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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

It it better to be completely honest about your situation, and risk not getting laid; or abandon your principles, and lie to get your oats?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It it better to be completely honest about your situation, and risk not getting laid; or abandon your principles, and lie to get your oats?"

Personally? Dont like liars because at the receiving end you never know what part of their story is true.

We rather know what 's what.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

im always honest and expect same in return... unfortunately it never works out like that!! x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its always best to be honest

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By *yber pimpMan
over a year ago

durham area


"It it better to be completely honest about your situation, and risk not getting laid; or abandon your principles, and lie to get your oats?"

no doubt about it honesty every time

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

brave brave man!!!! lol

personally i think its better to be upfront as those who play away will want discretion from those they meet with, if i think someone is free and single i will text them whenever etc which could cause problems

yes they will probably find it harder to get meets and run the risk of recieving abuse but its the choice they make

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

honesty , with some privacy.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

honesty , with some privacy. "

Economic truth?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't like peeps who lie to me, or deliberately with-hold information from me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

honesty , with some privacy. "

you are so demanding!

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By *WLondonMixMan
over a year ago

Willsden/DollisHill

It is easy for a lot of people to say honesty straight away, I also agree its for the best but some peoples situations may be a lot more complex. And to be honest this life is often if not always separate from our private lives so there fore I believe if people are honest about the most important aspects of there life ie. Sti's_stds_ and if there really going to meet up or if they been commited recently and escaped. Then it has no consequence to me whether they own there own buisness or don't work, and if they wish to tell fibs to make them selves more confident fair dues to them. Long as it makes them feel better and has no harmfull effects on others unless they are to be long term buddies and partners than think principles shouldn't be over ruled as you almost always get caught in the end. . . And what are OATS?? Am afraid the answer might negate this essay lol

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Lies generally come back and bite you on the arse at some point,would the consequences to be worth the lie?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It is easy for a lot of people to say honesty straight away, I also agree its for the best but some peoples situations may be a lot more complex. And to be honest this life is often if not always separate from our private lives so there fore I believe if people are honest about the most important aspects of there life ie. Sti's_stds_ and if there really going to meet up or if they been commited recently and escaped. Then it has no consequence to me whether they own there own buisness or don't work, and if they wish to tell fibs to make them selves more confident fair dues to them. Long as it makes them feel better and has no harmfull effects on others unless they are to be long term buddies and partners than think principles shouldn't be over ruled as you almost always get caught in the end. . . And what are OATS?? Am afraid the answer might negate this essay lol"

Actually you got some really good points in here.... some things are not relevant to the swinging scene for example somebody's financial status or their job etc... as in swinging you are not looking for an all encompassing relationship. Made me think what you wrote... good point !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think honesty to a degree in regards to your situation - i dont know what that situation is, but as someone mentioned on here, if it is a problem to get texts then be clear on that and agree a time for any texts etc. If you dont want texts then again be clear, you dont have to have people text you.

If it is anything to do with sex then you have to be upfront because people are sharing their bodies with you. You have to respect that.

If you are married or have a long term partner, im not sure whether i agree that it should be discussed. It is noone elses business who you are emotionally involved with, neither is it anyones business to slate you for cheating - this is a sex site, we are all having sex with strangers, none of us are pure and innocent are we.

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

my very worst quality,is my honesty.i know its right.but not always rellevant.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Actually you got some really good points in here.... some things are not relevant to the swinging scene for example somebody's financial status or their job etc... as in swinging you are not looking for an all encompassing relationship. Made me think what you wrote... good point !! "

So, assuming people want to be up front, would it be best to put everything in their profile, and chance repelling everyone away, or would it be best to keep certain things secret, and then be upfront once a connection has been made with someone?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honesty everytime.

Lies have a way of comming back and biting you on the bum and you also have to have a really good memory to do so.

Im sure that it doesnt mean you have to give someone your lifes story but i would like to know a certain amount where as i can make an informed choice.

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow


"Actually you got some really good points in here.... some things are not relevant to the swinging scene for example somebody's financial status or their job etc... as in swinging you are not looking for an all encompassing relationship. Made me think what you wrote... good point !!

So, assuming people want to be up front, would it be best to put everything in their profile, and chance repelling everyone away, or would it be best to keep certain things secret, and then be upfront once a connection has been made with someone?"

people dont like lies,but sometimes appreciate them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If you are married or have a long term partner, im not sure whether i agree that it should be discussed. It is noone elses business who you are emotionally involved with, neither is it anyones business to slate you for cheating - this is a sex site, we are all having sex with strangers, none of us are pure and innocent are we. "

But does it involve other peoples morality and beliefs?

