FabSwingers.com forum: Do I tell or not?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

On Friday I go to a family friendly pub with my friend.

She is due to babysit my child when I go back to work, however. ..

She got a bit "rough" with my baby (well she's 4 months old) and she was holding her.

My child started to cry and out of nowhere she said "well I'd you're going to be like that you're. Going back on your carseat" and was a bit rough putting her in there.

I was really gobsmacked and had to make excuses and leave. I didn't say anything to her because I didn't want to cause a scene as she was feeling a bit down that day.

So now I'm debating whether I should let her babysit when I go back to work as I dread what she'll be like when I'm at work.

It was very out of character Of her.

I'm also gonna tell her what she done on Friday and how worried its made me feel. I know I shouldve said something on Friday but I wanted to think about as I've been friends with her for 8 years.

But my daughter comes first and always will be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Find someone else, seriously, you clearly have doubts, and rightly so.

Do you really want to go out, and be sat there worrying?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you're right to have concerns. Whether it was out of character or not there's no excuse and In your shoes I certainly wouldn't let her look after my child. I'd rather my child was safe than worry about a friendship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Feeling a bit down and taking it out on a 4 month old. I wouldn't have held my tongue and she wouldn't be holding my child again

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think you're right to have concerns. Whether it was out of character or not there's no excuse and In your shoes I certainly wouldn't let her look after my child. I'd rather my child was safe than worry about a friendship."

Agreed quite rightly so.

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By *tarbeckCouple
over a year ago

york

"Feeling a bit down and taking it out on a 4 month old. I wouldn't have held my tongue and she wouldn't be holding my child again "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Feeling a bit down and taking it out on a 4 month old. I wouldn't have held my tongue and she wouldn't be holding my child again "

Well I'm gonna have to tell her and if she gets childish then she can fuck off she's 57 for god sake.

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

don't trust her with your child

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By *igertigerCouple (MM)
over a year ago

nr Letterkenny

only 1 answer...find someone else...if she did that when you were there what is she not capable of behind your back and that's one worry you don't need to have when you're trying to work. Sorry if that seems harsh.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Feeling a bit down and taking it out on a 4 month old. I wouldn't have held my tongue and she wouldn't be holding my child again

Well I'm gonna have to tell her and if she gets childish then she can fuck off she's 57 for god sake."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The more I think about it, the more I find myself wondering why you're having to ask. It's a no brainer

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By *ckleticklesWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

Its a huge step leaving your child with someone and requires a massive amount of faith and trust, you clearly no longer have this with your friend.

Hopefully there us someone else that you will feel more comfortable with, good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

nobody should ever be rough with kids or animals, that's not on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You clearly have doubts, and rightly so, I'm afraid I doubt me being so patient, and keeping quiet!!.. How very dare someone be rough, with an innocent child. It's inexcusable behaviour... I think your doubts have answered your own question. If she can act this way in your presence, imagine how she could act in your absence. Apart from wiping the floor with her. She would no longer be a friend of mine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Feeling a bit down and taking it out on a 4 month old. I wouldn't have held my tongue and she wouldn't be holding my child again "

And if your willing to voice your concerns on here ....I suggest your mind is already made up not to proceed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just talk to her and she what she has to say. She may have thought what she did was reasonable. If you don't think it was you have to tell her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Use an ofsted registered childminder, thats what they are there for, trained in early years foundation, first aid trained and full public liability insurance

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Use an ofsted registered childminder, thats what they are there for, trained in early years foundation, first aid trained and full public liability insurance"

Thing is they cost money, and me working part time all that money would go on the child minder and not her.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Apparently she doesn't remember doing it. I don't buy that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes the older generation do things differently in caring for the young and she probably isn't ware that you are concerned. You will only worry while your child is with this woman so the only answer is to find someone who you know that will keep your child safe at all times even if they are having a bad day. Four months old need a lot of patients , please don't chance it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Use an ofsted registered childminder, thats what they are there for, trained in early years foundation, first aid trained and full public liability insurance

Thing is they cost money, and me working part time all that money would go on the child minder and not her."

