FabSwingers.com forum: Question for the Party Peeps..

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ok.. your at the party, the wine and spirits have flowed.. Theres a mixed crowd, some nice, some not so nice (Coughs) the play is restricted to a smaller area say..

Do you just let go and play with whoever joins you or is it ok to pick and choose.. We want to party more but hate the idea we just have to keep the peace and play with and be played with by anyone and everyone..

Whats the norm please??

Thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

I can't believe you even need to ask the question Notts lol

You play only with who you want to play with and no-one else and if the play area is only small and everyone else is playing there then I would'nt play if I did'nt feel comfortable with it

I would rather not play at all than feel like I have to....not into watching either so would probably be the sad cow in the kitchen pmsl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a man I can only say that if I'm not attracted to someone then I *can't* play, if you get my meaning.

Siren and I agreed when we started out swinging as a couple that neither one of us would 'take one for the team' so on that basis I'd say you should only play with people you want to play with and not those that want to play with you.

Sometimes, however, you can be so horny and in a group that you'll look up to see who noshing on ya bits and realise that under any other circumstance you'd probably wouldn't have played with them but for this one time it feels right so you go with it.

It's hard to give a definitive answer that applies to every single meet/party you go to so you just have to go with the flow, trust your instincts and basically have a bloody good time doing it. Regret what you've done, not what you haven't done

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yeah, can understand that lol... The thing is, we went to a small party in the New Year.. We knew the hosts well.. but they had invited along people we didn't know etc.. well, things got hot, nice.. but we liked one couple but not another.. they kept making a bee line.. so we stopped playing altogether but sensed an atmosphere so we just wondered.. Whats the Norm so to speak..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Fair play wishy.. fair play.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

I don't care if theres an atmosphere...I do not and never will play with anyone that I don't feel some sort of connection with and if we've been in peoples company for the a few hours then I would know for definate who I would or would'nt want to play with....I hate it that sometimes people just assume you will

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus

"Yeah, can understand that lol... The thing is, we went to a small party in the New Year.. We knew the hosts well.. but they had invited along people we didn't know etc.. well, things got hot, nice.. but we liked one couple but not another.. they kept making a bee line.. so we stopped playing altogether but sensed an atmosphere so we just wondered.. Whats the Norm so to speak.. "

You only play with who YOU want to play with. Thats the norm.

FFS, don't do what Jason did once at a party. Some silly old trollop had been chasing him for 2 hours so he let her 'try' and give him a bj, just to get her off his back.

I wasn't amused and he suffered my wrath for a few weeks on that one.

He felt used and I wondered why I'd married such a twat!

If another couple gets the hump, tough. Swinging is about sexual liberation, not making sure everyone else doesn't get stroppy.

Toughen up man........ you and Mrs Notts swinging with who YOU and Mrs Notts feel comfortable swinging with!

Hear endeth the sermon!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well.. thats what we did do.. stopped the play.. Shame as the couple we were getting along with were damn horny.

The sad part was when we stopped everyone stopped what they were doing too.. Made us feel a bit shit.. but at the same time more resolute we'd not start again too.

Even got to the point where Mrs Notts had been enjoying a little (Ok a fair bit if honest) of Bi fun with the fem she clicked with but as she didn't touch this other fem.. she even came out with... 'Well, are you Bi or NOT.. Mrs Notts replied.. straight back to her... I am but NOT with you..

This all made us a bit uneasy about parties thats all..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surely though,at a party the "play area" is where ever you happen to be at the time,ie:kitchen,bedroom or staircase,lol.

So why be governed for choice by who just happens to be in/on one designated area?

Just because someone your attracted to and who's attracted to you is not in the designated area whats to stop you from getting it on? Unless there are strict house rules that prevent it.Mind you,we've never heard of a designated play area at a party,wierd.It sounds like "Tiggy Off Ground" lol.

As for who to play with,we'd only play with ppl we were attracted to.

