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Being childless

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

R4 has a programme on now about women who are childless, and wanted them.

Is the biological imperative to have children so strong for some of us that being childless takes over our thoughts and actions?

How important was/is having a child to you?

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

I never felt any desire to have children and that has never changed. I don't get broody, babies hold zero interest for me and I have never felt that anything is missing from my life because I don't have children.

I have had to walk away from men who I felt very strongly towards because I knew that they wanted kids and it's about the only thing you can't reach a compromise on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm actually quite broody lol

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I never felt any desire to have children and that has never changed. I don't get broody, babies hold zero interest for me and I have never felt that anything is missing from my life because I don't have children.

I have had to walk away from men who I felt very strongly towards because I knew that they wanted kids and it's about the only thing you can't reach a compromise on.

"

I have had to walk away because I can't give them children, however much we both want it. For some adoption isn't what they want.

It's great that you have always known what you want.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How important was/is having a child to you?"

It's not at all.

That may change one day. Maybe.

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I'm actually quite broody lol

"

I think you were born broody. Find someone, settle down and get making a baby.

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"How important was/is having a child to you?

It's not at all.

That may change one day. Maybe. "

You have a longer shelf life on productivity.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

My biological clock is fucking going full steam ahead and has done for the past 12 months, it's my only major issue in my life that I will never become a mum, I just feel at 34 my time is running out...I'm not ashamed to admit the above but certainly would not go to any lengths to get pregnant I'd never deceive someone or trick or trap anyone for a child....

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By *otsoSnowWhiteWoman
over a year ago

My Ice Castle! South Wales

My marriage broke down because we couldn't have kids. The choice I made to sacrifice having them became a wedge between us.

Now although I'm not out hunting for a baby daddy at least if it happens it can as I would like to have them

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"My biological clock is fucking going full steam ahead and has done for the past 12 months, it's my only major issue in my life that I will never become a mum, I just feel at 34 my time is running out...I'm not ashamed to admit the above but certainly would not go to any lengths to get pregnant I'd never deceive someone or trick or trap anyone for a child.... "

It does consume me and I think about it a lot

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"My biological clock is fucking going full steam ahead and has done for the past 12 months, it's my only major issue in my life that I will never become a mum, I just feel at 34 my time is running out...I'm not ashamed to admit the above but certainly would not go to any lengths to get pregnant I'd never deceive someone or trick or trap anyone for a child.... "

I remember that craving. It can eat you up if you let it. Relax and keep looking for the right person for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is this post aimed at women particularly?

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By *overs14Couple
over a year ago

norwich

I had to leave my ex before my hubby as he didn't want children. He's 44 now and still hasn't had any so I definitely made the right decision. All I ever wanted was to be a mum. And I'm lucky now to have 2 wonderful children.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Funny to think that looking back i never wanted a child of my own. I loved babysitting/childminding, wanted to be a teacher, volunteered at a playgroup and started my Early Years course.. just never wanted one of my own.

Things have changed now i got one, but the initial moments i realized i was pregnant were ones of horror i felt my life was over and panicked.. even the first year was extremely tough and resented her at times. Reflecting i had pnd i think.

These days is a completely different story. I do get broody and go 'awww thats cute' but ultimately id not want another and dont want to risk another broken home situation

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"My marriage broke down because we couldn't have kids. The choice I made to sacrifice having them became a wedge between us.

Now although I'm not out hunting for a baby daddy at least if it happens it can as I would like to have them "

That's sad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmmmmmm.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely zero drive to be a parent.... can barely look after myself

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Is this post aimed at women particularly?"

Not at all. The programme just features women talking is all.

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

My son was 4 years of fertility treatment, so I did want a child, and went through hell to get there.

I adore him. I'm single now as his dad didn't like the changes pregnancy and being parents brought with it (being told when I was preg that I was fat and he didn't want to be near me, and then after having his son that my body disgusted him) and then for the year we stayed together after my son was here, he never did anything with us in public - since found out he was having an affair since I was about 5 months preg... his loss (He still sees his son, but its limited)

I'm now with someone who does not want children of his own, and I would never have another - I have actually asked to be sterilised and/or hysterectomy, but the GP says I am too young still, but if I feel the same way next year, he will put me forward for sterilisation.

I do feel for ladies who cannot have, and that got through the emotional hell of wanting what you cannot have.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My biological clock is fucking going full steam ahead and has done for the past 12 months, it's my only major issue in my life that I will never become a mum, I just feel at 34 my time is running out...I'm not ashamed to admit the above but certainly would not go to any lengths to get pregnant I'd never deceive someone or trick or trap anyone for a child.... "

Do you think this lifestyle hinders your chances?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wasn't at all broody until in my early 30's and then the urge to have children suddenly kicked in and became all consuming.

It's definitely a decision that cannot be compromised on without a repercussion at a later stage.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"My biological clock is fucking going full steam ahead and has done for the past 12 months, it's my only major issue in my life that I will never become a mum, I just feel at 34 my time is running out...I'm not ashamed to admit the above but certainly would not go to any lengths to get pregnant I'd never deceive someone or trick or trap anyone for a child....

Do you think this lifestyle hinders your chances? "

I don't get what you are saying?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm actually quite broody lol

I think you were born broody. Find someone, settle down and get making a baby."

Yeah, i think that time to settle down is soon coming..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a strange one, in that from the age of 5 or 6, the only thing, I could say, that I definitely wanted to be, was a Dad.

My instincts where good, as whatever else I may have failed at in life, anyone I know (ex wife included) would agree, I'm a bloody good one, and love every minute of being one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it was never that important to me I have a grown up son I have always been broody at times because it feels so nice to have a baby to cuddle and look after that's why I have had little dogs

because they aren't so noisy and messy and a lot less responsibility.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My biological clock is fucking going full steam ahead and has done for the past 12 months, it's my only major issue in my life that I will never become a mum, I just feel at 34 my time is running out...I'm not ashamed to admit the above but certainly would not go to any lengths to get pregnant I'd never deceive someone or trick or trap anyone for a child....

Do you think this lifestyle hinders your chances?

I don't get what you are saying? "

in an ideal world id have loved a complete family senario (mum dad and child) and with this site being predominantly about the casual side of things id have been concentrating my efforts on seeking a Mr Right.

Of course he can be found on here,, and you can both carry on swinging, but with a child addition to your situation wouldnt it be difficult at times to have to sacrifice the love of swinging (that brought you together as a couple) to slow the pace down now you'd have a child?

no malice meant, was a question. If you dont feel it would be a hinderance then its all good.

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield


"My marriage broke down because we couldn't have kids. The choice I made to sacrifice having them became a wedge between us.

Now although I'm not out hunting for a baby daddy at least if it happens it can as I would like to have them

That's sad."

