FabSwingers.com forum: question to seperated/single parents

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I've seen a number threads by single or separated parents, and on the whole tend to just observe and pick up tips etc.

But here is my turn to ask for feedback.

Do you have a good relationship with the other parent of your child? And do you consult them or feel consulted, when making decisions for your child?

I'm getting the feeling that my ex is making a decision about moving away, which will mean the nipper going too. Whilst I would not be against it, I feel a little cut out of the loop. on the whole we get on ok, and make decisions regarding him together.

I have asked a few time now, but get no answers, but I know it's always been a possibility.

Am I wrong for feeling a little Lee's by it?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Pee'd not Lee's

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

of course, you must be a little peed off but if your ex is the parent with full time care of the child he/she can make the decisions where they live, obviously not abroad without your consesnt just talk to your ex tell them how you feel left out of your child's life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

oh yes if your name is ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE you legally have EQUAL PARENTAL RIGHTS so you can make the ex tell you, if it isnt the ex can do practically what they wish good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have recently separated from my husband and father of my 3. We have a fairly good relationship...better now we are apart. Most day to day decisions i make myself but anything major i would involve him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a good relationship with my ex and we discuss every aspect of our sons life.

We both play an active part in his up bringing and equally share custody.

Neither if us would entertain moving without consulting the other first (and even then it would only be a few miles as we both want to ensure our son can see us both equally)

If there is a move afoot that would impinge on your access / frequency of time with your son I would say you're totally justified in being annoyed at not being consulted

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

indeed ..it is a family unit always regardless of whether it has disfragmented and as such any big decission should be open for all to debate ...how old is your child ? ...do they have an opinion on this?

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By *eerobCouple
over a year ago

solihull

Depen ding on what access you have i believe a court may not allow them to move too far if it makes your access/contact too difficult, or at least your ex may need permission. However you are male so you will not be treated in a fair way, thats just the way it is. Good luck.

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By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

Sadly my ex refuses to be amicable and has little to do with my daughter so all decisions are made solely by me and he knows nothing. It works best for us though as my daughter dislikes her father immensely because of the lack of interest he has in her!!

I do think you've every right to be peed off if she's moving him away with no consultation when you've said you still have a fairly decent relationship with her. If it comes to a point you don't want the child to move away you can stop it by gaining a prohibited steps order!

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By *U1966Man
over a year ago

Devon

My ex moved away with my daughter just means longer trip to pick her up and drop back every week not included in choices like which school etc

Get on with ex but she can change like the wind but luckily best of friends with her family so they keep ex in line

No easy answer just do what is best for you child

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By *luezuluMan
over a year ago

Suffolk

I have a 15yr old daughter who lives with her Mum, Although the break up was amiable, we don't really speak to her mum at all, however that changed last week when my daughter went to Barcelona for a week with the school, it was the first time she had been away for any length of time on her own.

We probably spoke more during that week than in the 12 months previous. But that was only to ask each other if we had heard from her

Me Moo Moo is back now, so its back to normal lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Look in the face of your son, if he is happy, just go with the flow, and keep things as they are for him.

In some ways I have it easy, as my daughter has not contact with her dad, he chooses not to see her, and that hurts her.

Here, here, to men that make every effort for their kids.

Her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"oh yes if your name is ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE you legally have EQUAL PARENTAL RIGHTS so you can make the ex tell you, if it isnt the ex can do practically what they wish good luck"

That's not entirely accurate. The name on the birth certificate gives parental responsibility but doesn't automatically confer an equal right in decision making. Someone with parental responsibility cannot automatically overrule the decisions that the custodial parent makes regarding the child's welfare or life, and a father not on the birth certificate can be awarded parental responsibility by the courts as well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP how are you asking your ex what is happening? She will no doubt be feeling a bit guilty if you've got on ok so far. If she senses you're pissed off (which of course you will be) she will close up and avoid confrontation.

Maybe try making it clear it won't be a problem and show you are already making plans to make it work for all of you. She might open up more.

