny is the goldilocks of fanny's - just right

"
ha ha, glad you made an appearance was beginning to think you was still up there

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By *iamondsmiles. OP Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Mr beans brother is my favourite answer so far so we can use initials

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By *imdavies86Man
over a year ago

Finsbury park

I worked with a girl who introduced me to her friend as '3 cocks', a beautiful girl with arguably a rather large mouth, a gift she discovered on an 18-30s holiday.

Could this be a simple way to gauge the capacity of your woohoo? At least until the European Union have agreed on an international standard.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Some bloke said I had a huge shaped fanny...lol

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By *iamondsmiles. OP Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Some bloke said I had a huge shaped fanny...lol

"
someone told me mine was in the wrong place once

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Mr beans brother is my favourite answer so far so we can use initials

I think I'm a CAA then.

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By *iamondsmiles. OP Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Mr beans brother is my favourite answer so far so we can use initials

I think I'm a CAA then.

"
that's what I was thinking I am as well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The karma sutra identifies three different vaginas by size:

Deer (small)

Mare (medium)

Elephant (large)

So, are you saying you may have an Elephant vagina, if so then the karma sutra would recommend that you match with a man with a Horse (large) penis.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"Diamond: your fanny is the goldilocks of fanny's - just right

ha ha, glad you made an appearance was beginning to think you was still up there

A re-birth in so many ways....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

id get a large mirror.put it on the floor...straddle it..if you get vertigo, then its too big..

otherwise i would watch as much porn as possible until you have thoroughly convinced yourself you are utterly and completely inadequate!

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"The karma sutra identifies three different vaginas by size:

Deer (small)

Mare (medium)

Elephant (large)

So, are you saying you may have an Elephant vagina, if so then the karma sutra would recommend that you match with a man with a Horse (large) penis.

I don't think you can mix and elephant and a horse together. That's just sounds wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm all for CAA

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Well I have an elephant fanny then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh my Mr Beans Bro, that's genius!!

I'm a CAA

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Well I have an elephant fanny then

Grey and wrinkly?

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"I'm all for CAA"

Where does 3/4 of a Sure can come on the scale?

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Well I have an elephant fanny then

Grey and wrinkly?"

I'm 35 not bloody 85

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh my Mr Beans Bro, that's genius!!

I'm a CAA

And I have a rope just in case

Always prepared

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Well I have an elephant fanny then

Grey and wrinkly?

I'm 35 not bloody 85

Baby elephants are grey and wrinkly at birth.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Well I have an elephant fanny then

Grey and wrinkly?

I'm 35 not bloody 85

Baby elephants are grey and wrinkly at birth.

I shall remember that me lovely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm all for CAA

Where does 3/4 of a Sure can come on the scale?

Just Make SURE it doesn't go off inside you

There's no known cure for cuntfreeze.

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By *iamondsmiles. OP Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Well I have an elephant fanny then

Grey and wrinkly?

I'm 35 not bloody 85

Baby elephants are grey and wrinkly at birth.

I shall remember that me lovely

"
has it got big flappy ears

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

So do we measure our flange by the amount of a sky remote we can fit in there?

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Well I have an elephant fanny then

Grey and wrinkly?

I'm 35 not bloody 85

Baby elephants are grey and wrinkly at birth.

I shall remember that me lovely

has it got big flappy ears

My fanny has its a big laberia or whatever it is...I'm going to rename my. Pussy nelly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So do we measure our flange by the amount of a sky remote we can fit in there?

Personally I think the ability to turn over to sky sports one by performing pelvic floors is far more impressive than size

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh my Mr Beans Bro, that's genius!!

I'm a CAA

And I have a rope just in case

Always prepared "

What's the rope for?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So do we measure our flange by the amount of a sky remote we can fit in there?

Its when you can fit the Sky Box in that you're in trouble

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh my Mr Beans Bro, that's genius!!

I'm a CAA

And I have a rope just in case

Always prepared

What's the rope for?!

In case she lied.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So do we measure our flange by the amount of a sky remote we can fit in there?

Its when you can fit the Sky Box in that you're in trouble

"
Just think You,ll be on discovery channel..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So do we measure our flange by the amount of a sky remote we can fit in there?

Its when you can fit the Sky Box in that you're in trouble

Just think You,ll be on discovery channel..

"
You,ll get plenty of coverage..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well if you get someone to place their ear next to it and they can hear the seaside, I'd say it's big

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"Well if you get someone to place their ear next to it and they can hear the seaside, I'd say it's big

As per above or the echo test

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"Well if you get someone to place their ear next to it and they can hear the seaside, I'd say it's big

I tried that with a girl once, couldn't hear the sea but found some crabs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wizards sleeve or welly top?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm all for CAA

Where does 3/4 of a Sure can come on the scale?

I have to ask.. is it one of the new compressed cans?!!

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"I'm all for CAA

Where does 3/4 of a Sure can come on the scale?

I have to ask.. is it one of the new compressed cans?!!

No comment

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley

"Oh my Mr Beans Bro, that's genius!!

I'm a CAA

And I have a rope just in case

Always prepared

What's the rope for?!

