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"No mate, Id like an adult conversation about poo's. This is just the start. Before 3g and all that, I used to take Viz in their with me. If I forget to take anything to entertain me now I get the shampoo bottle and look at the ingredients on the label. Longest word I have encountered was like 32 letters long. Mental " LOL I always read the ingredients list of all the bathroom bits. Its been ages since i took a paper into the loo... by the time the world fell out of my arse i rarely got past one paragraph. Same taking the phone in there.. log onto a site, navigate to a page i want to read - and its time to wipe and go  | |||
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"Probably one for the guys as I know girls wre all princesses and don't go poo poo. Do you find your toilet trips are now doubled/trebled because of Fab??? Perfect place to check your mail etc (yes I do get some). So women dont go poo poo lol So what do we do then? Lol Just wondered. " | |||
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"No mate, Id like an adult conversation about poo's. This is just the start. Before 3g and all that, I used to take Viz in their with me. If I forget to take anything to entertain me now I get the shampoo bottle and look at the ingredients on the label. Longest word I have encountered was like 32 letters long. Mental LOL I always read the ingredients list of all the bathroom bits. Its been ages since i took a paper into the loo... by the time the world fell out of my arse i rarely got past one paragraph. Same taking the phone in there.. log onto a site, navigate to a page i want to read - and its time to wipe and go "I learnt all about vaginas from reading my mums tampax box and instructions whilst on the toilet! | |||
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"No mate, Id like an adult conversation about poo's. This is just the start. Before 3g and all that, I used to take Viz in their with me. If I forget to take anything to entertain me now I get the shampoo bottle and look at the ingredients on the label. Longest word I have encountered was like 32 letters long. Mental LOL I always read the ingredients list of all the bathroom bits. Its been ages since i took a paper into the loo... by the time the world fell out of my arse i rarely got past one paragraph. Same taking the phone in there.. log onto a site, navigate to a page i want to read - and its time to wipe and go
I learnt all about vaginas from reading my mums tampax box and instructions whilst on the toilet!"( )  | |||
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"No mate, Id like an adult conversation about poo's. This is just the start. Before 3g and all that, I used to take Viz in their with me. If I forget to take anything to entertain me now I get the shampoo bottle and look at the ingredients on the label. Longest word I have encountered was like 32 letters long. Mental " My maths isnt great, but thats only six letters  | |||
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"No mate, Id like an adult conversation about poo's. This is just the start. Before 3g and all that, I used to take Viz in their with me. If I forget to take anything to entertain me now I get the shampoo bottle and look at the ingredients on the label. Longest word I have encountered was like 32 letters long. Mental My maths isnt great, but thats only six letters " | |||
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 . I have only a door to stare at in the toilet,so I'm in and out | |||
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"I love talking about poo,s and farts "You do have plenty of experience  | |||
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"I love talking about poo,s and farts
You do have plenty of experience "learnt it all from you dear | |||
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"I love talking about poo,s and farts
You do have plenty of experience learnt it all from you dear
"Which reminds me, it's time to turn my pants around | |||
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"Probably one for the guys as I know girls wre all princesses and don't go poo poo. Do you find your toilet trips are now doubled/trebled because of Fab??? Perfect place to check your mail etc (yes I do get some). Just wondered. " i take sunday sport or fiesta mag into toilet | |||
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"No wonder phones are such health hazards. Please sterilise them immediately." What about the handle of the bog brush. Who cleans these, I hope they cleaned, mind you I can only poo in my house or work so it dosent matter. No one else poo's in either. But say you wernt a nervous poo'er, your in Asda's toilets having a shit, you do the decent thing and flush it away and then clean the pan. The last person who held that brush might of broke through the paper. Minging. | |||
