FabSwingers.com forum: advice with 14 year old shoplifter

By *litterbabe OP Woman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

I have been informed today that my son stole 2 ecigs from a shop.

It's a 100% reliable source.

The shop are unaware at present and he us also unaware that I know, as I'm thinking carefully how to deal with this on many levels.

He stole cash a couple of years ago and we did call the police eventually to let them visit him and us at home and hopefully help him see sence and may be scare him a little.

He is fascinated by these ecigs as many kids are, he is convinced theybare safe too (I don't agree), he is also too young to buy them but he is going to get in to trouble if this is not dealt with.

Parenting is not always easy and I'm asking for you advice on how to deal with particular situation if you can.

I'm thinking of possibly taking him to the shop to appologise ,pay for them from his pocket money and get him banned from that shop.

Thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I found out my daughter had stole from a shop I took her back to the shop made her hand the item back and apologise

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think yur both right on the money here, mine is only 8 and as of yet have never had to deal with this, but I would do what you both have suggested if it was me. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Those E cigs should be behind the counter, the same as alcohol and cigarettes.

Her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If he admits it then I think your plan sounds perfect but no sense taking him in to apologise unless he has seen the error of his ways, good luck x

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By *ichaelangelaCouple
over a year ago

notts

"I have been informed today that my son stole 2 ecigs from a shop.

It's a 100% reliable source.

The shop are unaware at present and he us also unaware that I know, as I'm thinking carefully how to deal with this on many levels.

He stole cash a couple of years ago and we did call the police eventually to let them visit him and us at home and hopefully help him see sence and may be scare him a little.

He is fascinated by these ecigs as many kids are, he is convinced theybare safe too (I don't agree), he is also too young to buy them but he is going to get in to trouble if this is not dealt with.

Parenting is not always easy and I'm asking for you advice on how to deal with particular situation if you can.

I'm thinking of possibly taking him to the shop to appologise ,pay for them from his pocket money and get him banned from that shop.

Thank you "

my son stole from a shop, he was 14 at the time, made him go back and return the goods (they had not been opened) and made him offer to do some work for the shop owner as punishment, shop owner was very impressed and got him to sweep out front and do some general tidying, taught the little bugger a valuable lesson

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By *ittykate84Woman
over a year ago

CHESTER

Back to the shop to pay, apologise and hand over the ecigs since they are illegal for him to have,

I think stopping pocket money and grounding him, maybe even removing games console if he has one for awhile is needed, apologises can be faked but consequences after the fact need to be real!

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By *anchestercubMan
over a year ago

manchester & NI

My advice is to confront him.

Go with him back to the shop.

Make him hand over the merchandise, explain himself and apologise to the shopkeeper.

The shaming of him should be enough that he now knows you are watching him and the shopkeeper is watching him.

Exposing, confronting and punishing bad behaviour is the best way I think so that he is crystal clear about what is wrong and the consequences of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I found out my daughter had stole from a shop I took her back to the shop made her hand the item back and apologise"

This

Obviously assuming he admits he has them, hands them over to you and has not sold them for pocket money as kids are likely to do.

Good luck, it's never easy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Doesn't matter what he stole....he STOLE! Sounds like you're already making excuses for him. Phone the police.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I think taking him back to the shop would be an option.

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By *anchestercubMan
over a year ago

manchester & NI

made him offer to do some work for the shop owner as punishment, shop owner was very impressed and got him to sweep out front and do some general tidying, taught the little bugger a valuable lesson"

I love the idea of parent-imposed community service.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Doesn't matter what he stole....he STOLE! Sounds like you're already making excuses for him. Phone the police."

i have seen no excuses just asking for advice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Doesn't matter what he stole....he STOLE! Sounds like you're already making excuses for him. Phone the police.

i have seen no excuses just asking for advice

The bit about being too young to buy them suggests this is an excuse for stealing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Doesn't matter what he stole....he STOLE! Sounds like you're already making excuses for him. Phone the police.

i have seen no excuses just asking for advice

The bit about being too young to buy them suggests this is an excuse for stealing."

