FabSwingers.com forum: Low body confidence

By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Research, being featured on BBC Breakfast, shows that low body confidence holds you back in life. It also says that it is not that easy to change how you feel.

My ears pricked up as it resonates with my You're Beautiful thread and the mention that the Katie Hopkins approach entrenches the negative feelings.

Please, no fat/skinny bashing in the discussion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You said the b word licks....

Naughty step!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it can have an effect on how someone holds themselves if they are not confident in their own body/skin.

Sometimes it can be a self fulfilling prophecy... Maybe it even held me back..

These days I have an inner confidence and realise I'm a good bloke

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I think it can have an effect on how someone holds themselves if they are not confident in their own body/skin.

Sometimes it can be a self fulfilling prophecy... Maybe it even held me back..

These days I have an inner confidence and realise I'm a good bloke

That's great. Go forth and conquer.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"You said the b word licks....

Naughty step!

Breakfast?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am of the mind set now that if you don't like it don't look at it noone is making you. I used to be a really shy wall flower type and had very low confidence and now I couldn't give 2 hoots I am just me and I like who I am

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm struggling a little at the moment, haven't met for a while because of real world issues and now I just can't seem to build up the confidence, got the demon on my shoulder saying why would anyone want to meet me, I'm not good enough and I'm not sure how to shake it

Probably haven't done myself any favours posting this, but it feels good to finally admit it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What is the Katie Hopkins approach?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think schools should focus heavily on building self esteem. It's very worrying how many people have issues that hold them back. I see it every day with people i work with and family .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You said the b word licks....

Naughty step!

Breakfast?"

You ain't getting me to say it, just to keep you company on the naughty step!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think schools should focus heavily on building self esteem. It's very worrying how many people have issues that hold them back. I see it every day with people i work with and family . "

Is that really a school's responsibility? All of my self-esteem issues are linked to my parents

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I am of the mind set now that if you don't like it don't look at it noone is making you. I used to be a really shy wall flower type and had very low confidence and now I couldn't give 2 hoots I am just me and I like who I am

Good for you. I bet it also means that more people like you too as they can see the change.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I'm struggling a little at the moment, haven't met for a while because of real world issues and now I just can't seem to build up the confidence, got the demon on my shoulder saying why would anyone want to meet me, I'm not good enough and I'm not sure how to shake it

Probably haven't done myself any favours posting this, but it feels good to finally admit it

If admitting it helps to feel some relief then you can start to build from here. Feel beautiful because you are.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"What is the Katie Hopkins approach?"

She is getting fat in order to prove it is just laziness preventing fat people like me from losing weight. There is no recognition of the psychological change needed to address weight issues.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it can have an effect on how someone holds themselves if they are not confident in their own body/skin.

Sometimes it can be a self fulfilling prophecy... Maybe it even held me back..

These days I have an inner confidence and realise I'm a good bloke

Pretty much everything you think is a self fulfilling prophecy. Thoughts creating reality...

Be mindful of what you think of yourself!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think schools should focus heavily on building self esteem. It's very worrying how many people have issues that hold them back. I see it every day with people i work with and family .

Is that really a school's responsibility? All of my self-esteem issues are linked to my parents"
that's my point. . If people have someone in their life that is destroying their self image. . The earlier we learn how to cope and get support . .the more likely we are to come through it .

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

This subject strikes close to home. Almost a marriage destroyer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My self confidence issues are not the fault of school or my parents, they are down to my inability to overcome them and being told by many many people from childhood through my adult life that Im ugly and worthless, no matter how many people say otherwise the negative comments always sunk in deeper than the positive. Now Im convinced Im way to fat, old and ugly for anybody to find attractive including my own wife. But I also know I can curl up in a ball and cry about it, or say oh well I cant change it might aswell just get on with life as best I can and thats what I do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What is the Katie Hopkins approach?

She is getting fat in order to prove it is just laziness preventing fat people like me from losing weight. There is no recognition of the psychological change needed to address weight issues.

She has admitted that she was surprised how crap it made her feel. She acknowledged she hadn't appreciated the psychological effect of being fat.

I'd be interested to see if that affects her ability to lose it again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Research, being featured on BBC Breakfast, shows that low body confidence holds you back in life. It also says that it is not that easy to change how you feel.

My ears pricked up as it resonates with my You're Beautiful thread and the mention that the Katie Hopkins approach entrenches the negative feelings.

Please, no fat/skinny bashing in the discussion."

One of the reasons I have no body pics on this profile is because I can't ever 'compete' with other women on here. It doesn't hold me back though. I know some people won't like me but some will. I let them make their own minds up in person (if we meet). It's not a negative thing for me, it's just a fact.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

with the exception of health issues, you can change a lot with self determination

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"with the exception of health issues, you can change a lot with self determination"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was confident in my body, however in the final couple of years of my marriage it was knocked. I was constantly made to feel unattractive through comments made by my ex. When you hear the same thing over and over again, you eventually start to believe it. I put on weight as I comfort ate too, because I was in a bad place mentally. I'd dress very drably too, so I was invisible when I was out - if that makes sense.

I left that marriage, it's taken a long time though to undo that damage. I am now doing lots of exercise and eating healthily. I'm back to being the old me. I now accept myself and wouldn't let anyone make me feel like that again.

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley

The beauty of a person lies within, not everyone is blessed with what the media tell us is a perfect figure/face/ height/weight.

Confidence in yourself shines through and engages people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The beauty of a person lies within, not everyone is blessed with what the media tell us is a perfect figure/face/ height/weight.

Confidence in yourself shines through and engages people."

just this!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was confident in my body, however in the final couple of years of my marriage it was knocked. I was constantly made to feel unattractive through comments made by my ex. When you hear the same thing over and over again, you eventually start to believe it. I put on weight as I comfort ate too, because I was in a bad place mentally. I'd dress very drably too, so I was invisible when I was out - if that makes sense.

That's the spirit and way forward, we are all unique and attractive in our own way

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

is that not the issue as perfection does not necessarily have to be the goal, just an improved overall look.

each baby step achieved, the confidence will grow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/10/14 10:02:32]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me it's all about feeling comfortable in your own skin. If you can achieve this then your life should be much easier.

If some can't accept you for what you are then, it's them who have an issue imo.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"is that not the issue as perfection does not necessarily have to be the goal, just an improved overall look.

each baby step achieved, the confidence will grow."

This puts it perfectly !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good for you. I bet it also means that more people like you too as they can see the change."
.

Indeed they do, I have ranged from a size 8 to a 24 and I will say that my confidence is due to something within myself it is not about my size how small or big I am.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/10/14 10:14:59]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

im very low in self confidence and it does make you doubt yourself even in things that may seem everyday to some. it is unfortunately very much forced upon you as a child that to be a beautiful woman u must look like this through media and even dolls such as barbie and some men expect that.

through this and my hubby being fantastic im starting to get some of the confidence back that i had before we had the wee one, after that i put on some weight and havent been able to shift it which knocked me back again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It takes many good people to coax you out of your shell. I have good friends on here and whilst they won't blow hot air up my ass and tell me I'm handsome, they make me feel like someone worth meeting.

Unfortunately all that can be undone by just one person saying (especially after seeing your face pic) on second thoughts you ain't my type.

Its tough for us all. But if you are expected to be strong and confident in work, and you apply a facade for 10 hours a day, it can break you. The irrational fears creep in and you can turn yiurself inside out trying to be what you think people want you to be.

Sorry. Self indulgent ramble alert.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I think schools should focus heavily on building self esteem. It's very worrying how many people have issues that hold them back. I see it every day with people i work with and family . "

Schools?!! What about in the home? I think that's where it starts. The only time I issues is when I don't like me, and I'm blaming the menopause.

When I'm in love with me Beyonce could only dream of being this hot!

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By *uggarbunnyWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

Probably haven't done myself any favours posting this, but it feels good to finally admit it

You're not alone. Same here.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Same for me but the opposite way - my mother constantly criticised me and my body,. called me fat, and laughed at my choice in clothes. It took years to realise she was wrong and men actually found me attractive. Its not perfect - I still think I'm a sack of lard, but I've managed to fool myself into thinking it doesn't matter when in clubs or on meets.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In the last 2 years I've lost 4 stone in weight due to stress and bad things happening in my life, and people have said how good I look and ask how I've done it. So when I tell them 'lose a parent have a family upheaval and move home' it shocks them. Now in fab world if someone has on their profile 'no fat people' I refuse to meet them. If they wouldn't have wanted to know me and meet us when I was a size 20 then they aren't getting the chance when I'm a size 12. I had more confidence when I was bigger than I have now. But that is irrelevant to some folk.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good for you. I bet it also means that more people like you too as they can see the change..

Indeed they do, I have ranged from a size 8 to a 24 and I will say that my confidence is due to something within myself it is not about my size how small or big I am."

Sexyness is nothing to do with the body its all from your mindset and how you carry it if you dont like you why would anyone else like you and u csn see from the look on your face in your profile pic that you are comfortable been you and with good reason wish everyone could realise this and enjoy there own bodies would make for a.much better environment to live in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think schools should focus heavily on building self esteem. It's very worrying how many people have issues that hold them back. I see it every day with people i work with and family .

Schools?!! What about in the home? I think that's where it starts. The only time I issues is when I don't like me, and I'm blaming the menopause.

When I'm in love with me Beyonce could only dream of being this hot!

I too believe if you cannot accept and love yourself for who you are then how can others?

It should almost be second nature to anyone with a duty of care for a child to instil this, and that the preconceived idea of beauty touted by media and fashion is unreal unattainable and only leads to heartbreak.

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By *s cynicalWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

Hell yeah

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In the last 2 years I've lost 4 stone in weight due to stress and bad things happening in my life, and people have said how good I look and ask how I've done it. So when I tell them 'lose a parent have a family upheaval and move home' it shocks them. Now in fab world if someone has on their profile 'no fat people' I refuse to meet them. If they wouldn't have wanted to know me and meet us when I was a size 20 then they aren't getting the chance when I'm a size 12. I had more confidence when I was bigger than I have now. But that is irrelevant to some folk."

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I think schools should focus heavily on building self esteem. It's very worrying how many people have issues that hold them back. I see it every day with people i work with and family . "

There are projects going in to schools now but more could be done, including recognising we all need to give positive messages.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"My self confidence issues are not the fault of school or my parents, they are down to my inability to overcome them and being told by many many people from childhood through my adult life that Im ugly and worthless, no matter how many people say otherwise the negative comments always sunk in deeper than the positive. Now Im convinced Im way to fat, old and ugly for anybody to find attractive including my own wife. But I also know I can curl up in a ball and cry about it, or say oh well I cant change it might aswell just get on with life as best I can and thats what I do.

You can change it. These are your thoughts, they live in your mind and you can change your mind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it can have an effect on how someone holds themselves if they are not confident in their own body/skin.

Sometimes it can be a self fulfilling prophecy... Maybe it even held me back..

These days I have an inner confidence and realise I'm a good bloke

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"with the exception of health issues, you can change a lot with self determination"

and may I add education. People should be told of hidden fats and sugars and how to make low calorie,low cost,filling meals and snacks

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley

"I think schools should focus heavily on building self esteem. It's very worrying how many people have issues that hold them back. I see it every day with people i work with and family .

Schools?!! What about in the home? I think that's where it starts. The only time I issues is when I don't like me, and I'm blaming the menopause.

When I'm in love with me Beyonce could only dream of being this hot!

I too believe if you cannot accept and love yourself for who you are then how can others?

Absolute wisdom and fabulous legs!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The problem is highly media based. Take some large women like vanesa felt (blood boiling now) she went on for years and years embracing her size etc how sexy she felt blah blah blah... she then loses weight and says how great she feels and how unhappy she was ... everyone's a hypocrite with weight issues.

Some people are more confident than others regardless of size but I don't think anyone can deny that being healthy is a bad thing and we would all like to be at our ideal weight. The truth of the matter is we can all be at our ideal weight with the right exercise and diet (except when illness is the cause) but we choose not too because food is soon yummy and exercise is harder and more boring than tv lol x

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By *o30Woman
over a year ago

Lincoln

I come across as confident but underneath it all I'm not really. I'm not body confident and find it difficult to believe a guy when he says he thinks I'm attractive or sexy

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I wonder why so many people equate body confidence with being fat. There are a lot of women out there with bulimia and anorexia because of body confidence. There are a lot of people who think all their problems in life would disappear if only they were fitter/thinner/prettier. Even on here there seems to be a trend of these posts moving towards 'well if you dieted and lost weight you'd be happier'. I did, and I wasn't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The problem is highly media based. Take some large women like vanesa felt (blood boiling now) she went on for years and years embracing her size etc how sexy she felt blah blah blah... she then loses weight and says how great she feels and how unhappy she was ... everyone's a hypocrite with weight issues.

What is an ideal weight? I've seen some fit fat people and some very unhealthy thin people.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Body size isn't the real issue but how we see ourselves. I am more body confident now than I ever was as a much thinner person.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Or your thoughts about yourself prevent you. Fat is in the mind as much as the mouth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really am happier now as an adult. My weight doesn't bother me mentally but physically it isn't helping. Having been slim or underweight up until my mid 30s and putting on 8 stone in a year I'm finding it hard to lose and stay off. I felt worse about my body when I was 9 stone with no breasts and a skinny face

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I wonder why so many people equate body confidence with being fat. There are a lot of women out there with bulimia and anorexia because of body confidence. There are a lot of people who think all their problems in life would disappear if only they were fitter/thinner/prettier. Even on here there seems to be a trend of these posts moving towards 'well if you dieted and lost weight you'd be happier'. I did, and I wasn't."

Neither was I. I'm fatter now than I ever have been and I finally feel beautiful. Losing weight a few years ago raised a body dysmorphia I had never experienced before.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What is an ideal weight? I've seen some fit fat people and some very unhealthy thin people. "

An ideal weight is what the person wants it to be xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And I think it is also assumed to be a predomminantly female issue

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

And I think it is also assumed to be a predomminantly female issue"

That is assumed and of course it isn't just girls and women.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Health problems should be the only reason for people to lose weight

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Health problems should be the only reason for people to lose weight "

And personal desire to change.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's got fuck all to do with body size.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Health problems should be the only reason for people to lose weight

And personal desire to change."

Wanting to fit into that LBD

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I've got a fuck it attitude I'm happy with me and that's all that matters

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've got a fuck it attitude I'm happy with me and that's all that matters

Exactly x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've gone really fat lately. I'm currently thinking of changing my body type to 'round' lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't particularly like my body shape but it's never stopped me doing things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've got a fuck it attitude I'm happy with me and that's all that matters

and thats the only person that matters on this subject x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After a few uncalled for PMs I feel I should say I haven't got an issue with my weight! It's the whole package I have no confidence in

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By *essiCouple
over a year ago

suffolk

There are many issues for lack of confidence as have been previously mentioned,depression can follow it closely to which doesn't help you to try and 'shake' it... having good friends and being able to talk to someone that understands does help and try to think positive thoughts...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've seen a few replies regarding confidence eroding and building . . I think it's a question of making sure you are around people who make you feel good. If our circumstances dictate that someone close to us is knocking our confidence. . It's about knowing how to get the support of others so it doesn't cause us to start believing the negative things we hear .