Many people hold Marriage as sacred, even if they swing, and would be mortified to discover they had slept with a married swinger?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Actually you got some really good points in here.... some things are not relevant to the swinging scene for example somebody's financial status or their job etc... as in swinging you are not looking for an all encompassing relationship. Made me think what you wrote... good point !!

So, assuming people want to be up front, would it be best to put everything in their profile, and chance repelling everyone away, or would it be best to keep certain things secret, and then be upfront once a connection has been made with someone?"

I suppose, and of course I can only answer for myself, for me it would be that I expect an honest answer to the questions that are relevant to me and it may vary from person to person. But then, I don't necessarily want to form a lifelong relationship with my swing mates so I would not be worried if they exaggerated in some areas, omitted in others. I would want an honest answer to their status, be it single or married or whatever... simply to give me the choice of meeting or not meeting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Again...

Its about having "enough" info to make that informed choice.

If you are married and havent told someone you intend to swing then that isnt fair.

When telling someone "that" bit you think might may spoil your chances, then thats their choice if they do or do not .

At least you have been upfront.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Again...

Its about having "enough" info to make that informed choice.

If you are married and havent told someone you intend to swing then that isnt fair.

When telling someone "that" bit you think might may spoil your chances, then thats their choice if they do or do not .

At least you have been upfront.

"

Yeah, that was what I meant - thanks peaches

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mind you........

I would be pretty miffed if he said he had a bently and rolled up in a reliant robin

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow


"If you are married or have a long term partner, im not sure whether i agree that it should be discussed. It is noone elses business who you are emotionally involved with, neither is it anyones business to slate you for cheating - this is a sex site, we are all having sex with strangers, none of us are pure and innocent are we.

But does it involve other peoples morality and beliefs?

Many people hold Marriage as sacred, even if they swing, and would be mortified to discover they had slept with a married swinger?"

swinging for us is about honesty.if you swing,and your partner doesnt participate,or know.thats not

swinging,thats cheating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Mind you........

I would be pretty miffed if he said he had a bently and rolled up in a reliant robin "

well that would be a bit like being promised a double beefy whopper and being presented with a cocktail sausage?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And thats happened on occasions too.

thats why im mainly veggie now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Really - im not sure you know. If they are going to clubs then i would imagine a lot of the single guys that go in there are married, you wouldnt ever know. Whilst yes some people may think, god the poor wife or husband, sitting at home whilst he or she are out fucking strangers, that is awful, in effect its not their worry. They are not the ones that are cheating.

yes some people do have a code of morality and might really dislike married people swinging behind their partners backs because of the lying involved, but when you swing you have to deal with your own issues and you cant take on anyone elses.

I am sometimes hung up on the fact that what if i am the cause of a couple arguing or causing problems within their marriage. What if I swung with a couple but the guy broke one of his partners rules or she got jealous of the attention he was giving me and it caused a rift between them. I have to stop myself thinking it cos youd go mad with guilt.

Swinging is not all rosy with no problems, you have to get a certain mindset. for me its enough to think am i ok, is the guy im swinging with ok, free from STI's, not gonna be rough with me, not gonna want me to do something im not happy with etc etc, i cant take on his own issues.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"swinging for us is about honesty.if you swing,and your partner doesnt participate,or know.thats not

swinging,thats cheating. "

That's the kind of morality I was talking about :p lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

swinging for us is about honesty.if you swing,and your partner doesnt participate,or know.thats not

swinging,thats cheating. "

Have you ever been to a club saucy and played with a single guy or a couple there, how do you know they dont have partners at home who have no idea.

people will only tell you what they want you to think. I think you could go mad if you thought too hard about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Over the course of many years in the scene i know many many "married" guys who swing and their partners have no idea.

There are also many many "married" women who do the same.

I never set out to deal with married people But if im honest ...i bet i have unwittingly .

In situations where there are problems in a swinging cpl scenario...its ofetn the single fem or single man who sometimes takes the blame.

Not always but it does happen.

I think sometimes "honesty" means different things to different people .

Now i stick to my own rules and thankfully they work for me.

Mainly its respect foremost to whoever i meet be it socially or sexually.

And expect the same in return

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Should people who have issue with 'attached' swingers playing without consent, make it clear in their profiles; or should it be taken as read that it is not acceptable, and therefore only people who aren't bothered should state that in their profiles?

Perhaps a bit of both?

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

True story Deep Throat, ex colleague of mine, married, stunning wife, great house and kids.

For whatever reason, he played around ( with relative dogs in my opinion ), she knew he played around BUT was happy to convince herself that he didn't, she coped well with bkanking it out. Somewhat understandable.

