FabSwingers.com forum: counselling

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi all.

One of my good friends has been feeling very lonely of late. He tells me he hates how he looks and has no confidence whatsoever. He told me he can get upset and there are times when he feels like he dusnt want to be here anymore.

Obviously I've told him I'm here for him but he's admitted he may need to go to the doctors. He said he dusnt want medication though and would prefer counselling do doctors refer the person to a counsellor though?

Thanks all and i appreciate this site isn't best place but I want to help him

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

CBT is very popular these days, its addressing your issues and working out why you feel that way and changing your thought process

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"CBT is very popular these days, its addressing your issues and working out why you feel that way and changing your thought process"

What's cbt? Sorry probably simple

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Yes GP's do refer to counselling. A lot of GP's are using this rather than dishing out anti depressants

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"CBT is very popular these days, its addressing your issues and working out why you feel that way and changing your thought process

What's cbt? Sorry probably simple"

Cognitive behavioural therapy

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"CBT is very popular these days, its addressing your issues and working out why you feel that way and changing your thought process

What's cbt? Sorry probably simple

Cognitive behavioural therapy "

Thank you. So if I tell him to go to docs and say he wants to see a counsellor and not have medication then they will do this?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

from what I've heard he may have a long wait. exercise and going for walks I.e. getting out and about can help with mild depression in the short term.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"from what I've heard he may have a long wait. exercise and going for walks I.e. getting out and about can help with mild depression in the short term."

Why is there a long wait?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"from what I've heard he may have a long wait. exercise and going for walks I.e. getting out and about can help with mild depression in the short term."
you can get appointments to go and see a mental health nurse until your appointments come through

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

not enough counsellors and too much demand, usual nhs problem

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well do you think with time he will like pull through and feel better again. Or is it something you have to have help for

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The most important thing to tell your friend is that counselling takes many forms . And it can sometimes seem like it's not for them. . When in fact all they need is to gel with a particular counseller . Many give up after one session. . And spend the rest of their life masking their issues with chemical or habitual distractions . Which in the long run is so much more horrid than a gradual but painful permanent solution.

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By *edangel_2013Woman
over a year ago

southend

Obviously a completely different area, but my friend has been on the waiting list for assessment for 3 months, let alone actually seeing a counsellor.

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

His GP should be able to recommend a good counsellor and also asses if medication will help.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The most important thing to tell your friend is that counselling takes many forms . And it can sometimes seem like it's not for them. . When in fact all they need is to gel with a particular counseller . Many give up after one session. . And spend the rest of their life masking their issues with chemical or habitual distractions . Which in the long run is so much more horrid than a gradual but painful permanent solution. "

Hmm don't know what to suggest to him then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is you friend stuck inside a lot during the evening? Have you offer to go out in the evening with him for a bike ride or get him down the gym or any form of excises?

If he is feeling down about his body then if he starts of with a little light training and build up he will start to feel better about himself. I hope he gets better soon

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is you friend stuck inside a lot during the evening? Have you offer to go out in the evening with him for a bike ride or get him down the gym or any form of excises?

If he is feeling down about his body then if he starts of with a little light training and build up he will start to feel better about himself. I hope he gets better soon"

Yeah he is he works long hours but he is at home most nights. I try see him as much as I can but I'm a fair distance from him so can't see him all time

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Your best bet is to get him to the doctors and tell him to be totally honest with them. The doctor will take it from there.

You could try getting advice from websites like mind or those particularly geared for depression. Some have advice for friends and family

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Your best bet is to get him to the doctors and tell him to be totally honest with them. The doctor will take it from there.

You could try getting advice from websites like mind or those particularly geared for depression. Some have advice for friends and family

I will do. He says he is so scared to go to docs I've offered to go with him though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

wouldn't like too say. I don't know much about it, just what I've heard from friends. most people will suffer from mild depression at some point in their lives. have a look at some of the web sites and try some of the suggestion out, else if you think it's an emergency def get along to the gp. from what I've heard most people who have mild depression might think about ending it but haven't formulated a 'plan' .

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

To be fair different regions have different waiting times. I managed to see a counsellor a few weeks after being referred.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Your best bet is to get him to the doctors and tell him to be totally honest with them. The doctor will take it from there.

