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Indiana Jones

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By *inaTitz OP   TV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Friday night I was watching Raiders and thoroughly enjoyed it, so I thought I'd research the production a bit and frankly I've come to the conclusion that George Lucas is dangerous on his own.

Indy was going to be called Indiana Smith originally, which sounds like a Betterware salesman with parents who didn't mind him getting bullied at school. At first he was going to be like an alcoholic James Bond; obviously Lucas didn't realise just how much Bond drinks in the books. It's a wonder he could see Blofeld, let alone shoot at him.

Lucas also had some highly original ideas. Highly original in a George Lucas kind of way. Raiders was pretty much ok, as he didn't have the budget to set it on Mars or put Jar Jar Binks in it. For Temple of Doom, this was going to involve a motorbike chase on the Great Wall of China and a valley filled with dinosaurs, a monkey king, a haunted castle in Scotland and super human Zombies. As it was, what they did use as a plot was deemed offensive by the Indians and so they had to film it in Sri Lanka and basically anywhere but India.

When it came to The Last Crusade, this was going to be set in Scotland with Indy battling a ghost for the prologue then move to Africa where he faces the monkey king – for some reason Lucas is keen on Scottish ghosts and monkey kings - and finds the fountain of youth. This was then changed to a garden of immortal peaches. Why peaches? Don't ask me, but I think finding an allotment of immortal spuds would have made the same amount of sense. This would have involved a 200 year pygmy who is captured by Nazis, a tribe of cannibals, a Nazi with a robot arm, pirates, a tank 3 stories high and Indy riding a Rhino. Is this making sense to you so far? Because it isn't to me. Luckily it didn't to them, either, as they had a rewrite. This time there is again a Monkey King who forces Indy to play chess with real people who die when they are taken and some zombies. This was abandoned, too.

However, all of this is pretty sensible when you consider the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. This was going to be called Indiana Jones and the Saucer Men from Mars. Yes, you can almost feel a cameo by Jar Jar Binks coming on. Lucas could only get Spielberg on board by telling him the Aliens were not extra-terrestrials but inter-dimensionals. I'm not sure what the difference is, but I'm sure one involves aliens and the other involves people who work on nights in 24 hour petrol stations. Other titles were Indy and the city of Gods, the atomic ants, Indiana Jones and the son of Indiana Jones, the Mysterians. I think the kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a shit title, but it is not as shit as any other option. The moral of this story is that Lucas shouldn't be allowed to do films on his own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Loved this post Tina... is that stuff real?!? lol The guy is bat shit crazy Anyway...here's my evidence to back up your case...

Star Wars - Director George Lucas - OK

Empire Strikes Back - Director Irvin Kershner - Awesome

Return Of The Jedi - Director Richard Marquand - Hmmm

The Phantom Menace - Director George Lucas - WTF?!?! Total Shit

Attack Of The Clones - Director George Lucas - OMG Could It Get Any Worse?

Revenge Of The Sith - Director George Lucas - So Appalling That Even The Simpsons Are Taking The Piss Out Of How Crap George Lucas' Screenwriting Skills Are

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Friday night I was watching Raiders and thoroughly enjoyed it, so I thought I'd research the production a bit and frankly I've come to the conclusion that George Lucas is dangerous on his own.

Indy was going to be called Indiana Smith originally, which sounds like a Betterware salesman with parents who didn't mind him getting bullied at school. At first he was going to be like an alcoholic James Bond; obviously Lucas didn't realise just how much Bond drinks in the books. It's a wonder he could see Blofeld, let alone shoot at him.

Lucas also had some highly original ideas. Highly original in a George Lucas kind of way. Raiders was pretty much ok, as he didn't have the budget to set it on Mars or put Jar Jar Binks in it. For Temple of Doom, this was going to involve a motorbike chase on the Great Wall of China and a valley filled with dinosaurs, a monkey king, a haunted castle in Scotland and super human Zombies. As it was, what they did use as a plot was deemed offensive by the Indians and so they had to film it in Sri Lanka and basically anywhere but India.

When it came to The Last Crusade, this was going to be set in Scotland with Indy battling a ghost for the prologue then move to Africa where he faces the monkey king – for some reason Lucas is keen on Scottish ghosts and monkey kings - and finds the fountain of youth. This was then changed to a garden of immortal peaches. Why peaches? Don't ask me, but I think finding an allotment of immortal spuds would have made the same amount of sense. This would have involved a 200 year pygmy who is captured by Nazis, a tribe of cannibals, a Nazi with a robot arm, pirates, a tank 3 stories high and Indy riding a Rhino. Is this making sense to you so far? Because it isn't to me. Luckily it didn't to them, either, as they had a rewrite. This time there is again a Monkey King who forces Indy to play chess with real people who die when they are taken and some zombies. This was abandoned, too.

However, all of this is pretty sensible when you consider the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. This was going to be called Indiana Jones and the Saucer Men from Mars. Yes, you can almost feel a cameo by Jar Jar Binks coming on. Lucas could only get Spielberg on board by telling him the Aliens were not extra-terrestrials but inter-dimensionals. I'm not sure what the difference is, but I'm sure one involves aliens and the other involves people who work on nights in 24 hour petrol stations. Other titles were Indy and the city of Gods, the atomic ants, Indiana Jones and the son of Indiana Jones, the Mysterians. I think the kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a shit title, but it is not as shit as any other option. The moral of this story is that Lucas shouldn't be allowed to do films on his own.

"

Brilliant. The bit about Lucas being keen on Scottish ghosts and monkey kings is my personal highlight.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Massive karma points, Tina!