So, if someone was to play with this husband, how much of his home life would you want to hear, how much would you want him to tell and how much would the wife like it to be put around, little i suspect. How much of this do playmates need to know?

One scenario of many no doubt, which is what your post is up to discuss.

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow


"

swinging for us is about honesty.if you swing,and your partner doesnt participate,or know.thats not

swinging,thats cheating.

Have you ever been to a club saucy and played with a single guy or a couple there, how do you know they dont have partners at home who have no idea.

people will only tell you what they want you to think. I think you could go mad if you thought too hard about it. "
we dont think to much about it,when at a club.you just have to take a chance,but if we ever want to meet a cheating,lying,slease,we know where to look.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Really - im not sure you know. If they are going to clubs then i would imagine a lot of the single guys that go in there are married, you wouldnt ever know. Whilst yes some people may think, god the poor wife or husband, sitting at home whilst he or she are out fucking strangers, that is awful, in effect its not their worry. They are not the ones that are cheating.

yes some people do have a code of morality and might really dislike married people swinging behind their partners backs because of the lying involved, but when you swing you have to deal with your own issues and you cant take on anyone elses.

I am sometimes hung up on the fact that what if i am the cause of a couple arguing or causing problems within their marriage. What if I swung with a couple but the guy broke one of his partners rules or she got jealous of the attention he was giving me and it caused a rift between them. I have to stop myself thinking it cos youd go mad with guilt.

Swinging is not all rosy with no problems, you have to get a certain mindset. for me its enough to think am i ok, is the guy im swinging with ok, free from STI's, not gonna be rough with me, not gonna want me to do something im not happy with etc etc, i cant take on his own issues. "

Equally some very valid points... and somehow although many of us might like the world to be "black and white" - I guess once again the reality is not quite like that and .... nobody should judge anybody based on what they see, for they will only ever see a small section of that person's life.

Also, you are so right that what you do is YOUR responsibility... and you cannot take responsibility for anybody else - that would put you and the other person into a relationship of inequality, would it not?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

True story Deep Throat, ex colleague of mine, married, stunning wife, great house and kids.

For whatever reason, he played around ( with relative dogs in my opinion ), she knew he played around BUT was happy to convince herself that he didn't, she coped well with bkanking it out. Somewhat understandable.

So, if someone was to play with this husband, how much of his home life would you want to hear, how much would you want him to tell and how much would the wife like it to be put around, little i suspect. How much of this do playmates need to know?

One scenario of many no doubt, which is what your post is up to discuss.

"

I guess it's a common story, and not just through swinging, or even the Internet!? I too know a guy, who openly has 'girlfriends' and has done so for many years. His wife knows, and they live together, yet estranged... Very odd atmosphere, in that house

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Should people who have issue with 'attached' swingers playing without consent, make it clear in their profiles; or should it be taken as read that it is not acceptable, and therefore only people who aren't bothered should state that in their profiles?

Perhaps a bit of both?"

Most profiles ive seen normally state "no married" men if they Will not even consider it.

Some do play with married men and except it with out any problems.

My mate ofetn said, i wanna shag them not live with them so it dont matter....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

True story Deep Throat, ex colleague of mine, married, stunning wife, great house and kids.

For whatever reason, he played around ( with relative dogs in my opinion ), she knew he played around BUT was happy to convince herself that he didn't, she coped well with bkanking it out. Somewhat understandable.

So, if someone was to play with this husband, how much of his home life would you want to hear, how much would you want him to tell and how much would the wife like it to be put around, little i suspect. How much of this do playmates need to know?

One scenario of many no doubt, which is what your post is up to discuss.

I guess it's a common story, and not just through swinging, or even the Internet!? I too know a guy, who openly has 'girlfriends' and has done so for many years. His wife knows, and they live together, yet estranged... Very odd atmosphere, in that house "

Could imagine it being a fairly girlie event when they all go out ... lots of clothes and shoes to swap lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do agree with saucy that in an ideal world we would all be having fun and not hurting anyone else. Thats not the reality though, and i try and get through it now by just being responsible for myself. As long as i dont cheat on my guy and swing behind his back and i do everything in front of him in the same room etc then im ok, and ill take responsibility myself to ensure im protected for health reasons.

