FabSwingers.com forum: lonely

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I imagine I will get some man up comments here but I have to say been lonely is a horrible thing. I've been single 9 months now I live alone and it can be so lonely.im not very good at meeting new people or making new friends as im not a very confident person. Any ideas how to break the rut and not be lonely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I imagine I will get some man up comments here but I have to say been lonely is a horrible thing. I've been single 9 months now I live alone and it can be so lonely.im not very good at meeting new people or making new friends as im not a very confident person. Any ideas how to break the rut and not be lonely. "
GET OUT MORE...AVOID FAB.....It will rip you to pieces

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go out to socials? Go clubbing? Go to swinger clubs? Start a new hobby?

You'll meet new people without even realising

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get out in the real world and socialise. There's so many social events out there to go and talk to people. You're in control of your own destiny........only you can change the cycle for the better.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Loneliness is pretty awful so no man up comments from me.

There are organised socials arranged here if that would interest you at all. Otherwise I can recommend volunteering as an excellent way of meeting people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My suggestions would be to join a gym or regular form of exercise. You don't have to be talented, it's great for a healthy mind to exercise and there are always more people about and you might make friends.

Also, get chatting to people in work, family, or who have similar interests.

There's websites galore for most interests, local clubs etc, or just social things like meet up etc.

It may not always be easy, but once you break the cycle you can move up

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I appreciate that but as I said I'm not a confident person I could go these socials and probably not end up talking to anyone unless they spoke to me. Im a lost cause lol

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"I imagine I will get some man up comments here but I have to say been lonely is a horrible thing.. "

Not long ago a woman started a thread like this and got some constructive and supportive comments so hopefully this will be the same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Loneliness is pretty awful so no man up comments from me.

There are organised socials arranged here if that would interest you at all. Otherwise I can recommend volunteering as an excellent way of meeting people

Great shout - volunteering is a great way to do good, and often full of interesting and nice people

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"I appreciate that but as I said I'm not a confident person I could go these socials and probably not end up talking to anyone unless they spoke to me. Im a lost cause lol"

I used to be very unconfident. I changed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Loneliness is pretty awful so no man up comments from me.

There are organised socials arranged here if that would interest you at all. Otherwise I can recommend volunteering as an excellent way of meeting people

Great shout - volunteering is a great way to do good, and often full of interesting and nice people "

When my son gets older this is what I'm going to do.

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By *uttyjonnMan
over a year ago

SEA

Blooming eck and your only young

How about a class at the local sports center - gym class or a Pilates class - down let loneliness get a grip

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We joined a gym at the start of the year and gained a massive group of friends who we socialise with away from fitness too. We've gained so many friends here too who again, we socialise with without the need to get naked.

Hobbies and interests can bring friends from the most unlikely places. Just give them a whirl, your defeatist attitude will only hinder you further.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks all for your comments they are very much appreciated

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Join a sports club or hobby club to meet new people.

Try online gaming.

Go on holiday if you can try backpacking in the uk or abroad. Lots of single travellers out there looking to make friends.

But as someone very astute and wise earlier wrote, get off fab. As a lone guy your self esteem will only take a pounding from this site. Not because it is you but because there are so many other guys it will seem like you aren't even heard.

Get out and do something.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Join a sports club or hobby club to meet new people.

Try online gaming.

Go on holiday if you can try backpacking in the uk or abroad. Lots of single travellers out there looking to make friends.

Get out and do something.

Thing is fab can actually help. Getting to talk to people on fab etc far better than having no one to talk to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You gotta make an effort to chat

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

This helps

Haha! Being on fab is just a tool in rhe tool box of life...you could consider doing stuff in the real world too!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Join a sports club or hobby club to meet new people.

Try online gaming.

Go on holiday if you can try backpacking in the uk or abroad. Lots of single travellers out there looking to make friends.

Get out and do something.

Thing is fab can actually help. Getting to talk to people on fab etc far better than having no one to talk to"

You will improve your confidence by real world interaction as opposed to cyber interaction.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I appreciate that but as I said I'm not a confident person I could go these socials and probably not end up talking to anyone unless they spoke to me. Im a lost cause lol"

You're not a lost cause. I'm not the most confident of women either. I don't have loads and loads of friends and the few good ones I have are married or attached. So I do my own thing.

Admittedly I don't go out socialising at the weekends on on my own but I don't sit at home being lonely either. You're young, go out and enjoy yourself. Take up a new hobby, take up a sport. You'd be surprised what's out there.

