FabSwingers.com forum: Reinventing or finding yourself?

By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I wanted a Bette Davis film and lo, Now Voyager appears.

Watching it this time I am seeing things I hadn't noticed before.

Charlotte Vail has a breakdown, goes on a cruise and falls in love with a married man. She returns from the cruise a new woman.

Have you reinvented or found yourself or have you always been sure of who you are?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No idea who I am. I'm on the verge of stopping trying to figure it out.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"No idea who I am. I'm on the verge of stopping trying to figure it out.

I think you know who you are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who am I is an eternal question for me. As I have gone through life I have seen myself transform the way I think about things, the characteristics that inform the way I act and the way I _iew myself on a nunber of occasions. The one thing that hasn't changed is the I that witnessed it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No idea who I am. I'm on the verge of stopping trying to figure it out.

You're a gorgeous ginja who happens to always be a ninja.

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

Reinvented myself after splitting from my husband and getting divorced.

Lost 17 stone of weight, turned my life around, now have a great job (part time to fit round my son) am in the process of training to become a gym instructor and then personal trainer, have a much better house, had a friends clear out and got rid of those who were negative and bad for me. Changed to dress and look how I want to, and am much happier for it.

Love my life now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I'm subconsciously reinventing myself at the moment actually. Had a lot of hassle about two weeks ago and nearly banished Legs! to Fab heaven for good BUT I was persuaded not to. The hassler got told to FRO for good

I'm loosing weight again and feeling quite strong and positive. I had a great week last week, met some more lovely Fab people and will meet even more next week when I'm off on my travels

Might not seem like much to others but it is for me

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Reinvented myself after splitting from my husband and getting divorced.

Love my life now

That is truly transformational stuff.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

after a brief period of ill health a few years ago, I am a completely different person.

I worked very, very hard for a long time. Flights every week, home late Fri, away very early Mon, hotels every night, it was a corporate conveyor belt. Every Christmas, I was knackered and my family time was a chore.

Now I please myself and I fucking love it...

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Who am I is an eternal question for me. As I have gone through life I have seen myself transform the way I think about things, the characteristics that inform the way I act and the way I _iew myself on a nunber of occasions. The one thing that hasn't changed is the I that witnessed it.

I am glad you have witnessed it. I know people who don't see the changes in themselves and act as if they just woke up different one day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No idea who I am. I'm on the verge of stopping trying to figure it out.

You're a gorgeous ginja who happens to always be a ninja.

Aww thank you I needed that. xxxx

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I think I'm subconsciously reinventing myself at the moment actually. Had a lot of hassle about two weeks ago and nearly banished Legs! to Fab heaven for good BUT I was persuaded not to. The hassler got told to FRO for good

I'm loosing weight again and feeling quite strong and positive. I had a great week last week, met some more lovely Fab people and will meet even more next week when I'm off on my travels

Might not seem like much to others but it is for me

I think my emergence as me happened because of the menopause. It made a huge difference to me not juggling three different body sizes a month.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"after a brief period of ill health a few years ago, I am a completely different person.

Now I please myself and I fucking love it...

I jumped off the conveyor belt too and it has changed my mental and physical health for the better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm loosing weight again and feeling quite strong and positive. I had a great week last week, met some more lovely Fab people and will meet even more next week when I'm off on my travels

Might not seem like much to others but it is for me

I think my emergence as me happened because of the menopause. It made a huge difference to me not juggling three different body sizes a month.

I've got that to look forward to

lol My weight has fluctuated because of my Thyroid but that's settled at long last plus I've changed my diet and my outlook so onwards and upwards

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"after a brief period of ill health a few years ago, I am a completely different person.

Now I please myself and I fucking love it...

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I'm loosing weight again and feeling quite strong and positive. I had a great week last week, met some more lovely Fab people and will meet even more next week when I'm off on my travels

Might not seem like much to others but it is for me

I think my emergence as me happened because of the menopause. It made a huge difference to me not juggling three different body sizes a month.