XXXX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

this is a main reason why we are uncomfortable about attending any also . Its seems a lot easier to play with just one couple that you are both attracted to and vice versa and you have a little bit of knowledge of who you are meeting (likes , dilikes etc)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

When we say play area.. the hosts had just asked that play be limited to the large lounge area.. nothing more than that guys.. We were fine with who we were with lol.. no issues but this couple just kept on joining in as such.. just made it awkward.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When we say play area.. the hosts had just asked that play be limited to the large lounge area.. nothing more than that guys.. We were fine with who we were with lol.. no issues but this couple just kept on joining in as such.. just made it awkward."

AHH,it sounded like they had some kind of giant play pen or something,lol.

So, in short,you were being stalked and groped.

We enjoy the odd party but the golden swinging rule still applies,no means no.

Wether at a party or not,we would never just assume that a couple wanted to play.We always wait until we get the right signals.

Sometimes all night

lol.

XXXX

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Its that word assume that is my biggest bug bare with swinging..people that assume you will be happy to play with them just because you have had a bit of a chat earlier on in the evening

people that assume that because you are playing they can join in as well.....after all its just sex is'nt it? does'nt matter who with?

People that assume that you're an exhibitionist and will open doors and stand there wanking while they think its ok to watch you play without an invitation

Apart from that I love playing I really really do pmsl......don't just assume just ask and you may get a nice suprise

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We just wondered if this was kinda the 'norm' at parties.. We see loads being advertised and we'd love to attend.. We'd hate to be the party poopers but were not gonna be fodder either.....

Think we'll just stick to what we know for now lol..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you could always dare 2 ask 4 all the profile names of ppl attending haha

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

pmsl... A whole different thread eh..

Besides... pics are one thing. Liking is quite another eh.........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

aye thats exactly why we dont bother with party's like we mentioned b4 we would be worried we werent attracted/clicked with everyone lol

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Its the same wherever you go though...if you don't click you don't play,Notts did you see the couple that you were playing with again in more comfortable surroundings? I would have if they were nice

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By *1dKingColeMan
over a year ago

east london

You may be surprised who may be able to identify with you on this one.

Occasionally a party organiser will invite a few selected single males to make up the numbers.

As a single male it's good to get this sort of invite, and a little faltering that you get picked over the dozens of options they probably had, but..

You almost seem to end up being the fall back option as the couples target each other and later the women look for second helpings from what’s left. Not so good for the ego, (lol) and you feel the pressure to perform as required or you may not get another chance.

Still at other times it’s really good to be in that position, being picked like that is a sort of endorsement and you can get the attention and the choice.

All you can do is be your self, but the pressure is there even for bolshie buggers like me! LOL

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Thats not always true OKC we took a single guy to a party recently and he was practically ripped to shreds as soon as we got there!....not that he was complaining about it

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By *1dKingColeMan
over a year ago

east london

"Thats not always true OKC we took a single guy to a party recently and he was practically ripped to shreds as soon as we got there!....not that he was complaining about it

LOL I know what you mean, not quite the ripped to shreds but I did say the opposite was fun!

There are good ones and bad ones.

it’s down to the people as always.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thats not always true OKC we took a single guy to a party recently and he was practically ripped to shreds as soon as we got there!....not that he was complaining about it

"
I agree and I prefer to play with the single guys at parties (as long as I fancy them lol) as opposed to couples, although also happy to play with coulples too. We also took a male friend to a party once and I didn't see him all night! He was very popular

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When we first decided to expose (I intentionally chose 'expose' as with hindsight, that is exactly what we all do) ourselves to swinging we sat down and talked about our individual fantasies and boundaries, fortunately our personal wants matched.

We both wanted to involve ourselves with socials, clubs and house parties, which we did as soon as we felt comfortable, the exception being house parties as we felt that this would be the most pressurised environment. We decided to make this last on our 'to do list' with regards to social group meets. To date we still have not attended a house party and have no plans to do so.

