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Bear back sex

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By *lam rocker OP   Man
over a year ago

Tain

I heard how good this was, how it felt so natural and so I tried this once and discovered a few things I thought I should impart to you all so you can decide if the risk is worth it.

Firstly, I had to find a bear. It isn't easy, you know. Sneaked into the zoo late at night. Discounted the pandas totally. I'm just not into the big black and white cock stuff. Found a polar bear. Brown and black just isn't my thing. It's a personal preference, nothing more. I'm not a bearist.

Got undressed and climbed into the enclosure. It a really difficult to sneak up on a bear without it noticing you are there. Anyway, jumped on her back, and held on. God, did she make a fuss. Rolling this way and that, I swear she was trying to have a go at me. Anyway, there's me riding her and she was angry.

So, anyway, I falls off and the bugger only tries to flaming eat me. Don't they feed them at the zoo? I had a good mind to report them to the RSPCA for animal cruelty.

How I managed to get out, I don't know but I was scratched and bitten everywhere.

Anyway, this bear back stuff is nowhere near as safe as using a condom. Next time I'm taking a tranquilliser gun to knock her out first.

So, if you want to try bear back sex, here's some tips:

1. Find a bear

2. Don't be too fussy about her hair colour

3. Knock the bugger out first

4. Do your thing before she recovers

5. Get a bigger first aid kit cos those wee plasters are quite rubbish at sorting claw marks

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By *hyllyphyllyMan
over a year ago

Bradford

I came in here to correct your spelling, and a post that made me smile (not laugh, more like chuckle)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I came in here to correct your spelling, and a post that made me smile (not laugh, more like chuckle)

"

+1. Very funny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its very difficult to tell the difference between a male and female bear unless you reach round the front, maybe this is why he was getting miffed you may have given him the ghey

Gimp

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

very good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well I started to read this , and thought ...... ' what is this bloke chatting about ' .

Glad I stuck with it !!

1 - great information and tips

2- made me smile

3- good to see some sense of humour .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Its very difficult to tell the difference between a male and female bear unless you reach round the front, maybe this is why he was getting miffed you may have given him the ghey

Gimp "

Ghey bear back is the most risky of all sex.... well, that and trying to slip your know up your Mrs's arsehole and saying 'sorry, I thought it was your pussy'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 16/07/14 16:23:59]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tried to do it once but forgot to take a torch and ended up in the wrong enclosure.

If anyone's interested, boar back sex is piggin orrible

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Done it loadsssssss of times and love it

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"Done it loadsssssss of times and love it "

Did you read the OP?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Done it loadsssssss of times and love it

Did you read the OP? "
Yes I did lol that's y the call me bear grylls, expert in the bush tucker trials

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Done it loadsssssss of times and love it

Did you read the OP? Yes I did lol that's y the call me bear grylls, expert in the bush tucker trials "

Gentle Ben just went UNLOS

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Done it loadsssssss of times and love it

Did you read the OP? Yes I did lol that's y the call me bear grylls, expert in the bush tucker trials "

Wait you ate it's balls?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Done it loadsssssss of times and love it

Did you read the OP? Yes I did lol that's y the call me bear grylls, expert in the bush tucker trials

Gentle Ben just went UNLOS "
Whats unlos?lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Done it loadsssssss of times and love it

Did you read the OP? Yes I did lol that's y the call me bear grylls, expert in the bush tucker trials

Wait you ate it's balls? "
no I ate some crickets lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Done it loadsssssss of times and love it

Did you read the OP? Yes I did lol that's y the call me bear grylls, expert in the bush tucker trials

Gentle Ben just went UNLOS Whats unlos?lol."

User no longer on site

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Its very difficult to tell the difference between a male and female bear unless you reach round the front, maybe this is why he was getting miffed you may have given him the ghey

Gimp

Ghey bear back is the most risky of all sex.... well, that and trying to slip your know up your Mrs's arsehole and saying 'sorry, I thought it was your pussy' "

Nahh its all good her sister loves it

Gimp

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By *renchbambi xWoman
over a year ago

Need to know basis


"I heard how good this was, how it felt so natural and so I tried this once and discovered a few things I thought I should impart to you all so you can decide if the risk is worth it.