You claim working tax credits that paybupto 85? towards your childcare costs, I'm assuming your friend will be doing it free of charge

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Use an ofsted registered childminder, thats what they are there for, trained in early years foundation, first aid trained and full public liability insurance

Thing is they cost money, and me working part time all that money would go on the child minder and not her.

You claim working tax credits that paybupto 85? towards your childcare costs, I'm assuming your friend will be doing it free of charge"

That's 85 percent, not sure why a ? Came up

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Use an ofsted registered childminder, thats what they are there for, trained in early years foundation, first aid trained and full public liability insurance

Thing is they cost money, and me working part time all that money would go on the child minder and not her.

You claim working tax credits that paybupto 85? towards your childcare costs, I'm assuming your friend will be doing it free of charge"

Not entitled to working tax credits

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By *ucsparkMan
over a year ago

dudley

Trust your gut, I had a live in nanny for the first few years and she still in touch now. But I did wire my home with camera's and sound and always knew where they were.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But my daughter comes first and always will be.

Really? So you could stay at home and *babysit* her. She'd like that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Feeling a bit down and taking it out on a 4 month old. I wouldn't have held my tongue and she wouldn't be holding my child again "

Damb right. I would've said something there and then and left her in no doubt that I would be finding someone else to babysit in future.

If that's how she treats your child in your presence, who knows what she's capable of, especially if your child shoyld ever misbehave - it does happen from time to time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

But my daughter comes first and always will be.

Really? So you could stay at home and *babysit* her. She'd like that."

No shit?

Well I need to work so I can provide for her.

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"On Friday I go to a family friendly pub with my friend.

She is due to babysit my child when I go back to work, however. ..

She got a bit "rough" with my baby (well she's 4 months old) and she was holding her.

My child started to cry and out of nowhere she said "well I'd you're going to be like that you're. Going back on your carseat" and was a bit rough putting her in there.

I was really gobsmacked and had to make excuses and leave. I didn't say anything to her because I didn't want to cause a scene as she was feeling a bit down that day.

So now I'm debating whether I should let her babysit when I go back to work as I dread what she'll be like when I'm at work.

It was very out of character Of her.

I'm also gonna tell her what she done on Friday and how worried its made me feel. I know I shouldve said something on Friday but I wanted to think about as I've been friends with her for 8 years.

But my daughter comes first and always will be.

If I was at all unsure I wouldnt feel the need to ask

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Feeling a bit down and taking it out on a 4 month old. I wouldn't have held my tongue and she wouldn't be holding my child again

Damb right. I would've said something there and then and left her in no doubt that I would be finding someone else to babysit in future.

If that's how she treats your child in your presence, who knows what she's capable of, especially if your child shoyld ever misbehave - it does happen from time to time."

So I guess that makes me a bad parent because I didn't say anything to her and make a scene (!)

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

at four months old your baby cannot tell you if they are scared of someone I had a registered childminder who looked after my youngest when she was two.. I reported her when I found out from her children things she did if the kids were naughty ie smacking them over the head with a big spoon sitting them in the corner etc not worth the risk IMO

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is a fund that pays for children to attend nurseries and stuff if you are unable 2 afford it. Ask ur local children's authority

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"at four months old your baby cannot tell you if they are scared of someone I had a registered childminder who looked after my youngest when she was two.. I reported her when I found out from her children things she did if the kids were naughty ie smacking them over the head with a big spoon sitting them in the corner etc not worth the risk IMO "

Jesus Christ!!

I Don't have any family where I live as I am from Essex and all my family live there And if they didn't and lived by me things would be a lot easier. My boyfriend's mum works all the time, but I suppose his dad could.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"There is a fund that pays for children to attend nurseries and stuff if you are unable 2 afford it. Ask ur local children's authority "

Okay thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apparently she doesn't remember doing it. I don't buy that."