I think sometimes we can be moralistic and say ooo not marrieds cheating its disgusting, but we are not the virgin mary ourselves. lets face it we are shunned really by society - people who dont share this lifestyle think of us all as sleazy, seedy, whores who will shag anything. I cant tell my real life friends that I swing because whilst Im not ashamed as such, they would see me differently. So i try not to be too moralistic of others, but i do see your point

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"My mate ofetn said, i wanna shag them not live with them so it dont matter.... "

LOL!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I do agree with saucy that in an ideal world we would all be having fun and not hurting anyone else. Thats not the reality though, and i try and get through it now by just being responsible for myself. As long as i dont cheat on my guy and swing behind his back and i do everything in front of him in the same room etc then im ok, and ill take responsibility myself to ensure im protected for health reasons.

I think sometimes we can be moralistic and say ooo not marrieds cheating its disgusting, but we are not the virgin mary ourselves. lets face it we are shunned really by society - people who dont share this lifestyle think of us all as sleazy, seedy, whores who will shag anything. I cant tell my real life friends that I swing because whilst Im not ashamed as such, they would see me differently. So i try not to be too moralistic of others, but i do see your point "

Hey, good points!

Isn't that interesting, though; that a group that is perceived as 'Immoral' by another group, may contain it's own immoralities? Morality itself is subjective, and should never be dictated!

I try not to tell people that I restore Classic Tractors, as I find it changes their perception of me; just before they hurriedly leave, denying me the opportunity to talk about Con Rods and priority valves :p

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Where did everybody go? LOL

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

psssst don't mention steam trains

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

The other thought i will throw in the ring is this :

Would it be fair to say that most swingers, certainly long term couples, have a fundamnetal interest, mental as well as sexual, in their partners having the additional liaisons and meeting personal needs and desires from doing so?

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

adding that , by and large, vanilla's don't.

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow


"

psssst don't mention steam trains"

what about the con rods,and priority valves,they dont take care of themselves.

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By *ayceeCouple
over a year ago

northampton

Hmmm... have never shagged on a tractor hehehe

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hmmm... have never shagged on a tractor hehehe"

Pop over; I've got one nearly complete

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"what about the con rods,and priority valves,they dont take care of themselves. "

That's how I feel, on the subject ;p

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Completely honest as its the best policy, you either get hurt or hurt someone else, does not make you genuine either if you lie, stick to your principles

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have 'will not meet married or someone in a relationship' on my profile,(unless they are both swingers)

I know some folk will say, don't worry, my OH will never know... but I know, and I have been on the receiving end of a phonecall from an irate wife who has just discovered her husband is cheating....

I was mortified, knew nothing about him being married and wanted the ground to swallow me up.

His omission to tell the truth, his problem, but he made me guilty by association.

That to me is not what I would class as NSA fun, but he did.

Yes he was going home to a very hurt and angry wife, but why should I bear the brunt of her anger too?

Why should I be made to feel I had done something wrong through his lies and economy with the truth?

I will continue to meet husbands/partners/ significant others but only if they come together as a couple.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

complete honesty is always best policy.

both in ...are they married/bi etc etc but also, if they meet them.

with both the above, people will end up with more than egg on face if caught out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It it better to be completely honest about your situation, and risk not getting laid; or abandon your principles, and lie to get your oats?"

The O.P does not state what 'situation' they refer to.

Most people seem to think the situation is one of infidelity and lies.

If that is the case then here is an answer. If not - I apologise.

If a person openly admits on here that they are married/attached and their partner is unaware of their pursuit for 'extras' then they have already abandoned their own principles and to the person they would claim is their life partner.

It is part of this persons principles to lie. They just fail to see it.

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By *andKCouple
over a year ago

Norfolk


"It it better to be completely honest about your situation, and risk not getting laid; or abandon your principles, and lie to get your oats?

The O.P does not state what 'situation' they refer to.

Most people seem to think the situation is one of infidelity and lies.

If that is the case then here is an answer. If not - I apologise.

If a person openly admits on here that they are married/attached and their partner is unaware of their pursuit for 'extras' then they have already abandoned their own principles and to the person they would claim is their life partner.

It is part of this persons principles to lie. They just fail to see it. "

well said Granny - the number of 'single' guys who message us saying they are being upfront and telling us they are playing behind their partners back is unbelievable, they all get the same answer though - they are already being proven liars so no thanks - why would they be any different with us?

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By *ensualfire88Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Just though i'd add a sweeping generalisation to this thread.

Felt it needed one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The issue for me is not marriage.

If I play with a couple - they are married/attached and happy about it.

If I am in a club and play with a married man one on one with the knowledge of his wife - fine.

If I am in a club and play with a married person unwittingly - so be it.

If someone invites me to play but then states that they have a partner who mustn't know then I will not play.

The issue is still not marriage.

The issue is, that person is the type of character who totally disrespects their partner.

The issue is you see through their 'nice' facade.