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By *L RogueMan
over a year ago

London

I too believe if you cannot accept and love yourself for who you are then how can others?

I totally agree. Trying to like/love someone who is not happy with themselves is hard work.

To add to comments made earlier, you can gain extra confidence by simply being the best you that you can be. That doesn't mean working towards "perfect" but just becoming happier in your own skin.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I too believe if you cannot accept and love yourself for who you are then how can others?

I totally agree. Trying to like/love someone who is not happy with themselves is hard work.

To add to comments made earlier, you can gain extra confidence by simply being the best you that you can be. That doesn't mean working towards "perfect" but just becoming happier in your own skin.

This....when you are happy with who you are and what you look like then it shows in your character and personality. Others will then find you likeable/lovable

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After a few uncalled for PMs I feel I should say I haven't got an issue with my weight! It's the whole package I have no confidence in

Hugs (((

)))

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After a few uncalled for PMs I feel I should say I haven't got an issue with my weight! It's the whole package I have no confidence in

"
You look beautiful in your pics, so sorry that you have no confidence in yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've got a fuck it attitude I'm happy with me and that's all that matters

Good attitude - and that will show to partners. Men are generally attracted to confident women. Irs not coincidence that women are mobbed when out after having a few drinks. Their inhibitions and self doubt drops away and they KNOW just how hot they really are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Research, being featured on BBC Breakfast, shows that low body confidence holds you back in life. It also says that it is not that easy to change how you feel.

My ears pricked up as it resonates with my You're Beautiful thread and the mention that the Katie Hopkins approach entrenches the negative feelings.

Please, no fat/skinny bashing in the discussion."
...People are what they are fuck what others think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you don't love yourself who can you love???

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

There's an educational theory that you need at least five positive comments to every negative and I think the theory may hold true when it comes to body issues and perception as well. Although I am fairly confident in my own body (I was when I was much bigger as well) I still feel the need to point out to guys I meet that I am podgy so they can make a decision in advance as to whether or not they still want to meet. I've never felt the need to do this with women I've met. I think some of us are ingrained to dwell on negative feedback and it takes an awful lot of positives from others and ourselves to balance them out. Luckily I tend to be quite positive so I talk myself out of negativity most of the time.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Humans perceive a lot from others by non verbal communication.

It seems like a Halloween fright fest at mine in the morning, and fully accepting ourselves is a great challenge, but worthwhile 100%.

For fab, find users who want you as you, rather than making do. This gives us more opportunity to accept ourselves as we are.

More 'me' time and not being self critical helps me. Catch yourself quickly if negative thoughts come up and switch to something uplifting. As well as get to understand why you ain't hold full acceptance of yourself. Image and body is often a mask for something else that's important.

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By *avebi48Man
over a year ago

Lordswood

"What is the Katie Hopkins approach?

She is getting fat in order to prove it is just laziness preventing fat people like me from losing weight. There is no recognition of the psychological change needed to address weight issues.

She has admitted that she was surprised how crap it made her feel. She acknowledged she hadn't appreciated the psychological effect of being fat.

I'd be interested to see if that affects her ability to lose it again. "

sounds like she's ignored the fact that some are genetically disposed to retaining weight/fluid, she's so gonna help their self esteem a lot, not.

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

Having been on the big end of the scales - weighing in at damn near 30 stone, and a dress size 24/26, and now down to 71kgs and a size 10/12 - but having been told this week at hospital that I am still overweight (According to BMI, which is irrelevant for the amount I train at the gym) it does knock you.

I still consider myself average, and have lumps and bumps (as my profile says, some even in the right place) Am I more confident now? Probably not, after comments on here and offline, I have some hang ups about my body, preferring still not to be naked with lovers - a recent non fab meet, I kept my suspenders and stockings on to hide my tummy, and then when he went to the bathroom, slipped on a short lacy negligee to hide. I'm not confident, but with a few wee bits, I can hide my imperfections and feel happier.

For me confidence has nothing to do with the number in your knickers, its about what is in your head.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She's doing it because she wants publicity. She has no talent so she's using shock tactics . People gain weight for many reasons . So her putting it on deliberately proves nothing at all. Other that the fact that she's a hateful piece of shit. . But we all know that anyway !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think schools should focus heavily on building self esteem. It's very worrying how many people have issues that hold them back. I see it every day with people i work with and family .

Is that really a school's responsibility? All of my self-esteem issues are linked to my parents"

Same here

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I've been skinny I was a size 10 and weighed 9 stone I was eating virtually nothing and was I happy?? Fuck no I was miserable and was making myself Ill. I get comments about my weight but is shrug them off and just carry on with life...I'm active I walk 3 miles a day but I like food and alcohol. I'm lucky that I'm 6ft so I don't look massive but I've got confidence and men find me attractive...I don't care who sees me naked and don't mind stripping off in front of people...this is a new found confidence I've not always been confident but I am now...and it's great

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What is self esteem anyway? It's about SELF.

I can look in the mirror and think 'oh shit I look a state!'. I can look in the mirror and think I look great today.

I can believe someone that says I look great. I can believe someone that says I look like shit.

The only thing in common with all those things is ME.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It took me a long time to have the confidence I have now. The only way you get confidence is by accepting the way you are. I do think that it comes with age though too.

Don't get me wrong I still do a throw myself in the jacuzzi dive before everyone sees my lumpy bits at clubs

but I'm happy to be naked playing with partners too now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've always had body confident issues, I hate my body, I hate my face, I've always wanted to be attractive but I know and accept without surgery I never will be, my lack of confidence has never held me back in day to day life, I went to uni I have a good job, my life is good, you dont need to be attractive for any of thay, it has held me back relationship wise though, I have spent more of my life single than with somebody, I just live behind a wall I have build and man can get past it so my relationships never last long, I supposeIif I'm totally honest I don't believe any man will want me so I don't allow myself to get close or open upto them as I feel I'm just heading for a fall, I'm pushing 40 and I have never been in love how sad is that lol

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Research, being featured on BBC Breakfast, shows that low body confidence holds you back in life. It also says that it is not that easy to change how you feel.

My ears pricked up as it resonates with my You're Beautiful thread and the mention that the Katie Hopkins approach entrenches the negative feelings.

Please, no fat/skinny bashing in the discussion."

It holds me back, definitely and it's certainly not easy to change.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My body confidence is very high and I got a 6pack like van dam

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My body confidence is very high and I got a 6pack like van dam

Coors Light?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My body confidence is very high and I got a 6pack like van dam

Coors Light?"
lol whats that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My body confidence is very high and I got a 6pack like van dam

Coors Light?"

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By *avebi48Man
over a year ago

Lordswood

"I've always had body confident issues, I hate my body, I hate my face, I've always wanted to be attractive but I know and accept without surgery I never will be, my lack of confidence has never held me back in day to day life, I went to uni I have a good job, my life is good, you dont need to be attractive for any of thay, it has held me back relationship wise though, I have spent more of my life single than with somebody, I just live behind a wall I have build and man can get past it so my relationships never last long, I supposeIif I'm totally honest I don't believe any man will want me so I don't allow myself to get close or open upto them as I feel I'm just heading for a fall, I'm pushing 40 and I have never been in love how sad is that lol "

not sure I'd describe it as sad, looking at your profile you seem lovely, if the right guy comes along he'd make the effort and persevere and in time you'd open yourself to a relationship and love with him.

For me I've tended to go from one relationship to the next, more recently I've been single for a couple years. Unusual for me but am happy for now, would be nice to be with someone again, will happen when it happens

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

"My body confidence is very high and I got a 6pack like van dam

Coors Light?lol whats that?"