No I see it as a statement of fact not an excuse, possibly one of the reasons

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Doesn't matter what he stole....he STOLE! Sounds like you're already making excuses for him. Phone the police.

i have seen no excuses just asking for advice

The bit about being too young to buy them suggests this is an excuse for stealing."

oh right sorry I though you was referring to the OPs post as it's her asking for advice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Doesn't matter what he stole....he STOLE! Sounds like you're already making excuses for him. Phone the police.

i have seen no excuses just asking for advice

The bit about being too young to buy them suggests this is an excuse for stealing.

No I see it as a statement of fact not an excuse, possibly one of the reasons"

Reason....Excuses all the sam M'Lord. Send him down!!!!

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By *lackbirdtimestwoWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

At 14 he must be shown the concequences, I agree a trip to the shop, an apology and return the goods, a week without his electronics will give him real concequences,, but don't go over the top,, put it into perspective if his usually a good kid there's no need to go over the top, he needs to feel remorseful and then get over it. I'd have a word with the shop keeper too, those ecigs should be behind a counter

Oh and good luck x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One excuse. Is he being bullied? Is he being put under pressure to do this? Peer pressure to be a part of his group?

If so then obviously chastise him for not having the testicular fortitude to say no, but at least you can get to the root of the problem.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Doesn't matter what he stole....he STOLE! Sounds like you're already making excuses for him. Phone the police.

i have seen no excuses just asking for advice

The bit about being too young to buy them suggests this is an excuse for stealing.

oh right sorry I though you was referring to the OPs post as it's her asking for advice

I am.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have been informed today that my son stole 2 ecigs from a shop.

It's a 100% reliable source.

The shop are unaware at present and he us also unaware that I know, as I'm thinking carefully how to deal with this on many levels.

He stole cash a couple of years ago and we did call the police eventually to let them visit him and us at home and hopefully help him see sence and may be scare him a little.

He is fascinated by these ecigs as many kids are, he is convinced theybare safe too (I don't agree), he is also too young to buy them but he is going to get in to trouble if this is not dealt with.

Parenting is not always easy and I'm asking for you advice on how to deal with particular situation if you can.

I'm thinking of possibly taking him to the shop to appologise ,pay for them from his pocket money and get him banned from that shop.

Thank you "

That sounds a really good way of dealing with it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Doesn't matter what he stole....he STOLE! Sounds like you're already making excuses for him. Phone the police.

i have seen no excuses just asking for advice

The bit about being too young to buy them suggests this is an excuse for stealing.

oh right sorry I though you was referring to the OPs post as it's her asking for advice

I am."

oh yeah, I must stop skim reading lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Doesn't matter what he stole....he STOLE! Sounds like you're already making excuses for him. Phone the police.

i have seen no excuses just asking for advice

The bit about being too young to buy them suggests this is an excuse for stealing.

oh right sorry I though you was referring to the OPs post as it's her asking for advice

I am.

oh yeah, I must stop skim reading lol"

Lol glad you agree it's an excuse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would do with mine, what has already been said, take them back, make him pay for them out of his pocket money and make him do a bit of work at the shop.

Then as I'm quite strict, I would remove his laptop, game console, TV and tablet out his room for a month.

Would never shout at him though.

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By *anchestercubMan
over a year ago

manchester & NI

"One excuse. Is he being bullied? Is he being put under pressure to do this? Peer pressure to be a part of his group?

If so then obviously chastise him for not having the testicular fortitude to say no, but at least you can get to the root of the problem. "

I think to question his manliness is not the way to go. Sends a very negative message in my opinion.

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

It is true that making him apologise to the victim (just using a general word, not judging) of the crime, has worked quite well in the past with all sorts of crimes from shoplifting to mugging.

Sadly it is never used that often as the first line of punishment.

Good luck xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Doesn't matter what he stole....he STOLE! Sounds like you're already making excuses for him. Phone the police.

i have seen no excuses just asking for advice

The bit about being too young to buy them suggests this is an excuse for stealing.

oh right sorry I though you was referring to the OPs post as it's her asking for advice

I am.

oh yeah, I must stop skim reading lol

Lol glad you agree it's an excuse

i didn't agree to anything just saying I didn't notice it first time I read

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By *litterbabe OP Woman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

I'm not making any excuses at all for him.

I'm simply asking for advice on the most suitable punishment and way to deal with this situation.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

He does need to have some punishment as well as returning them. And a serious talking to, where you share your hopes as well as fears about what could happen if he does wrong stuff.