I've got that to look forward to

lol My weight has fluctuated because of my Thyroid but that's settled at long last plus I've changed my diet and my outlook so onwards and upwards

I was going to send something by PM but I can't. So, instead I will say that all states are temporary and beliefs are just things in your mind: wait a moment and change your mind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm loosing weight again and feeling quite strong and positive. I had a great week last week, met some more lovely Fab people and will meet even more next week when I'm off on my travels

Might not seem like much to others but it is for me

I think my emergence as me happened because of the menopause. It made a huge difference to me not juggling three different body sizes a month.

I've got that to look forward to

lol My weight has fluctuated because of my Thyroid but that's settled at long last plus I've changed my diet and my outlook so onwards and upwards

I was going to send something by PM but I can't. So, instead I will say that all states are temporary and beliefs are just things in your mind: wait a moment and change your mind.

Thank you Lovely Lickety!

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Hard one to answer, personally.

However, I do know a couple of people who have made conscious efforts to find themselves, but both are a bit unstable in some ways. Both could go to the loo, notice the loo paper isn't hanging the right way and have to spend a week pondering the existential implications of such a thing.

I like Jason Manford's take on it.

His brother was going to Australia for 6 months. His dad said, 'Why you going there? Just get a job instead.'

His brother, 'I want to find myself.'

His dad, 'yes, but what if he's a dick head, too?'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I applaud anyone who has lost a considerable amount of weight but do think its sad that the weight loss is part of a transition to being a happier person.

I've battled with my weight ever since I had my 3 children in my 20s and know the misery it can cause.

Aged 50, I became independent for the first time in my life and that for me was a turning point. My weight does not define who I am as a person, I am me at size 22 and the same me but slimmer at size 14. Acknowledging that and realising that I could have the life I wanted, do the things I wanted and still be me and happy and content whatever I weigh was the biggest transition I have made and life is all the better for it. Those who love me, friends and family, love me for who I am not what I weigh.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Hard one to answer, personally.

I like Jason Manford's take on it.

His brother was going to Australia for 6 months. His dad said, 'Why you going there? Just get a job instead.'

His brother, 'I want to find myself.'

His dad, 'yes, but what if he's a dick head, too?'

What was there before Tina?

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I applaud anyone who has lost a considerable amount of weight but do think its sad that the weight loss is part of a transition to being a happier person.

I've battled with my weight ever since I had my 3 children in my 20s and know the misery it can cause.

It's good that you feel that way. For others the weight may have been the physical shield they wore to protect the real self until it was ready to emerge.

I'm in a funny position as I am now fatter than I ever have been and yet I now feel more confident naked and in myself than I ever have. I want to lose some of the weight as I like the clothes I own and want to wear them.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

What was there before Tina?

I've still got the same happiness and joy of life and sense of mirth in drab mode. However, in Glam Mode it is larger.

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

"I applaud anyone who has lost a considerable amount of weight but do think its sad that the weight loss is part of a transition to being a happier person.

I've battled with my weight ever since I had my 3 children in my 20s and know the misery it can cause.

For me, being that big was part of what was making me unhappy. Weight loss is only one part of my transformation. Its an outward show of me taking control and making changes.

I am not the same person I was then, and for that I am bloody thankful. I'm a better and nicer person now, fitter, healthier and more able to grab life by the nuts and enjoy every damn moment.

If I had "only" lost the weight, I'd still be in the same rut, making the same mistakes, being the same pathetic person I was (my judgement) however, weight loss was part of my entire journey to becoming a better, more confident, improved, happier and fitter me, able to do the things I want to - as whether it was the weight or psychologically, it was holding me back... I'd never have come on fab as a big lady, not because I think there is anything wrong with being big, but because I did not feel sexy or desirable. I loathed everything about myself, so the change had to come - and its not just weight thats changed. They say you have to hit the bottom before you can climb up, and I sure as hell did, but I'm still climbing

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By *razedcatMan
over a year ago

London / Herts

It's tough, this. I feel like we all have this urge to understand who we are at every turn, know our aspirations and limits and likes/dislikes, and our values.

But I find that as you go through life, it's always changing. Some become more conservative, some more easy going, some decide to go completely off the beaten path, some follow it to its end and beyond.