I really needed a laugh today, thanks for giving it to me.

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By *inaTitz OP   TV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Aww I'm glad you liked it. I spent about an hour or so at work this morning looking into it and typing it up. I've a feeling there is actually a comedy routine in this. And yes, it is all true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Aww I'm glad you liked it. I spent about an hour or so at work this morning looking into it and typing it up. I've a feeling there is actually a comedy routine in this. And yes, it is all true "

That makes me wonder about other blockbuster films, lol

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By *inaTitz OP   TV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts


"Aww I'm glad you liked it. I spent about an hour or so at work this morning looking into it and typing it up. I've a feeling there is actually a comedy routine in this. And yes, it is all true

That makes me wonder about other blockbuster films, lol"

Well Das Boot was going to be made by our American friends, but sank (pardon the pun) when they wanted the hyper-authentic film to have a group of SS men on the U Boat machine gun a lifeboat full of Yanks.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Aww I'm glad you liked it. I spent about an hour or so at work this morning looking into it and typing it up. I've a feeling there is actually a comedy routine in this. And yes, it is all true

That makes me wonder about other blockbuster films, lol

Well Das Boot was going to be made by our American friends, but sank (pardon the pun) when they wanted the hyper-authentic film to have a group of SS men on the U Boat machine gun a lifeboat full of Yanks..... "

Lol! I imagine it would go down like a lead balloon. My inner American is in hysterics at that, especially since we watched part of das boot in one of my lectures!

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch

Ok Tina x tell me you write for that truth panel game on r4 ?

Such a lyrical writer do like your obsessive pedantic style and humour x

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By *xpresMan
over a year ago

Elland


"Friday night I was watching Raiders and thoroughly enjoyed it, so I thought I'd research the production a bit and frankly I've come to the conclusion that George Lucas is dangerous on his own.

Indy was going to be called Indiana Smith originally, which sounds like a Betterware salesman with parents who didn't mind him getting bullied at school. At first he was going to be like an alcoholic James Bond; obviously Lucas didn't realise just how much Bond drinks in the books. It's a wonder he could see Blofeld, let alone shoot at him.

Lucas also had some highly original ideas. Highly original in a George Lucas kind of way. Raiders was pretty much ok, as he didn't have the budget to set it on Mars or put Jar Jar Binks in it. For Temple of Doom, this was going to involve a motorbike chase on the Great Wall of China and a valley filled with dinosaurs, a monkey king, a haunted castle in Scotland and super human Zombies. As it was, what they did use as a plot was deemed offensive by the Indians and so they had to film it in Sri Lanka and basically anywhere but India.

When it came to The Last Crusade, this was going to be set in Scotland with Indy battling a ghost for the prologue then move to Africa where he faces the monkey king – for some reason Lucas is keen on Scottish ghosts and monkey kings - and finds the fountain of youth. This was then changed to a garden of immortal peaches. Why peaches? Don't ask me, but I think finding an allotment of immortal spuds would have made the same amount of sense. This would have involved a 200 year pygmy who is captured by Nazis, a tribe of cannibals, a Nazi with a robot arm, pirates, a tank 3 stories high and Indy riding a Rhino. Is this making sense to you so far? Because it isn't to me. Luckily it didn't to them, either, as they had a rewrite. This time there is again a Monkey King who forces Indy to play chess with real people who die when they are taken and some zombies. This was abandoned, too.

However, all of this is pretty sensible when you consider the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. This was going to be called Indiana Jones and the Saucer Men from Mars. Yes, you can almost feel a cameo by Jar Jar Binks coming on. Lucas could only get Spielberg on board by telling him the Aliens were not extra-terrestrials but inter-dimensionals. I'm not sure what the difference is, but I'm sure one involves aliens and the other involves people who work on nights in 24 hour petrol stations. Other titles were Indy and the city of Gods, the atomic ants, Indiana Jones and the son of Indiana Jones, the Mysterians. I think the kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a shit title, but it is not as shit as any other option. The moral of this story is that Lucas shouldn't be allowed to do films on his own.

"

his writing is so bad he is a multi millionaire who penned the original star wars empire & return thx1138 American graffiti.. All of the above +episode 123 and the indiana making his own empire worth BILLIONS with Lucasart skywalker sound etc etc. All movies go thru strict rewrites from Jaws to Pysco.. Like ET was meant to be Close encounters 2..

What you say about episode 123 isn't true, episode 1 was crap for 3 reasons midi clorians, anakin couldn't act& binks but 2 & 3 are good movies that dont get the credit they deserve...

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By *inaTitz OP   TV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I like the Incredible Truth, but no, I wrote this as a possible stand up comedy routine if I get chance at an open mike night, but thought it might be better used on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Brilliant post Tina, thank you for sharing. Raiders is one of my favourite ever films in a boyhood way and remains the pinnacle other action adventures have yet to meet.

You are right about George Lucas, he's a bit loopy isn't he but thank god he opted for Indiana Jones hahaha...

As a film buff we need more threads like this one but I'd need about 3 hours to come up with that entertainment Tina, so kudos to you for making me smile

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By *inaTitz OP   TV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Thanks, babe.

Lucas seems to make good films if he has someone deal with the detail work and has a low budget.

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By *otsoSnowWhiteWoman
over a year ago

My Ice Castle! South Wales

Reading the first post Tina which is very interesting nice to learn new things, kinda looks like Lucas was off his head of the ole wacky backy with that imagination streak lol

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By *inaTitz OP   TV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Bumping due to the blossoming of threads on Indy this week

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A well-deserved bump!

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