The issue is they invariably have 'genuine' or 'honest' on their profile and fail to see the irony of it.

'But I was upfront and told you' .... the person they should be being upfront with is at home.

This type of hypocrite usually claims that honesty oozes from their pores.

Biggest issue for me is that you can't contact liars - and why?

Because they themselves are the person they are lying to most and the second person they are lying to is lying next to them.

There is no doubt that morality cannot be dictated but don't say that cheating is swinging.

That is not the contract that was entered into when a relationship was formed.

Think..... If there is nothing wrong with it - why hide it from partners ?

They KNOW it's wrong. They simply care more for themselves and sex than they do for anyone or anything else and will use every explanation to justify their actions.

They will live a lie and make their partners life and love a sham.

I don't believe in monogamy. It works for society to a degree but it is not healthy and nor is jealousy but if you are in a monogomous relationship then you have one partner and you don't lie to them even by omission.

I sicken of hearing that some people 'have' to cheat. They just WANT to cheat.

The sex/drive 'starvation'/'variation' argument is a pathetic one. People have gone without greater needs in life and made far more important sacrifices for people they love.

So make it clear you need/want extra sex but be truly honest about it and tell your partner.

When you accept monogamy you accept the loss of sexual freedom. Unless of course you devise your own patterns of morality for life. Shouldn't your partner be part of the pattern making process?

It's the lies not the lifestyle that wrankle.

The only Q you should ask yourself is ... If this person treats someone they love this way - how will they treat others.

So .... all that considered I have come full circle on myself and have to say.

If a married partner wants their 'oats' and must not let their 'life partner' or their 'temporary free fuck not worth the truth either' partner to know , then they must LIE.

But be prepared to lose everything if the truth outs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh ..... and eventually your self respect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It it better to be completely honest about your situation, and risk not getting laid; or abandon your principles, and lie to get your oats?"

If I was contemplating cheating on my wife do you think I'd have any compunctions about lying to people I intend to cheat on her with.

A cheat is also a liar, two character traits that cannot exist without each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It it better to be completely honest about your situation, and risk not getting laid; or abandon your principles, and lie to get your oats?

If I was contemplating cheating on my wife do you think I'd have any compunctions about lying to people I intend to cheat on her with.

A cheat is also a liar, two character traits that cannot exist without each other."

Hooray Wishy x

You pass the ' i'm not a hyporcrite module' xxx ha !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honesty every time

Yes sometimes it my make me look a dick and not lead ta what i want

But at the end of the day i have a clear conscience and that's all that matters ta me xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It it better to be completely honest about your situation, and risk not getting laid; or abandon your principles, and lie to get your oats?

If I was contemplating cheating on my wife do you think I'd have any compunctions about lying to people I intend to cheat on her with.

A cheat is also a liar, two character traits that cannot exist without each other.

Hooray Wishy x

You pass the ' i'm not a hyporcrite module' xxx ha !"

Aw gee, shucks.

I'd like to thank my mother for giving birth to me, my father for fucking off, my first wife for doing the same, my second wife for NOT doing the same,... um.... and Mrs. Smith down the road who's always available when I'm horny - oops.

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton


"The issue for me is not marriage.

If I play with a couple - they are married/attached and happy about it.

If I am in a club and play with a married man one on one with the knowledge of his wife - fine.

If I am in a club and play with a married person unwittingly - so be it.

If someone invites me to play but then states that they have a partner who mustn't know then I will not play.

The issue is still not marriage.

The issue is, that person is the type of character who totally disrespects their partner.

The issue is you see through their 'nice' facade.

The issue is they invariably have 'genuine' or 'honest' on their profile and fail to see the irony of it.

'But I was upfront and told you' .... the person they should be being upfront with is at home.

This type of hypocrite usually claims that honesty oozes from their pores.

Biggest issue for me is that you can't contact liars - and why?

Because they themselves are the person they are lying to most and the second person they are lying to is lying next to them.

There is no doubt that morality cannot be dictated but don't say that cheating is swinging.

That is not the contract that was entered into when a relationship was formed.

Think..... If there is nothing wrong with it - why hide it from partners ?

They KNOW it's wrong. They simply care more for themselves and sex than they do for anyone or anything else and will use every explanation to justify their actions.

They will live a lie and make their partners life and love a sham.

I don't believe in monogamy. It works for society to a degree but it is not healthy and nor is jealousy but if you are in a monogomous relationship then you have one partner and you don't lie to them even by omission.

I sicken of hearing that some people 'have' to cheat. They just WANT to cheat.

The sex/drive 'starvation'/'variation' argument is a pathetic one. People have gone without greater needs in life and made far more important sacrifices for people they love.

