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need some help / advice, please? (long story)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

hey guys sorry for the legnthy post! :-/ but I could do with some advice ..

ive been with my partner for nearly 2 years and yes I have a profile - im bi, and he is cool with me meeing ladies - which is great! We actually met on here and at the start of the relationship eveything was great however we're having less and less sex and its driving me crazy! I have a pretty high sex drive (which is the reason I was on here in the first place) and we maybe have sex once *maybe* twice a week although this rarely happens.. and when we do it lastslike 5 mins I feel so guilty as it sounds like im complaining but I honestly don't know how much more I can cope with... im quite experimental and assumed he was too given that I met him on here.

we decided to give fab a try together about a year ago, we arranged to meet a really nice couple but at the last min he told me he didnt want to share me so we stopped everything and deleted our account. while we were on fab sex was amazing it was like we couldn't keep our hands off each other..then when we left it began to get less and less frequent and now it barely happens.

its so frustrating cos I absolutely love kissing and sex that lasts for hours but its becoming clear that thats all over for me.

I love him - and although the idea of a loving, swinging relationship was my ultimate dream, lol I don't want to make him do anything he doesn't want to do, of course.

its just every time I initiate anything sexual I get turned down, and its starting to really damage my self esteem. I even remember dressing up a while ago and the first thing he said was 'no' lol.... have tried talking to him and things changed for a week or so before going back to normal. and even then it felt a bit forced. he does have a v. stressful/labour intensive job which means he is tired most of the time, I understand but for me stress makes me more horny!! lol its like a release for me.

have no idea what to do.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

sit him down and chat to him about it... wait until a night that he has not been working.

good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe he is not completely happy you are here?

Apart from that he could genuinely be shattered.

When I have had a hard day the only thing I want is sleep

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By *opinovMan
over a year ago

Point Nemo, Cumbria

Difficult to know what to say, really.

There are always so many private nuances that bounce to and fro unseen to others within a relationship that, even though your post is quite descriptive, the full picture can be a little hazy... or maybe that's just how I see it. I had a look at your profile and you're certainly far from unattractive, so I doubt that's a factor - quite the opposite in fact... personally, I'd be bothering you all night and half the day too.

All I can think of is to try your best to keep bringing the subject up with him - and don't be afraid to be firm in outlining what you expect from the relationship. I'd certainly reinforce your point about the sorts of things that you feel encourages a better sex life. At the same time, though, keep an eye out for any sign that he may be suffering emotionally from the situation too... we blokes can sometimes forget to say the things we need to.

Other than that, maybe, if he's really tired, you could give him a therapeutic massage on the parts of his body where he aches the most and, once he's relaxed a bit, become more intimate.

However things transpire, I hope it works out for you both.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Difficult to know what to say, really.

There are always so many private nuances that bounce to and fro unseen to others within a relationship that, even though your post is quite descriptive, the full picture can be a little hazy... or maybe that's just how I see it. I had a look at your profile and you're certainly far from unattractive, so I doubt that's a factor - quite the opposite in fact... personally, I'd be bothering you all night and half the day too.

All I can think of is to try your best to keep bringing the subject up with him - and don't be afraid to be firm in outlining what you expect from the relationship. I'd certainly reinforce your point about the sorts of things that you feel encourages a better sex life. At the same time, though, keep an eye out for any sign that he may be suffering emotionally from the situation too... we blokes can sometimes forget to say the things we need to.

Other than that, maybe, if he's really tired, you could give him a therapeutic massage on the parts of his body where he aches the most and, once he's relaxed a bit, become more intimate.

However things transpire, I hope it works out for you both."

