FabSwingers.com forum: Every cloud

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

has a silver lining - a colloquial saying.

What sayings do you use and/ or modify to make them funny, depending on the occasion?

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By *i 1 Get 1 FreeCouple (MM)
over a year ago

birmingham

It's not what you know

It's not who you know

It's what you know about who

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If he fell in a pile of shit, he'd come up smelling of roses

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By *eritageMan
over a year ago

weston super mare

how about "what comes up needs to go down "

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By *ishful.thinkingWoman
over a year ago

east london

One of my favourites is

"about as useful as tits on a bull"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I know a variation ;

As useful as a chocolate fire guard...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I say 'no point worrying until you have something to worry about' alot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can only piss with the cock you've got!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You can only piss with the cock you've got!

XX"

LMAO xxx

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

"I know a variation ;

As useful as a chocolate fire guard..."

or a chocolate teapot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

he's so thick, he makes 2 short planks seem like a computer

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity!

Actually not true, but made me chuckle!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A no snoking area in a pub was like a piss corner in a swimming pool

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

About as much use as a button on a sock, or if he had a brain he would be dangerous.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

keep up! you're like a fart in a trance

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By *iceguydaveMan
over a year ago

Monmouth

..if he fell in a barrel of nipples, he'd come out sucking his thumb

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if you had two brains, one would be lonely!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

or....you're as much use as an ashtray on a motorbike!

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

‘A friend in need is a… pain in the arse, get rid of them’

‘He/she makes stupidity look like an asset’

‘If brains were made of dynamite you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose’

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

And digressing a little as this thread has me thinking about killer one-liners, only this is two killer lines…

My now ex-wife used to work at the same place as me. One afternoon she was having a bit of a tantrum and shouting her mouth off. Just after she’d left the room a male worker said, “I’m bloody glad I haven’t gotta got home to that!” so I said…

“She can get stroppy but I tell you what… she’s a better fuck than your misses!”

As he was reeling in the shock to what I had said, with what I think was perfect timing I followed up with… “And that’s not just my opinion!”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

or..he had a face like a robbers dog!

now im on a roll,lol!

you've got a face like a ripped dap!

you're eyes look like piss holes in the snow!

sit still! you're up 'n down like a nuns knickers!

she's got a mouth like a chickens bum!

he's got a mouth like a cats arse!

her eyes were like rissoles in the sun!

dont pick your nose, your head will cave in!

my mum said all of these 'n more,lol!!

too many to remember..bless her.

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By *ickens CiderMan
over a year ago

taunton

go up to a shop assistant and ask them for a vacant stare...

works everytime... lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ive just remembered a few more of my mums' gems,lol!

who fluffed? someone smells like a rat crawled their bum 'n died!

look before you leap,you never know who's at the bottom!

if you dont ask you dont get!

my boss always says.. if shit was wit he'd be constipated!

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By *uton_coupleCouple
over a year ago

luton

he thinks foreplay is a pre school activity

and there one wave short of a shipwreck

she is an accident waiting to happen

if he walked into a field full of fannies , he,d come out with an asshole

two yorkshire men fixing a dry stone wall , and an awkward shaped bit wont fit back ....................

if it cum owt a tut wall itl go back intut wall

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By *heWolfMan
over a year ago

warwickshire

"You're all over the place, like the mad woman's shit"

"That fart came straight off the face of a turd"

"Jesus, who hasn't flushed the toilet? There's one in there sticking out like Hitler's arm"

Thanks for those scatological gems, grandma. I wish I'd known her, we'd have got on famously.

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