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"No wonder phones are such health hazards. Please sterilise them immediately. What about the handle of the bog brush. Who cleans these, I hope they cleaned, mind you I can only poo in my house or work so it dosent matter. No one else poo's in either. But say you wernt a nervous poo'er, your in Asda's toilets having a shit, you do the decent thing and flush it away and then clean the pan. The last person who held that brush might of broke through the paper. Minging." Is it just Asda or do other supermarkets have poor hygiene when it comes to the bog brush??? To be honest it just reinforces my opinion that you shouldn't clean up after yourself unless at home. Pointless. Who's gonna think you? The guy who go's in after? "Cheers mate nice brush work. Spotless". | |||
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"No wonder phones are such health hazards. Please sterilise them immediately. What about the handle of the bog brush. Who cleans these, I hope they cleaned, mind you I can only poo in my house or work so it dosent matter. No one else poo's in either. But say you wernt a nervous poo'er, your in Asda's toilets having a shit, you do the decent thing and flush it away and then clean the pan. The last person who held that brush might of broke through the paper. Minging. Is it just Asda or do other supermarkets have poor hygiene when it comes to the bog brush??? To be honest it just reinforces my opinion that you shouldn't clean up after yourself unless at home. Pointless. Who's gonna think you? The guy who go's in after? "Cheers mate nice brush work. Spotless"." I know Asda, Morries and Tesco's have public shitters. Ive only been in Waitrose a handful of times and didnt use their shitters. I dont think Ive ever been in another supermarket other than Aldi's once and I didnt need a poo. Even dogs like to cover their tracks, seen that backwards grass kicking thing they do, if you look they are often smiling as if to say 'Look at me, look at me'. So I disagree, wrap the brush handle with paper and get rid of your public skidders. | |||
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"Proper topic to talk about!! Viz was an old favourite to take in there, and one of the lads would have a porno laying about. These days it is the phone. I'm not adverse to having a chat either, kill two birds and that. Just have to disguise my grunts and "cough" when the bombs fall if you catch my drift. Having a poo is man's most sacred time in this fast world we live in. A time to recoup ones thoughts. We should enjoy it more. My main drama is that every so often one comes out bigger than a fire extinguisher and so I have to break it down just to get it through. Otherwise it looks like an Otter trying to escape! But other than that poo time is my time. Man time! "Poo time is deffo sacred. My downstairs toilet has no window so at night it's pitch black. Nothing finer than sitting back with the lights off and relishing every brown inch as it slowly pushes it's way out. Every now and again you do get those big boys that need help. Isn't that what the bog brush is really for? Kinda like a potato masher. As for reads on the loo it has to be the ScrewFix or ToolStation catalogues. Nothing more manly that taking a huge dump whilst reading about angle grinders! | |||
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"Lights off? Wheres the sence of achievement in that? Might aswell just poo out Phantom poo's all the time" It's the sensation. You could always pop the light on at the end and have a peek. I'm not a big fan of checking out what I've just birthed. Never have I looked down and been surpised. It's always a turd! Maybe if I shat out random objects I'd start looking....."Oooo look it's Ford Cortina Mk2". | |||
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"It fucking annoys me when you finish, have a look down and its not there, theres a few small skidders so you know it was, you knew it was anyway as it came out of your arse. (Phantom poo) The other side of this coin is the 'Self Wiper' (imo) the king of the shits. " There's always a bit of blood when the King (god bless him) makes an appearance.  | |||
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"Mate you might wanna go and get that checked out with a real medical professional. Not A+E though, make a Dr appointment" I'll live. Honestly it's like having a Giant Redwood poke out. It's inevitable that there'll be a little in the aftermath. The feeling of release afterwards though. It's better than sex!! Of course I never mention that to the women I meet. I'm a Gentleman don't you know  | |||
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"Proper topic to talk about!! Viz was an old favourite to take in there, and one of the lads would have a porno laying about. These days it is the phone. I'm not adverse to having a chat either, kill two birds and that. Just have to disguise my grunts and "cough" when the bombs fall if you catch my drift. Having a poo is man's most sacred time in this fast world we live in. A time to recoup ones thoughts. We should enjoy it more. My main drama is that every so often one comes out bigger than a fire extinguisher and so I have to break it down just to get it through. Otherwise it looks like an Otter trying to escape! But other than that poo time is my time. Man time! "Pissing myself laughing  | |||
