FabSwingers.com forum: The Truth hurts

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

what sort of things do you consider legitimate to keep from your partner?

Some would say the price of a pair of new shoes (girls) or a new gadget Boys) - what is acceptable and what is not?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i would say the answer to that would be the motives for telling the partner what it was....

for instance, had you been unfaithful, would you tell them, knowing it would hurt them, becuase you felt it was the right thing to do and was in keeping with the relationship, or because the burden of guilt was too heavy to carry?

i would always like to think i keep a very open level of communication, downright direct in fact, but i would also like to think I consider my actions and how it would affect them before doing something rather than after.

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

"what sort of things do you consider legitimate to keep from your partner?

Some would say the price of a pair of new shoes (girls) or a new gadget Boys) - what is acceptable and what is not?"

my spare bar of chocolate at this moment in time.

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"what sort of things do you consider legitimate to keep from your partner?

I dunno.... can we have some examples of what you keep from yours?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"i would say the answer to that would be the motives for telling the partner what it was....

What you are saying is ... if you do something that you know would upset the partner (I am not talking shoes here, more bigger issues) then you should have to balls to be open about it? If you worry about your partner being hurt - is that not more about how it makes you feel (ie guilty)? I would agree with this... to be truthful even if it is difficult - without honesty there can be no trust, well in my world anyway.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"what sort of things do you consider legitimate to keep from your partner?

Some would say the price of a pair of new shoes (girls) or a new gadget Boys) - what is acceptable and what is not?

my spare bar of chocolate at this moment in time."

that is the one you promised ME you two timer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What you are saying is ... if you do something that you know would upset the partner (I am not talking shoes here, more bigger issues) then you should have to balls to be open about it? If you worry about your partner being hurt - is that not more about how it makes you feel (ie guilty)? I would agree with this... to be truthful even if it is difficult - without honesty there can be no trust, well in my world anyway.

yes, but the first question has to be "why am i telling them". if the reason is to relieve yourself of your guilt, then it's the wrong answer as all you will be doing is transferring your own pain, which is potentially more selfish than the original act

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Actually that was exactly what I meant - is the motive to tell based on your need to feel better or on a genuine ethical stance.

You are a wise woman -

Cos you agree with me sometimes...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You are a wise woman -

Cos you agree with me sometimes...

no i don't

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You are a wise woman -

Cos you agree with me sometimes...

no i don't

that makes you even wiser

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

"what sort of things do you consider legitimate to keep from your partner?

Some would say the price of a pair of new shoes (girls) or a new gadget Boys) - what is acceptable and what is not?

my spare bar of chocolate at this moment in time.

that is the one you promised ME you two timer

uh-huh

3 timer, he says bragging

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You are a wise woman -

Cos you agree with me sometimes...

no i don't

that makes you even wiser

I agree

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

Actually that was exactly what I meant - is the motive to tell based on your need to feel better or on a genuine ethical stance.

You are a wise woman -

Cos you agree with me sometimes...

WHAT have you done?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You are a wise woman -

Cos you agree with me sometimes...

no i don't

that makes you even wiser

I agree

double bind?

Or just double cream?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its quite simple a marrage should work on a need to know basis, you tell them what you think they need to know lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"its quite simple a marrage should work on a need to know basis, you tell them what you think they need to know lol "

lol

mushroom principle?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

new shoes (girls) or a new gadget Boys)

I LIKE SHOES,,,,I LIKE GADGETS,,,BUT WHICH IS BETTER?

only 1way to find out-

FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

Or just double cream?

you'll be lucky

or skilful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You are a wise woman -

Cos you agree with me sometimes...

no i don't

that makes you even wiser

I agree

double bind?

Or just double cream?

i'll take both...i'm not fussy, take it while you can is my principle!

