FabSwingers.com forum: Depression...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi... I've been trawling though recent posts in order to find people to speak with, but a lot of the women who have replied, don't want contact from single men.

I have a very good female friend that suffers from depression, and has recently been going thru a low period. She has told me that she feels suicidal and I would like help from those that suffer this condition.

I have told her to seek professional help, and she assures me that she is.

Any help would be appreciated! I don't know what I should be doing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is she on anti depressants?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If she's saying that she's suicidal then you need to make sure she's getting help, don't take her word for it, offer to go and see the doctor with her.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is she on anti depressants? "

I don't know. She assures me that she has been receiving medical help and I believe her, although am not sure of any prescribed medication.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I work on a crisis home treatment team listen to her but seek advice from local team if concerned depression is horrible difficult to understand if you have not suffered dont judge her just support her and be there for her

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

If she is talking that is a good thing. Watch for her behaviour changing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is she on anti depressants?

I don't know. She assures me that she has been receiving medical help and I believe her, although am not sure of any prescribed medication."

She needs to be on anti depressants ASAP to take the edge of an mellow her out ,just keep an eye on her an make sure shes going the doctors ,good on yeh for looking out for her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let her know you will always be on the end of the phone for her. Having someone to just be there with me helped but medication was the only thing that got me through it in the end

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT

"Is she on anti depressants?

I don't know. She assures me that she has been receiving medical help and I believe her, although am not sure of any prescribed medication."

Anti-depressants can cause suicidal feelings in the first couple of months. If she is on medication she may need to discuss this with her doctor.

If she's not on medication and she is genuinely having thoughts of ending it imminently, she should go to a+e. They will assign a psychiatrist and some support from a crisis team. But this is only short term.

If she is not already seeing a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist she needs to speak to her GP and get a referral ASAP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is she on anti depressants?

I don't know. She assures me that she has been receiving medical help and I believe her, although am not sure of any prescribed medication.

Anti-depressants can cause suicidal feelings in the first couple of months. If she is on medication she may need to discuss this with her doctor.

If she is not already seeing a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist she needs to speak to her GP and get a referral ASAP. "

Yeh true She needs to be watched over for the first month or 2 but after that she will be more relaxed an start thinking a bit more possitive with the seratonin in her brain ,hope she gets through it ,its a terrible thing depression

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Let her know you will always be on the end of the phone for her. Having someone to just be there with me helped but medication was the only thing that got me through it in the end "

Thank you BC - You were one of the people I tried to contact after reading one of your posts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Antidepressants help but need to find root cause just make sure she knows she can contact you whenever be there for her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi there, the fact your friend is talking about her feelings is a positive as she is possibly asking for a wee bit help. Depression is a struggle but medication can certainly help unclutter her mind and help her see things in a slightly clearer way. She's very lucky to have a friend to watch out for her. take care x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Antidepressants help but need to find root cause just make sure she knows she can contact you whenever be there for her"

Anti depressants help to find that root ,it balances your mind so you can think straight

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hi there, the fact your friend is talking about her feelings is a positive as she is possibly asking for a wee bit help. Depression is a struggle but medication can certainly help unclutter her mind and help her see things in a slightly clearer way. She's very lucky to have a friend to watch out for her. take care x"

Thank you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Antidepressants help but need to find root cause just make sure she knows she can contact you whenever be there for her

Anti depressants help to find that root ,it balances your mind so you can think straight "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Antidepressants help but need to find root cause just make sure she knows she can contact you whenever be there for her

Anti depressants help to find that root ,it balances your mind so you can think straight "

Totally agree good she has support

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Antidepressants help but need to find root cause just make sure she knows she can contact you whenever be there for her

Anti depressants help to find that root ,it balances your mind so you can think straight "

I agree - they work for me - but it can take time to get the right one and the right dose. That's not a reason, in my view, to not take them especially when you start to slide into the horrid black stuff of your mind.

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

im not sure if mine work I just get this don't care attitude with them

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So I've just asked, and she is not on medication...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"im not sure if mine work I just get this don't care attitude with them"

Yeh but thats a good thing ,it means your not thinking too deep which can be one of the main cause of depression ,deep thinking is a killer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nothing worse than feeling your being engulfed by a darkness been there and its not nice thats why can be empathetic in my role as a crisis home treatment worker

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"im not sure if mine work I just get this don't care attitude with them"

Maybe your dose needs adjusting?

I used to stop feeling - happy or sad - and that made me reluctant to take them. My work life and reputation are dependent on me being sharp and I felt dull. Over time I got the right medication and dosage and now I can laugh and cry appropriately and be sharp.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm on them too, been to very dark and dangerous places, but they pulled me up and have kept me on a even keel for a long time.

Well done for looking out for her, knowing you have a good friend to talk to anytime is a very positive thing.

I hope she starts to fell better soon xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all for the messages on here and the Pm's.

It's a very big concern and I knew I could count on this community for help.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"So I've just asked, and she is not on medication..."