For tying the plank to his feet of course

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By *isty286Couple
over a year ago

Dorset

"Well if you get someone to place their ear next to it and they can hear the seaside, I'd say it's big

I tried that with a girl once, couldn't hear the sea but found some crabs

and smell the sea ...lol

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By *isty286Couple
over a year ago

Dorset

"Well if you get someone to place their ear next to it and they can hear the seaside, I'd say it's big

I tried that with a girl once, couldn't hear the sea but found some crabs

and could smell the sea ...lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a hand doesn't appear out of it to shake my hand then there is nothing to worry about

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was thinking about getting a gas lamp and some rope and sending a man in to do the measuring"
Maybe try dropping a coin in there like a well and see if it touches the side's

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a most accommodating vagina. It can go from a mousehole,to accommodate the less than average girth,to letterbox,for the more blessed of penises. I had the pleasure of a rather girthy man not a million miles from this thread,and although it was a bit of a tight squeeze we managed just fine. Took a few days to get the feeling back down there but no lasting side effects

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been giggling ova this thread so much. When i was preg the doc was having a rumage cos i was bleeding n he say gosh you have a rather long vagina

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley

Anything bigger than a wizards sleeve is too big.

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By *rcticFoxxxWoman
over a year ago

Hereabouts

"Been giggling ova this thread so much. When i was preg the doc was having a rumage cos i was bleeding n he say gosh you have a rather long vagina

Should we start a club for women with long vaginas?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Been giggling ova this thread so much. When i was preg the doc was having a rumage cos i was bleeding n he say gosh you have a rather long vagina

Should we start a club for women with long vaginas?

Hehehe

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By *he tactile technicianMan
over a year ago

the good lands, the bad lands, the any where you may want me lands

invite your solid fuel supplier around; formerly called the coal man, when he presents you with a chitty saying he's stuck 50 50cwt sacks of smokeless in your bunker, you'll know he's a lieing thieving bugger!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know I'm 5'1", so if you want to press it against me, we can get a rough estimate..... See what I did there guys? x x

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I've thought of a new venture having flange gloves a bit like the gloves that vets use when shoving their hand up a cows arse. We can have measurements on the glove such as oh she has a tight short pussy to she has a fanny like the never ending black hole

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By *win PeaksCouple
over a year ago

Northamptonshire

"I was thinking about getting a gas lamp and some rope and sending a man in to do the measuring"

Will he need a canary too? Lol

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By *he tactile technicianMan
over a year ago

the good lands, the bad lands, the any where you may want me lands

Just found the solution to your dilemma, concerned of Meer Cat Manor, a boat fender and a fender pump.

1. remove the plug so that most of the air escapes and the fender is more pliable

2. Insert fender with vent facing outwards

3. Fit fender pump to vent

4. activate pump till fender fits snugly

5. Bear down on those hips baby and schuck the pea out of its pod

6. Measure Fender, and cross reference against volume calculation chart to arrive at the literage of your internals.

There! simple, now can I lend you a fender and a pump?

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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield

I have a built in fanny measuring device accurate to =/- millimetre.

Please be aware that for accurate full measurements the procedure could take three or four hours as a fanny has to be measured in both hot and cold state.

All tests will be repeated multiple times to ensure consistency of results.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally speaking if the last guy is still in there then I'll getva bonus of a suck and fuck at the same time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think the OP raises a fair point, why should guys have the monopoly on measuring?

Obviously VWE we all understand

For ladies may I suggest the following gradings based on depth, measured by an approved device such as a Lynx deodorant, sky remote or butternut squash.

VTP - very tight pussy

CAA - cosy and accommodating

LBW - loose but willing

LAB - like a bucket

TARRYW - tie a rope round your waist

SASP - send a search party

"
lol. All replys so funny.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we are really enjoying this thread.... must admit at one point I thought CAA was Civil Airports Authority..... referring to the room in an Aircraft hanger!!!!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Worried of Rutland,

But Lynx comes in travel and a variety of other sizes!

Could you not just squirt some expanding foam up there, wait for it to set - and then whip it out and measure with a tape measure?

*although not a male tape measure obviously - they're unreliable!

I have been reminded of the expanding cock dildos. That might be safer than the expanding foam. I wouldn't want anyone using No More Nails by mistake.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

Get yourself to the supermarket, you can classify yourself as: radish, carrot, courgette, aubergine, butternut squash or watermelon!

The larger stores even have changing rooms you can use.

(Note to self: remember to wash veg before use)

Mrs DDC

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"I'm a bit concerned about the size of my fanny, I think to be fair to guys I should mention the size of it on my profile. However, I'm not sure if its small, medium, large or well endowed.

I've never sneakily tried to measure myself up against the women in the changing room.

What do you suggest would be the best way of measuring it? I don't want to boast but I don't want to under sell myself either so I'd like to measure it as accurately as I can.

Signed

Worried of rutland"

take the mirror off the wall, put it on the floor.

Strip off and squat over it so you can have a good look.

If the hubby comes in and rugby tackles you trying to save your life from falling in, then your fanny is too fat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Get yourself to the supermarket, you can classify yourself as: radish, carrot, courgette, aubergine, butternut squash or watermelon!

The larger stores even have changing rooms you can use.

(Note to self: remember to wash veg before use)

Mrs DDC"
Yes we don,t want any Soil ing..

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