It's the one issue where there's no middle way, no compromise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My biological clock is fucking going full steam ahead and has done for the past 12 months, it's my only major issue in my life that I will never become a mum, I just feel at 34 my time is running out...I'm not ashamed to admit the above but certainly would not go to any lengths to get pregnant I'd never deceive someone or trick or trap anyone for a child....

Do you think this lifestyle hinders your chances?

I don't get what you are saying?

in an ideal world id have loved a complete family senario (mum dad and child) and with this site being predominantly about the casual side of things id have been concentrating my efforts on seeking a Mr Right.

Of course he can be found on here,, and you can both carry on swinging, but with a child addition to your situation wouldnt it be difficult at times to have to sacrifice the love of swinging (that brought you together as a couple) to slow the pace down now you'd have a child?

no malice meant, was a question. If you dont feel it would be a hinderance then its all good. "

I can't answer the question for Cheeky but for me it would be a case of wanting to be with the woman I love more than the swinging. And if we had an itch to scratch Grandparents are great

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By *othingButCocoChanelWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

Having another child is all i think about, the thought of not having another is just unthinkable to me, i actually want to experience giving birth again everything about it, hopefully with a happy ending this time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I can't answer the question for Cheeky but for me it would be a case of wanting to be with the woman I love more than the swinging. And if we had an itch to scratch Grandparents are great "

awwww why cant all men be lovely like that..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/08/14 11:55:52]

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By *umpleteazerWoman
over a year ago

Flintshire


"My biological clock is fucking going full steam ahead and has done for the past 12 months, it's my only major issue in my life that I will never become a mum, I just feel at 34 my time is running out...."

This for me too.

I am that desperate that I find myself feeling resentful towards women who can carry and have babies. They seem to be everywhere I look at the moment!

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"My biological clock is fucking going full steam ahead and has done for the past 12 months, it's my only major issue in my life that I will never become a mum, I just feel at 34 my time is running out...I'm not ashamed to admit the above but certainly would not go to any lengths to get pregnant I'd never deceive someone or trick or trap anyone for a child....

Do you think this lifestyle hinders your chances?

I don't get what you are saying?

in an ideal world id have loved a complete family senario (mum dad and child) and with this site being predominantly about the casual side of things id have been concentrating my efforts on seeking a Mr Right.

Of course he can be found on here,, and you can both carry on swinging, but with a child addition to your situation wouldnt it be difficult at times to have to sacrifice the love of swinging (that brought you together as a couple) to slow the pace down now you'd have a child?

no malice meant, was a question. If you dont feel it would be a hinderance then its all good. "

If I had to be a single parent then so be it of course I'd love a partner but life doesn't always give us what we want...I'd knock swinging on the head if I had to...

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"My biological clock is fucking going full steam ahead and has done for the past 12 months, it's my only major issue in my life that I will never become a mum, I just feel at 34 my time is running out....

This for me too.

I am that desperate that I find myself feeling resentful towards women who can carry and have babies. They seem to be everywhere I look at the moment! "

My Facebook feed is full of pregnant women, I tend not to get jealous as it's a horrible feeling to have...I am pissed off I lost a baby but that is part of life and Mother Nature

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was lucky In that I fell pregnant while on the pill at 18 -best thing that ever happened to me.

Over the years I have lost 2 babies 1 was a ectopic.

I went through years of wanting another desperately, me and Paul tried for a long time as I felt bad that I had not given him children as he has none.

It completely consumed me but now my son is starting secondary school I'm thinking could I go through all that again now I'm getting my independence. Probably not, also Paul doesn't want to look like grandad at the school gates!! So what was something that consumed us is now on the back burner

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By *othingButCocoChanelWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow


"My biological clock is fucking going full steam ahead and has done for the past 12 months, it's my only major issue in my life that I will never become a mum, I just feel at 34 my time is running out....

This for me too.

I am that desperate that I find myself feeling resentful towards women who can carry and have babies. They seem to be everywhere I look at the moment!

My Facebook feed is full of pregnant women, I tend not to get jealous as it's a horrible feeling to have...I am pissed off I lost a baby but that is part of life and Mother Nature "

Me too, its hard not to get jealous, i lost my son too and find myself thinkin why me

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By *overs14Couple
over a year ago

norwich

Our first baby together was still born at 35 weeks and I was so jealous of everyone that was pregnant and distanced myself from friends with babies. All I could think about was having another baby. So I completely understand how awful it is for any of you that have lost babies x

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I'd love a kid. However, failing that, I'm trying to do the best for my nephew and niece that I can. They get 'proper' presents from me. Nothing like cuddly toys, or anything like that that's actually suitable for their ages.

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By *othingButCocoChanelWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow


"Our first baby together was still born at 35 weeks and I was so jealous of everyone that was pregnant and distanced myself from friends with babies. All I could think about was having another baby. So I completely understand how awful it is for any of you that have lost babies x"

Sorry to hear that have yous went on to have any rainbow babies?

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By *otsoSnowWhiteWoman
over a year ago

My Ice Castle! South Wales


"My marriage broke down because we couldn't have kids. The choice I made to sacrifice having them became a wedge between us.

Now although I'm not out hunting for a baby daddy at least if it happens it can as I would like to have them

That's sad.

It's the one issue where there's no middle way, no compromise."

Making the decision to not go through with treatment as the cost was ridiculous for just one try as we had to pay, was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make. And in the beginning I agreed and could justify it. But as time went on it ate me up that if I'd of picked a different man instead of my husband I could've had a baby quire easily. The resentment ate away at me and destroyed us. Something I can never change but learn from. Hard lesson. Dont settle for second best!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd love a kid. However, failing that, I'm trying to do the best for my nephew and niece that I can. They get 'proper' presents from me. Nothing like cuddly toys, or anything like that that's actually suitable for their ages. "

and I bet they think you're the best thing since sliced bread

it's great to be able to have that special connection with nieces & nephews.

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By *overs14Couple
over a year ago

norwich


"Our first baby together was still born at 35 weeks and I was so jealous of everyone that was pregnant and distanced myself from friends with babies. All I could think about was having another baby. So I completely understand how awful it is for any of you that have lost babies x

Sorry to hear that have yous went on to have any rainbow babies?"

Yes we went on to have a boy and a girl. So I feel lucky to have them both x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My daughter had a hysterectomy at 18, she is now 20 and has already decided no man will get into a relationship with her knowing she cant have kids, its really sad to hear and when i try to reassure her she will find someone who will see past that fact she cant have kids, she just tells me in only saying that cause I'm her mum

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts


"I'd love a kid. However, failing that, I'm trying to do the best for my nephew and niece that I can. They get 'proper' presents from me. Nothing like cuddly toys, or anything like that that's actually suitable for their ages.

and I bet they think you're the best thing since sliced bread

it's great to be able to have that special connection with nieces & nephews."

My nephew is 4 and I've already bought him some boxing gloves, corgi mini-cooper set from the Italian Job and a collection of books essential for lads. This Christmas it will be a spud gun.