Its the naff advert that Van Damme has sold out to do, for beer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My body confidence is very high and I got a 6pack like van dam

Coors Light?lol whats that?"

it's the beer that he advertises I believe it comes in a 6 pack

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My body confidence is very high and I got a 6pack like van dam

.... ah but do you have a face like Van Damaged? as that's what others will see daily not your six pack.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have low body confidence due to some nasty scars I have acquired over the last few years.It only effects me from getting undressed in front of people including Jo.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My body confidence is very high and I got a 6pack like van dam

Coors Light?lol whats that?

Its the naff advert that Van Damme has sold out to do, for beer."
lol I see, might try that beer and see how it tastes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This makes me sad - I'm a 'rather healthy' 10/12 most people would say I'm lucky but there is so much more to me than just a body and if people can't see that in you then that is their problem. If you suffer from low self esteem this site can work in two ways it can either - 1. Make you feel like a god or goddess or 2. Make you feel like a piece of 'meat'. Some of the messages we get are so crude and horrible - don't give up on love, it's the most incredible and amazing feeling but it dosen't always have to come from the opposite sex - friends and family are just as important and those close to you will know and value your real worth xxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My body confidence is very high and I got a 6pack like van dam

.... ah but do you have a face like Van Damaged? as that's what others will see daily not your six pack."
No I don't and no need to be rude is there.

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

I have never been in romantic love either, I've had a few long term relationships, but see myself as plain and not worth being in a relationship with. Some of it body confidence issues, some of it self-esteem thanks to my mother and a low sense of self worth... I'm determined to make it different for my son, and he knows how loved and cherished he is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My body confidence is very high and I got a 6pack like van dam

.... ah but do you have a face like Van Damaged? as that's what others will see daily not your six pack.

No I don't and no need to be rude is there."

Sorry I didn't intend to be rude. The comment made was a play on the name Van Damme not intended as personal.

I was merely trying to point out that it's a face and a smile most people see before any six pack.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I hate my body.

I'm intelligent and a nice person and I have loads of positive attributes. I have plenty of confidence in terms of who I am and my own abilities.

But I've no confidence in anything related to how I look physically.

I'd never dream of speaking to anyone in the way I speak to myself in my head.

It definitely affects my interactions with other people, what I wear, shopping for clothes, going out and all sorts of other things.

I frequently go through stages of not meeting due to how I feel about how I look (now, for instance). My gallery is hidden at the moment because I look awful and I don't think anyone wants to see that.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I've turned down meets with and pretended not to be interested in guys I've really liked because I believe they'd be disappointed with me in person and couldn't possibly fancy me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As for my scars tho I would rather have them than what was there so maybe i should be proud of them it shows im a survivor ? Does that make sense to anyone ?

him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My body confidence is very high and I got a 6pack like van dam

.... ah but do you have a face like Van Damaged? as that's what others will see daily not your six pack.

No I don't and no need to be rude is there.

Sorry I didn't intend to be rude. The comment made was a play on the name Van Damme not intended as personal.

I was merely trying to point out that it's a face and a smile most people see before any six pack."
That's fine, plus got a hard week in the gym x

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

"I've turned down meets with and pretended not to be interested in guys I've really liked because I believe they'd be disappointed with me in person and couldn't possibly fancy me."

I have done this too.

Thanks to everyone who has messaged privately as well to tell me my body type shouldn't be average and I shouldn't put myself down in my profile.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"I hate my body.

I'm intelligent and a nice person and I have loads of positive attributes. I have plenty of confidence in terms of who I am and my own abilities.

But I've no confidence in anything related to how I look physically.

I'd never dream of speaking to anyone in the way I speak to myself in my head.

It definitely affects my interactions with other people, what I wear, shopping for clothes, going out and all sorts of other things.

what professional help have you had ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've turned down meets with and pretended not to be interested in guys I've really liked because I believe they'd be disappointed with me in person and couldn't possibly fancy me."

i do that all the time

everytime a good looking guy mails me i think WTF!! Why would he mail me and just ignore his mail, I feel maybe I look better on my pics but if we met he'd be so disappointed

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"I've turned down meets with and pretended not to be interested in guys I've really liked because I believe they'd be disappointed with me in person and couldn't possibly fancy me.

i do that all the time

everytime a good looking guy mails me i think WTF!! Why would he mail me and just ignore his mail, I feel maybe I look better on my pics but if we met he'd be so disappointed"

but surely a social meet first gives the opportunity to see each other

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've turned down meets with and pretended not to be interested in guys I've really liked because I believe they'd be disappointed with me in person and couldn't possibly fancy me.

i do that all the time

everytime a good looking guy mails me i think WTF!! Why would he mail me and just ignore his mail, I feel maybe I look better on my pics but if we met he'd be so disappointed

but surely a social meet first gives the opportunity to see each other"

but if I don't feel someone will like me see no point wasting time meeting

I know my place in life, I am realisticn and I know the type of guy who would not find me attractive

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"I hate my body.

I'm intelligent and a nice person and I have loads of positive attributes. I have plenty of confidence in terms of who I am and my own abilities.

But I've no confidence in anything related to how I look physically.

I'd never dream of speaking to anyone in the way I speak to myself in my head.

It definitely affects my interactions with other people, what I wear, shopping for clothes, going out and all sorts of other things.

what professional help have you had ?"

Unfortunately the medical world also can't often see beyond weight.

Being overweight is bad so if I try to talk to doctors about physical esteem issues, they invariably start going on about losing weight.

As others have said, it's not about weight and whilst I feel so bad about myself there's little point trying to lose weight because I sabotage my own efforts.

I've lost, regained and lost the same 2 stone several times this year.

Trying to get doctors to take esteem issues seriously when you're overweight is swimming against the tide. In fact just about any health problem is blamed on it. I swear if I presented with a broken arm they'd try to tell me it's because I'm fat.

I've been offered exercise on prescription, WeightWatchers on prescription and all sorts of other weight loss advice which is no help at all.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"I've turned down meets with and pretended not to be interested in guys I've really liked because I believe they'd be disappointed with me in person and couldn't possibly fancy me.

i do that all the time

everytime a good looking guy mails me i think WTF!! Why would he mail me and just ignore his mail, I feel maybe I look better on my pics but if we met he'd be so disappointed

but surely a social meet first gives the opportunity to see each other"

I'm sure he will reject me so why line myself up to have my face rubbed in how unattractive I am?

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I should point out I go through phases of feeling less bad about myself, although I'm never really body confident.

I happen to be giving myself a particularly hard time at the moment, (as evidenced by my profile and photos being hidden).

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I've been offered exercise on prescription, WeightWatchers on prescription and all sorts of other weight loss advice which is no help at all."

It is help and it is something that if you take starts the journey again. Okay you have lost and regained but if you are so unhappy with how you look, change it.

you have one life and that life is worth more than anything and being happy with YOU is key to living it to it's fullest potential.

it is driving the GP to truly understand how you feel about yourself, the impact it is having on you and to explore other support.

you drive it.....

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"I hate my body.

I'm intelligent and a nice person and I have loads of positive attributes. I have plenty of confidence in terms of who I am and my own abilities.

But I've no confidence in anything related to how I look physically.

I'd never dream of speaking to anyone in the way I speak to myself in my head.

It definitely affects my interactions with other people, what I wear, shopping for clothes, going out and all sorts of other things.

what professional help have you had ?

Unfortunately the medical world also can't often see beyond weight.

Being overweight is bad so if I try to talk to doctors about physical esteem issues, they invariably start going on about losing weight.

As others have said, it's not about weight and whilst I feel so bad about myself there's little point trying to lose weight because I sabotage my own efforts.

I've lost, regained and lost the same 2 stone several times this year.

I've been offered exercise on prescription, WeightWatchers on prescription and all sorts of other weight loss advice which is no help at all."