Thanks x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"sit him down and chat to him about it... wait until a night that he has not been working.

good luck"

thanks for the reply

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

that is so sad .. i hope you can work things out between you ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you asked him how he feels about you still been on fab ? Mind your not looking for men ( read your profile ) hope things work out

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)


"sit him down and chat to him about it... wait until a night that he has not been working.

good luck"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"hey guys sorry for the legnthy post! :-/ but I could do with some advice ..

ive been with my partner for nearly 2 years and yes I have a profile - im bi, and he is cool with me meeing ladies - which is great! We actually met on here and at the start of the relationship eveything was great however we're having less and less sex and its driving me crazy! I have a pretty high sex drive (which is the reason I was on here in the first place) and we maybe have sex once *maybe* twice a week although this rarely happens.. and when we do it lastslike 5 mins I feel so guilty as it sounds like im complaining but I honestly don't know how much more I can cope with... im quite experimental and assumed he was too given that I met him on here.

we decided to give fab a try together about a year ago, we arranged to meet a really nice couple but at the last min he told me he didnt want to share me so we stopped everything and deleted our account. while we were on fab sex was amazing it was like we couldn't keep our hands off each other..then when we left it began to get less and less frequent and now it barely happens.

its so frustrating cos I absolutely love kissing and sex that lasts for hours but its becoming clear that thats all over for me.

I love him - and although the idea of a loving, swinging relationship was my ultimate dream, lol I don't want to make him do anything he doesn't want to do, of course.

its just every time I initiate anything sexual I get turned down, and its starting to really damage my self esteem. I even remember dressing up a while ago and the first thing he said was 'no' lol.... have tried talking to him and things changed for a week or so before going back to normal. and even then it felt a bit forced. he does have a v. stressful/labour intensive job which means he is tired most of the time, I understand but for me stress makes me more horny!! lol its like a release for me.

have no idea what to do."
mr....

holly shit !!' That was exactly me I had completly lost sex drive and I meen... Sex , porn , couldn't even think bout it .. Mrs thought I was cheating even that wasn't even appealing not that I would ... A lot happend between us and sorted now she's making exudes lol kidding ....... and drive is back in top gear

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"hey guys sorry for the legnthy post! :-/ but I could do with some advice ..

ive been with my partner for nearly 2 years and yes I have a profile - im bi, and he is cool with me meeing ladies - which is great! We actually met on here and at the start of the relationship eveything was great however we're having less and less sex and its driving me crazy! I have a pretty high sex drive (which is the reason I was on here in the first place) and we maybe have sex once *maybe* twice a week although this rarely happens.. and when we do it lastslike 5 mins I feel so guilty as it sounds like im complaining but I honestly don't know how much more I can cope with... im quite experimental and assumed he was too given that I met him on here.

we decided to give fab a try together about a year ago, we arranged to meet a really nice couple but at the last min he told me he didnt want to share me so we stopped everything and deleted our account. while we were on fab sex was amazing it was like we couldn't keep our hands off each other..then when we left it began to get less and less frequent and now it barely happens.

its so frustrating cos I absolutely love kissing and sex that lasts for hours but its becoming clear that thats all over for me.

I love him - and although the idea of a loving, swinging relationship was my ultimate dream, lol I don't want to make him do anything he doesn't want to do, of course.

its just every time I initiate anything sexual I get turned down, and its starting to really damage my self esteem. I even remember dressing up a while ago and the first thing he said was 'no' lol.... have tried talking to him and things changed for a week or so before going back to normal. and even then it felt a bit forced. he does have a v. stressful/labour intensive job which means he is tired most of the time, I understand but for me stress makes me more horny!! lol its like a release for me.

have no idea what to do."
mr....

holly shit !!' That was exactly me I had completly lost sex drive and I meen... Sex , porn , couldn't even think bout it .. Mrs thought I was cheating even that wasn't even appealing not that I would ... A lot happend between us and sorted now she's making exudes lol kidding ....... and drive is back in top gear

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe take a look into controlling your sex drive, if its controlling you have a look at controlling it. Having a high sex drive is good and healthy and think most of us on here would admit that at some point in our life we've struggled to control it. I have. Your partner is letting you explore your bi side so hopefully your getting some release there.

Relationship wise I couldn't comment, just both of you keep talking. Maybe some advice from couples who met through this life style would help.

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