My niece will be one this coming Jan and is getting a god collection of Enid Blyton.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My daughter had a hysterectomy at 18, she is now 20 and has already decided no man will get into a relationship with her knowing she cant have kids, its really sad to hear and when i try to reassure her she will find someone who will see past that fact she cant have kids, she just tells me in only saying that cause I'm her mum "

Im sure she will find someone not everyones that bothered about having kids have read a good book called childfree and loving it. none of my brothers or sister had kids.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd love a kid. However, failing that, I'm trying to do the best for my nephew and niece that I can. They get 'proper' presents from me. Nothing like cuddly toys, or anything like that that's actually suitable for their ages.

and I bet they think you're the best thing since sliced bread

it's great to be able to have that special connection with nieces & nephews.

My nephew is 4 and I've already bought him some boxing gloves, corgi mini-cooper set from the Italian Job and a collection of books essential for lads. This Christmas it will be a spud gun.

My niece will be one this coming Jan and is getting a god collection of Enid Blyton. "

gotta luvre a spud gun

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By *picyspiregirlCouple
over a year ago

chesterfield

There is no way I could cope with a baby, mr spicy needs far too much looking after!

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I've never wanted children and that hasn't changed as I've aged.

Now I'll effectively be alone once my parents die I wonder sometimes if I'll regret not having a family.

The only reason to have children, to me, though is that you want children. Being concerned about dying alone and being found half eaten by your cats is not a good reason.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try not to take life to serious due to things that are happening in our life's at the moment but after reading some of this thread makes me think how lucky were we we had three kids unplanned and so far got three lovely grandchildren . Such a shame some people won't have the chance of all that we have seeing ours growing up and starting family's of there own . Hope this makes sense

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To miss out on having a child as a woman must leave a huge gap in your life your hormones, emotions purpose is geared towards having a family I would be devastated and very envious of others if I hadn't had children.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was very important to us to have children which, luckily we did when we were very young. All grown up now and looking forward to grandchildren. Can't imagine my life without kids. Even with the problems my son has, wouldn't swop it at all.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I really feel for people who long for a child. I hope they get their wish

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I recall when we were childless we were friends with a couple and we did a lot together but when my wife became pregnant the female half burst into tears as she couldn't have kids. As time went on they saw us less and less and refused to come and see us after a couple of visits when we had our baby. I think the lack of children drove her crazy. It's a huge maternal instinct for some women and takes over.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"To miss out on having a child as a woman must leave a huge gap in your life your hormones, emotions purpose is geared towards having a family I would be devastated and very envious of others if I hadn't had children. "

I don't feel a gap in my life or my emotions.

I'm more free to do what I want, when I want and that suits me fine.

I've never felt broody or in the least maternal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I never felt any desire to have children and that has never changed. I don't get broody, babies hold zero interest for me and I have never felt that anything is missing from my life because I don't have children.

I have had to walk away from men who I felt very strongly towards because I knew that they wanted kids and it's about the only thing you can't reach a compromise on.

"

+ 1. Thankfully my OH is the same. I get more excited about pets than kids

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a child I was never into babies and dolls. Even when my husband and I got together I didnt want children. I now have 3 and I dont know where we would be without them.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I was never particularly maternal though I wouldn't be without my daughter.

She is the same and simply cannot envisage herself being a parent.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not at all, although I'm constantly told I'd have gorgeous babies (but then who ISN'T told that)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think with me what it is, is that i'm always around little ones and they seem to always want to relax with me or stay with me. So, sometimes i think to myself if only i had some of my own. But, that thought itself is scary.

You knowa lot say to me 'i want your babies'. Should i be worried or should i have just said 'oh go on then' lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been in a relationship where the lady became consumed by the need to have a baby. It coloured her opinion on everything. And was constantly on her mind. It ended up destroying the relationship.

We both already had children from earlier relationships, I had mine quite young and have effectively spent my entire adult life as a parent. I didn't want to start again in my 40's

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My children are my single greatest achievement, they are my ultimate joy, they mean my life has meant something. They make me more valuable than my parts.

Having had them I am free to fully enjoy being single without any driver of a need to settle down and reproduce. So in a strange way they're also my liberation.

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By *uicylucy76Woman
over a year ago

thornton cleveleys

I was def very maternal before I had my children.. Now not so much so haha!

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I've looked at this thread since it was posted and debated whether or not to respond. Actually I've debated whether I'm able to respond. I'm writing this down just to see if I can. I may post it, I may not. If you're reading then I was brave.

When I was little, I always just assumed I'd have kids. Through my 20's I told myself that if I hadn't met Mr Right by the time I was 30, I'd have a baby by myself. When I got to 30 I was having so much fun that the thought of a baby was so far off my radar that it just didn't cross my mind.

My clock started ticking when I hit 37. I spent a year thinking about it. I spoke to various friends, some with kids, some without and I thought about it from every conceivable angle that I could and made the decision to go it alone. Sadly this is easier said than done.

Lucky for me, one of the friends I spoke to offered to help me with the initial important part. We tried but it didn't work. I had tests, they can't find anything wrong with me. I'm not sure if it was just bad timing or whether there was a problem with him but I didn't feel like I was in a position to ask him to have any tests done. He offered to do something so amazing for me and for that I'll love him a little bit and always be grateful even though it didn't work. Perhaps it just wasn't meant to be.

I'm not bitter towards other women who have been able to have kids. Five of my friends have given birth over the last six months, one of which I was at. That took balls I didn't know I had but it broke a little bit of my heart at the same time. I think it's probably the greatest thing a woman can ever do and I take my hat off to those who have been able and who are going it alone. It's an absolute gift to be able to bring a new life into the world. That I haven't been able to, will remain the biggest regret of my life for many years to come.

It's incredibly difficult for single woman to take that journey alone. The law changed regarding sperm donation, in allowing said sperm to find said donor 18 years later. Since then there hasn't been a donation made in Scotland. IVF is unavailable on the NHS for single women. Doing it privately is all well and good, the donor issue is still a problem. Adoption is off limits, as is fostering. I'm financially stable, I'm emotionally stable (perhaps not right at this moment) and have a fabulous support network yet I still am unable to get through all of that red tape.

I'm unable to have a conversation about it out loud without it upsetting me beyond words. It's not something I talk about with many people because I can't bear the pity they feel for me. I've not discussed it with my family because I can't bear their disappointment either. My parents long for a grandchild probably as much as I long for a child.

I'm currently filling my life with lovely things, nice holidays, new car, lots of shoes but that void remains. I have no idea how to make it disappear. It doesn't consume me. I have a grip on my reality. It just causes a sadness that I'm not sure what to do with other than keep it to myself.

So for all of you with children, go give them an extra hug today. They're special.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was told I couldn't have children.

I have had my kids names chosen since I was 15.