I went up to the Commonwealth games on my own back in the summer. Met up with some people of the Forums while I was there and had a whale of a time.

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By *uttyjonnMan
over a year ago

SEA

Thing is fab can actually help. Getting to talk to people on fab etc far better than having no one to talk to"

sorry but I don't agree - sitting typing at you PC isn't really a social event - you are young and I think you should be getting out of the house and mixing with people of a similar age.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I appreciate that but as I said I'm not a confident person I could go these socials and probably not end up talking to anyone unless they spoke to me. Im a lost cause lol

You're not a lost cause. I'm not the most confident of women either. I don't have loads and loads of friends and the few good ones I have are married or attached. So I do my own thing.

I went up to the Commonwealth games on my own back in the summer. Met up with some people of the Forums while I was there and had a whale of a time. "

Thanks really constructive. All my mates have settled down in serious realtionships so I hardly see them these days. I've always been one to socialise with someone else I'm better in groups I guess I've just got to learn to get out on my own and chat etc

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thing is fab can actually help. Getting to talk to people on fab etc far better than having no one to talk to

sorry but I don't agree - sitting typing at you PC isn't really a social event - you are young and I think you should be getting out of the house and mixing with people of a similar age. "

I didn't mean it as I meant. I just meant people are saying get off fab etc. But if u come on here vet to chat to some nice people etc it's better to do that on an evening then having no contact with people. I didn't mean I sit on here all time etc coz i don't

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I appreciate that but as I said I'm not a confident person I could go these socials and probably not end up talking to anyone unless they spoke to me. Im a lost cause lol"

You're not a lost cause. I was listening with half an ear to a programme about loneliness on Radio 4 and it is quite common among young people. The effects of loneliness are often underrated and it isn't as simple as just "getting over it" or "making the effort" however you will need to take the first step. That's why I suggested volunteering, no need to approach people or think of conversation once you've made the first contact. Please don't let yourself believe that you're a lost cause

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I appreciate that but as I said I'm not a confident person I could go these socials and probably not end up talking to anyone unless they spoke to me. Im a lost cause lol

Thank you really kind and sweet comment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Join a sports club or hobby club to meet new people.

Try online gaming.

Go on holiday if you can try backpacking in the uk or abroad. Lots of single travellers out there looking to make friends.

Get out and do something.

Thing is fab can actually help. Getting to talk to people on fab etc far better than having no one to talk to"

I don't believe it can,what it does is make the hours pass by quickly and thats all,so you have got through a day or an evening but what have you really achieved?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I appreciate that but as I said I'm not a confident person I could go these socials and probably not end up talking to anyone unless they spoke to me. Im a lost cause lol

You're not a lost cause. I'm not the most confident of women either. I don't have loads and loads of friends and the few good ones I have are married or attached. So I do my own thing.

I went up to the Commonwealth games on my own back in the summer. Met up with some people of the Forums while I was there and had a whale of a time.

When I was younger I was always part of a group of men and women that all go together at the weekend. We all got older, people settled down, people got divorced [as in my case] but unless you take life by the horns no one else will. I'm a lot older than you and very self concious but if I can do it, anyone can

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Join a sports club or hobby club to meet new people.

Try online gaming.

Go on holiday if you can try backpacking in the uk or abroad. Lots of single travellers out there looking to make friends.

Get out and do something.

Thing is fab can actually help. Getting to talk to people on fab etc far better than having no one to talk to

I don't believe it can,what it does is make the hours pass by quickly and thats all,so you have got through a day or an evening but what have you really achieved? "

I just meant chatting to people on here is better than coming home from work and chatting to no one. I just haven't worded it very well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I appreciate that but as I said I'm not a confident person I could go these socials and probably not end up talking to anyone unless they spoke to me. Im a lost cause lol"

Baby steps dude. A lot of people who are lonely are that way because they make themselves unavailable to others. As others have said... just try and get out more. If you feel you're super nervous about meeting others just try and grasp that they're probably just as nervous but simply better practiced. Once you've got started on it you'll get better at it and soon you'll be more confident and strident again. But there's no route back without biting the bullet and trying to make a small change every day until you're in a better place. Good luck bro

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe start doing things where you meet new people face to face think of taking up new hobbies So you get to know all sorts of people . The nets is a cyber world not real so get out there mixing will I am sure add to your life in a good way .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try hypnotherapy

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I appreciate that but as I said I'm not a confident person I could go these socials and probably not end up talking to anyone unless they spoke to me. Im a lost cause lol

You're not a lost cause. I'm not the most confident of women either. I don't have loads and loads of friends and the few good ones I have are married or attached. So I do my own thing.