What we have found is that certain people cannot be trusted. We would have expected that people attending house parties would be the most trustworthy and able to understand "no means no".

We have been forced to deal with unwanted and uninvited problems since our first tender steps, all due to peoples seemingly inability to understand - thanks but no thanks ?

After two years swinging we have come to the conclusion - how naive were we!

Now we stick with simple basic meets with singles and the very occasional couples.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Seems a good plan.. Were hardly newbies ourselves having been around the scene for 5 years now.. but having said that doesn't mean were just fresh meat for anyone who fancies a pop when they see a little bare flesh...

Were comfortable with one on one meeting.. but love a party atmosphere, just feel we may have been holding ourselves back maybe.. Were both cabable and well able to say No Thanks.. Its just others ability to listen when had a drink maybe...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We do wonder how many people venture into swinging with a distorted view towards how others conduct themselves.

Our ideas proved to be so far off the mark that we do feel, in a way, let down.

In the beginning our wildest fantasy was to attend a house party where no one wanted to tell anybody no (other than the bisexual interaction). Just a mass orgy without the need to be looking over shoulders etc. However as with everything reality and fantasy are worlds apart, which is why I guess we feel somewhat deflated as far as group situations are concerned.

I hear what you are saying, alcohol does create problems for all, our issue is that certain people will chance their luck and immediately use the 'I was d*unk' excuse. Cuts absolutely no ice with me !

People should know how much drink they can handle and if they choose to exceed their personal limits, why should they be shown any understanding as this is such a unique situation and environment.

Thankfully we are having a great time meeting with others for regular fun, and have just spent the whole weekend on the coast partying hard. Well I did the hard part, as we visited a long term honey and she knows how to party lol.

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

i agree totally alcohol can and does play a major part in unpleasant episodes at group meets

No one wants a single or couple lurching from person to person chancing there luck ...its just destabilising and so unactractive.

The group dynamic for an orgy scenario is hard to engineer and although there is always a chance it will kick off amongst strangers ,it seems its only through consistant meetings with people that you get to know and trust you can eventually get it to happen,Its weired but the fine line for me from collective group play and full on orgy is subtle...but there is a difference.

Re the party ..simple no is no ...end of ..so you were right to stop no matter how uncomfy you felt. respect

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We can never understand why ppl need to get pissed at a swinging party ffs.

Its counter productive as far as most guys are concerned.Can't see the point in risking brewers droop.

Some ppl seem to treat a swing party like a rugby club social.The swinging seems second to the boozing.

Just like any party,it only needs one or two idiots to put the kibosh on it.And you can bet booze would be the prime instigator.

XXXX

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Funny you should say that Ric.. Me (Mike) personally I'm not a big drinker, nor do I need a drink to have fun of 'any' kind.. socially yeah.. love a beer or a dram or two like most and rarely you will find me not enjoying the atmosphere.. Always one to try and make things fun.

Never mind brewers droop though.. I'd seriously be more worried about beer goggles!

What I mean though is people ability to listen to something subtly, without having to be 'overly' obvious..

We know when someone is interested.. you just do eh.. We'd never in a million years just dive in somewhere un invited.. It smacks of desperation... yet some use the party scene as an excuse it seems.

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus

"We know when someone is interested.. you just do eh.. "

Can you teach me then..........?

Apparently I'm useless at realising when someone is interested!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Lol...

We think its easy... mind, i'm good at reading body language!

For us.. When a bloke is drooling.. saliva all over his chin, he's hot.. slight sweat on.. and talking absolute bollox is a dead give away.. Lets face it fellas.. When we meet someone you fancy we all do it.. talk shit, nothing funny comes out, you sound like a Jibbering fool with itching powder down your nuts right!!

Women.. cooler, less obvious.. but the sbtle signs always show.. Legs parted, the trail on the chair, the heaving breasts being thrust in your direction.. The clammy palms clenched round the room key.. all very subtle but obvious to the trained eye..

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