I am now a very very proud mummy of a 21 month old girl.

My age and being single precludes a sibling from me and that breaks my heart.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

When I had a bad miscarriage they told me I wouldn't have children. I was devastated, but the worst was having to tell my husband when we got serious to give him chance to walk away. He stayed and within six months my miracle baby was conceived. I went on to have another miscarriage after that didn't try for anymore. I'm blessed with one healthy child.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've looked at this thread since it was posted and debated whether or not to respond. Actually I've debated whether I'm able to respond. I'm writing this down just to see if I can. I may post it, I may not. If you're reading then I was brave.

When I was little, I always just assumed I'd have kids. Through my 20's I told myself that if I hadn't met Mr Right by the time I was 30, I'd have a baby by myself. When I got to 30 I was having so much fun that the thought of a baby was so far off my radar that it just didn't cross my mind.

My clock started ticking when I hit 37. I spent a year thinking about it. I spoke to various friends, some with kids, some without and I thought about it from every conceivable angle that I could and made the decision to go it alone. Sadly this is easier said than done.

Lucky for me, one of the friends I spoke to offered to help me with the initial important part. We tried but it didn't work. I had tests, they can't find anything wrong with me. I'm not sure if it was just bad timing or whether there was a problem with him but I didn't feel like I was in a position to ask him to have any tests done. He offered to do something so amazing for me and for that I'll love him a little bit and always be grateful even though it didn't work. Perhaps it just wasn't meant to be.

I'm not bitter towards other women who have been able to have kids. Five of my friends have given birth over the last six months, one of which I was at. That took balls I didn't know I had but it broke a little bit of my heart at the same time. I think it's probably the greatest thing a woman can ever do and I take my hat off to those who have been able and who are going it alone. It's an absolute gift to be able to bring a new life into the world. That I haven't been able to, will remain the biggest regret of my life for many years to come.

It's incredibly difficult for single woman to take that journey alone. The law changed regarding sperm donation, in allowing said sperm to find said donor 18 years later. Since then there hasn't been a donation made in Scotland. IVF is unavailable on the NHS for single women. Doing it privately is all well and good, the donor issue is still a problem. Adoption is off limits, as is fostering. I'm financially stable, I'm emotionally stable (perhaps not right at this moment) and have a fabulous support network yet I still am unable to get through all of that red tape.

I'm unable to have a conversation about it out loud without it upsetting me beyond words. It's not something I talk about with many people because I can't bear the pity they feel for me. I've not discussed it with my family because I can't bear their disappointment either. My parents long for a grandchild probably as much as I long for a child.

I'm currently filling my life with lovely things, nice holidays, new car, lots of shoes but that void remains. I have no idea how to make it disappear. It doesn't consume me. I have a grip on my reality. It just causes a sadness that I'm not sure what to do with other than keep it to myself.

So for all of you with children, go give them an extra hug today. They're special.

"

yes you were very brave hugs honey xxxxxxx

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By *uicylucy76Woman
over a year ago

thornton cleveleys


"I was told I couldn't have children.

I have had my kids names chosen since I was 15.

I am now a very very proud mummy of a 21 month old girl.

My age and being single precludes a sibling from me and that breaks my heart.

"

Don't give up... The one thing my daughter wanted I couldn't give her.. A sister.. But now 9 years later she does have one... Things happen wen you least expect them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

DirtyGirl, that's the best post I've read on these forums this year, probably longer. Very well written and thank you for sharing.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Given my age, whether or not I've made the right decision, I am probably stuck with it now.

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By *exycleanerWoman
over a year ago

pontefract


"I never felt any desire to have children and that has never changed. I don't get broody, babies hold zero interest for me and I have never felt that anything is missing from my life because I don't have children.

I have had to walk away from men who I felt very strongly towards because I knew that they wanted kids and it's about the only thing you can't reach a compromise on.

"
i feel the same as you ,however i was married just told my hubby i not want kids so we not have any now im alone not sure if not having any is good or bad tbh

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"I've looked at this thread since it was posted and debated whether or not to respond. Actually I've debated whether I'm able to respond. I'm writing this down just to see if I can. I may post it, I may not. If you're reading then I was brave.

When I was little, I always just assumed I'd have kids. Through my 20's I told myself that if I hadn't met Mr Right by the time I was 30, I'd have a baby by myself. When I got to 30 I was having so much fun that the thought of a baby was so far off my radar that it just didn't cross my mind.

My clock started ticking when I hit 37. I spent a year thinking about it. I spoke to various friends, some with kids, some without and I thought about it from every conceivable angle that I could and made the decision to go it alone. Sadly this is easier said than done.

Lucky for me, one of the friends I spoke to offered to help me with the initial important part. We tried but it didn't work. I had tests, they can't find anything wrong with me. I'm not sure if it was just bad timing or whether there was a problem with him but I didn't feel like I was in a position to ask him to have any tests done. He offered to do something so amazing for me and for that I'll love him a little bit and always be grateful even though it didn't work. Perhaps it just wasn't meant to be.

I'm not bitter towards other women who have been able to have kids. Five of my friends have given birth over the last six months, one of which I was at. That took balls I didn't know I had but it broke a little bit of my heart at the same time. I think it's probably the greatest thing a woman can ever do and I take my hat off to those who have been able and who are going it alone. It's an absolute gift to be able to bring a new life into the world. That I haven't been able to, will remain the biggest regret of my life for many years to come.

It's incredibly difficult for single woman to take that journey alone. The law changed regarding sperm donation, in allowing said sperm to find said donor 18 years later. Since then there hasn't been a donation made in Scotland. IVF is unavailable on the NHS for single women. Doing it privately is all well and good, the donor issue is still a problem. Adoption is off limits, as is fostering. I'm financially stable, I'm emotionally stable (perhaps not right at this moment) and have a fabulous support network yet I still am unable to get through all of that red tape.

I'm unable to have a conversation about it out loud without it upsetting me beyond words. It's not something I talk about with many people because I can't bear the pity they feel for me. I've not discussed it with my family because I can't bear their disappointment either. My parents long for a grandchild probably as much as I long for a child.

I'm currently filling my life with lovely things, nice holidays, new car, lots of shoes but that void remains. I have no idea how to make it disappear. It doesn't consume me. I have a grip on my reality. It just causes a sadness that I'm not sure what to do with other than keep it to myself.

So for all of you with children, go give them an extra hug today. They're special.

"

This made me cry you are not alone in how you feel, the day I lost my baby when I was 30 I knew I wanted to be a mum. 4 years on that want is still there and it's greater than ever.

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By *exycleanerWoman
over a year ago

pontefract


"I've looked at this thread since it was posted and debated whether or not to respond. Actually I've debated whether I'm able to respond. I'm writing this down just to see if I can. I may post it, I may not. If you're reading then I was brave.