I went up to the Commonwealth games on my own back in the summer. Met up with some people of the Forums while I was there and had a whale of a time.

I Deffo need to try and be more confident and talk to people. Just not an easy thing to just go and do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I appreciate that but as I said I'm not a confident person I could go these socials and probably not end up talking to anyone unless they spoke to me. Im a lost cause lol

You're not a lost cause. I'm not the most confident of women either. I don't have loads and loads of friends and the few good ones I have are married or attached. So I do my own thing.

I went up to the Commonwealth games on my own back in the summer. Met up with some people of the Forums while I was there and had a whale of a time.

I Deffo need to try and be more confident and talk to people. Just not an easy thing to just go and do"

I agree it's not easy, and I'm a chatterbox lol The way I see it is, if I don't make an effort then why should others. What is the worst thing that can happen if you strike up a conversation? Someone blanks you? Shrug your shoulders and move on to the next

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I appreciate that but as I said I'm not a confident person I could go these socials and probably not end up talking to anyone unless they spoke to me. Im a lost cause lol

You're not a lost cause. I'm not the most confident of women either. I don't have loads and loads of friends and the few good ones I have are married or attached. So I do my own thing.

I went up to the Commonwealth games on my own back in the summer. Met up with some people of the Forums while I was there and had a whale of a time.

I Deffo need to try and be more confident and talk to people. Just not an easy thing to just go and do

Thank u very much. You have been very lovely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're welcome

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I appreciate that but as I said I'm not a confident person I could go these socials and probably not end up talking to anyone unless they spoke to me. Im a lost cause lol

You're not a lost cause. I'm not the most confident of women either. I don't have loads and loads of friends and the few good ones I have are married or attached. So I do my own thing.

I went up to the Commonwealth games on my own back in the summer. Met up with some people of the Forums while I was there and had a whale of a time.

I Deffo need to try and be more confident and talk to people. Just not an easy thing to just go and do"

Yep can be very difficult, both of us are fairly confident but I still feel a tremor of nerves in some social situations. It does help to have a few topics of conversation in mind and a couple of non intrusive questions. If all else fails just say "what about this weather eh?"

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

You are young and good looking...I know what it's like to be lonely I've experienced in a few times in my life. I guess I just put my big girls knickers on and got out there...I'm a chatterbox so I will chat to anyone. Chin up lovely xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I appreciate that but as I said I'm not a confident person I could go these socials and probably not end up talking to anyone unless they spoke to me. Im a lost cause lol

You're not a lost cause. I'm not the most confident of women either. I don't have loads and loads of friends and the few good ones I have are married or attached. So I do my own thing.

I went up to the Commonwealth games on my own back in the summer. Met up with some people of the Forums while I was there and had a whale of a time.

I Deffo need to try and be more confident and talk to people. Just not an easy thing to just go and do

Yeah your right. It's just finding what social event or thing to take up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How about a Dog.? Lots out there looking for a good home and a person to love them. You would go out meet people and get out the house . And be there when you come home .. we love our animals. We could not be without our pets here they are our family and friends .But I know pets are not everyone's choice .

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You are young and good looking...I know what it's like to be lonely I've experienced in a few times in my life. I guess I just put my big girls knickers on and got out there...I'm a chatterbox so I will chat to anyone. Chin up lovely xx"

Aww thank u so much the compliments mean alot xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How about a Dog.? Lots out there looking for a good home and a person to love them. You would go out meet people and get out the house . And be there when you come home .. we love our animals. We could not be without our pets here they are our family and friends .But I know pets are not everyone's choice ."

I would but I work long days sometimes and unfair to leave dog on own every day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I live with my daughter and I'm surrounded by friends and my mum and sister live next door to me yet I still feel lonely! The loneliness I feel is from not having a boyfriend, been single for basically 5 years, it's shit!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You need to go out there and enjoy life! A very good friend of mine today has found out today that he has a rare form of cancer at 42. He's messaged us all to tell us to give everyone we love a hug. So seize the day !!!!!!

