FabSwingers.com forum: totally confused what to do.

By *horshiper OP Man
over a year ago

London

I dont know if this is the place to do this so I apologise in advance.

My ex contacted me today she wants me to see her tonight the vibe I have got is she wants to get together. We split because of circumstance and no other reason. To be specific my circumstances as I am serparated with kids and have a very ill father. Her issue was that I put my kids and father before her. I only get to see my kids in the holidays.

My circumstances have not changed.

If she says get back together havent a clue what to do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your Kids and Father should come first and if she's expecting any different then best to leave it.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

If she left you because of circumstances and your circumstances haven't changed then she's likely to leave you again.

Although you may be being a bit presumptuous. She might just want a shag.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go for it but make it clear you still have your priorities

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By *ranthamThroatMan
over a year ago

Grantham.

"I dont know if this is the place to do this so I apologise in advance.

My circumstances have not changed.

If she says get back together havent a clue what to do

If nothing has changed at your end you know the answer, but up to you to go there if you wish to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You know the answer to this one.

No partner should ever ask for preference over your family.

They should support you. Be there for you when you need them most.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you love her give her a chance, but be clear that you won't be messed about. Maybe the time apart has made her realise that you were right to prioritise your kids and sick dad. No harm in going to see her and talk things over, if she does want to get back with make sure you tell her that nothing has changed and your kids will always come first and ask what has made her change her mind. Maybe she just wants her cd's back

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By *ittykate84Woman
over a year ago

CHESTER

Honestly the fact she said that means she is a selfish cow! No-one should expect to come before family!

I wouldnt even bother seeing her if i was you

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By *horshiper OP Man
over a year ago

London

Thank you would it be right for me to say how it is then its up to her

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By *nigmatic1Woman
over a year ago

A seaside town near you!

Always a difficult one but unless she accepts that your dad and child will always be a big part of your life then it's a no go. It sounds like she needs to change the way she is with you and what her expectations are?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you love her give her a chance, but be clear that you won't be messed about. Maybe the time apart has made her realise that you were right to prioritise your kids and sick dad. No harm in going to see her and talk things over, if she does want to get back with make sure you tell her that nothing has changed and your kids will always come first and ask what has made her change her mind. Maybe she just wants her cd's back

Have the conversation else you'll always wonder 'what if' but if you're going to try again you need to know she will support you

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By *allen MadonnaWoman
over a year ago

In my own little world

Personal rule for me is that I never go back. An ex is an ex for a reason, and if I did go back, within months or a few years we'd be in exactly to same position, with neither party appreciating what they bring to the relationship. Always look forward whilst acknowledging the past has shaped me as the person I am today.

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By *horshiper OP Man
over a year ago

London

Have the conversation else you'll always wonder 'what if' but if you're going to try again you need to know she will support you"

Yes totally support should be a two way thing in a relation ship

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By *ust MonicaWoman
over a year ago

CAMBRIDGESHIRE

"You know the answer to this one.

No partner should ever ask for preference over your family.

They should support you. Be there for you when you need them most. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personal rule for me is that I never go back. An ex is an ex for a reason, and if I did go back, within months or a few years we'd be in exactly to same position, with neither party appreciating what they bring to the relationship. Always look forward whilst acknowledging the past has shaped me as the person I am today."

People make mistakes tho, everybody deserves at least one chance. People can learn from their mistakes and change if they want to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I dont know if this is the place to do this so I apologise in advance.

My circumstances have not changed.

If she says get back together havent a clue what to do

Wouldn't even consider answering your ex, she had issues because you put your father and children first, you've said your circumstances haven't changed, and I expect neither has her issues

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sometimes people need to lose what they love in order to decide what compromises they are willing to make for that love. only you can assess if this is the case with your ex.

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By *avebi48Man
over a year ago

Lordswood

She may just want to talk, may have changed her outlook or have some other news. I'm guessing your kids aren't her's also? It's never easy to give advice to strangers on this but sometimes nice to be able to talk to someone not directly involved, just helps to get things clear in your own mind.

Thing is, would you feel you want to be back in a relationship with someone who's got issues with your situation, will they become an issue again etc. perhaps not right away but could fester and cause friction later.

good luck whichever way you go

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

"sometimes people need to lose what they love in order to decide what compromises they are willing to make for that love. only you can assess if this is the case with your ex."

This exactly, you may not have changed but she may have. Just see.

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By *horshiper OP Man
over a year ago

London

good luck whichever way you go

Thankyou no they are not her kids aswell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"sometimes people need to lose what they love in order to decide what compromises they are willing to make for that love. only you can assess if this is the case with your ex.

This exactly, you may not have changed but she may have. Just see. "

Yes I agree, well said, give her a chance mate, at least hear her out, you'd be better informed then before making your decision.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Dont be a rachel .. Dont look back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Listen to what she has to say, but make a self-determination that you won't make any immediate rash decisions based on what she says tonight.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You know the answer to this one.