When I was little, I always just assumed I'd have kids. Through my 20's I told myself that if I hadn't met Mr Right by the time I was 30, I'd have a baby by myself. When I got to 30 I was having so much fun that the thought of a baby was so far off my radar that it just didn't cross my mind.

My clock started ticking when I hit 37. I spent a year thinking about it. I spoke to various friends, some with kids, some without and I thought about it from every conceivable angle that I could and made the decision to go it alone. Sadly this is easier said than done.

Lucky for me, one of the friends I spoke to offered to help me with the initial important part. We tried but it didn't work. I had tests, they can't find anything wrong with me. I'm not sure if it was just bad timing or whether there was a problem with him but I didn't feel like I was in a position to ask him to have any tests done. He offered to do something so amazing for me and for that I'll love him a little bit and always be grateful even though it didn't work. Perhaps it just wasn't meant to be.

I'm not bitter towards other women who have been able to have kids. Five of my friends have given birth over the last six months, one of which I was at. That took balls I didn't know I had but it broke a little bit of my heart at the same time. I think it's probably the greatest thing a woman can ever do and I take my hat off to those who have been able and who are going it alone. It's an absolute gift to be able to bring a new life into the world. That I haven't been able to, will remain the biggest regret of my life for many years to come.

It's incredibly difficult for single woman to take that journey alone. The law changed regarding sperm donation, in allowing said sperm to find said donor 18 years later. Since then there hasn't been a donation made in Scotland. IVF is unavailable on the NHS for single women. Doing it privately is all well and good, the donor issue is still a problem. Adoption is off limits, as is fostering. I'm financially stable, I'm emotionally stable (perhaps not right at this moment) and have a fabulous support network yet I still am unable to get through all of that red tape.

I'm unable to have a conversation about it out loud without it upsetting me beyond words. It's not something I talk about with many people because I can't bear the pity they feel for me. I've not discussed it with my family because I can't bear their disappointment either. My parents long for a grandchild probably as much as I long for a child.

I'm currently filling my life with lovely things, nice holidays, new car, lots of shoes but that void remains. I have no idea how to make it disappear. It doesn't consume me. I have a grip on my reality. It just causes a sadness that I'm not sure what to do with other than keep it to myself.

So for all of you with children, go give them an extra hug today. They're special. lovely story hope your ok and posting it hasnt upset you but dont give up just stop trying to get pregnant ,my mum told me this donkeys years ago my aunty tried and couldnt so adopted 2 kids then got pregant as she stopped trying ,this was yrs ago b4 ivf was invented x

"

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By *ingle Beds LassWoman
over a year ago

Bedfordshire


"My children are my single greatest achievement, they are my ultimate joy, they mean my life has meant something. They make me more valuable than my parts.

Having had them I am free to fully enjoy being single without any driver of a need to settle down and reproduce. So in a strange way they're also my liberation. "

this

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!


"DirtyGirl, that's the best post I've read on these forums this year, probably longer. Very well written and thank you for sharing. "

Dirtygirl: well done you for sharing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm pretty overwhelmed reading all your heart rending stories. I am eternally grateful for my son, he means the world to me. I had hoped for more children but that wasn't to be... but I would still love another child.

I can't imagine how that feels for all the women on this thread that would desperately love children but I am grateful for you finding the courage to express how you feel

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was told I couldn't have children.

I have had my kids names chosen since I was 15.

I am now a very very proud mummy of a 21 month old girl.

My age and being single precludes a sibling from me and that breaks my heart.

Don't give up... The one thing my daughter wanted I couldn't give her.. A sister.. But now 9 years later she does have one... Things happen wen you least expect them "

im getting a wee bit long in the tooth im afraid..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"DirtyGirl, that's the best post I've read on these forums this year, probably longer. Very well written and thank you for sharing."

Yeah. I've never read anything so open in the forums. Love and Hugs to you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There is no way I could cope with a baby, mr spicy needs far too much looking after!"

your lucky to have a man that likes to be looked after.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd like to become a Dad one day. Till then, it's great being an Uncle and Godparent!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I was younger it was highly important for me to have children given the job I was doing and that I was the last in my family that would be able to pass the name on.

My three are all teenagers now and I have zero desire to have any more....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My biological clock is fucking going full steam ahead and has done for the past 12 months, it's my only major issue in my life that I will never become a mum, I just feel at 34 my time is running out...I'm not ashamed to admit the above but certainly would not go to any lengths to get pregnant I'd never deceive someone or trick or trap anyone for a child.... "

I never planned to be a single mom but through circumstances not of my making, I am. I've brought my son up alone since his birth (with the support of my family). If I was in your position, I would look into fertility or adoption. Don't wait for the "right man" to come along because he might turn out to be the wrong man. You can do it on your own and whilst I would love my son's father to be in his life, I know that it won't happen. But he has me and I give him a safe, secure and happy life. Love and nurturing is all a child needs be it in a 2.4 family or something else. I wish you all the luck in the world in eventually becoming a mother xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've looked at this thread since it was posted and debated whether or not to respond. Actually I've debated whether I'm able to respond. I'm writing this down just to see if I can. I may post it, I may not. If you're reading then I was brave.

When I was little, I always just assumed I'd have kids. Through my 20's I told myself that if I hadn't met Mr Right by the time I was 30, I'd have a baby by myself. When I got to 30 I was having so much fun that the thought of a baby was so far off my radar that it just didn't cross my mind.

My clock started ticking when I hit 37. I spent a year thinking about it. I spoke to various friends, some with kids, some without and I thought about it from every conceivable angle that I could and made the decision to go it alone. Sadly this is easier said than done.

Lucky for me, one of the friends I spoke to offered to help me with the initial important part. We tried but it didn't work. I had tests, they can't find anything wrong with me. I'm not sure if it was just bad timing or whether there was a problem with him but I didn't feel like I was in a position to ask him to have any tests done. He offered to do something so amazing for me and for that I'll love him a little bit and always be grateful even though it didn't work. Perhaps it just wasn't meant to be.

I'm not bitter towards other women who have been able to have kids. Five of my friends have given birth over the last six months, one of which I was at. That took balls I didn't know I had but it broke a little bit of my heart at the same time. I think it's probably the greatest thing a woman can ever do and I take my hat off to those who have been able and who are going it alone. It's an absolute gift to be able to bring a new life into the world. That I haven't been able to, will remain the biggest regret of my life for many years to come.

It's incredibly difficult for single woman to take that journey alone. The law changed regarding sperm donation, in allowing said sperm to find said donor 18 years later. Since then there hasn't been a donation made in Scotland. IVF is unavailable on the NHS for single women. Doing it privately is all well and good, the donor issue is still a problem. Adoption is off limits, as is fostering. I'm financially stable, I'm emotionally stable (perhaps not right at this moment) and have a fabulous support network yet I still am unable to get through all of that red tape.