Maybe you should try counselling? It does help

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"I've turned down meets with and pretended not to be interested in guys I've really liked because I believe they'd be disappointed with me in person and couldn't possibly fancy me.

i do that all the time

everytime a good looking guy mails me i think WTF!! Why would he mail me and just ignore his mail, I feel maybe I look better on my pics but if we met he'd be so disappointed

but surely a social meet first gives the opportunity to see each other

I'm sure he will reject me so why line myself up to have my face rubbed in how unattractive I am?"

and he may not.... as it stands you are thinking they will decline you, okay if you have 10 social meets and all refuse, you have lost nothing. If 8 decline, you have 2 who haven't.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I've been offered exercise on prescription, WeightWatchers on prescription and all sorts of other weight loss advice which is no help at all.

It is help and it is something that if you take starts the journey again. Okay you have lost and regained but if you are so unhappy with how you look, change it.

you have one life and that life is worth more than anything and being happy with YOU is key to living it to it's fullest potential.

it is driving the GP to truly understand how you feel about yourself, the impact it is having on you and to explore other support.

you drive it....."

This is the problem. It's not about how I look. I could be a size 12 (and have been) and feel the same (I did).

It's a head problem not a size problem.

Doctors, and a lot of other people, regard it as solve the body problem and the head problem will go away.

It's not like that.

The head problem is preventing me from losing weight (which I want to do for health reasons) but even if I did lose the weight, I would still have low body confidence.

As others have mentioned above, it's not about size. A lot jump to that conclusion, including a fair chunk of medical professionals, but that's completely getting the wrong end of the stick.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Research, being featured on BBC Breakfast, shows that low body confidence holds you back in life. It also says that it is not that easy to change how you feel.

My ears pricked up as it resonates with my You're Beautiful thread and the mention that the Katie Hopkins approach entrenches the negative feelings.

Please, no fat/skinny bashing in the discussion.

Don't compete it's not a competition. Just be aware that some people will like bigger girls and some won't. That's how I live my life!

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"I hate my body.

I'm intelligent and a nice person and I have loads of positive attributes. I have plenty of confidence in terms of who I am and my own abilities.

But I've no confidence in anything related to how I look physically.

I'd never dream of speaking to anyone in the way I speak to myself in my head.

It definitely affects my interactions with other people, what I wear, shopping for clothes, going out and all sorts of other things.

what professional help have you had ?

Unfortunately the medical world also can't often see beyond weight.

Being overweight is bad so if I try to talk to doctors about physical esteem issues, they invariably start going on about losing weight.

As others have said, it's not about weight and whilst I feel so bad about myself there's little point trying to lose weight because I sabotage my own efforts.

I've lost, regained and lost the same 2 stone several times this year.

I've been offered exercise on prescription, WeightWatchers on prescription and all sorts of other weight loss advice which is no help at all.

Maybe you should try counselling? It does help

I can't afford it privately and as I've said, trying to get a doctor to understand it's not about my weight has proved impossible.

They are convinced if I lose weight, voila I'll be happy and confident with how I look.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well said

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I've been offered exercise on prescription, WeightWatchers on prescription and all sorts of other weight loss advice which is no help at all.

It is help and it is something that if you take starts the journey again. Okay you have lost and regained but if you are so unhappy with how you look, change it.

you have one life and that life is worth more than anything and being happy with YOU is key to living it to it's fullest potential.

it is driving the GP to truly understand how you feel about yourself, the impact it is having on you and to explore other support.

you drive it.....

This is the problem. It's not about how I look. I could be a size 12 (and have been) and feel the same (I did).

It's a head problem not a size problem.

Doctors, and a lot of other people, regard it as solve the body problem and the head problem will go away.

It's not like that.

The head problem is preventing me from losing weight (which I want to do for health reasons) but even if I did lose the weight, I would still have low body confidence.

As others have mentioned above, it's not about size. A lot jump to that conclusion, including a fair chunk of medical professionals, but that's completely getting the wrong end of the stick."

then find a GP who understands what is truly driving your head....

sorry but to keep saying everyone does not understand you is bizarre.

you come across on here very articulate, precise and someone who knows how to research something.

What do you need

When do you need it

Who can give it to you

and hand them your plan to recovery.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I hate my body.

I'm intelligent and a nice person and I have loads of positive attributes. I have plenty of confidence in terms of who I am and my own abilities.

But I've no confidence in anything related to how I look physically.

I'd never dream of speaking to anyone in the way I speak to myself in my head.

It definitely affects my interactions with other people, what I wear, shopping for clothes, going out and all sorts of other things.

what professional help have you had ?

Unfortunately the medical world also can't often see beyond weight.

Being overweight is bad so if I try to talk to doctors about physical esteem issues, they invariably start going on about losing weight.

As others have said, it's not about weight and whilst I feel so bad about myself there's little point trying to lose weight because I sabotage my own efforts.

I've lost, regained and lost the same 2 stone several times this year.

I've been offered exercise on prescription, WeightWatchers on prescription and all sorts of other weight loss advice which is no help at all."

dieting is near on impossible when you are in that mind set, people just say if your not happy diet like it's that easy, food is comforting when we are down we eat, the bigger we get the more down we feel the more we eat the bigger we get and so it goes on, you have to sort your head out before you even start on your body, I truly believe obesity is more a mental ailment than a physical one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been offered exercise on prescription, WeightWatchers on prescription and all sorts of other weight loss advice which is no help at all.

It is help and it is something that if you take starts the journey again. Okay you have lost and regained but if you are so unhappy with how you look, change it.

you have one life and that life is worth more than anything and being happy with YOU is key to living it to it's fullest potential.

it is driving the GP to truly understand how you feel about yourself, the impact it is having on you and to explore other support.

you drive it.....

This is the problem. It's not about how I look. I could be a size 12 (and have been) and feel the same (I did).

It's a head problem not a size problem.

Doctors, and a lot of other people, regard it as solve the body problem and the head problem will go away.

It's not like that.

The head problem is preventing me from losing weight (which I want to do for health reasons) but even if I did lose the weight, I would still have low body confidence.

As others have mentioned above, it's not about size. A lot jump to that conclusion, including a fair chunk of medical professionals, but that's completely getting the wrong end of the stick."

Your best bet is getting your GP to recommend a counselor who can take you right back to the root of your problems and build new solid happy foundations with you. xx

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"I hate my body.

I'm intelligent and a nice person and I have loads of positive attributes. I have plenty of confidence in terms of who I am and my own abilities.

But I've no confidence in anything related to how I look physically.

I'd never dream of speaking to anyone in the way I speak to myself in my head.

It definitely affects my interactions with other people, what I wear, shopping for clothes, going out and all sorts of other things.

what professional help have you had ?

Unfortunately the medical world also can't often see beyond weight.

Being overweight is bad so if I try to talk to doctors about physical esteem issues, they invariably start going on about losing weight.

As others have said, it's not about weight and whilst I feel so bad about myself there's little point trying to lose weight because I sabotage my own efforts.

I've lost, regained and lost the same 2 stone several times this year.

I've been offered exercise on prescription, WeightWatchers on prescription and all sorts of other weight loss advice which is no help at all.

Maybe you should try counselling? It does help

I can't afford it privately and as I've said, trying to get a doctor to understand it's not about my weight has proved impossible.

They are convinced if I lose weight, voila I'll be happy and confident with how I look."

