FabSwingers.com forum: What do I do?

By *issHottieBottie OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

My language is fairly colourful but because my parents hate swearing and I've never sworn in front of them I don't in front of my son either. Although to be fair it's worse once I've had a few which I obviously don't do in front of him either.

But my ex's language is terrible, and his parents even worse. His step dad says fuck every other word, even to the point that it made me cringe before my lad was even born.

Now I know kids don't know that they shouldn't say words like that, he's 4 in a few months so the first time he said it I explained that wasn't a word little boys should use etc.

But now hes saying it more often, can't blame the lad he must hear it 300 times in the 8 hours he's there once a week. Yesterday when he said it he was told that if he said it again there would be consequences, like losing some of his favourite toys for a while. He took it all in and said sorry and they was it.

Now he's said it again today. As it happens I've just bought him a choccy bar from the shop so he's not getting that now. I've explained why and after a half hour sobbing session with him apologising over and over I'm still not letting him have it.

I've spoken to his dad about the language before and he just laughs and says that he will pick it up from somewhere eventually so does it matter. But yes. It matters to me. I get comments on how lovely and polite he is and I don't want him swearing like a trooper.

I've told him that he can thank his daddy and grandad for the fact that he's not allowed his chocolate bar and that he shouldn't say bad words just because they think it's ok.

I hate the fact that I'm being made to be the bad guy because I know for a fact that if he did it there they would laugh and probably egg him on!!

Sorry for the rant. I know not to made too big a deal of it as if makes them erode but I can't just ignore it and him think it's acceptable

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My sons 9 and knows if he swears he's in deep shit. He's only ever swore twice in front of me and both times I've sat him down and explained the consequences to him ie No computer, no football (for school or just kick about on the park), pretty much nothing!!

Now if he hears others swear he tells them off lol. I know it won't last long and eventually he will pick it up more but all I can do is hold off the enevitable.

Oh and I swear that much, people think I have Tourette's but I never do it in front of my son.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *issHottieBottie OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

"My sons 9 and knows if he swears he's in deep shit. He's only ever swore twice in front of me and both times I've sat him down and explained the consequences to him ie No computer, no football (for school or just kick about on the park), pretty much nothing!!

Now if he hears others swear he tells them off lol. I know it won't last long and eventually he will pick it up more but all I can do is hold off the enevitable.

Oh and I swear that much, people think I have Tourette's but I never do it in front of my son. "

Cheers russ, it is hard but he's only 3 for goodness sake, none of my

Family swear so I know that he's not got it from there and that's what Is making me more angry!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

stick to your guns! ..my best friend has exactly the same problem...and her boy,now, now 12 is very polite,friends parents always comment on it...when he's at his dads he swears all the time...and now, at home, he occasionally swears, but its usually doing an impersonation of his dad, or to get a laugh...he would never dream of swearing in anger at his mother in anger.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think in time he'll learn that swearing is something he can do at his dad and granddads house but not elsewhere.

Kids pick up on that sort of thing quite quickly. My niece has the most.disturbing table manners but knows that at our house she sits at the table and uses cutlery and accepts it readily.

It's a tough one for you and I think his dad and granddad should support your efforts not hinder them.

I wouldn't be dishing out a punishment and blaming someone else though.....mixed message.

but you have the bulk of the care so good on you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

I say good for you for sticking to your guns, most parents make idle threats and never see them through, actions cause consequences and I think it's a very good lesson for any child to learn.

I used to do the same with my boys, they weren't even allowed to call each other idiot when younger, yes they do hear it in the street but I would not have them saying bad words in the house as their dad and I would not swear in front of them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been in a very similar situation. I explained to our daughter that people have different rules. For instance Grandma may let her watch telly whilst eating her dinner which is a big no in our house. My dad swears so much it makes me cringe but I can never hide it and if she swore in front him him he would laugh. But our daughter knows where the boundaries lie here and at school and at his. She understands although we did have a few teething problems to begin with.

Good luck! Xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *issHottieBottie OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

"I think in time he'll learn that swearing is something he can do at his dad and granddads house but not elsewhere.

Kids pick up on that sort of thing quite quickly. My niece has the most.disturbing table manners but knows that at our house she sits at the table and uses cutlery and accepts it readily.

It's a tough one for you and I think his dad and granddad should support your efforts not hinder them.

I wouldn't be dishing out a punishment and blaming someone else though.....mixed message.

but you have the bulk of the care so good on you

I've never said that before today but at his age he must think I'm being totally unreasonable when his dad and grandparents and uncles say it all the time and no one bats an then he's getting punished for it. He's been really upset for nearly an hour now because of it.