You could try getting advice from websites like mind or those particularly geared for depression. Some have advice for friends and family

I will do. He says he is so scared to go to docs I've offered to go with him though"
you sound like a good friend he will only get help if he goes and sees someone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately there has been many cuts made to funding in support for mental health

My son is suffering from severe depression and tried to kill himself 2 and a half weeks ago.

Crisis team is involved but he's still on the 'urgent' list for the psychologist and we've been told it could be mid January before he sees anyone

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks so much to you all for your advice and help. It's sad to see him so down

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Unfortunately there has been many cuts made to funding in support for mental health

My son is suffering from severe depression and tried to kill himself 2 and a half weeks ago.

Crisis team is involved but he's still on the 'urgent' list for the psychologist and we've been told it could be mid January before he sees anyone

OMG that is so wrong. If it's got to that stage they should have the resources to help asap

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd hope he resists the offer of any medication. This seems to be habit forming and very very hard to walk away from. A shocking amount of people in the uk have been on some form of mind altering drug for more that 5 years . I know this sounds naff. . But there are a stack of books written for people struggling with this sort of problem. I'm sure they would help . Plus . . Do you know if he has a good circle of friends or family ? If he has . . Let them know he needs support.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'd hope he resists the offer of any medication. This seems to be habit forming and very very hard to walk away from. A shocking amount of people in the uk have been on some form of mind altering drug for more that 5 years . I know this sounds naff. . But there are a stack of books written for people struggling with this sort of problem. I'm sure they would help . Plus . . Do you know if he has a good circle of friends or family ? If he has . . Let them know he needs support. "

Hmm I'm not sure. He says his parents are quite hard and would be difficult to speak to. Unfortunately alot of his friends have settled down with partners and never see him. I'm probably only one and with my work I can't see him all the time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I saw my GP earlier this year I got a mental health referal within a matter of weeks and was refered to CBT which started about a month later.

To be honest much of what was covered in CBT was not relevant to me and didn't help me at all. The small part that did help potentially saved my life.

If it is a blip there is nothing wrong with anti-depressants. It depends on the underlying cause.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately there has been many cuts made to funding in support for mental health

My son is suffering from severe depression and tried to kill himself 2 and a half weeks ago.

Crisis team is involved but he's still on the 'urgent' list for the psychologist and we've been told it could be mid January before he sees anyone

OMG that is so wrong. If it's got to that stage they should have the resources to help asap"

It's just a case of 'babysitting' him every minute he's awake. I know it sounds awful but after the day I've had I can't wait for him to take his sleeping tablet and hit the hay

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"When I saw my GP earlier this year I got a mental health referal within a matter of weeks and was refered to CBT which started about a month later.

To be honest much of what was covered in CBT was not relevant to me and didn't help me at all. The small part that did help potentially saved my life.

If it is a blip there is nothing wrong with anti-depressants. It depends on the underlying cause.

When people say mental health referral do u mean counsellor. Or does that mean been like put in a home for people with like suicide thoughts etc.

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By *tacey_CD1TV/TS
over a year ago

Liverpool

Tell him to ask for the number to A.C.A.S i think its called its a free number for him to ring an talk to

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Unfortunately there has been many cuts made to funding in support for mental health

My son is suffering from severe depression and tried to kill himself 2 and a half weeks ago.

Crisis team is involved but he's still on the 'urgent' list for the psychologist and we've been told it could be mid January before he sees anyone

OMG that is so wrong. If it's got to that stage they should have the resources to help asap

It's just a case of 'babysitting' him every minute he's awake. I know it sounds awful but after the day I've had I can't wait for him to take his sleeping tablet and hit the hay "

I imagine. I hope he gets the help he needs. And if u ever need a chat with someone you can PM me x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Could you contact his friends and ask them to help ? People who are down think they are being a burden if they reach out for help . If you ask your friends to call him and offer an ear. . It can really help

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Tell him to ask for the number to A.C.A.S i think its called its a free number for him to ring an talk to "

What's acas i cud Google but easier to ask

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"When I saw my GP earlier this year I got a mental health referal within a matter of weeks and was refered to CBT which started about a month later.

To be honest much of what was covered in CBT was not relevant to me and didn't help me at all. The small part that did help potentially saved my life.

If it is a blip there is nothing wrong with anti-depressants. It depends on the underlying cause.