It's clearly having a huge impact on you....it maybe good to speak to your GP again. Or do some research on organisations who deal with these issues as often they have in house counsellors

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"I've turned down meets with and pretended not to be interested in guys I've really liked because I believe they'd be disappointed with me in person and couldn't possibly fancy me.

i do that all the time

everytime a good looking guy mails me i think WTF!! Why would he mail me and just ignore his mail, I feel maybe I look better on my pics but if we met he'd be so disappointed

but surely a social meet first gives the opportunity to see each other

I'm sure he will reject me so why line myself up to have my face rubbed in how unattractive I am?

and he may not.... as it stands you are thinking they will decline you, okay if you have 10 social meets and all refuse, you have lost nothing. If 8 decline, you have 2 who haven't."

I honestly believe, when I'm feeling like this, that everyone will decline and if they don't it's because they just want to empty their balls and I have the right holes.

This is what I mean when I agreed with Lickety that it holds me back. I can see the flaw in my thinking but I can't change it.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

". I can see the flaw in my thinking but I can't change it."

yes you can.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I've been offered exercise on prescription, WeightWatchers on prescription and all sorts of other weight loss advice which is no help at all.

It is help and it is something that if you take starts the journey again. Okay you have lost and regained but if you are so unhappy with how you look, change it.

you have one life and that life is worth more than anything and being happy with YOU is key to living it to it's fullest potential.

it is driving the GP to truly understand how you feel about yourself, the impact it is having on you and to explore other support.

you drive it.....

This is the problem. It's not about how I look. I could be a size 12 (and have been) and feel the same (I did).

It's a head problem not a size problem.

Doctors, and a lot of other people, regard it as solve the body problem and the head problem will go away.

It's not like that.

The head problem is preventing me from losing weight (which I want to do for health reasons) but even if I did lose the weight, I would still have low body confidence.

As others have mentioned above, it's not about size. A lot jump to that conclusion, including a fair chunk of medical professionals, but that's completely getting the wrong end of the stick.

then find a GP who understands what is truly driving your head....

sorry but to keep saying everyone does not understand you is bizarre.

you come across on here very articulate, precise and someone who knows how to research something.

What do you need

When do you need it

Who can give it to you

and hand them your plan to recovery.

I've tried numerous doctors over many years. I'm not just talking about one.

When you're fat, that's the root cause of everything and they cannot see past it.

As for counselling and mental health treatment on the NHS, that's almost non-existent now due to budget cuts. They'll prescribe medication but that's about it. Unless someone is actually in crisis, they don't want to know.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

there may be a delay in getting them, but they are available

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

". I can see the flaw in my thinking but I can't change it.

yes you can."

See the OP. It recognised that it can be very difficult to change, especially without the right treatment and support, which are really difficult to get.

Maybe can't change it is not the right way to put it. I certainly haven't been able to change it yet and I've been trying for a long time.

I've had this since my teens. I've been a size 12. I've been a size 24, maybe even bigger. It's always been there.

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

I've been offered exercise on prescription, WeightWatchers on prescription and all sorts of other weight loss advice which is no help at all.

It is help and it is something that if you take starts the journey again. Okay you have lost and regained but if you are so unhappy with how you look, change it.

you have one life and that life is worth more than anything and being happy with YOU is key to living it to it's fullest potential.

it is driving the GP to truly understand how you feel about yourself, the impact it is having on you and to explore other support.

you drive it.....

This is the problem. It's not about how I look. I could be a size 12 (and have been) and feel the same (I did).

It's a head problem not a size problem.

Doctors, and a lot of other people, regard it as solve the body problem and the head problem will go away.

It's not like that.

The head problem is preventing me from losing weight (which I want to do for health reasons) but even if I did lose the weight, I would still have low body confidence.

As others have mentioned above, it's not about size. A lot jump to that conclusion, including a fair chunk of medical professionals, but that's completely getting the wrong end of the stick.

then find a GP who understands what is truly driving your head....

sorry but to keep saying everyone does not understand you is bizarre.

you come across on here very articulate, precise and someone who knows how to research something.

What do you need

When do you need it

Who can give it to you

and hand them your plan to recovery.

I've tried numerous doctors over many years. I'm not just talking about one.

When you're fat, that's the root cause of everything and they cannot see past it.

Medication may well help, a big part of helping me was dealing with the underlying (and often quite chronic) bouts of depression. I've now lost 17 stone, some of that happening over a major crisis - a serious episode of depression that saw me hospitalised (a combination of things) but dealing with that has really helped me get to grips with the rest. I'm still never going to be the most confident lady ever, but I have had the confidence to go for my exam as a gym instructor and recently passed that with flying colours.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/10/14 15:17:43]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

". I can see the flaw in my thinking but I can't change it.

yes you can.

See the OP. It recognised that it can be very difficult to change, especially without the right treatment and support, which are really difficult to get.

Maybe can't change it is not the right way to put it. I certainly haven't been able to change it yet and I've been trying for a long time.

I've had this since my teens. I've been a size 12. I've been a size 24, maybe even bigger. It's always been there."

then you have to change the way you think about yourself and there is still plenty of time. You are young enough to get the help support that it will take and it won't be easy but if you want it hard enough.... grab it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

". I can see the flaw in my thinking but I can't change it.

yes you can.

See the OP. It recognised that it can be very difficult to change, especially without the right treatment and support, which are really difficult to get.

Maybe can't change it is not the right way to put it. I certainly haven't been able to change it yet and I've been trying for a long time.

I've had this since my teens. I've been a size 12. I've been a size 24, maybe even bigger. It's always been there."

How does your GP react to you telling him/her this? I'd try for another GP if this wasn't being addressed fully as a mental health problem. xx

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

there may be a delay in getting them, but they are available"

Please trust me on this. Currently, at least in this area, they really aren't.

I don't think anyone not actually currently in the system or trying to get into the system would believe the extent to which services have been cut.

Mental health care has been cut back to absolutely terrifying levels.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

there may be a delay in getting them, but they are available

Please trust me on this. Currently, at least in this area, they really aren't.

I don't think anyone not actually currently in the system or trying to get into the system would believe the extent to which services have been cut.

Mental health care has been cut back to absolutely terrifying levels."

they aren't really is not NO., they will have been cut but in this world, the more you drive it, the more you get

it has not be cut to nothing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This site, on occasion, makes me very body aware & gives me feelings of not being good enough. After having a baby I'm about 3 stone heavier than I was before. I've never been skinny, but always very toned and tight looking. It has had a massive effect on my body confidence.

But, as I've always said, "I hate myself, but I still think I'm better than everybody else"

xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This site, on occasion, makes me very body aware & gives me feelings of not being good enough. After having a baby I'm about 3 stone heavier than I was before. I've never been skinny, but always very toned and tight looking. It has had a massive effect on my body confidence.

But, as I've always said, "I hate myself, but I still think I'm better than everybody else"

xxxx"

lol you keep telling yourself that hun

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

there may be a delay in getting them, but they are available

Please trust me on this. Currently, at least in this area, they really aren't.

I don't think anyone not actually currently in the system or trying to get into the system would believe the extent to which services have been cut.

Mental health care has been cut back to absolutely terrifying levels.

they aren't really is not NO., they will have been cut but in this world, the more you drive it, the more you get

it has not be cut to nothing."

Unless you are a danger to yourself or others, the mental health team here offer 3 sessions with a psychiatric nurse to discuss your issues before discharging you back to your GP. They can suggest medication changes and there are a few group courses they can refer to. If none of those classes suit your needs, there's nothing else.

That's even if you have a diagnosed mental health condition.

They don't have the resources to deal with people not actually in crisis. Even then they rely on those people, some at rock bottom, to contact them because there are no regular follow up sessions for people now.

A man stopped taking his meds and ended up murdering his neighbour in this region not too long ago because he didn't have any mental health support (other than having meds thrown at him). It won't be long before there are more similar cases.

Once upon a time things were different. The extent to which they've changed over the last year or two is scary.

