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If animals could talk!!

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By *bi Haive OP   Man
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

In our house over the last week we'd have heard:

The dog: "well if you didn't want it chewing why did you leave it there?", "that puddle in the hall wasn't me - you must have a leaky pipe!" and "oi ! That's our position - get your own!!"

The cat: "slave - one needs feeding!", "can you please open the friggin door - I don't have opposable thumbs you know" and "I know it's between 8am and 11pm but can you keep the bloody noise down - I'm trying to sleep!"

The fish: "those bubbles weren't us - it's the fountain - honest!", "the windows need cleaning you know!" and "can you please ask next doors cat to stop drinking our water - she's obviously got a fetish for fish piss!"

Oh - and the spider! : "that magazine? Very kind but no thanks - I read it yesterd.......... "

So what would yours say?

A

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's the way the look at me. The look in their eyes. Their head tilted to one side saying "wtf?!"

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By *anatee175Couple
over a year ago

Sunderland

The dog.

Hmm I really want a closer look at that packet I sniffed yesterday. I'll just go and fetch it down stairs now. I'd better put it on the rug so she'll not notice while I had a real close look with my teeth. Oh she's seen me and took it off me. Bugger.

I wonder if she'd be interested in swapping my hoof for her tea. Apparently not.

Claire

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One cat would say - yes I know, I went in the garage when you weren't looking again to hide on my favourite chair and got locked in. Can't help it if I have to yowl very loudly at 5am to draw attention to the fact I'm in here, yet again !!!!!!

The other - its very satisfying to sit on the drive antagonising the dogs walking past. Just sitting staring at them on their leads until they nearly pull their owner over when they try to catch me!

Gerbils - tell you what! let's try and gnaw the side of our cage extremely noisily between 12am -3am because that will really piss our owners off. Then let's chew up the inside of a toilet roll and push it through the bars of the cage so that lady , the one that feeds us and cleans us , has to keep hoovering our mess up. She has nothing else to do with her time , so what the hell !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Daaaaaad can we have our pocket money now

Gimp

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By *ulaWoman
over a year ago

Braintree

My cat would say 'why do you humans have to lick each other's bits.....look I can lick my own'!

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

I'll get nothing when I get home for ages cos I've been away.

Then I'll get "where have you been? How could you leave me? You were gone for EVER!"

Oh and there'll also be "what are you laughing at? How dare you snigger? I'd like to see you jump this high when you're my age! And yes, I know I missed the windowsill and fell off..."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One cat: hahahahahaha they'll never know I'm up on the worktop.....dammit, rumbled!

I think I'll throw up somewhere coz the humans shouted at me.

Other cat: you're gonna get a boot up the arse if they catch you up there - I'm such a good boy.

Mum, can I use your dressing gown as a scratching post, while you're wearing it!

Dog: SQUIRRELS!

I love everyone

Lizard: feck off, unless you have locusts!

Fish: god I'm bored, what fun, god I'm bored, what fun etc etc!

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

My sons dog would be saying " where have my testicles gone and why am I wearing a lampshade"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cat 1:open the balcony door I need a poo

Cat 2: and me

Cat 3: can I just do it here and hope no one notices. Fuck! She saw me! I don't wanna go on the balcony,it's cold out

Cat 1: if we have to crap in the cold,so do you!

Cat 2: yeah!

Cats 1,2 and 3: ah that's better. Where's me dinner??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You have Beef in the oven of course im going to get under your feet woman"

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

My dog would say ..."Where the fucking hell have you been?"

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Intruder Cat: I'll wait until she's fallen asleep, break in, jump on her bed and scare the beejezus out of her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My dog would say ..."Where the fucking hell have you been?" "

Where the fucking hell HAVE you been??

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"My dog would say ..."Where the fucking hell have you been?" "

The forum said the same. We're all dogs.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville


"My dog would say ..."Where the fucking hell have you been?"

Where the fucking hell HAVE you been??"
Italia.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At all the comments

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My dog would say ..."Where the fucking hell have you been?"

Where the fucking hell HAVE you been??Italia."

That's no excuse, and why wasn't I invited - there was havoc to be caused!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my cats saying

"I want dreamies, not the shit your putting down to me...and I'm not fat!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


""You have Beef in the oven of course im going to get under your feet woman""
"ok fuck you bitch ,didn't want any of that beef anyway""oooooh are those Yorkshire puddings spare"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would hear every morning

"I know it's 3am and you have work at 6 but can you let me out for a pee"

I have no idea why at 3 year old hhe still can't make it through the night

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By *hocksandmissusCouple
over a year ago

Chester-ish

Well we have a parrot and it does talk so let me tell you trying to have a bit in the living room with the flaming parrot making the same noises as me is very off putting lol xxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well we have a parrot and it does talk so let me tell you trying to have a bit in the living room with the flaming parrot making the same noises as me is very off putting lol xxxxx"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The cat I rescued is constantly saying "I will kill you". My dog is probably saying "you know all the food in the cupboards is really mine don't you".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My dog would say ..."Where the fucking hell have you been?"

Where the fucking hell HAVE you been??Italia."

Oooh! Molto excitingo!!

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By *anatee175Couple
over a year ago

Sunderland

The dog

I've just seen a leaf blow passed the window I'd best woof and let her know. She coming a quick u turn and head in to the kitchen. She cooking plate of beef (it's a type of joint has to be very slow cooked). Oh she said I can have a beef bone later. Paws crossed.

Claire

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My cat would say "clean my toilet, theres a good human"

My terrified looking fish would say "ive seen shit"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

bunny - bbrrr its getting a bit nippy out and you keep taking me out of my warm hay and putting me in the run - but thankyou for chasing the sun as i do rather like to sprawl out belly up in it - and that corn on the cob was lush - love you

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

spiders ... swing your lady .... dosy doe.... now promenade ... and heels and toes.... heels and toes

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

my cat dont need to talk its all in the stare

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cats 1,2&3 : WTF are you doing to that man's poor snake!! Stop it! It's wrong!!

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