Join a local walking group, gym, amateur dramatics, volunteer - I run a youth group and, yes it's demanding at times but the rewards outweigh that every time. They might need help at your local food bank, helping deliver meals on wheels, befriend an elderly person - they love someone to chat to and there are charities that organise that you call a person that you kind of adopt as your person , once a week. It gives them a lifeline and it makes you feel great too. Everyone can get lonely even when surrounded by people. I hope you feel less lonely soon.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I live with my daughter and I'm surrounded by friends and my mum and sister live next door to me yet I still feel lonely! The loneliness I feel is from not having a boyfriend, been single for basically 5 years, it's shit! "

Do understand this completely. Your man will be round the corner your stunning

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

They mentioned that on the radio today, loneliness even though you're surrounded by people.

Its a much misunderstood thing and often trivialised.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would but I work long days sometimes and unfair to leave dog on own every day "
Lots have them and find ways around work . xx I hope you find peace and things that make you happy in life and that's whats its about being happy as lifes too short not to be. xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is only one way to become more confident around other is to do just that be around others wether it be pubs socials night club or swingers club the world is you oyster go find it fella

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I would but I work long days sometimes and unfair to leave dog on own every day Lots have them and find ways around work . xx I hope you find peace and things that make you happy in life and that's whats its about being happy as lifes too short not to be. xx"

Thank you hun x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not really sure what to say here but..

Just go off fab.

Go out to the real world.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 25/11/14 21:47:50]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Loneliness is pretty awful so no man up comments from me.

There are organised socials arranged here if that would interest you at all. Otherwise I can recommend volunteering as an excellent way of meeting people

after struggling to make friends when I moved somewhere I didn't know anyone I started volunteering and see some of the people socially - turns out one of them is on Fab too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a some crazy cats you could have.. apparently I'm not allowed to keep the cats and rehome the children.

It can be lonely when you live alone but I find having lots of hobbies helps xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You know yourself way better than anyone on here ?

What do YOU think you should do ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP

You know yourself way better than anyone on here ?

What do YOU think you should do ?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I appreciate that but as I said I'm not a confident person I could go these socials and probably not end up talking to anyone unless they spoke to me. Im a lost cause lol"

aaah ! Come come old chap . I did 10 years single . Lived alone . Went on holiday alone . To the pub alone . I had a great time and still do. I choice what i do and when i want to do it . You can be lonely even when your with someone. So get out there and be the best male tart as you possibly can be

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I appreciate that but as I said I'm not a confident person I could go these socials and probably not end up talking to anyone unless they spoke to me. Im a lost cause lol

Wow very independent good on ya

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get ya self a motorcycle and cum meet us bikers!

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Probably a bit young for taichi .. But if you attends class that stops for a tea break .. You have to chat and socialise with someone.. Take up ballroom dancing .. Then you get to hold a woman all through the evening lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP

You know yourself way better than anyone on here ?

What do YOU think you should do ?

I really don't know. Gyms a good idea but been to gym lots of times before and never end up to chatting to anyone. Volunteering is an idea but my work hours vary. Sounds like I'm putting obstacles up I'm not. My ideal would be to go somewhere with a friend and meet new people. But as I said my mates never really see me now they have partners "
I was almost 28 When I came across something extra to do than night clubs/disco,s etc had seen those pretty regular from around The age of 19, but again my hobbie thou out doors could be a quite one at Times and thou I did,t do the night club scene any more It would have been Nice to have had a ladie share my Interests and never did achieve that and of course has time goe,s on you Wonder some times yer best options, The more you get In your comfort zone The more you find the better you are with your self In yer own beliefs and What you like In life, compatibility Must be a nice thing to find with someone But I do find thats not the Attraction with a female most will be Looking for security and my age group Have mostly all worn the t-shirt and will probabily have grand kids at the End of the day whatever gender we are We all look for company and companionship and go from there for People like yourself me Included along With other people that use this site who don,t find It easy In social situations and for some Its even harder but I find being In a different Environment can be a good thing allows You to think better It has me personally speaking I,ve often had blokes say they would rather be In my Shoes and have the same freedom I,ve Had, I know life can be to serious But Don,t look at It to much that way OP just leave yer options open or other Words have a open mind your true Personality and character will do the other, but like others say on here any Interests you have or hobbies try and see If you can get Involved In some way It will free your mind up away From this side of things Its surpriseing a change Is as good as a Rest... but people will always have a Chat with you here me Included..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"GET OUT MORE...AVOID FAB..... "

Take up a sport, join a club, meet people, talk, enjoy.