I'm unable to have a conversation about it out loud without it upsetting me beyond words. It's not something I talk about with many people because I can't bear the pity they feel for me. I've not discussed it with my family because I can't bear their disappointment either. My parents long for a grandchild probably as much as I long for a child.

I'm currently filling my life with lovely things, nice holidays, new car, lots of shoes but that void remains. I have no idea how to make it disappear. It doesn't consume me. I have a grip on my reality. It just causes a sadness that I'm not sure what to do with other than keep it to myself.

So for all of you with children, go give them an extra hug today. They're special.

"

I have a friend who is single and she adopted a boy. I would challenge the thinking that single moms are unable to adopt or foster. Good luck, I hope your dreams come TRUE one day x

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I'm a strange one, in that from the age of 5 or 6, the only thing, I could say, that I definitely wanted to be, was a Dad.

My instincts where good, as whatever else I may have failed at in life, anyone I know (ex wife included) would agree, I'm a bloody good one, and love every minute of being one.

"

I do think there are men who are absolutely meant to be fathers and dads.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've always dreamed of being a Mum, I love children and, mostly, they love me too. I have 3 Godsons and a Goddaughter that I adore and a huge family full of small people that come to my door sometimes just to day hi and get a cuddle. But it doesn't make up for not having my own. I always pictured myself having a big family of my own and the older I get the less likely that becomes. Hitting 30 this year made me even more aware of that.

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"My biological clock is fucking going full steam ahead and has done for the past 12 months, it's my only major issue in my life that I will never become a mum, I just feel at 34 my time is running out....

This for me too.

I am that desperate that I find myself feeling resentful towards women who can carry and have babies. They seem to be everywhere I look at the moment! "

To both of you that posted and others in the same situation all I can say is that now that I am on the other side and the possibility isn't there to even become pregnant I find that you come to appreciate that others are producing wonderful, lovely, glorious babies that they allow you to cuddle and care about.

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By *ovemenotWoman
over a year ago

yeovil

I was told I was VERY unlitly to have children and to be honest wasn't that bothered . Then at 28 I had my 1st and then 2 more . I am now single with 3 children and really craving more , but no it's unlikely

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"There is no way I could cope with a baby, mr spicy needs far too much looking after!"

I think you'd make great parents and have the smiliest child in the world. But, I do take your point.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not maternal in the slightest, I just don't want children. I've only felt broody once in my life (quite recently)

I also doubt I could have children anyway, I have pcos and after 4 years unprotected sex with my ex and nothing happening says a lot.

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By *picyspiregirlCouple
over a year ago

chesterfield


"There is no way I could cope with a baby, mr spicy needs far too much looking after!

I think you'd make great parents and have the smiliest child in the world. But, I do take your point.

"

Gee, ta duck!

Mr Tarrant.

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I've looked at this thread since it was posted and debated whether or not to respond. Actually I've debated whether I'm able to respond. I'm writing this down just to see if I can. I may post it, I may not. If you're reading then I was brave.

When I was little, I always just assumed I'd have kids. Through my 20's I told myself that if I hadn't met Mr Right by the time I was 30, I'd have a baby by myself. When I got to 30 I was having so much fun that the thought of a baby was so far off my radar that it just didn't cross my mind.

My clock started ticking when I hit 37. I spent a year thinking about it. I spoke to various friends, some with kids, some without and I thought about it from every conceivable angle that I could and made the decision to go it alone. Sadly this is easier said than done.

Lucky for me, one of the friends I spoke to offered to help me with the initial important part. We tried but it didn't work. I had tests, they can't find anything wrong with me. I'm not sure if it was just bad timing or whether there was a problem with him but I didn't feel like I was in a position to ask him to have any tests done. He offered to do something so amazing for me and for that I'll love him a little bit and always be grateful even though it didn't work. Perhaps it just wasn't meant to be.

I'm not bitter towards other women who have been able to have kids. Five of my friends have given birth over the last six months, one of which I was at. That took balls I didn't know I had but it broke a little bit of my heart at the same time. I think it's probably the greatest thing a woman can ever do and I take my hat off to those who have been able and who are going it alone. It's an absolute gift to be able to bring a new life into the world. That I haven't been able to, will remain the biggest regret of my life for many years to come.

It's incredibly difficult for single woman to take that journey alone. The law changed regarding sperm donation, in allowing said sperm to find said donor 18 years later. Since then there hasn't been a donation made in Scotland. IVF is unavailable on the NHS for single women. Doing it privately is all well and good, the donor issue is still a problem. Adoption is off limits, as is fostering. I'm financially stable, I'm emotionally stable (perhaps not right at this moment) and have a fabulous support network yet I still am unable to get through all of that red tape.

I'm unable to have a conversation about it out loud without it upsetting me beyond words. It's not something I talk about with many people because I can't bear the pity they feel for me. I've not discussed it with my family because I can't bear their disappointment either. My parents long for a grandchild probably as much as I long for a child.

I'm currently filling my life with lovely things, nice holidays, new car, lots of shoes but that void remains. I have no idea how to make it disappear. It doesn't consume me. I have a grip on my reality. It just causes a sadness that I'm not sure what to do with other than keep it to myself.

So for all of you with children, go give them an extra hug today. They're special.

"

Thank you for this post. It has a lot of resonance for me. I explored donor insemination, I was accepted by an NHS hospital for this and through the pre-insemination counselling it revealed why that route wouldn't work for me at that time. I really needed to look at having a child with a partner.

I hope you find your way and I will hold you in my thoughts.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Ive always wanted them but cant and accept that, though its hard when you are driven by something. I am concerned though about our society and how it will be for future generations, so have a tempered sense due to that.

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By *otsoSnowWhiteWoman
over a year ago

My Ice Castle! South Wales


"I'm not maternal in the slightest, I just don't want children. I've only felt broody once in my life (quite recently)

I also doubt I could have children anyway, I have pcos and after 4 years unprotected sex with my ex and nothing happening says a lot. "

A friend of mine suffered pcos and endometriosis spent 6 yrs with her exhubby no child after unprotected sex. Met a guy who became a fwb ended up catching pregnant. He didn't want to know but as it would probably be he'd only chance at motherhood she kept the baby. Has a bonnie lil girl who's very cherished.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interesting thread.

When at uni, my female housemates were always saying 'when they have kids it'll be by 28' etc, I used to wonder how they knew they'd be that age, and ask what if they didn't meet the right guy and all that. Maternal instincts are some of the strongest, so they say anyway.

I'm happy not having children currently, but if the right woman and relationship came along then I'm confident I'd be a good father too. Men have more patience though I think, generally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Interesting thread.

When at uni, my female housemates were always saying 'when they have kids it'll be by 28' etc, I used to wonder how they knew they'd be that age, and ask what if they didn't meet the right guy and all that. Maternal instincts are some of the strongest, so they say anyway.