Find out if others are involved and allow that to influence his punishment.

Spend a lot of time talking with him to determine all the reasons he stole this. As well as own up to other thefts - I'm guessing it's been part of a few.

Remind him that you want to stay close and need him to commit regularly to staying on the straight and narrow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Doesn't matter what he stole....he STOLE! Sounds like you're already making excuses for him. Phone the police."

Quite agree an hour in a cell can do wonders

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By *litterbabe OP Woman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

"He does need to have some punishment as well as returning them. And a serious talking to, where you share your hopes as well as fears about what could happen if he does wrong stuff.

Find out if others are involved and allow that to influence his punishment.

Spend a lot of time talking with him to determine all the reasons he stole this. As well as own up to other thefts - I'm guessing it's been part of a few.

Remind him that you want to stay close and need him to commit regularly to staying on the straight and narrow."

Thank you, I am thinking of grounding him for the whole of half term and only letting him go trick or treating with me and a bunch of very young kids instead of with his friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Put him up for adoption

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By *litterbabe OP Woman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

"Put him up for adoption "

Opinions are what the forums are for!

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Glitter - Good for you, you got it right over the money I think, scare him.

I also think your right with your last paragraph, take him back, make him apologise, make him pay and perhaps get him to clean the windows, sweep the floor and make the tea for them this Saturday. Friendly, community service if you like.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Difficult one because he's done it before and not learnt his lesson

Definitely take him back to the shop

however they may of course decide to escalate it further, but he's got to learn.

Good luck whatever you decide

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think I'd phone the police on this but taking him to the shop may be an option ? I used to shoplift regularly at that she and saw it as a game

like a game of dare if u like , I think I'd tell u know and find out if its the robbing he likes or the e cigs , if its the e cigs I'd probably buy some an make him inhale till he pukes ! If its the robbing I'd try an find out why ? Hope this helps x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Meant at that age .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Put him up for adoption

Opinions are what the forums are for!"

Not an opinion : just dark 'humour' kickin in am afraid

Most of what I really think had been said already in the first 3/4 contributions

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By *litterbabe OP Woman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

Thank you.

I do like the idea of him offering to help there to in order to give his time to help.

They may call the police and that's their prerogative.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I'm not making any excuses at all for him.

I'm simply asking for advice on the most suitable punishment and way to deal with this situation.

What an awful position he's put you in. I have no ides how I would have dealt with this but think that the suggestions made about taking him back to the shop are good ones. I hope you get this resolved, it can be so tough being a parent.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Put him up for adoption

Opinions are what the forums are for!"
If he was my kid i would start by giving him a good hiding as he hasnt learned since the last time he stole cash....

Cant believe the mamby pamby answers being bandied about!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All good advice. At fourteen I would possibly get the police invovvled to have a proper chat with him about the consequences of his actions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/10/14 18:30:29]

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Thank you.

I do like the idea of him offering to help there to in order to give his time to help.

They may call the police and that's their prerogative."

The shop could be in trouble too if they call the police. These things are not ment to be sold to kids, they didnt sell it, No; but it was somehow in reach.

If its a proper trader who specialises in these products then its a suprise as at £20+ plus a pop they cant afford for them to be picked up and walked out, seeing as they are often tied up with customers and cant pay full attention to everyone in the shop.

At 14, and its been returned possibly without them knowing who took it, the shop will probably be grateful and repremand staff as much as you/your son.

It would be so easy for you to just walk away from this and keep it in house

its brave, but the right thing to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Withdraw tv in room and consoles and pocket money as well.

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By *ogistical NightmaresCouple
over a year ago

Manchester Area

If it was the first time, then agree with taking him back to the shop etc.

But he has stolen before.

He needs a short sharp shock

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Put him up for adoption

Opinions are what the forums are for!If he was my kid i would start by giving him a good hiding as he hasnt learned since the last time he stole cash....

Cant believe the mamby pamby answers being bandied about!!!"

Is that what you do with yours?

Does it work?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have been informed today that my son stole 2 ecigs from a shop.

It's a 100% reliable source.

The shop are unaware at present and he us also unaware that I know, as I'm thinking carefully how to deal with this on many levels.

He stole cash a couple of years ago and we did call the police eventually to let them visit him and us at home and hopefully help him see sence and may be scare him a little.