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"Im glad you agree, its on record here when 'best feeling ever' threads pop up Im like 'scoring a goal or having a poo'. The 'or' is vital and not to be confused with 'and'. Its very underrated. Im still single, oddily enough." You won't be for long when the girls start reading this!! | |||
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"Mate you might wanna go and get that checked out with a real medical professional. Not A+E though, make a Dr appointment I'll live. Honestly it's like having a Giant Redwood poke out. It's inevitable that there'll be a little in the aftermath. The feeling of release afterwards though. It's better than sex!! Of course I never mention that to the women I meet. I'm a Gentleman don't you know "Maybe a pic or two of this beast for your profile? Women are always going on about 10inchers etc....Oh and when this Redwood makes its aappearance do you shout "TIMBER" as it splashes down? If not why not. For a long while I shouted "Back of the Net". I'm more mature now. | |||
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"Im glad you agree, its on record here when 'best feeling ever' threads pop up Im like 'scoring a goal or having a poo'. The 'or' is vital and not to be confused with 'and'. Its very underrated. Im still single, oddily enough. You won't be for long when the girls start reading this!! "Form an orderly queue, outside the toilet. | |||
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"Mate you might wanna go and get that checked out with a real medical professional. Not A+E though, make a Dr appointment I'll live. Honestly it's like having a Giant Redwood poke out. It's inevitable that there'll be a little in the aftermath. The feeling of release afterwards though. It's better than sex!! Of course I never mention that to the women I meet. I'm a Gentleman don't you know
Maybe a pic or two of this beast for your profile? Women are always going on about 10inchers etc....Oh and when this Redwood makes its aappearance do you shout "TIMBER" as it splashes down? If not why not. For a long while I shouted "Back of the Net". I'm more mature now."Haha Timber and then 'splashback' your now wiping your arse with an easy breakable wet wipe | |||
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"Mate you might wanna go and get that checked out with a real medical professional. Not A+E though, make a Dr appointment I'll live. Honestly it's like having a Giant Redwood poke out. It's inevitable that there'll be a little in the aftermath. The feeling of release afterwards though. It's better than sex!! Of course I never mention that to the women I meet. I'm a Gentleman don't you know
Maybe a pic or two of this beast for your profile? Women are always going on about 10inchers etc....Oh and when this Redwood makes its aappearance do you shout "TIMBER" as it splashes down? If not why not. For a long while I shouted "Back of the Net". I'm more mature now.
Haha Timber and then 'splashback' your now wiping your arse with an easy breakable wet wipe"Lads, lads lads!!! I'm telling you now you don't have the energy to shout TIMBER!! When the ol' Shirley Crabtree makes his appearance I'm convulsing on the pan crying my eyes out, probably shouting "Fuck no!! I don't want to die"!! My knuckles are white from gripping on to the toilet seat so hard in case I'm propelled head first into the door! Maybe afterwards when finished and I'm wiping the sweat from my brow, I'll mutter out of breath something. Usually a "Thank you God, thank you........". Honestly it's a life/death situation. | |||
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"A real man would never use wet wipe. If I'm feeling particularly manly I reach for the coarse sandpaper (obviously ordered from the screwfix catalogue on previois toilet visit). Grrrrrr." Its not a real mans fault (im a real man) if you do a real mans poo and it hits the water with the same ferocity as a Beckam free kick and makes your arse wet. Thats when the paper ends up soggy and like a wet wipe. Ladies queing outside the door for me - Ive never taken wet wipes into the shitter with me. Who wants a perfumed arsehole anyway? | |||
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"Mate you might wanna go and get that checked out with a real medical professional. Not A+E though, make a Dr appointment I'll live. Honestly it's like having a Giant Redwood poke out. It's inevitable that there'll be a little in the aftermath. The feeling of release afterwards though. It's better than sex!! Of course I never mention that to the women I meet. I'm a Gentleman don't you know
Maybe a pic or two of this beast for your profile? Women are always going on about 10inchers etc....Oh and when this Redwood makes its aappearance do you shout "TIMBER" as it splashes down? If not why not. For a long while I shouted "Back of the Net". I'm more mature now.
Haha Timber and then 'splashback' your now wiping your arse with an easy breakable wet wipe
Lads, lads lads!!!