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

"its quite simple a marrage should work on a need to know basis, you tell them what you think they need to know lol

lol

mushroom principle?

what do you need to know?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"new shoes (girls) or a new gadget Boys)

I LIKE SHOES,,,,I LIKE GADGETS,,,BUT WHICH IS BETTER?

only 1way to find out-

FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yawnnnnnnnnnnnnn

fuck me aint you got bored of this yet lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"its quite simple a marrage should work on a need to know basis, you tell them what you think they need to know lol

lol

mushroom principle?

aye, now you can see why im single lmao

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

unfaithful.....there is a dilema. Many women I have discovered are here without their partner knowing and vice versa, sure you can be honest about that

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"its quite simple a marrage should work on a need to know basis, you tell them what you think they need to know lol

lol

mushroom principle?

what do you need to know?"

kept in the dark and feed on bull*** was what I was referring to

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

IMO the most common reason for a person to 'fess-up about something they have already done is... they think they are about to be suss'd and want a chance to put their own spin on it. Or... they are 'fessing-up to a few smaller errors of judgement in hope they will be believed when they deny a whopper.

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

"its quite simple a marrage should work on a need to know basis, you tell them what you think they need to know lol

lol

mushroom principle?

aye, now you can see why im single lmao"

just read your profile and may i say :

"i'm quite simple..."

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By *aintmikeMan
over a year ago

glasgow

did someone mention,,,""double cream""

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By *ansue35Couple
over a year ago

yorkshire

How much he lost down the casino LOL or should i say how much he won.

Twice he been down and twice when gone to waash his shirt etc. I found the money little sod did not tell me or I could have spent more on cloths

Sue

Know checking his jacket LOL

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How much he lost down the casino LOL or should i say how much he won.

Twice he been down and twice when gone to waash his shirt etc. I found the money little sod did not tell me or I could have spent more on cloths

Sue

Know checking his jacket LOL"

lol I like your style

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By *arlitos WayMan
over a year ago

Burgess Hill

I would much rather know the truth and be hurt if she told me… to discover she has cheated behind my back from other sources!

I will always forgive a person no matter what she has done if she is honest with me and I will respect her for the courage she has had in telling me the truth.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would much rather know the truth and be hurt if she told me… to discover she has cheated behind my back from other sources!

I will always forgive a person no matter what she has done if she is honest with me and I will respect her for the courage she has had in telling me the truth.

I agree with you - it works for me. It shows balls and integrity - people can make a mistake but to own up is taking courage!

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By *arlitos WayMan
over a year ago

Burgess Hill

"I would much rather know the truth and be hurt if she told me… to discover she has cheated behind my back from other sources!

I will always forgive a person no matter what she has done if she is honest with me and I will respect her for the courage she has had in telling me the truth.

I agree with you - it works for me. It shows balls and integrity - people can make a mistake but to own up is taking courage!"

I like a woman with balls and integrity I could always trust her blindfolded, pity that there are far and few in between!

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

I don't keep anything from Steve - absolutely transparent - why would you lie to your partner? Z

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would much rather know the truth and be hurt if she told me… to discover she has cheated behind my back from other sources!

I will always forgive a person no matter what she has done if she is honest with me and I will respect her for the courage she has had in telling me the truth.

I agree with you - it works for me. It shows balls and integrity - people can make a mistake but to own up is taking courage!

I like a woman with balls and integrity I could always trust her blindfolded, pity that there are far and few in between!"

Would you agree there is an element of "reap what you sow"? I find generally people tend to behave towards me in the way I behave with them. I know it is not alwyas true though.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't keep anything from Steve - absolutely transparent - why would you lie to your partner? Z"

I dont keep anything from Steve either - (different Steve lol) but same principle

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

"I don't keep anything from Steve - absolutely transparent - why would you lie to your partner? Z

I dont keep anything from Steve either - (different Steve lol) but same principle

lol - made me look twice then! Z

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would much rather know the truth and be hurt if she told me… to discover she has cheated behind my back from other sources!

I will always forgive a person no matter what she has done if she is honest with me and I will respect her for the courage she has had in telling me the truth.

i would never be in a relationship where i couldn't admit everything and anything, but going back to my earlier post, i'd rather consider the consequences before than after the fact.

though to say you will always forgive? really? regardless of the act??

that's a very generous outlook. not sure i could forgive anything, would depend on the act and the reason for it

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By *arlitos WayMan
over a year ago

Burgess Hill

"I don't keep anything from Steve - absolutely transparent - why would you lie to your partner? Z

I dont keep anything from Steve either - (different Steve lol) but same principle

Cause you are fabulous women... there are not many like you! So many problems in relationships emanate from poor communication or from cheating behind your partner... when you are open and confident about your sexuality as "true swingers" are what could it possible go wrong that cannot be discussed and repaired?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would much rather know the truth and be hurt if she told me… to discover she has cheated behind my back from other sources!

