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wicked ex wife

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I received a letter from my ex wife last week telling me that she does not want me to turn up at my twins 21st Birthday party i phoned her to ask why then she dropped a bombshell she told me that i was not the father and told me it was her brothers best mate who is the father i feel gutted!only for me having my partner here i just don't know what i would do feel so angry and hurt even child maintenance she had of me through the years.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I would put the money bit aside and think about getting DNA tested to establish the truth...

good luck

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

and think about the twins and any impact to them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bloody disgrace really, there should be a law to be able to claim that back.

And fancy doing that to her children, for them not knowing who their father is.

Her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/12/14 19:59:22]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would put the money bit aside and think about getting DNA tested to establish the truth...

good luck"

This OP and if you end up not being the biological father of the kids you have still been the one that has helped raise them and make them into the people they are today and they will see you as there father. It will be hard but just focus on the kids and not the ex wife.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I received a letter from my ex wife last week telling me that she does not want me to turn up at my twins 21st Birthday party i phoned her to ask why then she dropped a bombshell she told me that i was not the father and told me it was her brothers best mate who is the father i feel gutted!only for me having my partner here i just don't know what i would do feel so angry and hurt even child maintenance she had of me through the years. "

The other bloke may have been the biological father but not their real father, the man who was around for them as they were growing up.

I would also think at 21 your children should be able to decide who attends their birthday party.

You should attend or speak with them about the mother not wanting you to attend or they will think you are rejecting them.

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

Cruel cruel bitch,do you believe her? How can she do that to her children,she may hate you,but to put them through that is just plain hideous. My heart goes out to you...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's awful; try and keep your head up. And although it's easy for me to say this, try and think and act objectively. Things will get better; good luck with everything.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I can give you the number for the Jeremy Kyle show....she has more front than Blackpool beach...like _iew said get a DNA test and go from there but don't let this interfere with the relationship you have with the twins..good luck x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would put the money bit aside and think about getting DNA tested to establish the truth...

good luck"

^^^^ this!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Cheers guys i just needed to get this of my chest i was there for them from babies i am not bothered about the maintenance but at the time that was all she wanted from me when i got paid every month it was the thought how evil she can be i guess there must be some jealously from her because i have settled down with a new partner it's all i can think what has upset her after 9 years on ?at the end of day i love the twins i rather not get a dna test done i just want to think they are mine .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

feel for you mate, try and keep your chin up,

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

They are yours,I have two adopted children and no matter who fathered and brought them into the world they are mine!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Re who is their Dad - well you brought them up, so you are whatever a DNA test says.

Like others have said, at 21, surely they can say who goes to their party. Too many parents use their parents as pawns in a game of tit for tat and forget that they are the most important thing in this. It is their birthday not hers! I would speak to them directly and see if they want you there. If they do, then decision made.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In addition to other suggestions, maybe you should respond by telling her that you are going to report her for fraud in respect of falsely claiming child support from you if you are indeed not the father.

The prospect of facing criminal investigation and possible prosecution might, just might, make her reconsider her vile and abusive comments.

She should perhaps also consider that (regardless of whether what she says is true or not) that the twins have grown up with you as their dad and preventing you from being at an important event in their lives is abusive towards them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/12/14 20:20:39]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always the man that is there, biological sometimes means nothing, if they dont partake.

Her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In addition to other suggestions, maybe you should respond by telling her that you are going to report her for fraud in respect of falsely claiming child support from you if you are indeed not the father.

The prospect of facing criminal investigation and possible prosecution might, just might, make her reconsider her vile and abusive comments.

She should perhaps also consider that (regardless of whether what she says is true or not) that the twins have grown up with you as their dad and preventing you from being at an important event in their lives is abusive towards them.

"

I am not a lawyer so my comment is not worth much, but generally the courts will act in the interests of the children and as far as op and the children are concerned he is the father.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Cruel and manipulative. I'm sorry you have had to go through this.