Firstly, I had to find a bear. It isn't easy, you know. Sneaked into the zoo late at night. Discounted the pandas totally. I'm just not into the big black and white cock stuff. Found a polar bear. Brown and black just isn't my thing. It's a personal preference, nothing more. I'm not a bearist.

Got undressed and climbed into the enclosure. It a really difficult to sneak up on a bear without it noticing you are there. Anyway, jumped on her back, and held on. God, did she make a fuss. Rolling this way and that, I swear she was trying to have a go at me. Anyway, there's me riding her and she was angry.

So, anyway, I falls off and the bugger only tries to flaming eat me. Don't they feed them at the zoo? I had a good mind to report them to the RSPCA for animal cruelty.

How I managed to get out, I don't know but I was scratched and bitten everywhere.

Anyway, this bear back stuff is nowhere near as safe as using a condom. Next time I'm taking a tranquilliser gun to knock her out first.

So, if you want to try bear back sex, here's some tips:

1. Find a bear

2. Don't be too fussy about her hair colour

3. Knock the bugger out first

4. Do your thing before she recovers

5. Get a bigger first aid kit cos those wee plasters are quite rubbish at sorting claw marks

"

I needed a good laugh today, than you glam bear f***er

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Done it loadsssssss of times and love it

Did you read the OP? Yes I did lol that's y the call me bear grylls, expert in the bush tucker trials

Gentle Ben just went UNLOS Whats unlos?lol.

User no longer on site"
I see it now yes and good code for it loll.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

5. Get a bigger first aid kit cos those wee plasters are quite rubbish at sorting claw marks

"

They're quite good for small boo-boos though

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By *nigmatic1Woman
over a year ago

A seaside town near you!


"I came in here to correct your spelling, and a post that made me smile (not laugh, more like chuckle)

"

I did the same thing hahaha!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

5. Get a bigger first aid kit cos those wee plasters are quite rubbish at sorting claw marks

They're quite good for small boo-boos though "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Its very difficult to tell the difference between a male and female bear unless you reach round the front, maybe this is why he was getting miffed you may have given him the ghey

Gimp

Ghey bear back is the most risky of all sex.... well, that and trying to slip your know up your Mrs's arsehole and saying 'sorry, I thought it was your pussy' "

Really!

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By *o new WinksMan
over a year ago

BSE


"Done it loadsssssss of times and love it

Did you read the OP? Yes I did lol that's y the call me bush grylls, expert in the bear fucker trials "

Corrected that for you.

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By *ottie91jay89Couple
over a year ago

Camborne

This has totally made my day needed a good giggle and you sorted it (Mrs)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now that's what I call a growler...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Omg i just wet my pants reading this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So, just so as I'm completely clear, you raped a bear?

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By *lam rocker OP   Man
over a year ago

Tain


"So, just so as I'm completely clear, you raped a bear? "
that is bear back sex isn't it? Or am I doing something wrong?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best post in ages Just what I needed to make me smile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know who to laugh at more... The OP or shag tonight

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I heard how good this was, how it felt so natural and so I tried this once and discovered a few things I thought I should impart to you all so you can decide if the risk is worth it.

Firstly, I had to find a bear. It isn't easy, you know. Sneaked into the zoo late at night. Discounted the pandas totally. I'm just not into the big black and white cock stuff. Found a polar bear. Brown and black just isn't my thing. It's a personal preference, nothing more. I'm not a bearist.

Got undressed and climbed into the enclosure. It a really difficult to sneak up on a bear without it noticing you are there. Anyway, jumped on her back, and held on. God, did she make a fuss. Rolling this way and that, I swear she was trying to have a go at me. Anyway, there's me riding her and she was angry.

So, anyway, I falls off and the bugger only tries to flaming eat me. Don't they feed them at the zoo? I had a good mind to report them to the RSPCA for animal cruelty.

How I managed to get out, I don't know but I was scratched and bitten everywhere.

Anyway, this bear back stuff is nowhere near as safe as using a condom. Next time I'm taking a tranquilliser gun to knock her out first.