At the moment, I feel a little lost. I'm heading towards a profession I'm not even sure I want, and have left a wake of a life I'm not sure I'm happy about. It just makes you ponder. And really, I feel as though I should just be jumping into as many opportunities to try things as I can, until I stumble across things that have a profound effect on me. And just maybe, I'll meet some people while I'm there too

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

What was there before Tina?

I've still got the same happiness and joy of life and sense of mirth in drab mode. However, in Glam Mode it is larger.

With Titz.

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By *nigmatic1Woman
over a year ago

A seaside town near you!

I'm on the verge of making a big change to my life which involves changing my job for a start...work life balance is not permitted according to my boss

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"It's tough, this. I feel like we all have this urge to understand who we are at every turn, know our aspirations and limits and likes/dislikes, and our values.

You are young and still getting to know yourself. Take some risks, follow many paths. Assuming you don't have children and a relationship that ties you down, now is the chance to taste many things and learn what flavours you like.

Good luck.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I'm on the verge of making a big change to my life which involves changing my job for a start...work life balance is not permitted according to my boss

Good luck - balance is important or you end up falling down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Events in my life have meant I have constantly had to adapt to new circumstances. The tragic loss of my son, failure of my very long marriage and a long bout of chronic illness have all turned me upside down at various stages. Have I reinvented myself? I don't believe so. I'm the same person I've always been. Slightly kooky, sensitive but with a great sense of fun. Physically, while I might at times wish to change EVERYTHING I'm happy with what I have cause it could be worse. I've reached at point where I don't need to reach for the moon, the stars are sufficient....

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Events in my life have meant I have constantly had to adapt to new circumstances. The tragic loss of my son, failure of my very long marriage and a long bout of chronic illness have all turned me upside down at various stages. Have I reinvented myself? I don't believe so. I'm the same person I've always been. Slightly kooky, sensitive but with a great sense of fun. Physically, while I might at times wish to change EVERYTHING I'm happy with what I have cause it could be worse. I've reached at point where I don't need to reach for the moon, the stars are sufficient....

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

What was there before Tina?

I've still got the same happiness and joy of life and sense of mirth in drab mode. However, in Glam Mode it is larger.

With Titz."

Boobs improve everything

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

What was there before Tina?

I've still got the same happiness and joy of life and sense of mirth in drab mode. However, in Glam Mode it is larger.

With Titz.

Boobs improve everything

Except a Flapper dress.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think i need to. Sometimes you just feel lost, a bit out of place and find yourself wandering.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I think i need to. Sometimes you just feel lost, a bit out of place and find yourself wandering.

You get lost when you go wandering.

There's nothing wrong with appraising where you are in life and thinking about how to make a change.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think i need to. Sometimes you just feel lost, a bit out of place and find yourself wandering.

I like to think that sometimes we just take a wee wander around ourselves....have a little look....then come back in. Trying to see ourselves from a different perspective isn't always a sign we need to change...just consolidate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would say I've probably reinvented myself a number of times for various reasons.

When I was younger I was really really shy quiet and never really let anyone get to know me, I always thought I was too geeky to let people see the real me and was worried about getting bullied for it etc.

Then I joined the RAF and came out of my shell, became way too cheeky and cocky on occasion for my own good found a confidence around women I'd never had and had a lot of fun. I still didn't really let people 100% in and kept a lot of the real me hidden.

After leaving the RAF I settled down and got married, and became all quiet and quite withdrawn due to depression, after my marriage broke up I hit a huge low and had to look back on what I've done and I'm now 100% honest with who I am a cheeky git who admits I'm a geek and not your average guy still not quite as confident as my RAF days but working on it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I once found myself in a relationship that turned violent ONCE! That was enough!! I have not been controlled or manipulated by a man again! I found a new found confidence that wasn't there before

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By *omMLMan
over a year ago

The Centre of the Universe

"No idea who I am. I'm on the verge of stopping trying to figure it out.

