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'Not for me'

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I often find myself wondering, when I try and pan my thinking out from the swinging scene (and pursuit of sex in general) just WHY I don't have more luck in general when it comes to finding what and whom I want sexually, both due to not being interested in the offers I'm getting, or the ones I'm offering aren't interested in me.

I mean, I reckon I'm an (all reasonably) good looking, athletic, good humoured and intelligent guy, and would myself expect to be a lot more successful in my sexual pursuits than I actually am, and indeed, many of my potential suitors are actually surprised when I admit this to them - it got me wondering, how many people feel the same way (about themselves of course)? Regarding those you turn down, and likewise, why you yourself get turned down, do you think sometimes circumstances play the bigger part? Meaning, if the situation was optimal, ie you just found yourself in the right place at the right time, didn't have to worry about things travel, costs, accommodation, would you generally be more open to sexual offers on here, and expect other would perhaps be more sexually open to you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You need to look deep into yourself

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I don't stress about those who don't want to meet me and save my energies for those who do.

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By *andixxxMan
over a year ago

Gloucester

I think he doesn't need to do anymore soul searching as the post suggests he clearly knows what he's after!

Be picky,why not,there are so many to choose from,and whilst you're not after a quick "fuck and go",make sure you choose the right person that had the same _iews,values and desires as you... All the best in searching the right meet which will satisfy all your requirements...there is somebody for everybody on here,sometimes you just have to dig deep!! xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm confused about whether you're suggesting your perceived lack of success (measured against your own expectation) is due to being picky or due to circumstances?

I think a lot of people, if travel, time and everyday life weren't obstacles, would meet a lot more often. I rarely meet so it makes me really quite choosy about who and when I do.

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

sexy brain ...give me your cock !!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think a lot of people, if travel, time and everyday life weren't obstacles, would meet a lot more often. I rarely meet so it makes me really quite choosy about who and when I do. "

But is that choosiness based entirely upon the people coming your way, or do the kind of circumstances I mentioned also play a part - for example, have you ever turned anyone down because they were hundreds of miles away, who you'd have considered meeting if they were local?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"sexy brain ...give me your cock !!"

No, I need it!

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"I think a lot of people, if travel, time and everyday life weren't obstacles, would meet a lot more often. I rarely meet so it makes me really quite choosy about who and when I do.

But is that choosiness based entirely upon the people coming your way, or do the kind of circumstances I mentioned also play a part - for example, have you ever turned anyone down because they were hundreds of miles away, who you'd have considered meeting if they were local?"

All the time. But occasionally one slips under the radar!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well I'm a bit podgy, not very good looking, no more than averagely intelligent, probably less than averagely humorous and most definitely less than averagely endowed so I don't expect a huge amount of success on here.

So actually I'm really pleased with 3 meets from the site (2 verified, first one not) in just under 3 months - a lot more than I could have reasonably wished for! I guess it's all down to expectation - you have 27 veri's and think you're struggling. That to me is excellent and is a fantastic return from your time on Fab!

I have 2 and I'm cock a hoop!

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I think a lot of people, if travel, time and everyday life weren't obstacles, would meet a lot more often. I rarely meet so it makes me really quite choosy about who and when I do.

But is that choosiness based entirely upon the people coming your way, or do the kind of circumstances I mentioned also play a part - for example, have you ever turned anyone down because they were hundreds of miles away, who you'd have considered meeting if they were local?"

Of course, it's just for casual sex! If it was for something more meaningful I would make the effort. If I'm planning to be somewhere or planning part of the Fab Tour of Great Britain then I will try and arrange to meet with those that have piqued my interest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Given my personal circumstances, I am off limits for the majority of people. I do occasionally get the odd wink and message though.

These messages are always answered. I more often than not get a 'not for me' once I send a face picture. I have no issue with that, hey I'm not called marmite for nothing...

Those who haven't been turned to stone and I end up chatting with, I am more than happy to arrange a social meet. My current list of people chatting with a _iew for a social are spread from the midlands down, on average more than 100 miles away.

Now there are two _iews on this:

a) I'm sad/desperate and will chat to anyone for the chance of a meet.

b) Some people you connect with are worth travelling for.

For me, it would be no different than jumping in a car and travelling up to Chams. If someone is worth travelling 10 miles for, an extra 100 on top doesn't bother me.