So, if you want to try bear back sex, here's some tips:

1. Find a bear

2. Don't be too fussy about her hair colour

3. Knock the bugger out first

4. Do your thing before she recovers

5. Get a bigger first aid kit cos those wee plasters are quite rubbish at sorting claw marks

"

LOL, I wonder if you have ever tried dogging?

something tells me I should not have asked that question

I suppose that would a story for another thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

5. Get a bigger first aid kit cos those wee plasters are quite rubbish at sorting claw marks

They're quite good for small boo-boos though "

I thought there was only one yogi bear side kick

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the OP was female I'd have thought she'd be sharing a tale of sex with a very hairy man. I could empathise

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By *ondering_yorkshiremanMan
over a year ago

Somewhere near NE Derbyshire/S Yorkshire/Nottinghamshire border

Made me chuckle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well if you are not fussy on black or brown bears, try a polar bear next time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rawr... watch those claws matey

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By *lam rocker OP   Man
over a year ago

Tain


"Well if you are not fussy on black or brown bears, try a polar bear next time."
it was a polar bear.

Ouch those claw marks still hurt.

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By *renchbambi xWoman
over a year ago

Need to know basis

I came face to face with a grizzly back in Canada....wrestled the f*cker and shaved him clean...asss and all...licked him good too

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By *lam rocker OP   Man
over a year ago

Tain

I have been reading up on what to do if you meet a polar bear and it seems they like bear back sex as the advice is you should throw your glove at them so they can sniff it. If you distract them you can then have your fun. I must have just found one at its time of the month. And I thought the blood was mine too ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know what im reading before bed Zzzz Zzzzz

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I tried to do it once but forgot to take a torch and ended up in the wrong enclosure.

If anyone's interested, boar back sex is piggin orrible "

Made me snigger and (oh the shame of it) snort! !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Now that's what I call a growler... "

Lolololol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I came face to face with a grizzly back in Canada....wrestled the f*cker and shaved him clean...asss and all...licked him good too "

Was that Paul Martin

Gimp

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wanted to try it so I got in the car and turned on the satnav so that every time it said "BEAR LEFT" I could track one down.

Unfortunately my satnav is shit and keeps lying.

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By *renchbambi xWoman
over a year ago

Need to know basis


"I wanted to try it so I got in the car and turned on the satnav so that every time it said "BEAR LEFT" I could track one down.

Unfortunately my satnav is shit and keeps lying. "

Haha that is brilliant

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By *otsoSnowWhiteWoman
over a year ago

My Ice Castle! South Wales

This thread is pure class lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Brilliant! Loved it!

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By *lipperyWhenWet!Couple
over a year ago

Rochester

Just found this having missed it!

God I wish I could fab posts!

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By *olly StarWoman
over a year ago

Wellington

Thanks for a great laugh, just what I needed to end the week!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Huge round of a paws.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Excellent....!!

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

It wasn t a petting zoo then,?

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By *amslam1000Man
over a year ago

willenhall

one of the USA's amendments to their constiution say's they have the right to bear arms!! No wonder when they see you in the woods there pissed off at you and try to eat you lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Made me think of this...

Bill's New Rifle

Bill's all excited about his new rifle. So, he goes bear hunting in Alaska.

The first bear he sees is a little brown bear, and he kills it with his first shot. There is a tap on his shoulder, and he turns around to see a big black bear.

The black bear says "You've got two choices. One, I maul you to death or two, we have sex."

Bill bends over for the bear. He's sore for 2 days, but he recovers and vows revenge.

Bill heads out on another trip to Alaska and he finds the black bear and kills him. At that moment there is a tap on his shoulder.

A huge grizzly is standing right behind him. The grizzly says, "That was a big mistake. You've got 2 choices, either I maul you to death or we have sex."

Bill bends over. He survives, but he's really hurting and takes quite a bit of time to recover, and, he's outraged. Sure enough, he heads back to Alaska and finds the grizzly and shoots him at point blank range.

There's a tap on his shoulder. He turns around to find an enormous polar bear, and the polar bear says, "You don't really come here for the hunting, do you?"

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