I have to agree with that. Just when I think I no who I am I then have no idea. Lol

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

I don't think i have reinvented myself as much as feel that now I am myself, I think when I was married I wasn't myself I was someone's wife, then someones mum, now I am me, I know my faults and try to work on them but if I fail then it doesn't matter as at the end of the day I am still me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I constantly have to change ... Language , attitude,depending on the country I'm in, today I'm a Mediterranean women ...just missing the accent , but after 3 weeks I'm sure I will want to move

In fact , I'm satisfied with my life ...I'm me ..the mum , the colleague , the lover ...the friend

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I'm so far removed from the teen/early 20s I don't even recognize that as being me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I found my self once - it had fallen at the back of the sofa!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i was a drab trackie bottoms and polo shirt in any shade of blue and grey when i was married - left him and all of a sudden found i was colourful - does that count

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

"i was a drab trackie bottoms and polo shirt in any shade of blue and grey when i was married - left him and all of a sudden found i was colourful - does that count "

Ohhhh yes it counts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a complete fabrication !

I don't think my real persona is anything like my on screen presence ....

Or am I just doubly insecure ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I fell in love on here he broke my heart...x

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I fell in love on here he broke my heart...x"

All states (but death) are temporary. Rise again like a Phoenix from the flames.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My self is a work in progress

Always some part of it getting an extension built...another bit in need of some renovation...and another bit sat chilling in the hot tub lol

Rather than discover myself I tend to push myself... challenge myself with new insights and new tasks... push myself into growing and transforming... hence Fab

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"My self is a work in progress

Always some part of it getting an extension built...another bit in need of some renovation...and another bit sat chilling in the hot tub lol

Rather than discover myself I tend to push myself... challenge myself with new insights and new tasks... push myself into growing and transforming... hence Fab

Building an extension, eh? I have heard it called many things but never that.

Pushing oneself may be a way to find oneself too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i was a drab trackie bottoms and polo shirt in any shade of blue and grey when i was married - left him and all of a sudden found i was colourful - does that count "

I love that!

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By *olly StarWoman
over a year ago

Wellington

I'm loosing weight again and feeling quite strong and positive. I had a great week last week, met some more lovely Fab people and will meet even more next week when I'm off on my travels

Might not seem like much to others but it is for me

"
Well done bird, keep strong, Fab is a wonderful place for finding and making friends x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I was in a marraige for 24 years and was a housewife and Mum. Was told what to wear, how to wear it. How to have my hair cut and what friends I could have etc etc.

I then became very idependant with my own bank account. A good job and wage and wore what I wanted. I had my nipples pierced and met men/couples for sex

totally different to the old me

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Yes I was in a marraige for 24 years and was a housewife and Mum. Was told what to wear, how to wear it. How to have my hair cut and what friends I could have etc etc.

I then became very idependant with my own bank account. A good job and wage and wore what I wanted. I had my nipples pierced and met men/couples for sex

totally different to the old me

And became a tease.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i was a drab trackie bottoms and polo shirt in any shade of blue and grey when i was married - left him and all of a sudden found i was colourful - does that count

I love that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Reinvented myself after splitting from my husband and getting divorced.

Love my life now

Good for you!! That's brilliant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes I was in a marraige for 24 years and was a housewife and Mum. Was told what to wear, how to wear it. How to have my hair cut and what friends I could have etc etc.

I then became very idependant with my own bank account. A good job and wage and wore what I wanted. I had my nipples pierced and met men/couples for sex

totally different to the old me

And became a tease.

Indeed and I used to be so quiet, shy and blush like a trooper

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel I'm always changing and evolving with what life throws at me I change with the impact it leaves behind... So far I'm confident, loud, bubbly, happy, a tart, happy with a partner that sexually gets me...

I had to go through hell to get here and boy was it worth it :D

My dress sense is also changing I've found I love the pin up style and more upfront with my friends which has cost me a few

but you can't win them all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's fantastic that you've managed to break away and be free to be yourself!

Being caged in is not healthy..

My friend is going through that at the moment her partner can not wipe he's own backside without her support..

I can't do it myself

you've made me smile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

divorcing oneself from the controllers is life changing - best thing he ever did was get physical with me - god knows what id be like now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To others we probably reinvented ourselves. We sold our house, changed careers, moved to a third world country with our toddlers. When we returned I became self employed while my wife returned to University. But I don't regard it as a reinvention, it's a part of a longer adventure.

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