It's not saving money. It's just moving the problems elsewhere.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

there may be a delay in getting them, but they are available

Please trust me on this. Currently, at least in this area, they really aren't.

I don't think anyone not actually currently in the system or trying to get into the system would believe the extent to which services have been cut.

Mental health care has been cut back to absolutely terrifying levels.

they aren't really is not NO., they will have been cut but in this world, the more you drive it, the more you get

it has not be cut to nothing.

That's even if you have a diagnosed mental health condition.

Once upon a time things were different. The extent to which they've changed over the last year or two is scary.

It's not saving money. It's just moving the problems elsewhere."

ok, anyway good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But, as I've always said, "I hate myself, but I still think I'm better than everybody else"

xxxx"

i don't hate myself i think I'm a good person i just wish i looked better

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its all in the mind bloody brains are the problem thankfully mines a walnut....

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

there may be a delay in getting them, but they are available

Please trust me on this. Currently, at least in this area, they really aren't.

I don't think anyone not actually currently in the system or trying to get into the system would believe the extent to which services have been cut.

Mental health care has been cut back to absolutely terrifying levels.

they aren't really is not NO., they will have been cut but in this world, the more you drive it, the more you get

it has not be cut to nothing.

That's even if you have a diagnosed mental health condition.

Once upon a time things were different. The extent to which they've changed over the last year or two is scary.

It's not saving money. It's just moving the problems elsewhere.

ok, anyway good luck

Thanks. I've pretty much given up.

This phase will pass, eventually, and I'll have a phase of not feeling quite so bad. I don't think I'll ever reach the point of being happy with how I look now though.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

But, as I've always said, "I hate myself, but I still think I'm better than everybody else"

xxxx

i don't hate myself i think I'm a good person i just wish i looked better

^this

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

". I can see the flaw in my thinking but I can't change it.

yes you can.

See the OP. It recognised that it can be very difficult to change, especially without the right treatment and support, which are really difficult to get.

Maybe can't change it is not the right way to put it. I certainly haven't been able to change it yet and I've been trying for a long time.

I've had this since my teens. I've been a size 12. I've been a size 24, maybe even bigger. It's always been there.

How does your GP react to you telling him/her this? I'd try for another GP if this wasn't being addressed fully as a mental health problem. xx"

I've never found one who has understood. They all think it's down to my weight. Lose weight and everything will be miraculously fixed.

Obesity is the root of all evil.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The only thing I have trouble with really is my middle bit...legs are not bad face aint too shabby n ok boobs but I do lookat some women here n think their bodies are amazing and feel a little self cconscious I think the mr has more body issues like a few men I know.

A lot of men are too hard on themselves and have no confidence in their body.

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By *bony in IvoryCouple
over a year ago

Black&White Utopia

"I think schools should focus heavily on building self esteem. It's very worrying how many people have issues that hold them back. I see it every day with people i work with and family .

Is that really a school's responsibility? All of my self-esteem issues are linked to my parents"

same here

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I know it doesn't help unless you are in the place to believe it but I have met you and found you attractive.

Unpick the stories that have led to you believing you are not attractive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do think that often, those that knock someone else i.e. make a negative comment about them, have an issue themselves and really don't realise the damage they do. Or your life just slips into that negative pattern of being criticised and put down without you realising it's happening. I've now undone the damage my ex did to my self esteem and body confidence, partly through the love and support I've had from those positive people I now surround myself with. I love spending time with people with an inner beauty and it will always shine. We only pass this way once,so need to spend it realising how special and unique we all are.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"FS"

Welcome back.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

ok, anyway good luck

Thanks. I've pretty much given up.

This phase will pass, eventually, and I'll have a phase of not feeling quite so bad. I don't think I'll ever reach the point of being happy with how I look now though."

VV, I hope you know I say this with kindness, but the posts on here show me how much you have entrenched your belief that nothing and no one can help you so there is no point in changing your belief.

I know when you feel a bit better you will be able to see that only you changing your mind on how you _iew yourself will make the difference.

I truly believe for you, me and many others on here the answer isn't losing the weight and then magically feeling better. The answer is to fix your thoughts.

We (me) cloak ourselves in fat for a reason. I know why I became fat and why I remain fat. I know the part of it that is medical and metabolic and I know the part of it that is about the things that have happened in my life and affected my head.

Right now I am being told I look beautiful. It has come as a strange surprise to have these comments coming from so many different sources this week. I told my sister and a friend. Both of them said that they have always seen me as beautiful and it was frustrating that they couldn't get me to believe it. They said that now I am ready to show everyone I am beautiful because I can finally see it.

There is a self-esteem story we use at work and I will try and get this to you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But, as I've always said, "I hate myself, but I still think I'm better than everybody else"

xxxx

lol you keep telling yourself that hun

Hahaha tongue firmly in cheeky

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Okay so ive read this post. I dont think school, parents or media really has anything to do with our own self confidence.

I have never had any body confidence and sexually was always happier with lights out or on my back rather than on top, hiding in the bedroom was always better for me, so after loosing some weight yes i looked good all dressed up and even just in leggings and a top. I felt good about myself but still wasnt happy with my body, yes ive had kids and had sections, i have saggy bits but really they arent that saggy now.

We then joined this site and another site and everyday people on these sites say the most loveliest things about how fab i look in the pics how hot i look and just genuine confidence building things. Im happy to get pics taken now, im happier with the lights on and on top is now my favourite, weve now been to a club 3 times and even though not played weve had sex beside another couple, and we have done camming too which i do like doing when in the mood. So im becoming more confident about myself with my husband who has always said lovely things to me but i wouldnt believe him. Its all work in progress in my world. I truely believe that joining these sites has played a big part in how ive changed in myself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"...

Thanks. I've pretty much given up.

This phase will pass, eventually, and I'll have a phase of not feeling quite so bad. I don't think I'll ever reach the point of being happy with how I look now though."

Don't give up just yet. I find your comment here really hopeful. You know the feelings will pass and you'll feel better again. You've accepted it's a temporary feeling and not permanent. You know that Spring follows Winter. Hang onto that. Ride out the current crap feelings and when you feel better, build on the good stuff.

Do you really need to be happy with how you look? Or just happier? As long as you feel a bit better and know you can ride out the bad times, I think that's a good thing. x

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

This is the story about (insert your name but I will use Lickety for ease) and her self-esteem.

She had it when she was born, but because it was invisible, her parents and other people were unaware of it. When she was a baby and her parents and grandparents held her and sang to her and carried her her self-esteem actually grew a bit bigger every day. Then one day when Lickety was about 3 years old, she and her brother were playing with some building blocks and she accidentally knocked them over. "You are so stupid!" said her big brother. She was upset and ran to her mother was was busy and just told her to stop being silly. She decided she must be stupid and silly.

When she was 4 she was playing outside in the dirt with her brother when her grandmother saw her and told her off for getting her clean dress dirty saying "don't let me catch you getting dirty like that again". As she walked inside, feeling bad and missing out on the fun she was having, her mother said, "pull your dress down and don't let people see your underwear."

When she was 6 she asked her mother to explain a word she had heard. Her mother was very angry and said, "Don't ever use that word again!" She decided to ask her big brother but he just laughed at her and told that she was too young to know about that and to leave him alone.

As time went by and she grew older her self-esteem had more bits ripped off. Every time she did something she thought was wrong she thought she'd better not try that again. Sometimes bits of self-esteem grew, like when she did well at school or when people praised her.

When Lickety was 12, her body was very mature and the boys in her class teased her about it. She wanted to die! Why couldn't she be like the other girls in her class? People thought she was shy.

After a while she really hated her body. She didn't look like the actresses in films or on television or like any of the models in magazines. She was just hopeless.