Good luck fella.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks everyone

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Thanks everyone

I agree you need to get off fabs and out into the real world more to meet people - have a look at what evening classes are available near you, everyone is a stranger to start with there, or go to dance classes - that's a brilliant way to meet people, and a man who can lead well will never be short of female company seeking him out for the rest of his life!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have this picture on my Facebook that says "All my friends are getting married and having children - I'm just getting more awesome"

And it's totally true.

I second the idea of taking up a hobby. I took up a very social hobby and ended up with more wonderful partners than I could manage (I'm poly) because I finally discovered a large group of people with similiar interests to my own. I'd never really been a very social person before but this was quite nice - I don't do it often, about six times a year, but it provides that social fix for me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I have this picture on my Facebook that says "All my friends are getting married and having children - I'm just getting more awesome"

And it's totally true.

Yeah your totally right I need yo try pluck up courage to take something up on my own and hope to meet new people x

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)

Loneliness is a state of mind. It's easy to feel lonely even when surrounded by people.

This may sound odd but instead of being home hiding behind a screen how about going down the pub and sit at the bar reading a book. I know a guy that used to do this and often people would start talking to him.

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By *lactontogMan
over a year ago

Clacton on Sea

"You need to go out there and enjoy life! A very good friend of mine today has found out today that he has a rare form of cancer at 42. He's messaged us all to tell us to give everyone we love a hug. So seize the day !!!!!!

Do some courses at your local college too as you meet some interesting people.

If you play pool/darts again this is another way of meeting local friends, get out there mate & i hope everything goes alright for you.

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By *ingle Beds LassWoman
over a year ago

Bedfordshire

I started to learn Ceroc (modern Jive) which is hilarious as I have no sense of rhythm and 2 left feet. You don't need to take a partner, it is quick and easy to learn and the smiles in that place are priceless. All ages go from teens to on deaths door. It's very friendly and very social. Best choice I ever made.

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By *razedcatMan
over a year ago

London / Herts

"Loneliness is a state of mind.

This. I often wonder if feelings of loneliness are amplified because we're conditioned to believe it's only good and proper to surround ourselves with people.

There are no rules to this game. But if you're feeling lonely anyway, join a gym, take up a new hobby, you'd be amazed how quickly you'll meet people.

That said, you don't necessarily have to leave Fab. In my loneliest days Fab actually helped boost my self esteem quite a bit. It also helped to be in touch with similarly inclined people

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

Loneliness is pretty awful so no man up comments from me.

There are organised socials arranged here if that would interest you at all. Otherwise I can recommend volunteering as an excellent way of meeting people

Great shout - volunteering is a great way to do good, and often full of interesting and nice people "

I second that, you will meet people from all walks of life, but you will at least have one thing in common as a start, you volunteered to help others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Quite often loneliness stems from an inability to socialise due to something deeper. Meeting with a therapist might help. Might not.

I might be over egging the pudding.

I'm not suggesting you're crackers but some useful tools can be learned through therapy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*crackers probably not best word.

This from a crackers woman.

Sorry.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

There was a radio 4 phone in yesterday on loneliness, perhaps catch up with it - you and yours I think.

Find others who share interests and voluntary work. Consider adult learning too, find something interesting that's going to enrich your life.

Counselling may help, as your confidence is low too.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

After belatedly reading the thread, I see blurskies has also suggested therapy. Blue skies even.

Loneliness is a pain that it's with working hard to beat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Loneliness is a state of mind.

This. I often wonder if feelings of loneliness are amplified because we're conditioned to believe it's only good and proper to surround ourselves with people.

There are no rules to this game. But if you're feeling lonely anyway, join a gym, take up a new hobby, you'd be amazed how quickly you'll meet people.

That said, you don't necessarily have to leave Fab. In my loneliest days Fab actually helped boost my self esteem quite a bit. It also helped to be in touch with similarly inclined people

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Quite often loneliness stems from an inability to socialise due to something deeper. Meeting with a therapist might help. Might not.

I might be over egging the pudding.

I'm not suggesting you're crackers but some useful tools can be learned through therapy. "

Maybe your right. Do yoi have to pay for therapy though? I'm not minted lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Look I am thinking a labrador puppy dead cute okay you maybe have to rewind the loo roll a few times but gotta be better than trolling this plays for days on end looking for sexy bummed large breasted sexual predators

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