I'm happy not having children currently, but if the right woman and relationship came along then I'm confident I'd be a good father too. Men have more patience though I think, generally. "

men probably have more patience with kids as they aren't generally looking after them most of the time!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Interesting thread.

When at uni, my female housemates were always saying 'when they have kids it'll be by 28' etc, I used to wonder how they knew they'd be that age, and ask what if they didn't meet the right guy and all that. Maternal instincts are some of the strongest, so they say anyway.

I'm happy not having children currently, but if the right woman and relationship came along then I'm confident I'd be a good father too. Men have more patience though I think, generally.

men probably have more patience with kids as they aren't generally looking after them most of the time!!!"

Very general point, but I guess partially true, and it doesn't mean it's a bad decision with the way society is, often a mutual decision too.

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By *andy_tomMan
over a year ago

wolverhampton

No coment .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My partner and I have two girls...one naturally and one through IVF eight years apart.

We had one fertilized embryo in storage left over from our IVF treatment and this caused massive issues for us. I didn't want anyi more children as the whole point of the treatment was to have ONE child. But to my partner, not giving that embryo the chance of growing and being born was all consuming and she even said I could leave and have nothing to do with the child, but still wanted my permission to use the embryo.

Evetually I relented as I didn't want to hurt our children by leaving and agreed to the transfer of the frozen embryo...after all having abother child is much more of a blessing than a curse.

That embryo didn't survive the thawing process and my partner is slowly but surely slipping into depression because having another child and the thought that she won't have any more is all consuming!

So I'm witnessing that maternal instinct first hand at the moment and in all honesty it's heartbreaking to see. I've even thought of leaving so she feels like she can have other children if she wants too

I

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We really want children but life throws u them curve balls!! Weve had an.ectopic and 6 miscarriages and no one seems to know why x i look at my younger siblings who all have children.and do resent/jealous of them but dont love them any less and.usually have a little cry when i get home..

Feel like my clock is ticking too at 32 but getting married next year so concentrating on that!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Interesting thread.

When at uni, my female housemates were always saying 'when they have kids it'll be by 28' etc, I used to wonder how they knew they'd be that age, and ask what if they didn't meet the right guy and all that. Maternal instincts are some of the strongest, so they say anyway.

I'm happy not having children currently, but if the right woman and relationship came along then I'm confident I'd be a good father too. Men have more patience though I think, generally. "

I always had a mental timetable, about marriage, job, house, babies. It's always worked out, apart from the babies bit. I always assumed I'd want to have them but at the moment the thought still absolutely terrifies me and I'm far too selfish to have a child.

When you're 21, 30 sounds really old but when you're nearly there it really isn't!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Interesting thread.

When at uni, my female housemates were always saying 'when they have kids it'll be by 28' etc, I used to wonder how they knew they'd be that age, and ask what if they didn't meet the right guy and all that. Maternal instincts are some of the strongest, so they say anyway.

I'm happy not having children currently, but if the right woman and relationship came along then I'm confident I'd be a good father too. Men have more patience though I think, generally.

I always had a mental timetable, about marriage, job, house, babies. It's always worked out, apart from the babies bit. I always assumed I'd want to have them but at the moment the thought still absolutely terrifies me and I'm far too selfish to have a child.

When you're 21, 30 sounds really old but when you're nearly there it really isn't! "

I'd agree with that - I don't think age bothers me at all!

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By *rsIdiotWoman
over a year ago

Bedworth

Within 4 months of meeting my ex husband I was pregnant for the first time, I miscarried at 7 weeks.

The next nine years saw us go through seven more miscarriages with no reason found, 3 years of infertility, being refused ivf, me being diagnosed with cervical cancer and being turned down for adoption.

The yearning for a child is so all consuming, it's very hard to describe. Yet, after having the losses I have had no contact with babies and distanced myself from all pregnant women. So much so that I no longer have any contact with some ladies I was once friends with. I finally made progress about six months ago when I held a colleagues son for a few minutes.

Ultimately, all of this helped to contribute to the demise of my marriage.

When I met my fiancé I told him everything that I'd previously been through and he understands that it's very unlikely that we will have children. We both accept this and feel that we don't need a child to complete our relationship. However, we have said that we will try just once. If fate decides we should have a child then so be it, if not, we have each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was told id never have children and my husband and I reached a place where we were accepting of that fact and made a happy and contented life together just the two of us.

Out of the blue I got pregnant and had a son. He died at the age of 4 and I went through a brief but very painful stage of wishing things had stayed as they were as the pain of losing him was a million times worse than any regret I suffered being childless.

I'm now looking forward to becoming a granny soon. A new and very welcome joy. Children are gifts....not entitlements. But if you are blessed, hold them tight and love them well.

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By *ratty_DamselWoman
over a year ago

London.

Please, please, please get tested for antiphosolipid Lipid Syndrome if you had late miscarriages or multiple miscarriage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We don't have children - never wanted them, extremely happy without them

When we were first married, we went to a lot of friends' weddings. The 8 couples who had kids have all split up since, and the 4 couples who didn't have kids are still together and happy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We don't have children - never wanted them, extremely happy without them

When we were first married, we went to a lot of friends' weddings. The 8 couples who had kids have all split up since, and the 4 couples who didn't have kids are still together and happy."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Big big hugs to everyone with angel babies. xxxx

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By *ratty_DamselWoman
over a year ago

London.


"Big big hugs to everyone with angel babies. xxxx"

Totally, so utterly heartbreaking. XOX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"R4 has a programme on now about women who are childless, and wanted them.

Is the biological imperative to have children so strong for some of us that being childless takes over our thoughts and actions?

How important was/is having a child to you?"

I always thought I would. It didn't worry me too much that I hadn't had kids until I was undergoing treatment last year and found out the chances were I couldn't have carried a baby to term. I'm still not entirely sure why the news upset me so much.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im very fortunate to have 3 beautiful children who make me proud every minute of every day. My middle child who will be 7 tomorrow has serious medical needs and his bravery never ceases to amaze me. I still get broody occasionally but im done

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was never sure I wanted children. When I met my ex, he definitely did. We later discovered he couldn't father children naturally. After lots of tests etc we decided to do IVF. After 4 years of treatment involving 3 fresh and 1 frozen cycle which failed at 2 different clinics , the 5th cycle also frozen finally worked and then the 6th, again frozen also worked . I consider myself the luckiest Mum to have my two (what are to me) miracle children .

The downside is that all the financial burden (20k) of treatment and the fact that all our energies had gone into the IVF , plus many other issues which had been put to one side by me to concentrate on treatment - destroyed the marriage before my youngest was even one year old.

Having said that I never regret having my children, they are the best thing that ever happened to me and I realise how very lucky I am to have them in my life.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Our first baby together was still born at 35 weeks and I was so jealous of everyone that was pregnant and distanced myself from friends with babies. All I could think about was having another baby. So I completely understand how awful it is for any of you that have lost babies x"

My son died at eight weeks. Three of us were on maternity leave and when I returned early my boss contacted my colleagues and told them not to bring their babies in. I was mortified when I found out.