By the time she became an adult, her self-esteem was quite damaged. She had learned a lot about how to improve it, but some pieces seemed to have fallen off for good."

This is from "Feeling Safe, Standing Strong" and I have precised it a fair bit but you get the drift.

Think about the stories you have grown up with.

Mine was mother telling me I was the ugliest baby she had ever seen.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Think about the stories you have grown up with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And I think it is also assumed to be a predomminantly female issue

That is assumed and of course it isn't just girls and women."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Research, being featured on BBC Breakfast, shows that low body confidence holds you back in life. It also says that it is not that easy to change how you feel.

My ears pricked up as it resonates with my You're Beautiful thread and the mention that the Katie Hopkins approach entrenches the negative feelings.

Please, no fat/skinny bashing in the discussion.

Don't compete it's not a competition. Just be aware that some people will like bigger girls and some won't. That's how I live my life! "

I agree! That's why I don't try to compete. I'm happy with me.

I know a couple of guys that taught me there's someone for everyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine was always my hair other kids would laugh at how uncontrollable it was and call me crystal tips....my mother always told me how beautiful it was and I was blessed.

As a teen I hated it and even ironed it straight.

I now pretty much embrace I have eighties power hair men find it sexy and I can have it straight for a change....gid bless ghds

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"...

Thanks. I've pretty much given up.

This phase will pass, eventually, and I'll have a phase of not feeling quite so bad. I don't think I'll ever reach the point of being happy with how I look now though.

Do you really need to be happy with how you look? Or just happier? As long as you feel a bit better and know you can ride out the bad times, I think that's a good thing. x"

When I say I've given up, I mean I've given up looking for help and trying to get a GP to understand.

The problem is with how I feel about how I look but it's not related to how I actually look. That's really difficult to explain to anyone who doesn't feel that way.

It seems logical to say well, if you don't like how you look, change it. It isn't easy to understand that some people hate how they look however they look. Changing how they look won't help because the problem is how they think.

In other senses I am happy. I'm confident in who I am. I can learn, or learn to do, practically anything I want to and have proven this repeatedly. Academically I am very successful. I'm about to start an M.Sc. which I am excited about.

How I feel about myself and the knock-on effects to my social life are what needs fixing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My confidence is in my beard and 'tache. If that looks good, i'd be top of the world. If i fuck it up, i'm not leaving the house.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"My confidence is in my beard and 'tache. If that looks good, i'd be top of the world. If i fuck it up, i'm not leaving the house.

Locate your confidence in something less apt to being damaged by your razor.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My confidence is in my beard and 'tache. If that looks good, i'd be top of the world. If i fuck it up, i'm not leaving the house.

I feel exactly the same about my hair. I can take on anyone when it's gone right...if not, the day is a write off!

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I hide in my fat, and sabotage my own attempts to lose it because I feel extremely uncomfortable with anyone finding me attractive.

I don't like how I look so anyone else showing interest freaks me out. I either don't take them seriously or I run away.

This is better during the good phases to the extent that I can arrange meets and go out socially but I can't bring myself to meet anyone I really fancy. I never have that much self belief.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"...

Thanks. I've pretty much given up.

This phase will pass, eventually, and I'll have a phase of not feeling quite so bad. I don't think I'll ever reach the point of being happy with how I look now though.

Do you really need to be happy with how you look? Or just happier? As long as you feel a bit better and know you can ride out the bad times, I think that's a good thing. x

When I say I've given up, I mean I've given up looking for help and trying to get a GP to understand.

The problem is with how I feel about how I look but it's not related to how I actually look. That's really difficult to explain to anyone who doesn't feel that way.

How I feel about myself and the knock-on effects to my social life are what needs fixing."

I think I understand. A forumite said CBT helped her. Maybe research that?

Negative thoughts and comments from other people brainwash us - like Lickety's story. (Love that.) So we can brainwash ourselves to think positively. It's difficult, yes. But possible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My confidence is in my beard and 'tache. If that looks good, i'd be top of the world. If i fuck it up, i'm not leaving the house.

Locate your confidence in something less apt to being damaged by your razor.

My shoes! I love my shoes. Unless someone steps on my shoes. Then, i'm a miserable old bugger.

When i had my long hair. Same applied. Had some days where my hair was just too orgasmic. And others when i thought 'what the heck?'

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I hide in my fat, and sabotage my own attempts to lose it because I feel extremely uncomfortable with anyone finding me attractive.

I don't like how I look so anyone else showing interest freaks me out. I either don't take them seriously or I run away.

This is better during the good phases to the extent that I can arrange meets and go out socially but I can't bring myself to meet anyone I really fancy. I never have that much self belief."

Changing your belief is what you need to work on.

Mine may falter if my depression bites deep but these tests are not fixed in stone.

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

It is hard to believe anything different when you have those ideas in your head, no matter how many times someone might tell you that you are attractive etc if you for feel it inside then you won't ever believe those words.

And I agree with VV in as much as I won't meet or even approach anyone I think wouldn't want to meet me in the real world.

I have to say though that I am very good at bluffing my way through life, I put on my nice undies and dresses, slap on a bit of make up and off I go brimming with confidence because it is like being someone else for that moment in time.

Anyone who knows me knows I cannot take a compliment, I know how I look and won't consider that I look otherwise.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"It is hard to believe anything different when you have those ideas in your head, no matter how many times someone might tell you that you are attractive etc if you for feel it inside then you won't ever believe those words.

And I agree with VV in as much as I won't meet or even approach anyone I think wouldn't want to meet me in the real world.

Anyone who knows me knows I cannot take a compliment, I know how I look and won't consider that I look otherwise."

My NHS therapist gave me homework after every session. For one month I had to accept compliments. When I told a close friend what my homework was she applauded. She told me that it was like I was Teflon coated when it came to compliments.

I told a male friend about my homework and he told me he found it personally hurtful that his thoughtful compliments were dismissed. He had given me a small gift and I rejected it. I had never thought about like that before.

Even if I am not feeling at my best when I get a compliment now I just say thank you.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Even if I am not feeling at my best when I get a compliment now I just say thank you.

I say thank you but I don't believe them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The more good people you spend time around. . The more it helps to build your confidence . And i mean good people. . Ones that show kindness and really take an interest in you on a deep level

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"...

Thanks. I've pretty much given up.

This phase will pass, eventually, and I'll have a phase of not feeling quite so bad. I don't think I'll ever reach the point of being happy with how I look now though.

Do you really need to be happy with how you look? Or just happier? As long as you feel a bit better and know you can ride out the bad times, I think that's a good thing. x

When I say I've given up, I mean I've given up looking for help and trying to get a GP to understand.

The problem is with how I feel about how I look but it's not related to how I actually look. That's really difficult to explain to anyone who doesn't feel that way.

How I feel about myself and the knock-on effects to my social life are what needs fixing.

I think I understand. A forumite said CBT helped her. Maybe research that?

Negative thoughts and comments from other people brainwash us - like Lickety's story. (Love that.) So we can brainwash ourselves to think positively. It's difficult, yes. But possible."

CBT is great I had it after my second abusive relationship it helped me understand why I was attracting tossers...it also taught me about my own behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can change it. These are your thoughts, they live in your mind and you can change your mind."

No these are the thoughts that live in other peoples minds when they see a big fat grey haired guy walking towards them lol

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By *nvictusMan
over a year ago

Beeston

Starting swinging actually helped with my confidence masively

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By *nvictusMan
over a year ago

Beeston

My ex wife once gave me a massive hug one day that took me by surprise. When I asked her what it was for she said it was all the compliments I gave her on her hair and clothes whenever I saw her.

She had not long finished with her boyfriend of a few months and she said I complimented her more than he ever had.

Just being nice and saying a few kind words can sometimes help someone so much.

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