She needs to see her GP and get on something. Check whether she is sleeping.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I've just asked, and she is not on medication..."

Then possibly she has not been to her GP? That is a worry if that's the case hun

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By *hortieWoman
over a year ago

Northampton

Bless you for being there for her.

That is all I can really think of to say.. all of the above posts are spot on too.

Be there as much as you can, and are willing and able... it can be (at times) harder for supporters than sufferers.

Much

to you both.

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By *SweetVioletxWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

If she is suicidal and not on medication then she really does need to get professional help as soon as possible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can i just add from experiance, anti depressants as lots of people have suggested, but also try to avoid junk food, alcohol...and try to get her exercising even if its just a walk in the countryside or along a beach, no matter what the weather is like. Talk about things she enjoys, just in a matter of fact way, like with your mates down the pub type of chat....and also dont give up on her. Try to find a new interest or bring back into her life an old interest

Like a sport or a language whatever...hope that helps friend

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So I've been asking questions along with this post.

In response to why she hasn't been on meds, she replied that she hasn't felt like this in a long time. She doesn't know why she's feeling like this, and wishes she did! The last time she felt like this was 2 years ago and she was on meds for 2 years.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

The other thing to remember is that tears serve a purpose so don't worry or feel you need to stop her from crying if she is crying. Sometimes you have to hit that snotty, ugly-looking, embarrassing rock bottom before you can rise again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hopefully her GP surgery may have a gateway nurse that deals with mental health and depression. She really needs to talk to a mental health professional if that is how she is feeling. The Samaritans are there 24 hrs per day, every day, so she can ring them any time to talk about her feelings. She is lucky to have such a concerned friend who is there for her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just be there for her, a sounding board and listen to her, talk if she wants you to. YOu are being a good friend already though so keep it up and well done

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"So I've been asking questions along with this post.

It may be that she needs the meds to keep a chemical balance.

My GP and I have agreed that being on the drugs keeps me healthier than stopping. I always find that I slip down within 6-18 months when I come off. On them I am able to maintain a normal balance of feeling down/blues at times but never falling down the black pit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 14/10/14 22:19:00]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a good friend on top of the professional help and meds is a godsend - someone you know you can just sit with and be quiet, or cry with or yell at , someone that will listen to what you think is nonsense most of the time and still be there after all that - if only they came on script

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See gp and if needed they can refer to local crisis home treatment team if she is in need of intensive support or local community mental health team xx

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By *SweetVioletxWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"So I've been asking questions along with this post.

In my experience there will always be ups and downs and over time you learn to recognise and manage the downs.

You don't necessarily need medication to manage this however if you reach the point where how you feel you may damage you or your life then you do need to seek help. Even if you can't get an answer or solution quickly having that support on offer will provide a safety net, if the worse comes to the worse and you need to seek help for your own protection.

It maybe that she is going through a low which she can't manage at the moment then she does need support. However she needs to make this decision and as much as we all may provide our opinions and support only she has the power to tackle the way she is feeling.

The worse lows are the ones where you can see no reason for them - quite often there is no reason at all they just come and get you from nowhere.

Good luck to you both xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Common sense: get professional help!! Depression ain't something to take on yourself.

All you can do is be supportive as best you can. That is all.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"So I've been asking questions along with this post.

In my experience there will always be ups and downs and over time you learn to recognise and manage the downs.

The worse lows are the ones where you can see no reason for them - quite often there is no reason at all they just come and get you from nowhere.

Good luck to you both xxx"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, she sounds like how I'm feeling right now. Until a month or two ago I was considering lowering my meds as my mood had been consistently high for a long time. Now I'm in a pretty low place, and thinking about suicide is a part of that even though I have no intention of harming myself. So from my perspective, you seem to be doing the right thing - being there for her, and seeking advice as to how best you can help. Don't be afraid to raise the subject of suicide - you cannot plant the idea in someone's head. If she tells you that she has suicidal thoughts, ask if she has a plan. If she does, work with her to find a way to get through the next day, and seek help from a crisis team.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP, she sounds like how I'm feeling right now. Until a month or two ago I was considering lowering my meds as my mood had been consistently high for a long time. Now I'm in a pretty low place, and thinking about suicide is a part of that even though I have no intention of harming myself. So from my perspective, you seem to be doing the right thing - being there for her, and seeking advice as to how best you can help. Don't be afraid to raise the subject of suicide - you cannot plant the idea in someone's head. If she tells you that she has suicidal thoughts, ask if she has a plan. If she does, work with her to find a way to get through the next day, and seek help from a crisis team."

Thank you.

We've had this conversation in the past and although I don't think she 'is' suicidal, the context of the conversation was "it's hard to be rational when you're feeling suicidal"

She sounds as if she's in the same place that you are, even though her life has been great recently.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is she on anti depressants?

I don't know. She assures me that she has been receiving medical help and I believe her, although am not sure of any prescribed medication.