So make it clear you need/want extra sex but be truly honest about it and tell your partner.

When you accept monogamy you accept the loss of sexual freedom. Unless of course you devise your own patterns of morality for life. Shouldn't your partner be part of the pattern making process?

It's the lies not the lifestyle that wrankle.

The only Q you should ask yourself is ... If this person treats someone they love this way - how will they treat others.

So .... all that considered I have come full circle on myself and have to say.

If a married partner wants their 'oats' and must not let their 'life partner' or their 'temporary free fuck not worth the truth either' partner to know , then they must LIE.

But be prepared to lose everything if the truth outs. "

that about covers it as far as our stance is as well steve

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 28/08/10 09:36:55]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

im always honest, i dont have a great deal to lie about tho lol but if anyone asks anything i will be honest, i have been lied to many times tho by guys to get a meet, most common one is them saying thet single when they not, had a few lie about their age too lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But i have to say i very much doubt you will get anyone on here admitting to telling porkies to get meets lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't like peeps who lie to me, or deliberately with-hold information from me. "

I dont see withholding information as being wrong, depending on what it is of course, withhold your married is wrong lol

But i dont tell people everything about me, i will answer as honestly as i can anything thats relevant to swinging and a meet but thats all, my private life is my own

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't like peeps who lie to me, or deliberately with-hold information from me.

I dont see withholding information as being wrong, depending on what it is of course, withhold your married is wrong lol

But i dont tell people everything about me, i will answer as honestly as i can anything thats relevant to swinging and a meet but thats all, my private life is my own "

Agreed nymph x I really don't mind if they withold their relationship details because I really do believe that reality exists in the head and not anywhere else. It's the finding out that causes the problem x

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By *andKCouple
over a year ago

Norfolk

just thought I would add K and I do this very much together even though we celebrated 33 years of wedded bliss yesterday

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks Granny for your long post, which I agree wholeheartedly.

When in a club, it is difficult to ascertain if someone is married or not.

I have learned to look out for tell tale signs such as the obvious wedding ring, a white patch on the ring finger, and the use of the word "we" instead of "I" etc...

I was at a club in Feb and was getting cosy with a gent in the jacuzzi. Then he started to brag about his wife thought he was on a business trip somewhere.

And I immediately moved away from him and gave him the cold shoulder.

It pains me to this day having cheating on my ex-hubby, and I vowed would never knowingly play with a person who is in a significant relationship again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i wouldnt know how 2 lie

an it wont get u anywere

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am not very good at it either, as I feel very guilty about not telling the truth!

My honesty is one of my strong as well as weak point, as I am not very good at being diplomatic!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i wouldnt know how 2 lie

an it wont get u anywere "

Uhmmmmm Stunna. If someone says ,Does my bum look big in this What do you say ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am not very good at it either, as I feel very guilty about not telling the truth!

My honesty is one of my strong as well as weak point, as I am not very good at being diplomatic! "

Im pretty good at diplomacy but just like you 'honesty' is my weakness x I avoid lying at all costs. Then I don't have to watch my back. Though i can do truth avoidance like ........Does my bum look big in this ..... = You have a fantastic arse.......!!

Mind you sometimes I do say Your arse doesn't look big in that , it IS big. But that's when im fed up of whingers x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i wouldnt know how 2 lie

an it wont get u anywere

Uhmmmmm Stunna. If someone says ,Does my bum look big in this What do you say ? "

yea its fat as fuck lol oops

is that 2 honest xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Brilliant post Granny and very informative.

I dont ask whether someone is married when i play with them. No doubt if im in a club in the jacuzzi and a guy touches me and i enjoy it, i go with it. All that matters to me is that he's a nice guy, he's clean, he's respectful of my body, he doesnt hurt me and he doesnt try to make me do what I dont want to do.

Myself and my partner dont meet anyone in our own home, neither do we go to theirs, we meet in swinging clubs, therefore there is no need for us to have anyones mobile phone number or start texting them. We will only see them for that one play session, I dont need to know about anything personal. Therefore I will never have calls from irate wives and i dont ask about marriage or long term partners because it will have no bearing on my life.

For singles it may be different. It is not fair for a single lady to receive calls from irate wives, she shouldnt be put in that position. It is not her cheating on the wife, it is the guy who's visited her, I think honesty in this respect needs to be adhered to. If a single lady is letting a guy enter her home then she needs to know if there are going to be any repurcussions and can make an informed choice.

Like most women who play in clubs, i will have played with married men no doubt. I would guess that the majority of these guys in the clubs are married and have wives at home. They've made the decision to go, it just about sex, any guilt is theirs alone. My partner knows what im doing because hes with me.

