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Tacky(?) poetry help x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Sorry - it's going to be long!

I have a very dear friend, 81yrs with all her marbles (and others as well!). It was her birthday last week but we never send cards as 'she doesnt have birthdays anymore'. I still wanted to do a little something nice so i've handpainted a card with beautiful flowers and written a small verse to go inside - could i just have some opinions on it before i ruin the card with ink.

I'm sure a day has passed of late,

Perhaps a cause to celebrate?

I doubt you had chance to unwind,

But hope you enjoyed those who were kind

Is that day important in the space of a year?

Theres more things about you that make others cheer.

The card may be blank, with no empty words,

But it carries a sentiment that should really be heard.

I could say lots of things,

Or buy gifts with my plastic,

But nothing comes close

Not even fantastic

You are who you are, and you do what you do,

So i'll send a big thank you for just being you.

If it's too tacky or sicky please be honest - i just couldnt think what else to do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

awwww I really like it. I'm sure she'd love it. Well done.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

A hand written poem is worth so much more than a present or shop bought card,im sure she will love it

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"A hand written poem is worth so much more than a present or shop bought card,im sure she will love it "

Thank you, I just have to make sure I use my neaterest,bestest handwriting with no smudging or speellin mishtackes.

xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

to be honest, it's childish.

'plastic' and 'fantastic' have no place in a poem about sentiment, certainly not as a rhyming couplet.

Also, your lack of metre trips the poem up in several places. When you read poetry that is obviously meant to be a rhyming poem you should be reading:

ta-da-ta-da-ta-da-ta-da

not:

ta-da-ta-da-da-ta-da-da-ta-da

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"to be honest, it's childish.

'plastic' and 'fantastic' have no place in a poem about sentiment, certainly not as a rhyming couplet.

Also, your lack of metre trips the poem up in several places. When you read poetry that is obviously meant to be a rhyming poem you should be reading:

ta-da-ta-da-ta-da-ta-da

not:

ta-da-ta-da-da-ta-da-da-ta-da

"

Thank you for your honesty

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

absolutely agree, fantastic

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