FabSwingers.com forum: Just got this from my sister in law

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Q: Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers or briefs?

A: You'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all.

Q: What do you call a pregnancy that begins while using birth control?

A: A misconception.

Q: What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant?

A: Have sex just once a year.

Q: What is a chastity belt?

A: A labor-saving device.

Q: When does a woman's biological clock start ticking?

A: Right after she looks in the mirror and thinks, "On my God, crow's feet!"

Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?

A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?

A: Childbirth.

Q: Should I have a baby after 40?

A. No, 40 children is way too many already.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?

A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.

Q: Does pregnancy affect a woman's memory?

A: Most of the ladies I asked don't remember.

Q: My breasts, rear end & even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?

A: Yes, your bladder.

Q: Ever since I've been pregnant, I haven't been able to go to bed at night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving?

A: Depends on what your doing with them.

Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?

A: Cause you're fatter then they are.

Q: My wife is 5 months pregnant and so moody that she's borderline irrational.

A: So what's your question?

Q: Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy bring on labor?

A: When the sex is between your husband and another woman.

Q: What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a Playboy centerfold?

A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.

Q: What position should the baby be in during the ninth month of pregnancy?

A: Head down, pressing firmly on your bladder.

Q: What are forceps?

A: Giant baby tweezers.

Q: What's the best way to get a man to give up his seat to a pregnant woman?

A: Brute force.

Q: How do I know if my baby has dropped?

A: He/She will start crying. Be more careful!.

Q: How long is the average woman in labor?

A: Whatever she says, divided by two.

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?

A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there a reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?

A: Not unless the word "alimony" is a concern for you.