The only time I have ever said not for me thanks is when i get messages from guys looking to meet. Happy to chat etc, but I ain't looking for blokes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think a lot of people, if travel, time and everyday life weren't obstacles, would meet a lot more often. I rarely meet so it makes me really quite choosy about who and when I do.

But is that choosiness based entirely upon the people coming your way, or do the kind of circumstances I mentioned also play a part - for example, have you ever turned anyone down because they were hundreds of miles away, who you'd have considered meeting if they were local?"

Well yes, of course it is. You make judgements about people based on their value or otherwise to you, and part of that picture is circumstances and logistics. Inevitably someone you'd have to spend time, effort and money just getting to has to work harder to impress than someone who is ten minutes away.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I can't make people meet me if they're not interested. I can't force them to shag me at a club. The time I spend with the men I do meet on here is so short they will never find out the real me (lucky for them!), so the circumstances are stacked against me really.

I find it difficult to travel to certain places and don't accommodate, and I am far too proud to request a lift or expect them to pay for a hotel. Therefore I am probably missing out on some likely candidates for decent meets, but that's the decisions I make.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Inevitably someone you'd have to spend time, effort and money just getting to has to work harder to impress than someone who is ten minutes away. "

Ahhh shit - I'm supposed to be attempting to impress?

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Limiting yourself to internet based interaction will always make things harder.

As has often been said to many a newbie (and is as relevant to long term members too!) - getting out and about to parties and clubs widens your social network and gives the opportunity to both meet people in 'reality' rather than 'virtually'. Even if doing so doesn't guarantee finding the one you seek you're opening up more doors to future opportunities and giving yourself the chance to allow others to see you in person, and therefore make a more informed decision as to opinions of you.

In real (vanilla) life people looking for company/partners/friends don't sit behind a keyboard. They go out and interact.

Why should it be any different in swinging or casual relationships?

A

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

SexyB u dont get out there though.. u wont go to clubs.. you wont travel so you cut yourself off from meeting a fair bit. I appriciate you like what you like but your set in stone rigid with tick box criteria for this person. maybe you need to adapt and look for her, be smidge more flexible on realistic goal posts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah.. what obi said.. lol

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"SexyB u dont get out there though.. u wont go to clubs.. you wont travel so you cut yourself off from meeting a fair bit. I appriciate you like what you like but your set in stone rigid with tick box criteria for this person. maybe you need to adapt and look for her, be smidge more flexible on realistic goal posts. "

Yeah, if we're going to pick on the OP, these are basically my thoughts too.

Aim lower Sexybrain. You just never know!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me it started of with me being a bit nervous when I first joined then I couldn't meet because of something that was going on in my life, But I'm very fussy on who I want to meet and I have turned down more meets then I have asked for, But I think that will change in a couple of weeks after my first club visit

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By *erotic_adventureMan
over a year ago

London, Scotland & The North,


"Limiting yourself to internet based interaction will always make things harder.

As has often been said to many a newbie (and is as relevant to long term members too!) - getting out and about to parties and clubs widens your social network and gives the opportunity to both meet people in 'reality' rather than 'virtually'. Even if doing so doesn't guarantee finding the one you seek you're opening up more doors to future opportunities and giving yourself the chance to allow others to see you in person, and therefore make a more informed decision as to opinions of you.

In real (vanilla) life people looking for company/partners/friends don't sit behind a keyboard. They go out and interact.

Why should it be any different in swinging or casual relationships?

A"

Totally agree with this, you need to social network and put yourself in the shop window. The site mostly works for bi fem couples and ofcourse people are so different face to face.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Put the mirror down and relax

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I don't get turned down that often and I don't stress when I do. I'm not going to be everyone's cup of tea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its all blah top me...i dont prey on my sexual prowess...i prey upon me being a good laugh in company

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"SexyB u dont get out there though.. u wont go to clubs.. you wont travel so you cut yourself off from meeting a fair bit. I appriciate you like what you like but your set in stone rigid with tick box criteria for this person. maybe you need to adapt and look for her, be smidge more flexible on realistic goal posts. "

Is that you back Sassy?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't get turned down that often and I don't stress when I do. I'm not going to be everyone's cup of tea "

I'd lick your discarded teabags x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"SexyB u dont get out there though.. u wont go to clubs.. you wont travel so you cut yourself off from meeting a fair bit. I appriciate you like what you like but your set in stone rigid with tick box criteria for this person. maybe you need to adapt and look for her, be smidge more flexible on realistic goal posts.

Is that you back Sassy?