I will always forgive a person no matter what she has done if she is honest with me and I will respect her for the courage she has had in telling me the truth.

i would never be in a relationship where i couldn't admit everything and anything, but going back to my earlier post, i'd rather consider the consequences before than after the fact.

though to say you will always forgive? really? regardless of the act??

that's a very generous outlook. not sure i could forgive anything, would depend on the act and the reason for it"

there is a differencer in forgiving and forgetting - I could forgive virtually anything almost unconditionally as long as I can understand what went on leading to whatever event - does that make sense?

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By *arlitos WayMan
over a year ago

Burgess Hill

"I would much rather know the truth and be hurt if she told me… to discover she has cheated behind my back from other sources!

I will always forgive a person no matter what she has done if she is honest with me and I will respect her for the courage she has had in telling me the truth.

i would never be in a relationship where i couldn't admit everything and anything, but going back to my earlier post, i'd rather consider the consequences before than after the fact.

though to say you will always forgive? really? regardless of the act??

that's a very generous outlook. not sure i could forgive anything, would depend on the act and the reason for it"

Is your star sign Virgo by any chance? I am like you and what saves me from most embarrassing situation is in fact the consideration I give to the consequences before than after the fact!

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

"I would much rather know the truth and be hurt if she told me… to discover she has cheated behind my back from other sources!

I will always forgive a person no matter what she has done if she is honest with me and I will respect her for the courage she has had in telling me the truth.

i would never be in a relationship where i couldn't admit everything and anything, but going back to my earlier post, i'd rather consider the consequences before than after the fact.

though to say you will always forgive? really? regardless of the act??

that's a very generous outlook. not sure i could forgive anything, would depend on the act and the reason for it

Yes. Definitely.

But i notice you're quiet on the forgetting part. And as you said, there is a difference. Nellie?

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

"I don't keep anything from Steve - absolutely transparent - why would you lie to your partner? Z

I dont keep anything from Steve either - (different Steve lol) but same principle

I think there are lots of women like us - me and Steve talk about everything and I really can honestly say that I have nothing to hide from him! well, the only thing is that he secretly loves Dr Snogs and I'm sure there's some tomfoolery going on there! Z

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By *arlitos WayMan
over a year ago

Burgess Hill

"I would much rather know the truth and be hurt if she told me… to discover she has cheated behind my back from other sources!

I will always forgive a person no matter what she has done if she is honest with me and I will respect her for the courage she has had in telling me the truth.

i would never be in a relationship where i couldn't admit everything and anything, but going back to my earlier post, i'd rather consider the consequences before than after the fact.

though to say you will always forgive? really? regardless of the act??

that's a very generous outlook. not sure i could forgive anything, would depend on the act and the reason for it

Yes it does, but I would never forget it... and if the person does not learn from her own mistakes then it will be a total different matter for consideration!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would much rather know the truth and be hurt if she told me… to discover she has cheated behind my back from other sources!

I will always forgive a person no matter what she has done if she is honest with me and I will respect her for the courage she has had in telling me the truth.

i would never be in a relationship where i couldn't admit everything and anything, but going back to my earlier post, i'd rather consider the consequences before than after the fact.

though to say you will always forgive? really? regardless of the act??

that's a very generous outlook. not sure i could forgive anything, would depend on the act and the reason for it

Yes. Definitely.

But i notice you're quiet on the forgetting part. And as you said, there is a difference. Nellie?"

I dont think you forget events that have hurt you - but I do believe you can shelve them once they have been addressed and resolved so all they are is a snapshot of a particular time. Thus not forgetting should not affect the relationship or friendship in a negative way?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't keep anything from Steve - absolutely transparent - why would you lie to your partner? Z

I dont keep anything from Steve either - (different Steve lol) but same principle

the moment you have to hide things is the moment you are not trusting the friendship / relationship IMHO - so am with you on that 100%

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would much rather know the truth and be hurt if she told me… to discover she has cheated behind my back from other sources!