When people say mental health referral do u mean counsellor. Or does that mean been like put in a home for people with like suicide thoughts etc. "
is that what your friend is scared of? No one gets sectioned unless they are an acute danger to themselves or someone else. He will be referred by his doctor whether, medication, councilling or CBT but they don't just lock people up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When I saw my GP earlier this year I got a mental health referal within a matter of weeks and was refered to CBT which started about a month later.

To be honest much of what was covered in CBT was not relevant to me and didn't help me at all. The small part that did help potentially saved my life.

If it is a blip there is nothing wrong with anti-depressants. It depends on the underlying cause.

When people say mental health referral do u mean counsellor. Or does that mean been like put in a home for people with like suicide thoughts etc. is that what your friend is scared of? No one gets sectioned unless they are an acute danger to themselves or someone else. He will be referred by his doctor whether, medication, councilling or CBT but they don't just lock people up

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"When I saw my GP earlier this year I got a mental health referal within a matter of weeks and was refered to CBT which started about a month later.

To be honest much of what was covered in CBT was not relevant to me and didn't help me at all. The small part that did help potentially saved my life.

If it is a blip there is nothing wrong with anti-depressants. It depends on the underlying cause.

I'm not sure. But he has said he's scared to tell doctor he sometimes feel he dusnt want to be here case they section him (or watever polite term is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well do you think with time he will like pull through and feel better again. Or is it something you have to have help for"

I remember three weeks ago you put up an original post about being lonely yourself and you received plenty of suggestions on here. My gut instinct is telling me that this same person is you and I suggested that perhaps you should see your gp and ask for a counselling referral.

I maybe wrong and apologise in advance if this is the case,but does

seem a coincidence. Whether it is you or your friend they need to seek professional help.

There are free counselling facilities

available where you self refer but it does

depend on the area on which you live.

Good luck.

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By *ominantDogMan
over a year ago

Docklands, Exmoor, Manchester

He doesn't have to go down the NHS route if he doesn't want to.

He might be more comfortable seeing a cognitive or gestalt therapist directly.

It bypasses waiting lists, keeps him out of the system and is potentially a more empowering way to engage with the issue in terms of ownership and control.

This is just a suggestion. The key thing is that your friend does what is right for him. In terms of depression, science and medicine is still very much finding it's way and what is right for one, will not be right for all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sadly, the NHS is dreadfully under-resourced when it comes to mental health, and the coverage you get can vary widely from area to area. I had a depression-induced breakdown more than a decade ago and there was a six-month waiting list to see anyone on the NHS in my area, so I ended up seeing someone privately. The situation has improved a lot locally since then, but things will be different depending on where you are.

If the GP suggests that your friend goes on medication, I would strongly recommend that he does. I can appreciate, even applaud, him not wanting to, but if used correctly they do help. The brain is a chemical system, and if the chemicals are out of balance there's no a lot that you can consciously do to override that. I was on anti-depressants for eight years; it wasn't fun, and the withdrawal symptoms if I missed my daily dose were unpleasant, but they kept me on an even keel while I got my head in order. The key is not to try to come off them too quickly; the first time I tried it I cut the dose too rapidly and nearly walked myself in front of a bus several times. When I did it successfully, I took six months over it, cutting the dose a little at a time in consultation with my GP.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"When I saw my GP earlier this year I got a mental health referal within a matter of weeks and was refered to CBT which started about a month later.

To be honest much of what was covered in CBT was not relevant to me and didn't help me at all. The small part that did help potentially saved my life.

If it is a blip there is nothing wrong with anti-depressants. It depends on the underlying cause.

I'm not sure. But he has said he's scared to tell doctor he sometimes feel he dusnt want to be here case they section him (or watever polite term is"
doctors usually do a check list with the patient and one of the questions they ask is have you had suicidal thoughts. Its a very common symptom with people who are depressed. The doctor will have heard it all before

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Well do you think with time he will like pull through and feel better again. Or is it something you have to have help for

I maybe wrong and apologise in advance if this is the case,but does

seem a coincidence. Whether it is you or your friend they need to seek professional help.

There are free counselling facilities

available where you self refer but it does

depend on the area on which you live.

Good luck."