She needs to be on anti depressants ASAP to take the edge of an mellow her out ,just keep an eye on her an make sure shes going the doctors ,good on yeh for looking out for her

One of the side effects on anti depressants is depression. I steer well clear of them. But they can give some people a way to help them stabilise.

crystal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi... I've been trawling though recent posts in order to find people to speak with, but a lot of the women who have replied, don't want contact from single men.

I have told her to seek professional help, and she assures me that she is.

Any help would be appreciated! I don't know what I should be doing!

If you want some expert guidance, call the samaritans. I know friends of mine have contacted them in the past when they were concerned about me and I couldn't bring myself to reach out to anyone to help. They'll give you advice and guidance and help you realise you're not on your own too.

crystal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some great advice in this topic and it's educated myself ,wife in the same boat ,takes the tablets but won't seek proffesional help which I think she needs.thank you folks for your advice given

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi... I've been trawling though recent posts in order to find people to speak with, but a lot of the women who have replied, don't want contact from single men.

I have told her to seek professional help, and she assures me that she is.

Any help would be appreciated! I don't know what I should be doing!

Just be aware that any prescribed medication for depression can make a person feel worse before they start to feel better.If she has told you of suicidal thoughts then its important she tells her GP as well.She is very lucky to have an understanding friend like yourself.Too many people are far too fond of telling us 'depressives' to pull ourselves together!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not that i am a expert however i had a depression issue a few years back i simply looked at myself in the mirror said fuck eveyone this is my life i am taking back control of it whoever cant deal with me from here on out can kiss my ass yes i have been very happy ever since

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

crystal"

The Samaritans are great and are there 24hrs a day , every day.

You sound like you are being a great friend and that counts for a lot.

As someone else said higher up the thread, walking , exercise in general (as releases endorphins) a different focus and just talking can all assist in conjunction with whatever the professionals suggest. I hope she feels more her normal self soon.

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By *at69driveMan
over a year ago

Hertford

"Hi... I've been trawling though recent posts in order to find people to speak with, but a lot of the women who have replied, don't want contact from single men.

I have told her to seek professional help, and she assures me that she is.

Any help would be appreciated! I don't know what I should be doing!

"
. What is her life style like in general. Does she have good accommodation with a garden. ?.Does she work.?. What family support is there if any ?. What does she have to look forward to in life ?. Is she in good health otherwise . If possible avoid taking anti depressants .

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

There are times when I wish I could just put my arms around the Fab community and give you all a very big group hug... This is one of them! You have no idea how much you have helped. Thank you all so much. Rx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is she on anti depressants?

I don't know. She assures me that she has been receiving medical help and I believe her, although am not sure of any prescribed medication.

She needs to be on anti depressants ASAP to take the edge of an mellow her out ,just keep an eye on her an make sure shes going the doctors ,good on yeh for looking out for her

Anti depressants take weeks to work and get into your system if she's feeling like that then you need to get her to a&e or at least her gp as soon as

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My experience of depression is that it leads people to isolate, withdraw and stop the simple things like looking after onself. Lots of good advice above and professional advice always preferrable to (well intentioned) comments that are maee with the minimum of background. That her GP has notes relating to previous episodes is good. My ha'pennys worth is that cbt (cognitive behavioural therapy to be especially clear given this is a swinging site and will have a different connotation to fellow kinksters) can be enormously +ve. Encourage her to phone you when she can for as normal chat as possible. Her repeated calls will lower the hurdle of making a call if she really needs it and may allow earlier intervention.

Above all, great you are talking about what a fellow sufferer called his black dogs. Odd that we seem to shun the subject like my parent's generation used th "c" word (always open to misinterpretation on this sort of site lol) because they seemed incapable or certainly extremely reluctant to utter ther word cancer.

Churchill painted to drive is dogs from him whilst saving the world from tyranny. Your friend needs her own pleasurable, colourful affirming activity. Final thought- the gloomier days do not help. A daylight / SAD lamp may be a worthwhile investment mor generous gift.

All power mto your elbows!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Antidepressants help but need to find root cause just make sure she knows she can contact you whenever be there for her"

ive given up with trying this. Sometimes there isnt a logical reason.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi... I've been trawling though recent posts in order to find people to speak with, but a lot of the women who have replied, don't want contact from single men.

I have told her to seek professional help, and she assures me that she is.

Any help would be appreciated! I don't know what I should be doing!

Bar forcing her or intruding there is little you can do. Just be there, listen take the flack and be supportive that's if you feel you can do so in a positive way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been at a low place and still struggle sometimes. You sound like a good friend. You should keep that up be the best friend for her you can be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If she is talking that is a good thing. Watch for her behaviour changing.

"
look out for signs of mood lifting too as that's when they tend to take action on their feelings. Know from experience x

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

Ok I will talk from my own experience seek help...depression is not something that can be cured over night I found that at least 4 months of tablets and Counceling helped but it's only after the last year have I only started to be in a state that I was in 2 years ago

For me work was the trigger and hating myself for various reasons it takes time some of my friends stopped talking to me as they didn't know what to do. Would say be supportive as a friend but do not tell them what to do but to listen

Objectively

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