Only you know what you saw.

If you think for one moment her behavior was inexcusable then you have your answer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You definitely can't get working tax credit can you? Because you and your partner both work and live together I assume. That's a pisser cos you'd get the majority of child care costs paid, like someone mentioned earlier.

With regards to your friend, for her to be like that with you there would suggest she definitely didn't think she was doing anything wrong. Has she raised her own children? Me and my best friend have children 13 months apart in age her daughter is older than mine and they're 5 and 6 respectively and we've both sort of co parented our kids, I'd happily shout at her daughter if she was playing up the same as she'd shout at mine. If your friend has raised her own kids ok she's probably just old 'skool in her approach, I very much doubt she intended to harm your baby and without being there to see for myself I dunno what would be considered as rough handling. But it's your baby and as with anything in life you should always trust your gut, if you truly believe she would physically harm your baby then obviously don't leave her with your child. You could get some nanny cams in the house and see what she's like with the baby but it's a risk and if she was rough because she was having a down day who can say she won't have another.

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By *ig1gaz1Man
over a year ago

bradford

i have to agree with some posts on the older generation looking after children they have very different rules and how to bring a child up to us younger generation however theres maybe not to your liking

the older generation knew how to stop misbehavior and also knew not to goto a childs whims every minute and sometimes to let them cry a parent that over picks up a child to a person that babysits one is totally different we all bring our kids up differently and do gooders should stay out of it what may work for yours dosnt fit every child

as a parent you choose what is best for your child

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If she's like that when you're there, what would she be like when you're not there... trust your instincts. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You clearly have doubts, and rightly so, I'm afraid I doubt me being so patient, and keeping quiet!!.. How very dare someone be rough, with an innocent child. It's inexcusable behaviour... I think your doubts have answered your own question. If she can act this way in your presence, imagine how she could act in your absence. Apart from wiping the floor with her. She would no longer be a friend of mine."

Ditto x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our children are the most valuable and precious things in life.

I can understand how hard it can be going back to work and juggling childcare but how can you leave your child in the care of someone you have raised concerns about.

You need to sit down and think about all the options available and consider nursery and childminders. Trust your instincts, 4 months old is a young baby, if your child was handled roughly after only a short time and in your presence, then how about when she's teething, or having an off day and she's crying for a longer period, can you risk that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would go with your gut instinct on this something like that isn't right and if that's what is happening while your there you have to question what happens when no body is watching.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Feeling a bit down and taking it out on a 4 month old. I wouldn't have held my tongue and she wouldn't be holding my child again

Damb right. I would've said something there and then and left her in no doubt that I would be finding someone else to babysit in future.

If that's how she treats your child in your presence, who knows what she's capable of, especially if your child shoyld ever misbehave - it does happen from time to time.

So I guess that makes me a bad parent because I didn't say anything to her and make a scene (!)"

Did I say that I thought you were a bad parent for not saying anything at the time?

No. I didn't.

I wasn't there. I can only comment on the information you have provided and my own personal feelings as a parent.

I don't know how close you are to this person.

I personally dislike confrontations, and would obviously want to avoid such with someone I may have known for some considerable time - but, personally speaking I would have said something to them - politely.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Our children are the most valuable and precious things in life.

I can understand how hard it can be going back to work and juggling childcare but how can you leave your child in the care of someone you have raised concerns about.

I got someone else to look after her which is a family member whuch will be my boyfriend's dad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolute no brainer, get a babysitter that you feel you can trust. She may be an amazing friend but awful in other circumstances. If you're concerned or worried, then I wouldn't hesitate with your decision.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks everyone for your opinions and advice.

I've told my friend what she had done and how it made me feel.

She didn't realise and was more than sorry, however it hasn't changed my mind and she isn't going to look after my child.

I have my boyfriend's dad to look after her and going to see how much child care is too.

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