I feel very uncomfortable getting on the moral high ground and judging people when I myself have no problem with sucking a guys cock that ive only met for an hour or so previously.

People in the vanilla world will say of us swinging couples - "what kind of partnership do they have if they can watch each other fucking strangers, they obviously dont give a stuff about one another".

How do we know if one part of the couple is instigating the swinging more than the other. Is it hubby that wants to have sex with loads of women and wife is going along with it as its better than him cheating.

Prostitutes may say, those swingers are sluts, giving it away to anyone for free, at least we're getting paid and its a job.

In the world of swinging we will all hurt someone along the line. We may hurt our partners if a play session doesnt go entirely to plan or we may hurt someone else. How do i know that a woman is not crying into her pillow because I sucked her partners cock and she felt threatened by it. I would hate to know that ive hurt another woman but we all have our own demons to bear.

Sex always has emotional complications, no matter how much we tell ourselves that its just fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i wouldnt know how 2 lie

an it wont get u anywere

Uhmmmmm Stunna. If someone says ,Does my bum look big in this What do you say ?

yea its fat as fuck lol oops

lol nooooooooooooo a good mate would still hug you xxxxxx lol

is that 2 honest xx"

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

Interesting topic......

absolutely agree with "nana"

I don't need to know the entire life story, but give me enough information for me to make an informed decision.....

so, just as an example, if you are married and the you have consent.... then let me talk to the other half to find that out! you'd be surprise how many do and I get on great with them, both of them.....

and again, lying by omission does nothing for me.... just because someone hasn't ask it doesn't mean the answer isn't relevant....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i wouldnt know how 2 lie

an it wont get u anywere

Uhmmmmm Stunna. If someone says ,Does my bum look big in this What do you say ?

yea its fat as fuck lol oops

lol nooooooooooooo a good mate would still hug you xxxxxx lol

is that 2 honest xx"

hugs granny lol xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Brilliant post Granny and very informative.

I dont ask whether someone is married when i play with them. No doubt if im in a club in the jacuzzi and a guy touches me and i enjoy it, i go with it. All that matters to me is that he's a nice guy, he's clean, he's respectful of my body, he doesnt hurt me and he doesnt try to make me do what I dont want to do.

Myself and my partner dont meet anyone in our own home, neither do we go to theirs, we meet in swinging clubs, therefore there is no need for us to have anyones mobile phone number or start texting them. We will only see them for that one play session, I dont need to know about anything personal. Therefore I will never have calls from irate wives and i dont ask about marriage or long term partners because it will have no bearing on my life.

For singles it may be different. It is not fair for a single lady to receive calls from irate wives, she shouldnt be put in that position. It is not her cheating on the wife, it is the guy who's visited her, I think honesty in this respect needs to be adhered to. If a single lady is letting a guy enter her home then she needs to know if there are going to be any repurcussions and can make an informed choice.

Like most women who play in clubs, i will have played with married men no doubt. I would guess that the majority of these guys in the clubs are married and have wives at home. They've made the decision to go, it just about sex, any guilt is theirs alone. My partner knows what im doing because hes with me.

I feel very uncomfortable getting on the moral high ground and judging people when I myself have no problem with sucking a guys cock that ive only met for an hour or so previously.

People in the vanilla world will say of us swinging couples - "what kind of partnership do they have if they can watch each other fucking strangers, they obviously dont give a stuff about one another".

How do we know if one part of the couple is instigating the swinging more than the other. Is it hubby that wants to have sex with loads of women and wife is going along with it as its better than him cheating.

Prostitutes may say, those swingers are sluts, giving it away to anyone for free, at least we're getting paid and its a job.

In the world of swinging we will all hurt someone along the line. We may hurt our partners if a play session doesnt go entirely to plan or we may hurt someone else. How do i know that a woman is not crying into her pillow because I sucked her partners cock and she felt threatened by it. I would hate to know that ive hurt another woman but we all have our own demons to bear.

Sex always has emotional complications, no matter how much we tell ourselves that its just fun.

"

Great Post and thanks ! xxx I agree with almost all of it. Well put.

I know you were speaking metaphorically in some parts and what you say is not necessarily your belief but an illustration and i'm paraphrasing you but .... case in point below

1. The men want to swing the women don't

2. Those women are sluts and give it away for free

3. Some woman cries into a pillow because of what i have done.

All the above statment arise from a mysoginist point of view. Pervasive in patriarchal society.

Im not saying they don't happen. Im saying

Women LIKE sex. Women instigate sex. Like Josie and john james would have EVER gotten it on without Josie being a lusty wench.