"

Kinda .. ish... when theres nout on tv.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op just wondered maibe one of ur veris can be ur reg?.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Circumstances always play the bigger part with me.....but I will never turn someone down who I deem to be too far away. It is up to them to make the effort and come to me. If thats what they want. I'm also very selective about who I meet because I can't meet very often so I want to know that we are going to get on. I have no problem with accepting that some don't think I'm worth the effort.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Circumstances always play the bigger part with me.....but I will never turn someone down who I deem to be too far away. It is up to them to make the effort and come to me. If thats what they want. I'm also very selective about who I meet because I can't meet very often so I want to know that we are going to get on. I have no problem with accepting that some don't think I'm worth the effort."

blah blah blah I just wanked at ur arse

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

We all like different things in others and have our own filters, limiting who is of interest.

Some are just going to be less fortunate, sad but true.

We can do things about it but whether we do or not is a different story.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Circumstances always play the bigger part with me.....but I will never turn someone down who I deem to be too far away. It is up to them to make the effort and come to me. If thats what they want. I'm also very selective about who I meet because I can't meet very often so I want to know that we are going to get on. I have no problem with accepting that some don't think I'm worth the effort.

blah blah blah I just wanked at ur arse"

ha ha ha. ... Good to know it has its uses

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just out of interest would you

1) mention to potential partner you swing

2) not mention said swinging and carry on regardless

3) once met person, stop swinging, see how relationship goes, talk of fantasies etc and start again from scratch as a couple

4) all of above

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just out of interest would you

1) mention to potential partner you swing

2) not mention said swinging and carry on regardless

3) once met person, stop swinging, see how relationship goes, talk of fantasies etc and start again from scratch as a couple

4) all of above "

5.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's 5 lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What's 5 lol"

None of the above.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh yeah lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Op just wondered maibe one of ur veris can be ur reg?."

I've met a few women over the years I'd have very much enjoyed becoming proper FBs with, the problem is lots of them tend to drift in and out of the swinging scene, move on, find themselves in more conventional relationships etc.

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

We make things harder for ourselves but we know and accept that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't understand the question

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well I'm a bit podgy, not very good looking, no more than averagely intelligent, probably less than averagely humorous and most definitely less than averagely endowed so I don't expect a huge amount of success on here.

So actually I'm really pleased with 3 meets from the site (2 verified, first one not) in just under 3 months - a lot more than I could have reasonably wished for! I guess it's all down to expectation - you have 27 veri's and think you're struggling. That to me is excellent and is a fantastic return from your time on Fab!

I have 2 and I'm cock a hoop! "

I think you're a gent and extremely sexy.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

maybe 5/6 years ago, I had too much time to swing. It consumed me and I really didn't like the person I became. I was drinking too much, I over analysed everything and my house at times was awash with moochers and scroungers. It was fun at times though.

I changed that a few years ago and I am in a much happier place and that is why I wouldn't accommodate now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Op just wondered maibe one of ur veris can be ur reg?.

I've met a few women over the years I'd have very much enjoyed becoming proper FBs with, the problem is lots of them tend to drift in and out of the swinging scene, move on, find themselves in more conventional relationships etc."
Yes your right right there, will take time to find the one for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I often find myself wondering, when I try and pan my thinking out from the swinging scene (and pursuit of sex in general) just WHY I don't have more luck in general when it comes to finding what and whom I want sexually, both due to not being interested in the offers I'm getting, or the ones I'm offering aren't interested in me.

I mean, I reckon I'm an (all reasonably) good looking, athletic, good humoured and intelligent guy, and would myself expect to be a lot more successful in my sexual pursuits than I actually am, and indeed, many of my potential suitors are actually surprised when I admit this to them - it got me wondering, how many people feel the same way (about themselves of course)? Regarding those you turn down, and likewise, why you yourself get turned down, do you think sometimes circumstances play the bigger part? Meaning, if the situation was optimal, ie you just found yourself in the right place at the right time, didn't have to worry about things travel, costs, accommodation, would you generally be more open to sexual offers on here, and expect other would perhaps be more sexually open to you?"

Don't stress...some people are meant to meet and Learn from one another, others not so much....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Circumstances, time, travel, money will play a part, but if you really wanted to meet someone / you would regardless of all that. View's post got me thinking that limited time etc can be a good thing, as it could become all consuming otherwise at the expense of other things. I only need look at local updates to see evidence of that.

Now, if teleport was invented, that would cheer me up no end !

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