No partner should ever ask for preference over your family.

They should support you. Be there for you when you need them most. "

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By *inkyman looking for funMan
over a year ago

bathgate

Don't even bother going mate . Why give someone a second chance when they left you . You have your family to consider . She made the decision to leave you . Sorry buddy that's only my view .

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By *inkyman looking for funMan
over a year ago

bathgate

FAMILY ALWAYS COMES FIRST . Never give a second chance to someone that left when they were needed to help your sanity

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I dont know if this is the place to do this so I apologise in advance.

My circumstances have not changed.

If she says get back together havent a clue what to do

Hear her out. If she wants to get back with you and you love her, explain there is room in your heart for her, your children, your sick father and A.N.Other. However circumstances dictate how your time is spent and this she must respect. Suggest with her help you two can spend quality time together, so as a couple you neglect neither her nor yourself, whilst you attend to dad and children.

It's not about putting others first, it's about making sure no-one is neglected.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only you can decide what to do, doesn't hurt to hear her out though. I know two couples that divorced and were apart for years, then remarried. She may even just want a chat, just remember the reasons for splitting haven't changed.

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By *avebi48Man
over a year ago

Lordswood

good luck whichever way you go

Thankyou no they are not her kids aswell "

been there, never easy to handle for the new lady in your life, for some they can't and things just go south

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)

No one should ever expect to be put before someones children. I for one have ended things with someone for expecing me to put them before my children. I have littof any respect for anyone who does not put children first or expect to be above others children

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No one should ever give you an ultimatum concerning your family. If they do then they are very selfish people. Family should always come first

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By *horshiper OP Man
over a year ago

London

Well I have decided to go and atleast hear her out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I totally agree with you. I got back with an ex a few times, it didn't work out, and it ended worse that when we split the first time.

I always use the saying and ex is an ex for a reason!

Good luck with whatever you decide though OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op if she couldn't except the first time you had a family & ill dad what's going to make it different this time?

Sorry but I would not go there at the end of the day it's happened once who's to say it won't again

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By *avebi48Man
over a year ago

Lordswood

"Well I have decided to go and atleast hear her out "

just keep your wits about you so you don't end up seduced into anything you may regret

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I have decided to go and atleast hear her out "

Good luck matey, you'd only ask yourself what if, if you didn't go for that chat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP you sound like an honourable chap . Don't forget. . There will be other women out there who won't make it so difficult for you in terms of kids and father . No one is justified in expecting a man to set aside his family for them. No matter how gorgeous or filthy they are ! Stay strong my good man

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just hope she aint gonna tell you shes met someone else and moved on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I have decided to go and atleast hear her out "

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By *horshiper OP Man
over a year ago

London

For better or worst I have decided to try again been given reassurances lets so what happens.

So for now just here for the forums

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good luck and hope it all works out for you x

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

[Removed by poster at 24/11/14 11:19:44]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you would it be right for me to say how it is then its up to her "

Also decide what you want as well and don't just leave it up to her, and don't rush into anything if you're not sure. You might need to talk a lot, over day, weeks or even months for you both to understand what you want, so keep communicating with her and keep thinking about what it is you want from a relationship and if she is that.

Hope the meet with her went (or goes) well.

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

Give it your best and I hope it goes so well for you x

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By *horshiper OP Man
over a year ago

London

Thankyou fall all of the advice I really appreciate it. I followed my heart, we discussed that communication and understanding is the key for this to work on both sides

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For better or worst I have decided to try again been given reassurances lets so what happens.

So for now just here for the forums "

Glad to hear it, at least if it doesn't work out this time you won't spend the rest of your life saying "what if". All the best

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thankyou fall all of the advice I really appreciate it. I followed my heart, we discussed that communication and understanding is the key for this to work on both sides "

Good luck. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good luck from me as well.

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By *avebi48Man
over a year ago

Lordswood

fingers crossed it works out for you both, sounds like you've both had the courage and sense to review what happened so hopefully the only bumps in the road will be small ones

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

I know someone that went back to her hubby when his father was ill.. was for love of money and what she could get not for love of the man.

Get a proper will sorted out and hopefully your father too.

some people are very mercenary

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By *avebi48Man
over a year ago

Lordswood

"I know someone that went back to her hubby when his father was ill.. was for love of money and what she could get not for love of the man.

Get a proper will sorted out and hopefully your father too.

some people are very mercenary

good point, in past relationships the view was always that my prev kids would get at least equal shares with my partner and any we had together. Grandparents can always elect to will to the grandchildren rather than the parents. Doesn't stop anyone contesting but I doubt many would unless they really are only in it for the money.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thankyou fall all of the advice I really appreciate it. I followed my heart, we discussed that communication and understanding is the key for this to work on both sides "

My husband and I spent over a year apart after the birth of our eldest. It can work the second time around x

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