The image of women as needing encouragement is all part n parcel of a male dominated society.

xx have a great day xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This for me is fun - nothing more.

My time is limited and I get my kicks from a certain type of playmate. It would not be fun or pleasurable for me to lie about what I want in order to get laid as I can get laid anytime; finding they type of man I like is a little harder.

I recognise some people just want to get laid so don't care and will say whatever...if it works for them, all power to them, it's not for me.

I don't play with married men, not for any moral reason, but they can't get away when I want them to, and if they're not available and obviously can't accommodate, therefore, what use do they have to me?!!

I like the look of guilty pleasure, fear and humiliation of my subs - a bi man to me wouldn't show that after experiencing the real thing, so I don't play with them, no fun in that for me!

I'm not looking for a life partner, I therefore do not need to be bogged down with the minutia of playmates lives - it's not my business.

I have my own moral compass and play to suit me.

It's really not that hard to spot people who will claim whatever is necessary to meet you, some of us are just more perceptive than others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This for me is fun - nothing more.

My time is limited and I get my kicks from a certain type of playmate. It would not be fun or pleasurable for me to lie about what I want in order to get laid as I can get laid anytime; finding they type of man I like is a little harder.

I recognise some people just want to get laid so don't care and will say whatever...if it works for them, all power to them, it's not for me.

I don't play with married men, not for any moral reason, but they can't get away when I want them to, and if they're not available and obviously can't accommodate, therefore, what use do they have to me?!!

I like the look of guilty pleasure, fear and humiliation of my subs - a bi man to me wouldn't show that after experiencing the real thing, so I don't play with them, no fun in that for me!

I'm not looking for a life partner, I therefore do not need to be bogged down with the minutia of playmates lives - it's not my business.

I have my own moral compass and play to suit me.

It's really not that hard to spot people who will claim whatever is necessary to meet you, some of us are just more perceptive than others."

Well put too. Honest x I agree with both your principles and practise x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sex can be recreational fun without emotional ties, it can truly be no string attached IMHO.

Hence I do not feel bad about what the more uptight vanilla peeps would describe as sleeping around.

However, I do have an issue playing with someone knowing he is doing behind his wife/partner's back, no matter what justification(s) he may have.

I don't tell everyone one everything about myself. For example, my mum would die of shame if she finds out I sleep with strangers after only knowing them for a couple of hours, or to go to play in swingers clubs etc...!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I cant tell any of my friends or work colleagues about my swinging, I know they would have the views that I listed before. The subject of swinging has come up with my friends before and they all have very insular views of it.

Before I went to a swinging club for the first time I had a similar sort of view. I thought that as soon as I walked through the door that I would be fighting off men and women trying to rip my clothes off (wishful thinking). Or I thought noone would be interested in me sexually because Im not a size 10 and im 42. What I found was a group of people so absolutely confident and upfront in their approach to sex, it was refreshing. Id never seen real people have sex before, it was amazing. Everyone I have met or talked to have been so friendly and its so liberating to be in a place where you can be whoever you want to be, live out whatever fantasy, wear whatever sexy clothing you want to and not be judged. In my real life i am a respectable, professional woman, in my alter ego I am a sex mad nympho who loves to come - repeatedly. I walk in the club and get the corset on and im a different woman.

My friends have the view that swingers are seedy and sleazy, they'll have sex with anyone, they are corrupt, they must be doing drugs as well as having sex with strangers, they are spreading disease - all of which is absolute rubbish. I have disagreed with them, but i couldnt tell them that i swing because they have this negative view of it. To be honest they have more chance of spreading disease than swingers do, we are aware of the risks and will take measures to protect ourselves. How many others have sex after meeting someone in a club and all thought of condoms goes out the window.

I see women on the swinging scene as confident, ballsy women who enjoy sex and are not afraid to get out there and admit it and live out a fantasy. Sex is not wrong, sex is fun and healthy and its a huge confidence boost, especially for ladies who are larger or older than the beautiful young 20 year olds out there who think they are the only ones entitled to sex.

I believe that we are the ones who are living life to the max. I know that at some point or other, most women will wonder what its like to have two men, men will fantasise about two women, everyone will fantasise about what its like having sex with others, and for some finding out what really good sex is like. Well we are the ones that are brave enough to kick out at what society tells us is wrong and we are doing what the majority deep down want to experience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It it better to be completely honest about your situation, and risk not getting laid; or abandon your principles, and lie to get your oats?"

With regards to club users:

Better perhaps that people enter into a silent contract, between those that are covertly attached deceiving those that require a high level of deceptive skill.

Seems to be keeping the status quo.

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