Thank you for your advice. It isn't actually me but your right I was feeling lonely back then but mine was more missing a girlfriend and been single. This is about my friend thanks though x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My go referred me to counselling but was told the waiting list could be months

Luckily financially I could pay for private counselling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its scary to even say whats going on with yourself

having gone through this today with my doctor myself its took me 9 months after my partner died to get help

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

There are many different therapy and counselling approaches and it's wise to find one that suits the individual. CBT has been mentioned, but it's typically brief.

Counselling tends to be reflective and at its most basic, it's someone to share things with, who's trained and may help someone see things in a different light: this may help things be put into context etc.

Counselling via the NHS has fairly long wait times in many areas, and they may prioritise for those who are very depressed etc.

It would probably be worth your friend looking up local therapists and speaking with a few of them, to see if their approach and personality fits him, He may need to meet and find out more, as spending money should be done wisely. It's a buyer's market, imo.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"There are many different therapy and counselling approaches and it's wise to find one that suits the individual. CBT has been mentioned, but it's typically brief.

Counselling via the NHS has fairly long wait times in many areas, and they may prioritise for those who are very depressed etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Difficult to say without background. But a fresh scene..joining a gym or some kind of social club..a nlp practitioner could help but finding one may be an issue this may help get to the root of the issue but not everyones cup of tea. Does he have a hobby that he enjoyed but never had time..

Hope he gets theough it but lucky to have someone like you who is concerned.

Stay strong.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Difficult to say without background. But a fresh scene..joining a gym or some kind of social club..a nlp practitioner could help but finding one may be an issue this may help get to the root of the issue but not everyones cup of tea. Does he have a hobby that he enjoyed but never had time..

Hope he gets theough it but lucky to have someone like you who is concerned.

Stay strong.

I may have yo join the gym with him get him out and helps me get fit for the ladies on here lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When I saw my GP earlier this year I got a mental health referal within a matter of weeks and was refered to CBT which started about a month later.

To be honest much of what was covered in CBT was not relevant to me and didn't help me at all. The small part that did help potentially saved my life.

If it is a blip there is nothing wrong with anti-depressants. It depends on the underlying cause.

I'm not sure. But he has said he's scared to tell doctor he sometimes feel he dusnt want to be here case they section him (or watever polite term is"

You need to show far more severe intent to self harm than that to get sectioned.

And if he sees a GP, as hard as it might be he needs to be totally honest about how he feels, engaging will be far more productive

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By *riskynriskyCouple
over a year ago

Essex.

There has been some great advice on here. One of the best thing he can do is exercise.

Not only the fact that you get fitter but also after exercise the body/brain releases chemicals that make you feel better. This would be a good place to start whilst waiting for the Dr's to help...

All the best...

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By *tacey_CD1TV/TS
over a year ago

Liverpool

Its thr company the doctors use like the sermaertions but they can pass file to thr couciler he will see.

Sorry for spelling

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"CBT is very popular these days, its addressing your issues and working out why you feel that way and changing your thought process

What's cbt? Sorry probably simple"

Compulsory Bicycle Training I think.....

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By *couser83Man
over a year ago

Liverpool

I actually suffer from depression and the best thing for your friend is to go see his doctor. There are many types of depression and sometimes medication does help, however the doctor should refer you to a counceling place. Your friend won't be sectioned if he is honest with the doctor because he isn't in immediate danger. My depression is to do with a chemical in balance within my brain so the tablets am on address that, tell him it's harder to ask for help then it is taking the help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Next time im over visiting my parents i'll give you a shout, get him out and we'll help give him a confidence boost.. He will need counselling but he also needs fun and laughter in his life too!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can only say what has worked for me, I had counselling, but to supplement that, I also started meditating, and in the new year I plan to take yoga far more seriously, a change in diet can also help, some foods can boost the levels of chemicals in the brain that help fight depression, also a complicated hobby can help, I took up guitar.

Also drugs and alcohol can make things much worse, so if you are going to get your friend out of the house try to avoid pubs and the like.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/12/14 06:43:15]

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

You could look into getting him some St John's Wort meanwhile - that is a very effective herbal alternative for treating mild depression, prescribed to millions by the German NHS etc.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"You could look into getting him some St John's Wort meanwhile - that is a very effective herbal alternative for treating mild depression, prescribed to millions by the German NHS etc."

And I in fact used it to keep dopamine and seratonin levels boosted after giving up smoking on Zyban. I never looked back....

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