He is fascinated by these ecigs as many kids are, he is convinced theybare safe too (I don't agree), he is also too young to buy them but he is going to get in to trouble if this is not dealt with.

Parenting is not always easy and I'm asking for you advice on how to deal with particular situation if you can.

I'm thinking of possibly taking him to the shop to appologise ,pay for them from his pocket money and get him banned from that shop.

Thank you "
I done retail security for years ur right to call the police it sounds like peer pressure to me i think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Put him up for adoption

Opinions are what the forums are for!If he was my kid i would start by giving him a good hiding as he hasnt learned since the last time he stole cash....

Cant believe the mamby pamby answers being bandied about!!!

Is that what you do with yours?

Does it work?"
Had hidings for a lot less,my kids never stole so cant really apply that rule

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Put him up for adoption

Opinions are what the forums are for!If he was my kid i would start by giving him a good hiding as he hasnt learned since the last time he stole cash....

Cant believe the mamby pamby answers being bandied about!!!

Is that what you do with yours?

Does it work?Had hidings for a lot less,my kids never stole so cant really apply that rule"

Well its one option I suppose

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By *litterbabe OP Woman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

"Thank you.

I do like the idea of him offering to help there to in order to give his time to help.

They may call the police and that's their prerogative.

The shop could be in trouble too if they call the police. These things are not ment to be sold to kids, they didnt sell it, No; but it was somehow in reach.

At 14, and its been returned possibly without them knowing who took it, the shop will probably be grateful and repremand staff as much as you/your son.

It would be so easy for you to just walk away from this and keep it in house

its brave, but the right thing to do."

I think these are disposable versions so cheaper and its a national high street shop selling all kinds of popular home products.

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By *ust MonicaWoman
over a year ago

CAMBRIDGESHIRE

The local community police are great. They will show him around the cells. Talk to him about prisons or life with a criminal record etc. everything else like taking him back to shop etc is great advice.

Being a parent is the hardest job in the world!! Good luck

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Thank you.

I do like the idea of him offering to help there to in order to give his time to help.

They may call the police and that's their prerogative.

The shop could be in trouble too if they call the police. These things are not ment to be sold to kids, they didnt sell it, No; but it was somehow in reach.

At 14, and its been returned possibly without them knowing who took it, the shop will probably be grateful and repremand staff as much as you/your son.

It would be so easy for you to just walk away from this and keep it in house

its brave, but the right thing to do.

I think these are disposable versions so cheaper and its a national high street shop selling all kinds of popular home products.

They may have a written protocol to follow. The community police idea is a good one, perhaps stop them in the street and ask them 'your friend' needs advice about her son and see what they say?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/10/14 18:43:31]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Those E cigs should be behind the counter, the same as alcohol and cigarettes.

Her"

Alcohol is behind the counter? Blimey, how rough is it where you live? We have fridges and shelves full of the stuff in every shop you go in.

But as punishment just let him know how disappointed you are and ignore him for a while. We all seek praise and attention from our parents

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shame not the 80s. Could of called my mum and her trusty slipper.

That i never had twice for the Same thing. Not to mention the next trip to grandparents were his belt would be waiting

If only xbox was invented. Would of been a dream to have that taken away instead of bum like mistriss slave lol

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Yes make him take them back! Unplug his telly! Stop his pocket money! Yadda yadda!

Until you fully understand why he did it (that is IF he did it) and he can look at his actions from another perspective (and with some remorse)... even the best suggestions in the world may just encourage him to be more careful next time. It's a coin toss... heads you start to become the bitch fucker who doesn't understand - tails, yeah hands up I'm busted.

Sit down and talk.

If he doesn't want to talk - sit there until he does.

When he does talk - listen - really listen.

Don't judge - listen.

Don't TELL, ask questions.

The conversation is far more powerful that the punishment.

If you do the talking bit right, he will not only tell you what he needs to do... he'll believe it really is the right thing to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Back to the shop to pay, apologise and hand over the ecigs since they are illegal for him to have,

I think stopping pocket money and grounding him, maybe even removing games console if he has one for awhile is needed, apologises can be faked but consequences after the fact need to be real! "

Removing consoles, banning pocket money, even grounding won't work.