I will always forgive a person no matter what she has done if she is honest with me and I will respect her for the courage she has had in telling me the truth.

i would never be in a relationship where i couldn't admit everything and anything, but going back to my earlier post, i'd rather consider the consequences before than after the fact.

though to say you will always forgive? really? regardless of the act??

that's a very generous outlook. not sure i could forgive anything, would depend on the act and the reason for it

Is your star sign Virgo by any chance? I am like you and what saves me from most embarrassing situation is in fact the consideration I give to the consequences before than after the fact!"

nope, aquarius...though strangely always end up with virgo's, never partnered any other sign...not deliberately mind!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But i notice you're quiet on the forgetting part. And as you said, there is a difference. Nellie?

i chose not to forget, what doesnt kill makes you stronger...and ain't that the truth!

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By *arlitos WayMan
over a year ago

Burgess Hill

"I would much rather know the truth and be hurt if she told me… to discover she has cheated behind my back from other sources!

I will always forgive a person no matter what she has done if she is honest with me and I will respect her for the courage she has had in telling me the truth.

i would never be in a relationship where i couldn't admit everything and anything, but going back to my earlier post, i'd rather consider the consequences before than after the fact.

though to say you will always forgive? really? regardless of the act??

that's a very generous outlook. not sure i could forgive anything, would depend on the act and the reason for it

Is your star sign Virgo by any chance? I am like you and what saves me from most embarrassing situation is in fact the consideration I give to the consequences before than after the fact!

nope, aquarius...though strangely always end up with virgo's, never partnered any other sign...not deliberately mind!"

Because we know best that nobody is perfect, but we try our best and we love honesty more then anything else in the world!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

But i notice you're quiet on the forgetting part. And as you said, there is a difference. Nellie?

i chose not to forget, what doesnt kill makes you stronger...and ain't that the truth!"

totally agree once again - and the Aries loves the truth just as much

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But i notice you're quiet on the forgetting part. And as you said, there is a difference. Nellie?

i chose not to forget, what doesnt kill makes you stronger...and ain't that the truth!

totally agree once again - and the Aries loves the truth just as much

aquarius require it, we're too off in our own worlds to try decipher someone elses!

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

oh dear, running out of star signs, i'm not aquarius, virgo or aries, so i'm just gonna go get the fire blanket to sit on , just in case.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

oh dear, running out of star signs, i'm not aquarius, virgo or aries, so i'm just gonna go get the fire blanket to sit on , just in case. "

you are Mushroom!! So what are you really ? Confess ?

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By *lumsy colinMan
over a year ago

basingstoke

"I don't keep anything from Steve - absolutely transparent - why would you lie to your partner? Z"
if i ever got married again it would have to be like that for me total honesty if you think it will hurt you partner find out before you do it then dont do it if it will it hurt but dont hold a grudge

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I am wondering what it is that make people keep secrets and I honestly think it is about fear, Fear of being left for what they have done, fear of other repercussions, fear of being told off, reprimanded etc, fear of the consequences in short. Now if there is no reason to fear a partner;s or friend's response then in theory there is no need to keep secrets - except perhaps if one feels a bit insecure about things or if one does not trust the realtionship to survive honesty?

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Fear may be one reason… some people just lie because they can, because they opened their mouth and out pops shit (shit = half truths, embellishments, dramatic license or big stinky bollox whoppers), because it’s what they have always done… and one lie leads on to the next and the next. Do you think sociopaths, con artists and sales reps lie out of fear… or necessity to make people think they are ‘nice’ people and ……….manipulation.

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

"what sort of things do you consider legitimate to keep from your partner?

Some would say the price of a pair of new shoes (girls) or a new gadget Boys) - what is acceptable and what is not?"

If you are in a true "for life" relationship, then I guess the right answer should be "hide nothing".

Lets face it, if you are planning to be with someone the rest of your life, then if you fib, or outright lie, then you are going to get caught out, so dont do it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks everybody for all the interesting contributions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The only time we keep anything from each other is a suprise which one of us has bought for the other.

Otherwise, nothing, and we mean nothing, is kept secret.

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