I'm telling you now you don't have the energy to shout TIMBER!! When the ol' Shirley Crabtree makes his appearance I'm convulsing on the pan crying my eyes out, probably shouting "Fuck no!! I don't want to die"!! My knuckles are white from gripping on to the toilet seat so hard in case I'm propelled head first into the door!
Maybe afterwards when finished and I'm wiping the sweat from my brow, I'll mutter out of breath something. Usually a "Thank you God, thank you........".
Honestly it's a life/death situation. "Buy some seeded loaf mate, you shouldnt have to go through all of that my brother. Porridge also helps. Another good visual sence of achievement is like white knuckles but infact its red knees'. The area just above the knees where your elbows have been digging in like a rock climbers axe thing | |||
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"Mate you might wanna go and get that checked out with a real medical professional. Not A+E though, make a Dr appointment I'll live. Honestly it's like having a Giant Redwood poke out. It's inevitable that there'll be a little in the aftermath. The feeling of release afterwards though. It's better than sex!! Of course I never mention that to the women I meet. I'm a Gentleman don't you know
Maybe a pic or two of this beast for your profile? Women are always going on about 10inchers etc....Oh and when this Redwood makes its aappearance do you shout "TIMBER" as it splashes down? If not why not. For a long while I shouted "Back of the Net". I'm more mature now.
Haha Timber and then 'splashback' your now wiping your arse with an easy breakable wet wipe
Lads, lads lads!!!
I'm telling you now you don't have the energy to shout TIMBER!! When the ol' Shirley Crabtree makes his appearance I'm convulsing on the pan crying my eyes out, probably shouting "Fuck no!! I don't want to die"!! My knuckles are white from gripping on to the toilet seat so hard in case I'm propelled head first into the door!
Maybe afterwards when finished and I'm wiping the sweat from my brow, I'll mutter out of breath something. Usually a "Thank you God, thank you........".
Honestly it's a life/death situation. "Jeez maybe you need a little more roughage in the ol diet. Sounds like your giving birth! Maybe gas n air in the smallest room might be appropriate. Call the midwife I'm taking a shit! | |||
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"Is it possible to deliver a 10 in her, without leaving a "breather ring"? If so, can it go in the Guinness book of records?" Breather ring - Whats that?  | |||
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"Is it possible to deliver a 10 in her, without leaving a "breather ring"? If so, can it go in the Guinness book of records?" A breather ring???? WTF? Do they sell suck jewellery in Argos? | |||
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"Is it possible to deliver a 10 in her, without leaving a "breather ring"? If so, can it go in the Guinness book of records? A breather ring???? WTF? Do they sell suck jewellery in Argos?" I'm surprised no one's mentioned prolapsing yet!?  | |||
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"Probably one for the guys as I know girls wre all princesses and don't go poo poo. Do you find your toilet trips are now doubled/trebled because of Fab??? Perfect place to check your mail etc (yes I do get some). Just wondered. " so your saying you log on to log off | |||
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"Probably one for the guys as I know girls wre all princesses and don't go poo poo. Do you find your toilet trips are now doubled/trebled because of Fab??? Perfect place to check your mail etc (yes I do get some). Just wondered. so your saying you log on to log off "Hee hee. Don't forget the Download!!! | |||
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"huge topic in our home -- mainly cos daughter suffers from chrohns and colitis - the family is always chatting poo "I find most people here talk shit lol. | |||
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"Is it possible to deliver a 10 in her, without leaving a "breather ring"? If so, can it go in the Guinness book of records? Breather ring - Whats that? "Where you have to pause to get your breath back, causing the nipsy to contract and leave a dent in the log. I dont know! If it wasnt for my medical knowledge you lot would still be using leeches! | |||
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"huge topic in our home -- mainly cos daughter suffers from chrohns and colitis - the family is always chatting poo "A good spicy vindaloo followed by 10 pints of Guinness Light the blue touch paper and prepare for the worst  | |||
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"huge topic in our home -- mainly cos daughter suffers from chrohns and colitis - the family is always chatting poo
A good spicy vindaloo followed by 10 pints of Guinness
Light the blue touch paper and prepare for the worst "she would end up in hospital for far less | |||
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"Mate you might wanna go and get that checked out with a real medical professional. Not A+E though, make a Dr appointment I'll live. Honestly it's like having a Giant Redwood poke out. It's inevitable that there'll be a little in the aftermath. The feeling of release afterwards though. It's better than sex!! Of course I never mention that to the women I meet. I'm a Gentleman don't you know
Maybe a pic or two of this beast for your profile? Women are always going on about 10inchers etc....Oh and when this Redwood makes its aappearance do you shout "TIMBER" as it splashes down? If not why not. For a long while I shouted "Back of the Net". I'm more mature now.