All that'll do is push him to do more of the same.

You need to find out what's making him do it, the centre of the issue!

The group of friends he's with, home issues, wanting the attention.

Until you figure out the reason why, it won't stop.

I know from the experience of being a right little shit as a kid.

It took 2 years in juve detention for this and other stupid actions to sort my head out.

You don't want your kid going down that route, believe me!!

Hope you get it sorted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes make him take them back! Unplug his telly! Stop his pocket money! Yadda yadda!

Sit down and talk.

If he doesn't want to talk - sit there until he does.

When he does talk - listen - really listen.

Don't judge - listen.

Don't TELL, ask questions.

The conversation is far more powerful that the punishment.

If you do the talking bit right, he will not only tell you what he needs to do... he'll believe it really is the right thing to do.

As always a excellent idea

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By *at69driveMan
over a year ago

Hertford

"I'm not making any excuses at all for him.

I'm simply asking for advice on the most suitable punishment and way to deal with this situation.

I think I am most likely to make him return them to the shop (I will go with obviously), and pay too as they will be not resaleable. I may ask them to ban him, and I believe they do have zero tolerance so it will be the shop's choice if they call the police."
. Sounds a good course of action. If you have paid fit the goods there is nothing that the police can do. Would try and advise him that if he does not change his ways and ends up with a criminasl record , lots of companies would not employ him. Hope you manage to sort

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

years ago when my daughter was shoplifting I got in touch with our community police and they came and spoke to her never did it again

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By *oulou45Woman
over a year ago

Bucks

I would also suggest taking him back to the shop to apologise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Doesn't matter what he stole....he STOLE! Sounds like you're already making excuses for him. Phone the police.

Quite agree an hour in a cell can do wonders "

You do realise that he's 14, the police will do a grand total of nothing

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By *hrissie1961Woman
over a year ago

dumfries and galloway

Tough love.....take him back to the shop and make it clear it is up to the owner what happens. But if you find out he does it again, police

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have been informed today that my son stole 2 ecigs from a shop.

It's a 100% reliable source.

The shop are unaware at present and he us also unaware that I know, as I'm thinking carefully how to deal with this on many levels.

He stole cash a couple of years ago and we did call the police eventually to let them visit him and us at home and hopefully help him see sence and may be scare him a little.

He is fascinated by these ecigs as many kids are, he is convinced theybare safe too (I don't agree), he is also too young to buy them but he is going to get in to trouble if this is not dealt with.

Parenting is not always easy and I'm asking for you advice on how to deal with particular situation if you can.

I'm thinking of possibly taking him to the shop to appologise ,pay for them from his pocket money and get him banned from that shop.

Thank you "

Think you got it spot on actually, combine the humiliation with the financial penalty. It gets easier, my little boy is now 21 and a lovely person. Whilst I love him more than anything, and I'm now very proud, he's been a shit in the past.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Back to the shop to pay, apologise and hand over the ecigs since they are illegal for him to have,

I think stopping pocket money and grounding him, maybe even removing games console if he has one for awhile is needed, apologises can be faked but consequences after the fact need to be real!

Removing consoles, banning pocket money, even grounding won't work.

All that'll do is push him to do more of the same.

You need to find out what's making him do it, the centre of the issue!

The group of friends he's with, home issues, wanting the attention.

Until you figure out the reason why, it won't stop.

I know from the experience of being a right little shit as a kid.

It took 2 years in juve detention for this and other stupid actions to sort my head out.

You don't want your kid going down that route, believe me!!

Hope you get it sorted. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have been informed today that my son stole 2 ecigs from a shop.

It's a 100% reliable source.

The shop are unaware at present and he us also unaware that I know, as I'm thinking carefully how to deal with this on many levels.

He stole cash a couple of years ago and we did call the police eventually to let them visit him and us at home and hopefully help him see sence and may be scare him a little.

He is fascinated by these ecigs as many kids are, he is convinced theybare safe too (I don't agree), he is also too young to buy them but he is going to get in to trouble if this is not dealt with.

Parenting is not always easy and I'm asking for you advice on how to deal with particular situation if you can.

I'm thinking of possibly taking him to the shop to appologise ,pay for them from his pocket money and get him banned from that shop.

