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The Bible

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

..just watching it on Sky Classic. 1966 version with Richard Harris, Ava Gardner, Peter O'Toole and I bet Richard Burton playing the voice of God somewhere in there.

What a croc of shit.

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By *heWolfMan
over a year ago

warwickshire

Try the book, it's worse.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville


"..just watching it on Sky Classic. 1966 version with Richard Harris, Ava Gardner, Peter O'Toole and I bet Richard Burton playing the voice of God somewhere in there.

What a croc of shit.

"
Richard Burton had a sexy voice

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"..just watching it on Sky Classic. 1966 version with Richard Harris, Ava Gardner, Peter O'Toole and I bet Richard Burton playing the voice of God somewhere in there.

What a croc of shit.

Richard Burton had a sexy voice "

Either that or Liz Taylor loved wedding cake.

I can imagine it...

Vicar: Do you, Richard Burton, take ... her... again..?

Richard: "well, that is the question, is it not, shall I? Oh but if I knew for certain!"

Vicar: Look ya fuckin thespain tit, do ya want the bint or not?

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville


"..just watching it on Sky Classic. 1966 version with Richard Harris, Ava Gardner, Peter O'Toole and I bet Richard Burton playing the voice of God somewhere in there.

What a croc of shit.

Richard Burton had a sexy voice

Either that or Liz Taylor loved wedding cake.

I can imagine it...

Vicar: Do you, Richard Burton, take ... her... again..?

Richard: "well, that is the question, is it not, shall I? Oh but if I knew for certain!"

Vicar: Look ya fuckin thespain tit, do ya want the bint or not? "
why are you watching it if ya think its shit? Siren hid your remote?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"..just watching it on Sky Classic. 1966 version with Richard Harris, Ava Gardner, Peter O'Toole and I bet Richard Burton playing the voice of God somewhere in there.

What a croc of shit.

Richard Burton had a sexy voice

Either that or Liz Taylor loved wedding cake.

I can imagine it...

Vicar: Do you, Richard Burton, take ... her... again..?

Richard: "well, that is the question, is it not, shall I? Oh but if I knew for certain!"

Vicar: Look ya fuckin thespain tit, do ya want the bint or not? why are you watching it if ya think its shit? Siren hid your remote? "

Nah, she's gone to bed. I did send her a text message to tell her to come back down and change the channel but I think she's got her ear plugs in. Bugger. Will have to watch the fookin film then. ooo.. just glanced up, Eve had nice tits!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And in six days god created the earth and all that is in it

And on the seventh day he went ta Chams xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"And in six days god created the earth and all that is in it

And on the seventh day he went ta Chams xx "

Correction: On the 7th day he rested, had a few beers, woke up monday morning with a hangover and created my ex-wife. Bastard.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

oooo here she goes...

Adam, wanna bite this apple? Go on, it's nice.

Fookin temptress. Women, such sluts.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago


"oooo here she goes...

Adam, wanna bite this apple? Go on, it's nice.

Fookin temptress. Women, such sluts. "

Yeh but you love em

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Ah! Nudity.

Apparently Adam didn't know he was nekid till Eve made him take a chunk of apple. So much crap from one little nibble eh?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"oooo here she goes...

Adam, wanna bite this apple? Go on, it's nice.

Fookin temptress. Women, such sluts.

Yeh but you love em "

'course! regularly!!

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago


"Ah! Nudity.

Apparently Adam didn't know he was nekid till Eve made him take a chunk of apple. So much crap from one little nibble eh? "

Did it have a maggot

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Ah! Nudity.

Apparently Adam didn't know he was nekid till Eve made him take a chunk of apple. So much crap from one little nibble eh?

Did it have a maggot "

Eventually.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thats the problem women will eat anything and also never do as they are told xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

See now I'm confuddled.

Adam and Eve had two sons only. correct?

Cain killed Abel, leaving one son.

No voluptuous dolly bird for him to marry, so no kids for him.

Eve had no more.

So...

Where the fuck did we all come from then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"See now I'm confuddled.

Adam and Eve had two sons only. correct?

Cain killed Abel, leaving one son.

No voluptuous dolly bird for him to marry, so no kids for him.

Eve had no more.

So...

Where the fuck did we all come from then? "

That was one of the questions that bugged me when i was applying to join the ministry and that along with others that i was given dodgy answers too was the very reason i dint lol xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"See now I'm confuddled.

Adam and Eve had two sons only. correct?

Cain killed Abel, leaving one son.

No voluptuous dolly bird for him to marry, so no kids for him.

Eve had no more.

So...

Where the fuck did we all come from then?

That was one of the questions that bugged me when i was applying to join the ministry and that along with others that i was given dodgy answers too was the very reason i dint lol xx "

You what?

Father Soapy?

Holy fuck!!

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville


"See now I'm confuddled.

Adam and Eve had two sons only. correct?

Cain killed Abel, leaving one son.

No voluptuous dolly bird for him to marry, so no kids for him.

Eve had no more.

So...

Where the fuck did we all come from then?

That was one of the questions that bugged me when i was applying to join the ministry and that along with others that i was given dodgy answers too was the very reason i dint lol xx "
so your conversant with the father, the son and the holy ghost then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tis true my son really lol xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Ah, now I get it.

Cain got booted out of Eden for killing his Bro and settled down in a nice little town called Nog. Met a local lass and had some sprogs with her, one of which was Jacob. You know. JACOB.. oh ffs, everyone knows Jacob, old bloke, long beard, craggy face, made predictions.

Aaaaaanyway... where was I?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ah, now I get it.

Cain got booted out of Eden for killing his Bro and settled down in a nice little town called Nog. Met a local lass and had some sprogs with her, one of which was Jacob. You know. JACOB.. oh ffs, everyone knows Jacob, old bloke, long beard, craggy face, made predictions.

Aaaaaanyway... where was I? "

And ya wonder why dawin came up with apes lol xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

p.s. If I was a Muslim and took the piss out of the Koran like this I'd have a fatwa on my head.

Tried one of them before, fat bitch needs to lose some weight, I nearly suffocated fgs!!

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago


"Ah, now I get it.

Cain got booted out of Eden for killing his Bro and settled down in a nice little town called Nog. Met a local lass and had some sprogs with her, one of which was Jacob. You know. JACOB.. oh ffs, everyone knows Jacob, old bloke, long beard, craggy face, made predictions.

Aaaaaanyway... where was I? "

Jacob? the one that invented cream crackers

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Ah, now I get it.

Cain got booted out of Eden for killing his Bro and settled down in a nice little town called Nog. Met a local lass and had some sprogs with her, one of which was Jacob. You know. JACOB.. oh ffs, everyone knows Jacob, old bloke, long beard, craggy face, made predictions.

Aaaaaanyway... where was I?

And ya wonder why dawin came up with apes lol xx "

I'd say it was inconsistent but that wouldn't come anywhere near it. It's a book of sheer fantasy if you ask me.

If I'd written drivel like this after a few bevvies they'd lock me up as a nutter.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Ah, now I get it.

Cain got booted out of Eden for killing his Bro and settled down in a nice little town called Nog. Met a local lass and had some sprogs with her, one of which was Jacob. You know. JACOB.. oh ffs, everyone knows Jacob, old bloke, long beard, craggy face, made predictions.

Aaaaaanyway... where was I?

Jacob? the one that invented cream crackers "

THAT'S HIM! The very same! Named 'em after his dad I believe.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is how the bible puts it xx

THIS is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him;

2 Male and female created he them ; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.

3 f And Adam lived an hundred and thirty years, and begat a son in his own likeness, after bis Image; and called his name Seth :

4 And the days of Adam after he had begotten Seth were eight hundred years: and he begat sons and daughters.

5 And all the days that Adam lived were nine hundred and thirty years : and he died.

6 And Seth lived an hundred and five years, and begat Enos:

7 And Seth lived after he begat Enos eight hundred and seven years, and begat sons and daughters:

8 And all the days of Seth were nine hundred and twelve years : and he died.

9 f And Enos lived ninety years* and begat Cainan:

10 And Enos lived after he begat Cainan eight hundred and fifteen years, and begat sons and daughters:

11 And all the days of Enos were nine hundred and five years: and he died.

12 ^ And Cainan lived seventy years, and begat Mahalaleel:

13 And Cainan lived after he begat Mahalaleel eight hundred and forty years, and begat sons and daughters:

14 And all the days of Cainan were nine hundred and ten years : and he died.

15 J And Mahalaleel lived sixty and five years, and begat Jarcd :

16 And Mahalaleel lived after he begat Jared eight hundred and thirty years, and begat sons and daughters;

The wickedness ofthe world. CHAPTER VI.

17 And all the days of Mahalaleel were eight hundred ninety and five years: and he died.

18 T And Jared lived an hundred sixty and two years, and he begat Enoch :

11) And .Tared lived after he begat Enocheight hundred years, and begat sons and daughters 1

20 And all the days of Jared were nine hundred sixty and two years: and he died.

21 "f And Enoch lived sixty and five rears, and begat Methuselah :

22 And Enoch walked with God after he begat Methuselah three hundred years, and begat sons and daughters :

23 And all the days of Enoch were three hundred sixty and rive years :

24 And Enoch walked with God: and he was not; for God took him.

25 1 And Methuselah lived an hundred eighty and seven years, and begat Lamech :

2C And Methuselah lived after he begat Lamech seven hundred eighty and two years, and begat sons and daughters:

27 And all the days of Methuselah were nine hundred sixty and nine years : and he died.

28 T And Lamech lived an hundred eighty andtwo years, and begat a son:

29 And he called his name Noah, saying, This same shall comfort us concerning our work and toil of our hands, because of the ground which the Lord hath cursed.

30 And Lamech lived after he begat Noah five hundred ninety and five years, and begat sons and daughters:

31 And all the days of Lamech were seven hundred seventy and seven years : and he died.

32 And Noah was fire hundred years old: and Noah begat Shem, Ham, and Japheth.

Just so ya clear on that lol xx

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By *he BananamanMan
over a year ago

WORCESTERSHIRE


"Try the book, it's worse."

try the koran!,it's a horror!.

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

im beggining to believe.its all so plausable.hmmmmmmmmmmm.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

You pissed?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

To soapy that was

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow


"You pissed? "

can you get on to the forums sober.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

It still don't explain where all these fookin women came from though does it?

I mean, they all had wives, but Eve had three boys, not two, no girls... they're making it up as they go along!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You pissed? "

No im just regretting not answering the calling lol xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Called me once too. Asked me to go help out down the fete, told em to piss off as I was playing footie that day. They never asked again.

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow


"It still don't explain where all these fookin women came from though does it?

I mean, they all had wives, but Eve had three boys, not two, no girls... they're making it up as they go along!!! "

who the fuck is eve,she sounds like a bit of a goer.is she on the site.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Called me once too. Asked me to go help out down the fete, told em to piss off as I was playing footie that day. They never asked again. "

lol just think if i had done it i would be sittin here writing Sundays sermon and not this lol xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Father Soapy,

I have a question.

This Noah & the Ark stuff..

Two of each huh?

Lions?

Wot eat every fooking thing in sight, yes?

Did he have to interview them?

Like, say, You can come on me boat so long as ya don't fookin bite anyone. Deal?

Is that how it went? And, if it did, they were shit parents cos lions will bite anything now. Bit of a shit vetting procedure if you ask me. God wants to have a word with himself ffs!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 17/07/10 01:34:15]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well whishy my child for one i wouldn't have been farther soapy as im C of E and not catholic and only priests are fathers lol

As for the lions i suppose the answer to that would be that god forbade them ta eat things while on board lol xx

What the fuck beats me though is why they took the ants and stuff xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The very foundations of our society and worldwide multi billion pound industry i don't know how you dare suggest that maybe a little artistic license has crept bible. shame on you. "

Well yeak ok but a little continuity wouldn't go amiss y'know, like, interject it with sommat like ... btw, God had a few girls somewhere in this, which I know would have made him look like a paedo but he could have found a way like, maybe two families in the G.o.E. (thats the garden, not the swinging club in Leic that had the Stan Collymore Dogging Suite).

That coulda worked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its like "and while Adam slept god took a rib from his body and formed from it a companion woman"

Well any bloke in their right mind after a few beers would see a spare rib and eat it

Oh no not him he had ta go spoil things xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Its like "and while Adam slept god took a rib from his body and formed from it a companion woman"

Well any bloke in their right mind after a few beers would see a spare rib and eat it

Oh no not him he had ta go spoil things xx "

Yeah but why give the fukin chinese the recipe huh? twat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

pics or it didn't happen, simple as

how to stump a christian in an arguement; if god created man, who created god? because everything needs a begining to exist.

saying that, christians would argue, they're generally too stubborn on the subject to know they're beat

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