As others have said, you have been their father. They are adults and so you only have to speak to them and not to her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

how can she be sure it was not you who is the father? I take it you were having sex around the time of conception otherwise it would have been pretty obvious.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was adopted at the age of 5 years old......... whilst my natural father is my biological father, i always refer to my adopted dad as my dad as he put all the work in to make me the person i am today anyone can father a chid but it takes a true man to be a dad .... good luck hun xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am not a lawyer so my comment is not worth much, but generally the courts will act in the interests of the children and as far as op and the children are concerned he is the father. "

I was thinking more along the lines of reporting the matter to the Police.

After all, OP has his exes claim in writing - Evidence.

Totally agree with your comments in respect of the Courts acting in the best interests of children (I have a good deal of experience of the family courts) - but technically, at 21 years of age, they are no longer children - and as such would be of no interest to the family courts.

Fraudulently claiming child support, however, is a criminal offence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am not a lawyer so my comment is not worth much, but generally the courts will act in the interests of the children and as far as op and the children are concerned he is the father.

I was thinking more along the lines of reporting the matter to the Police.

After all, OP has his exes claim in writing - Evidence.

Totally agree with your comments in respect of the Courts acting in the best interests of children (I have a good deal of experience of the family courts) - but technically, at 21 years of age, they are no longer children - and as such would be of no interest to the family courts.

Fraudulently claiming child support, however, is a criminal offence. "

Ahh OK, I see what you mean.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you spoken to the twins about this x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do hope the twins are ok.

If they have just found out as well then my first thought would be for them ...

not the money!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Re who is their Dad - well you brought them up, so you are whatever a DNA test says.

Like others have said, at 21, surely they can say who goes to their party. Too many parents use their parents as pawns in a game of tit for tat and forget that they are the most important thing in this. It is their birthday not hers! I would speak to them directly and see if they want you there. If they do, then decision made.

"

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

what an awful thing to happen to you and the twins ...is your name on birth certificates ?

i hope you all find a peaceful resolution

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I do hope the twins are ok.

If they have just found out as well then my first thought would be for them ...

not the money!!!!!"

Absolutely agree.

My comments were intended only as an aside.

I'm fairly sure that OP's ex-wife is just saying these things to be nasty.

Seems to me that she is on a power trip, wrongly believing she is in a position to dictate such things.

My thoughts were simply aimed at restoring some balance in that regard.

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley


"Cruel cruel bitch,do you believe her? How can she do that to her children,she may hate you,but to put them through that is just plain hideous. My heart goes out to you..."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well if that's true what an awful woman, not only has she screwed you over for how ever many years, there are 3 other innocent people who's life's she has affected with her selfishness, the twins and the other guy who might be the dad, if you brought the kids up with love then they will see what she's done to you and will want you at the party no matter what she says but it's a situation that needs sorting out pretty quickly for everyone's sake

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By *each_PittWoman
over a year ago

Belfast


"I was adopted at the age of 5 years old......... whilst my natural father is my biological father, i always refer to my adopted dad as my dad as he put all the work in to make me the person i am today anyone can father a chid but it takes a true man to be a dad .... good luck hun xx"

Yes ... Any old boy can be a father but it takes more to be a daddy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In addition to other suggestions, maybe you should respond by telling her that you are going to report her for fraud in respect of falsely claiming child support from you if you are indeed not the father.

The prospect of facing criminal investigation and possible prosecution might, just might, make her reconsider her vile and abusive comments.

She should perhaps also consider that (regardless of whether what she says is true or not) that the twins have grown up with you as their dad and preventing you from being at an important event in their lives is abusive towards them.

"

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

I'd go to CSA and ask for DNA testing . your still the twins dad even if your not the biological father .I'd be devastated

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By *r IntriguedMan
over a year ago

wickford

Why not talk to the twins, tell them and ask them what they want to do?

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By *illwill69uMan
over a year ago

moston


"I received a letter from my ex wife last week telling me that she does not want me to turn up at my twins 21st Birthday party i phoned her to ask why then she dropped a bombshell she told me that i was not the father and told me it was her brothers best mate who is the father i feel gutted!only for me having my partner here i just don't know what i would do feel so angry and hurt even child maintenance she had of me through the years. "

I think that if I received such a letter I would be going to see my lawyers and instructing them to initiating proceedings against my ex for fraud. After all if what she has said is true she knowingly lied about the paternity of the children both on the birth certificate, on the divorce papers and to the CSA. And I would not be letting her get away with that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Always the man that is there, biological sometimes means nothing, if they dont partake.