Thank you "
take it from a guy who was a bit of a nutcase as a teenager I u take him & make him apologise it will onl embarrass & anger him towards you, he's a teenager he's going to do stupid things & get into trouble with police, I did my mum & dad didn't let me off with things like that but didn't make a big deal of it, they thought let him get it out his system while he's young & he'll be a better adult for it, & it worked, "mostly"

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

"Yes make him take them back! Unplug his telly! Stop his pocket money! Yadda yadda!

Sit down and talk.

If he doesn't want to talk - sit there until he does.

When he does talk - listen - really listen.

Don't judge - listen.

Don't TELL, ask questions.

The conversation is far more powerful that the punishment.

If you do the talking bit right, he will not only tell you what he needs to do... he'll believe it really is the right thing to do.

Absolutely spot on

I was just starting to think why has no one asked IF he did it and why he did it (if he did).

Sorry but it seems that you've got him hung, draw and quartered without a trial!

Any imposed consequences should at least reflect mitigating circumstances and intent.

Is it possible he was bullied into it?

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By *andixxxMan
over a year ago

Gloucester

"Doesn't matter what he stole....he STOLE! Sounds like you're already making excuses for him. Phone the police.

i have seen no excuses just asking for advice

The bit about being too young to buy them suggests this is an excuse for stealing."

No it doesn't,she's only pointing out his motif for doing so,in no shape or form is she justifying what he did...she wouldn't ask for advice how to deal with it,if she did!! DUH!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Doesn't matter what he stole....he STOLE! Sounds like you're already making excuses for him. Phone the police.

Quite agree an hour in a cell can do wonders "

Or it can have the opposite effect like it did on me when I was younger (yes I know I'm still only a baby in some of your eyes) I was treated too harshly after stealing and ended up mixing in with the wrong crowd after being put in the cells as a punishment at 15 then went on to do worse things.

I say have a quiet word but make sure he understands you mean everything you say. You will get more respect of him that way then being too strict

I'm a support worker now so don't think I'm still a criminal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

to the retard suggest cracking him.... violence provokes violence!! ....

You didnt need advice from.here ur doing great x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes make him take them back! Unplug his telly! Stop his pocket money! Yadda yadda!

Sit down and talk.

If he doesn't want to talk - sit there until he does.

When he does talk - listen - really listen.

Don't judge - listen.

Don't TELL, ask questions.

The conversation is far more powerful that the punishment.

If you do the talking bit right, he will not only tell you what he needs to do... he'll believe it really is the right thing to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i would play the hurt and disappointed card. Although my eldest is only 10. But it seems to work. The cold shoulder for a little while. She hates it seemsand ends up in tears and apologises. Accept the apology an move on.

or you could try the naughty step in front of his friends lol xx

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By *heWolfMan
over a year ago

warwickshire

1.Skin him.

Remember those words that used to strike fear into everyone when I was a kid - "Wait till your Dad gets home..."

2.Ground him, especially if his mates are scrotes.

3.Take his Xbox/whatever off him, or certainly make sure any games he has are not 18+ Rated. If he wants to be treated like an adult, he has to behave like one first.

Whatever you decide, stick to your guns and see it through, don't cave in when he starts whining.

(Personally, I'd not go down the Police route. Years ago when you could speak to Plod who lived down the road and he would scare the shit out of a kid. I could be mistaken, but I get the impression the Police today don't approve of scare tactics with kids in case it "traumatises" them. Too many bleeding hearts, too many "procedures" to follow and too many people wanting to cover their own backs mean they won't do things the old-fashioned way. They might just start writing things down in their little books, next thing it's "out of their hands" and your son is in their system. There are plenty of Police chiefs who want to get as many kids' prints and DNA as they can.)

Good luck.

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

"to the retard suggest cracking him.... violence provokes violence!! ....

You didnt need advice from.here ur doing great x"

I used to be a good example of the fact. My parents were of the 'do as I say or else' types, the 'or else' was a physical assault. What this taught me was that you TELL someone to do something and if they don't do it, or get it wrong then you hurt them.

The result was that for half of the first 20 years of my life I'd be just as happy to beat the crap out of someone as say 'hello'.

Fortunately for myself, and my children (and anyone who said hello

, I realised that my parents had got it so totally wrong... and that did teach me a hell of a lot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The guilt of doing it topped the buzz from stealing, so I only ever did it once.