Good luck.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Maybe you and her should go our die a coffee somewhere without the little man and just talk. Like you say, you have a good relationship so branding around things about rights etc might ruin that relationship.

Explain that you understand life goes on and situations change but you will always be there for your son no matter where he is. Also explain how her not telling you what's going on is making you feel.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it affects your contact and that bothers you then you could resort to a solicitor as this is frowned upon by the courrs. However, if lines are communication are still open then just talk to your ex....

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Do you have any idea why she is considering moving away? Is it for career reasons, to be closer to her parents, to be closer to a new relationship, to somewhere more affordable? Think about your response to each reason and then neutralise that and have the conversation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

could you possibly move too?

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

If you have previously had a good relationship regarding the wee one, then ask her. Don't go in angry or accusing, and if she is moving away, ask her reasons, and if there is anything you can do to support her.

I have a terrible relationship with my ex - he cheated on my whilst I was pregnant, I found out when our son was one, and he told me it was my fault, and expected me to keep up the pretense so his marriage hadn't failed, whilst he kept seeing the other woman. I said no, and they are now married (thankfully she is great with our son) However, I still do all I can to ensure my son keeps contact - and when recently moving house, ensured that I stayed close enough for them to have regular contact still.

However, if work or life took me further away (and I have seriously thought about moving abroad) then I have been told as custodial parent, as long as i make "reasonable effort" to ensure contact is kept (skype,phonecalls, visits as can be arranged) then I would not be in breach of our agreement - but could not claim additional child support due to him dropping visit time (but thats a while back now, and scottish law so may be different now)

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

I have at best a very tense relationship with my ex,

Ive posted One or two threads regarding my ex and the lack of involvement I have in the decisions she makes regarding my two little ladies so yep I know that pissed off feeling very well, sadly I doubt in my case that will change,

I hope you can find a way to get the situation resolved, if you ve been involved in previous decisions I can t see why the two Of you wouldn t be able to find a solution

Best of luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife died so never had to discuss the kids with her, BUT did have her family to consider, when we moved for my work we all just put in a little more effort and the access to grandparents was modified to whole weekends and weeks in the school holidays as opposed to a few hours on an evening or Saturday as it had been before.

End of the day the country isn't that big, no matter where your ex moves as long as you work it out together you can do motorway services hand-overs etc. and maintain access, possibly even improve the quality of time you spend together.

Talk to your ex, but talk of solutions not prevention.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe she's just thinking about it, no decision made. Sounds like she will talk to you about it, if or when it becomes a more definite decision. I know it's difficult sometimes being the non-resident parent. One day though , and it happens quickly , children grow up and make their own choices.

Perhaps tell her your concerns and at least you've made her aware. As long as your child, gets the best of both of you , that's the main thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/07/14 11:12:49]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks all. Firstly to clarify I'm not angry just mythed.

The reasons would be to be closer to family etc, and in truth other than distance im not against the idea.

I just feel that the secrecy around it all is strange.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks all. Firstly to clarify I'm not angry just mythed.

The reasons would be to be closer to family etc, and in truth other than distance im not against the idea.

I just feel that the secrecy around it all is strange.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was not married to my ex and have 3 girls, I have full parental responsibitly over them as we were not married and kids were born b4 2007, I have the right to do whatever I want with them and did move to a new county without his in put, my advice would be check out parental responsibility online, each parent can get it but if the year if birth is after 2007 you will need to apply to a court, it is an uphill battle and having the kids best interest at heart is always good but will going to court etc cause more stress to all involved ? Food for thought

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks all. Firstly to clarify I'm not angry just mythed.

The reasons would be to be closer to family etc, and in truth other than distance im not against the idea.

I just feel that the secrecy around it all is strange."

Closer to family is a good reason, the "secrecy" is probably because it's a hard decision for your partner and she is nervous of talking to you before making that decision. As I said before focus on how it can be made to work and open the discussion on the positives not the negatives.

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