Her"

my lo father isnt involved in her life, he hasnt seen or asked after her in months and didnt send her anything for her birthday. In fact even when we were together he wasn't very invested in her. Id LOVE for her to have a dad like your kids have xx

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By *ig1gaz1Man
over a year ago

bradford

as being the father of an adopted child id ask the 2 involved if they wanted me to be there at there 21st party as there old enough to choose by themselves

as goes for csa payments you have it in writing now that your not the father then instruct the solicitor to claim back every payment made to them if they want to prove your the father let them pay for the dna testing instead to prove that you are

as you brought them up your more than a father to them

as goes for the ex,s comments i know that feeling all too well as i got it thrown in my face often enough from the child after contact with there mum from them being 3 year old and right through still goes on even now as i was the resident parent

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield


"They are yours,I have two adopted children and no matter who fathered and brought them into the world they are mine!"

And just as much as they are yours don't forget that you are theirs.

There is a possibility that your ex hasn't told them so tread carefully.

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By *L RogueMan
over a year ago

London

Wow!

I don't think she's thought about the potential impact this could have on her children.

Poor twins

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Obviously none of us know the history behind all this and, as with all things, we are getting one side of a story.

What is your relationship like with yoir children OP, do you maintain regular contact? How do they get on with your new partner? Have you attended other events in your twins' lives since the split from their mother, is there animosity between you and your children. Could the twins' have asked their mother to write requesting you dont attend?

I wouldnt imagine they would ask their mother to come up with such an obscure reason to stop you going, that just seems a very hurtful comment on her part to upset you. Maybe it could be true, thats an issue you will have to take up legally.

But think about the relationships you have with your ex, your kids, your partner. If you have a good relationship with your children, then speak to them directly about attendance to their party. Take into account the amount of animosity between you and your ex, you dont want to attend and have all this to kick off at the party do you? 

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How does she know the twins are not yours. Only a dna test would know that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Wow!

I don't think she's thought about the potential impact this could have on her children.

Poor twins "

Totally agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you are Dad even if it does turn out they arent yours biologically - but from a whats happening now look at things - do you still see the twins and get on ok - is it going to look odd if you didnt turn up at the 21st party - would they question that and think why you werent there - is mum going to be saying oh he has a new partner now and doesnt want you anymore and try to turn them against you? - if this is the case the ex is cruel in too many ways to you and the twins

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ignore the letter, just as much chance of it being a lie to cause you pain. Talk to the twins ask them if they want you at the party, they are the only ones who matter, and you have no reason or need to have anything to do with your ex now they are adults.

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By *r Man.Man
over a year ago

London

My friend, you are there father unless they (the grown-up kids) say not.

Regarding child maintenance let it go, contesting it now would be her dragging you down to her level and showing your kids it was all down to money.

It will be a kicker not knowing, but i believe its up to her to tell them (that's if its true), and up to the twins if they feel they need the DNA test.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I take it your name is on the birth certificate? If so, then legally you are their father. She can't have it both ways. Don't speak to her, speak to your kids, see what their _iew is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

does mean shes lied to them for 21 years too -

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Obviously none of us know the history behind all this and, as with all things, we are getting one side of a story.

What is your relationship like with yoir children OP, do you maintain regular contact? How do they get on with your new partner? Have you attended other events in your twins' lives since the split from their mother, is there animosity between you and your children. Could the twins' have asked their mother to write requesting you dont attend?

I wouldnt imagine they would ask their mother to come up with such an obscure reason to stop you going, that just seems a very hurtful comment on her part to upset you. Maybe it could be true, thats an issue you will have to take up legally.

But think about the relationships you have with your ex, your kids, your partner. If you have a good relationship with your children, then speak to them directly about attendance to their party. Take into account the amount of animosity between you and your ex, you dont want to attend and have all this to kick off at the party do you? "

Good intelligent post as usual.

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