Life isn't fair! We don't always get what we want whilst others do. If we are resentful of others we only destroy ourselves. For me distancing myself wasn't an option: their babies weren't mine so I didn't care and I wasn't going to rain on anyone's parade.

My other half has never wanted children, his previous relationships have ended because he didn't change his mind. He's already asked if he'd be excused to go fishing when my daughters have kids and bring them round!

When my son died my arms felt so empty. My body didn't know my son was dead and kept producing milk: physical agony to add to the mental one. I can only imagine the turmoil faced by those wanting children.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Never has a thread made me cry, I need to get a grip on my feeling and just stay positive that hopefully I will be blessed to be a mum.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"My daughter had a hysterectomy at 18, she is now 20 and has already decided no man will get into a relationship with her knowing she cant have kids, its really sad to hear and when i try to reassure her she will find someone who will see past that fact she cant have kids, she just tells me in only saying that cause I'm her mum "

My other half has never wanted kids. Most of his friends are gay as they don't have kids: not everyone is fussed.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"Never has a thread made me cry, I need to get a grip on my feeling and just stay positive that hopefully I will be blessed to be a mum. "

You still have loads of time. I know it's easy to say but don't obsess about it and don't desperately hunt for a father. Relax and take things as they come. You're gorgeous and a lovely person. Seeming desperate to settle down will scare guys away.

x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Could not imagine life without having my kids . So my heart goes out to anyone who can't have them for one reason or another x

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By *andy_tomMan
over a year ago

wolverhampton


"Could not imagine life without having my kids . So my heart goes out to anyone who can't have them for one reason or another x "

I am lucky I have 6 grown up kids they where hard work but worth it .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My daughter had a hysterectomy at 18, she is now 20 and has already decided no man will get into a relationship with her knowing she cant have kids, its really sad to hear and when i try to reassure her she will find someone who will see past that fact she cant have kids, she just tells me in only saying that cause I'm her mum

My other half has never wanted kids. Most of his friends are gay as they don't have kids: not everyone is fussed."

Think you have found the ideal partner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Could not imagine life without having my kids . So my heart goes out to anyone who can't have them for one reason or another x

I am lucky I have 6 grown up kids they where hard work but worth it . "
I am from a family of 6 so I know how hard my dads life was bringing us all up on his own

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never wanted babies. Didn't like children until day I found myself pregnant.

All changed, my sons beame my world. Started to like other kids too. Now I have been working with children for 20 years and have degree in child development.

To those who want children, always have hope. My sis in law was 40 when she started having children.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"Never has a thread made me cry, I need to get a grip on my feeling and just stay positive that hopefully I will be blessed to be a mum.

You still have loads of time. I know it's easy to say but don't obsess about it and don't desperately hunt for a father. Relax and take things as they come. You're gorgeous and a lovely person. Seeming desperate to settle down will scare guys away.

x"

Lol hence probably why I've been single so long I totally get the desperate to settle down and I've got 100 times better over the last year or so

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"Never has a thread made me cry, I need to get a grip on my feeling and just stay positive that hopefully I will be blessed to be a mum.

You still have loads of time. I know it's easy to say but don't obsess about it and don't desperately hunt for a father. Relax and take things as they come. You're gorgeous and a lovely person. Seeming desperate to settle down will scare guys away.

x

Lol hence probably why I've been single so long I totally get the desperate to settle down and I've got 100 times better over the last year or so "

I've been single for the opposite reason. I don't want a relationship and don't notice men around me. Even if I do I'm never aware if they're interested in me.

When Lickety was up here she commented on a couple of hot guys who passed us and I'd not noticed them at all.

I'm very successful at the not having a relationship thing. Perhaps too much so.

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By *azmissy67Woman
over a year ago

welshpool area

Wow such a touching and thought provoking thread. I didn't want children until I met my now ex husband. Friends around us were starting families and we thought why not! Although we split up when the youngest was five and basically I have brought my four up on my own I wouldn't be without them.

I never get gooey eyed when I see friends babies and am in no rush to have grandchildren but I'm thankful that I was able to have children which is something I took for granted and feel for those who haven't experienced the delight in having children and want to.

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Wow such a touching and thought provoking thread. I didn't want children until I met my now ex husband. Friends around us were starting families and we thought why not! Although we split up when the youngest was five and basically I have brought my four up on my own I wouldn't be without them.

I never get gooey eyed when I see friends babies and am in no rush to have grandchildren but I'm thankful that I was able to have children which is something I took for granted and feel for those who haven't experienced the delight in having children and want to. "

It is largely taken for granted that we will reproduce, even in this day and age.

I am grateful that I have had a part in the lives of so many babies and children.

I know one of the reasons I remain fat is that it gives me that sense of my body as it was when it had a life growing inside me.

Thank you all for such thoughtful posts.

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

It was extremely important to me to have children. Vince, I think, said he could take it or leave it with the attitude of "if it happens, it happens".

Although I've never actively tried to get pregnant, one of my biggest irrational fears was being told I couldn't have children (yet I had no reason to believe that).

Ironically, I then fell pregnant on the pill and, although it wasn't planned, words cant describe the relief and happiness I feel now that we're expecting our first little one. Just knowing it's a possibility has taken a lot of panic away from me.

I don't know how I'd cope if it wasn't possible and I have great respect for those who can't have them and soldier on.

- Amy. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My deepest regret in life is not having children.

When I could have, the time and relationship wasn't, and being an unwanted child myself I just wasn't prepared to bring a child of my own into a world where it wouldn't be properly loved.

But I'd give anything now to adopt a daughter of the appropriate age!!!

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By *itten-xxxWoman
over a year ago

North West

I almost wish I hadn't read this thread. I had a miscarriage at 28 and my ex told me he didn't want kids so we split up. Since then I had a series of relationships but never found anyone who wanted kids and I didn't push it there seemed to be plenty of time. I'm now 43, single and it's my biggest regret and yes some of these stories have made me cry. My dad's partners grandchildren call him grandad and he's always talking about them. They should have been my children calling him grandad . Life goes on but there will always be that sense of regret.

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I almost wish I hadn't read this thread. I had a miscarriage at 28 and my ex told me he didn't want kids so we split up. Since then I had a series of relationships but never found anyone who wanted kids and I didn't push it there seemed to be plenty of time. I'm now 43, single and it's my biggest regret and yes some of these stories have made me cry. My dad's partners grandchildren call him grandad and he's always talking about them. They should have been my children calling him grandad . Life goes on but there will always be that sense of regret. "

Would you consider fostering or adoption?

I sometimes still get upset when my father refers to my nephew as his first grandchild, forgetting the son I had but who died. I am sure it's not meant maliciously and I am sure your father does it without thinking too.

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