I would say he needs to understand why it's wrong and not just because he got caught/punished. I have no idea how to translate this to an adolescent though.

Good thing I don't have kids.

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By *litterbabe OP Woman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

Thank you for all your help. So far we are talking with no anger and he has admitted it. We don't use phycial punishment in our home so there will be other concequences. So far I have grounded him while we keep the conversation open and decide the pushiment.

Incidently these look like real cigarettes, are £1 each and near the sweets near the tills, so quite accessible really to kids.

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

£1 each. Not out of reach, the shop has a responsibility too

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Who puts ecigs by the sweet counter...I mean really. I would nip it in the bud now, he is young but not young enough to get in trouble with the police. Speak to him find out the root of the cause why is he stealing? Does he enjoy stealing? Is it peer pressure. Good luck OP x

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"£1 each. Not out of reach, the shop has a responsibility too"

Do they? Just because they are not out of reach doesn't mean they are fair game to be stolen. I'll admit it doesn't seem like a great place to put e cigs but I really don't see how it's the shops fault. That's like saying nothing should be on display if they don't want things stolen.

My sister and I got caught shop lifting when we were kids. We were a lot younger than 14. My dad came home from work late, woke us up and bundled us in the car threatening to take us to the police. We were so scared of going to the police! In the end he just drove round the block,took us back home and made us go down the shop the next day to apologise and give our pocket money for the next month to the shop owner.

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By *ipswingCouple
over a year ago

portrush

"Doesn't matter what he stole....he STOLE! Sounds like you're already making excuses for him. Phone the police."
aye right ... that will do a lot of good... he has sticky fingers... cut off his left hand and he will not do it again..

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By *litterbabe OP Woman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

"Who puts ecigs by the sweet counter...I mean really. I would nip it in the bud now, he is young but not young enough to get in trouble with the police. Speak to him find out the root of the cause why is he stealing? Does he enjoy stealing? Is it peer pressure. Good luck OP x"

Thank you

The reason is he is fascinated by then and they will only sell them to over 18`s. He knows it is wrong of course. He has some friends who smoke but these he was going to use to experiment with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The emotions and hormones going through a 14 year old boy are awful. Far worse than what we all went through.

I agree mum should make son return and pay and offer to work in some way.

I disagree with asking for a ban. The shop keeper will be impressed.

The important thing is that son knows he is loved and listened to. That he understands what he did was wrong. It is vital this is kept private and that mum does not tell her friends or his. Keep his reputation intact. He did a bad thing, that does not make him bad.

good luck

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"£1 each. Not out of reach, the shop has a responsibility too

Do they?"

Yeah.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Thank you

The reason is he is fascinated by then and they will only sell them to over 18`s. He knows it is wrong of course. He has some friends who smoke but these he was going to use to experiment with. "

There are a lot of agencies who work with youths who are are at risk of offending or have offended but not gone through the justice system. They work with youths to prevent them going through the justice system and often there are workshops run by ex offenders, it's something to consider if you are worried that he will do it again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I found out my daughter had stole from a shop I took her back to the shop made her hand the item back and apologise"

If I had found out my kids had done this like you I would take them back and make them face the shop keeper and get them to apologies and after be keeping a very close eye on them and tell them so too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Slap him around the head then sit down and have a chat about being on the wrong side of the law then make him watch Jeremy Kyle all over the school holidays next week.

Most boys nick something when they are young so as long as it dont get to be the `norm` for him im sure he will grow out of it.

DONT MAKE HIM go back to the shop as he will be treated like a criminal all his life or he might be by the busy bodies who find out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

First how to deal with the smoking at a young age is sit him down with a huge cigar make him smoke the entire thing that may turn him off smoking again.

Take him to the store to apologise and pay for the items and ask the owner of the store if he or she is a reasonable person how he should be punished after that chop his hands off!!

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By *hrissie1961Woman
over a year ago

dumfries and galloway

"First how to deal with the smoking at a young age is sit him down with a huge cigar make him smoke the entire thing that may turn him off smoking again.

Take him to the store to apologise and pay for the items and ask the owner of the store if he or she is a reasonable person how he should be punished after that chop his hands off!!"

..my dad caught me smoking and did the cigar thing.....I have never smoked anything since!

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