Haha Timber and then 'splashback' your now wiping your arse with an easy breakable wet wipe
Lads, lads lads!!!
I'm telling you now you don't have the energy to shout TIMBER!! When the ol' Shirley Crabtree makes his appearance I'm convulsing on the pan crying my eyes out, probably shouting "Fuck no!! I don't want to die"!! My knuckles are white from gripping on to the toilet seat so hard in case I'm propelled head first into the door!
Maybe afterwards when finished and I'm wiping the sweat from my brow, I'll mutter out of breath something. Usually a "Thank you God, thank you........".
Honestly it's a life/death situation.
Jeez maybe you need a little more roughage in the ol diet. Sounds like your giving birth! Maybe gas n air in the smallest room might be appropriate. Call the midwife I'm taking a shit!"Literal fucking lolz here smsl | |||
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"Is it possible to deliver a 10 in her, without leaving a "breather ring"? If so, can it go in the Guinness book of records? Breather ring - Whats that?
Where you have to pause to get your breath back, causing the nipsy to contract and leave a dent in the log. I dont know! If it wasnt for my medical knowledge you lot would still be using leeches!
"Ahh got you. Never heard it called a 'Breather Ring" before. Is it legitimate? If I found myself on Countdown could I use it without fear of causing Rachel Riley to release a little pee (mmmmmmm). | |||
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"Is it Breather - That rhymes with Lever or Is it Breather - That rhymes with Heffer (as in cow) ?" Lever. You need to get a copy of Rogers profanisaurus. Its all in there. | |||
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"No wonder phones are such health hazards. Please sterilise them immediately. What about the handle of the bog brush. Who cleans these, I hope they cleaned, mind you I can only poo in my house or work so it dosent matter. No one else poo's in either. But say you wernt a nervous poo'er, your in Asda's toilets having a shit, you do the decent thing and flush it away and then clean the pan. The last person who held that brush might of broke through the paper. Minging. Is it just Asda or do other supermarkets have poor hygiene when it comes to the bog brush??? To be honest it just reinforces my opinion that you shouldn't clean up after yourself unless at home. Pointless. Who's gonna think you? The guy who go's in after? "Cheers mate nice brush work. Spotless". I know Asda, Morries and Tesco's have public shitters. Ive only been in Waitrose a handful of times and didnt use their shitters. I dont think Ive ever been in another supermarket other than Aldi's once and I didnt need a poo. Even dogs like to cover their tracks, seen that backwards grass kicking thing they do, if you look they are often smiling as if to say 'Look at me, look at me'. So I disagree, wrap the brush handle with paper and get rid of your public skidders." Heehee even the girl dogs kickies grass n sand over their doo do's and they do do a little laugh ad get all frisky  | |||
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"I dont like that quilted thick luxury bog roll. Has to be a happy medium between that and the tracing paper you would get to wipe your arse with in school." Ahhh the tracing paper. That stuff just spread it. Apparently it's how lots of plasterers realised it was what they wanted to do! | |||
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"So does that mean by counting the 'Breather Rings' on a turd you can tell how long the labour was?" I have just found this thread. Chortling away. I don't know if it's a West Country thing but around here the no wipe necessary miracle is known as an angel poo and the 'breather ring' is 'crimping one off'... | |||
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"Would never take my phone while having a poo .eww thats disgusting . I take a small finger buffet and a glass of wine "That's a very posh poo | |||
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"So does that mean by counting the 'Breather Rings' on a turd you can tell how long the labour was? I have just found this thread. Chortling away. I don't know if it's a West Country thing but around here the no wipe necessary miracle is known as an angel poo and the 'breather ring' is 'crimping one off'..." Angel Poo how delightful. I call it a clean break. | |||
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