I've tried talking to the ex and he doesn't give a shit. Makes me so cross.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittykate84Woman
over a year ago

CHESTER

Honestly it may have to come down to supervised visits if he continues the poor little guy is probably so confused with dad and grandad most certainly doing it and allowing him to do it!

You could try speaking to your ex again and explaining that you will be imposing punishments etc..

He is your son and you want to raise him correctly and right now your ex and his family arent doing that! X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I was 56 the first time I swore in front of my mum.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I were him i'd tell ya to go n fuck urself

Seriously, tho you do right.

Every kid needs to learn the difference between right and wrong .

Sanctions and an explanation shows good parenting skills imho

Stick by your guns

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only thing I would add is don't bring his dad and gramps into it.

He needs to know it is wrong, regardless of where he has heard it.

Make it about your rules and your definition of right and wrong. Period.

If he wants to labour the point, no choccy AND a stint on the naughty step should drive the point home

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good luck honey!

I know it's hard - but as a previous post said - children soon adapt and learn that what's acceptable in one household isn't acceptable in yours.

As long as you temper discipline with oodles of love - which you clearly do - he'll still be a happy well-adjusted child!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd be punishing the adults not the little lad. It's appalling that they can't modify their language. Don't they care about his welfare ?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell the wanker to fuck right off.

But seriously you seem to be handling it ok. You are explaining why he's being deprived and are sticking to your guns.

My son is nineteen and I've only heard him swear once and that's when I dropped a paving slab on his foot.

Children should never swear in front of their parents no matter what age they are.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now if he hears others swear he tells them off lol. I know it won't last long and eventually he will pick it up more but all I can do is hold off the enevitable.

Oh and I swear that much, people think I have Tourette's but I never do it in front of my son.

Cheers russ, it is hard but he's only 3 for goodness sake, none of my

Family swear so I know that he's not got it from there and that's what Is making me more angry! "

Just give his dad a firm kick to the bollocks and tell him he gets it for everytime your son swears

Should make him think twice.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now if he hears others swear he tells them off lol. I know it won't last long and eventually he will pick it up more but all I can do is hold off the enevitable.

Oh and I swear that much, people think I have Tourette's but I never do it in front of my son.

Cheers russ, it is hard but he's only 3 for goodness sake, none of my

Family swear so I know that he's not got it from there and that's what Is making me more angry!

Just give his dad a firm kick to the bollocks and tell him he gets it for everytime your son swears

Should make him think twice. "

Sounds like you're doing the right thing OP. It won't end here. Your ex will be letting him stay up late, tv in bed, eating crap food, playing adult rated computer games.... Good luck!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)

You need yo talk to ex again and explain its really not exceptabke and say he can no longer have him without ou there. Tell him off like a child in front of your son so he can see what daddy is doing is wrong. Yes he will pick it up eventually but not at such a uoung age. Your ex needs to realise it is not at all exceptable in front of your son

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

When my son (who was 4 when he did it, hes now 5) swore, we had the conversation that it was an adult word only is dirty, and not very nice at all.

I did threaten to wash his mouth out with soap because its a dirty word. He swore once since not long after coming back from his dads, and yes I did put a little soap on his tongue and then gave him his toothbrush and toothpaste. He now tells people off for using naughty words.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ex-a-frolicsCouple
over a year ago

Brizzle

I was always brought up not to swear & was told it was only ignorant people that swore!! Kids pick it up from their parents, the thing that really winds me up is when you hear parents telling their kids off for swearing & in doing so say stop f***ing swearing. Talk about double standards. My mum was the eldest of five & was in part responsible for punishing bad language. Washing their mouths with soap had the desired effect.

You can only do your best it's not easy.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my sons 3 ....and just when i asked him what he wanted for dinner came out with "" fuck you "" ....so straight on naughty step and explained it was a naughty word ...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *issHottieBottie OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

"I'd be punishing the adults not the little lad. It's appalling that they can't modify their language. Don't they care about his welfare ? "

They don't care about much apart from fags and their dog.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

good for you hottie .. maybe your lad will have learned his lesson .. i bet you turn a deaf ear to every other f he says

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like you handled it the best way Hottie. It's not easy. I never swore in front of my parents , to be honest I don't swear much anyway. It's difficult when two parents have different behaviours in front of a child , but the boundaries you're setting for your son will give him a great grounding in the future.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread