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By *eavenNhell OP Couple
over a year ago
carrbrook stalybridge |
just copied this from elsewhere very funny
For the past, oh, eleven years or so (with exceptions for extreme pregnancy, post-breakup mourning, and that time I was sick for a solid month from back-to-back flu and strep), I have sported hardwood floors. I have gone to a nice lady and given her money in exchange for spreading hot wax on my lady-bits and then ripping out my fucking pubes while I say bad words.
"I could never let a stranger touch me there," a girlfriend said, to which I said BULL. SHIT. She routinely lets strangers do a lot more than touch her there, and at least Donna wears gloves and knows my name.
"Doesn't it HURT?" No. It feels like I'm being kissed by a dozen kittens. Yes, it fucking hurts! But only the first forty times or so. Then it isn't so bad.
Bottom line, yes, it hurts, and yes, it's expensive, but it also makes me feel like a goddess. For whatever reason, I'm more confident and I feel sexier when I'm completely bare. And that's a good thing, because now I don't have a choice.
This month has been crazy busy. So I was unable to make it to the salon for my date with Donna. (I call it this because there is soft lighting, scented candles, and jazz playing in the background while she talks to me about her grandbabies and RIPS MY FUCKING PUBES OUT. It's actually almost pleasant.) So, as a result, I went all-natural for a few weeks. It was kind of nice. I felt like a earth-mother, or like Eve in the Garden of Eden. That is, until I noticed something completely horrifying.
Y'all.
I have a bald spot.
It isn't big, but it's there, and I don't know how or why, but I'm completely freaked out by it. The solution is clear.
I will do what all clever men do when they get a bald spot.
I will embrace the baldness.
I will continue to make my religious visits to Donna's House of Wax Horrors.
I will join the brotherhood of sexy men who go ahead and just be bald rather than live in the limbo that is "balding".
My vagina is Bruce Willis.
I mean, it's either that or a combover.  |
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