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Apparently I'm so brave and a fighter and I'm going to beat this thing and wow I'm people's hero! 
Yes life has thrown me a spanner in the works but coping will ill health is not bravery, it's just life.
Do you get any really annoying things said to you by people who think they are being nice? | |||
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"I've been rather unwell for the last year and a half and have discovered garbage most irritating part of it is the cliches people come out with.
Apparently I'm so brave and a fighter and I'm going to beat this thing and wow I'm people's hero!
Yes life has thrown me a spanner in the works but coping will ill health is not bravery, it's just life.
Do you get any really annoying things said to you by people who think they are being nice?"I never get annoyed by people being nice to me! They may be cliches but would you rather no one gave a shit? Z | |||
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"I've been rather unwell for the last year and a half and have discovered garbage most irritating part of it is the cliches people come out with.
Apparently I'm so brave and a fighter and I'm going to beat this thing and wow I'm people's hero!
Yes life has thrown me a spanner in the works but coping will ill health is not bravery, it's just life.
Do you get any really annoying things said to you by people who think they are being nice?
I never get annoyed by people being nice to me! They may be cliches but would you rather no one gave a shit? Z"I'd rather people who don't know me didn't give a shit! Random pity from strangers is annoying, I refuse to be nothing more than my illness. If they wouldn't be talking to me if I was well the can bugger off with the false niceness cos I'm ill  | |||
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"I've been rather unwell for the last year and a half and have discovered garbage most irritating part of it is the cliches people come out with.
Apparently I'm so brave and a fighter and I'm going to beat this thing and wow I'm people's hero!
Yes life has thrown me a spanner in the works but coping will ill health is not bravery, it's just life.
Do you get any really annoying things said to you by people who think they are being nice?
I never get annoyed by people being nice to me! They may be cliches but would you rather no one gave a shit? Z
I'd rather people who don't know me didn't give a shit! Random pity from strangers is annoying, I refuse to be nothing more than my illness. If they wouldn't be talking to me if I was well the can bugger off with the false niceness cos I'm ill "Don't mention you're ill to strangers then. Incidentally, I don't give a shit that you were ill  | |||
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"I've been rather unwell for the last year and a half and have discovered garbage most irritating part of it is the cliches people come out with.
Apparently I'm so brave and a fighter and I'm going to beat this thing and wow I'm people's hero!
Yes life has thrown me a spanner in the works but coping will ill health is not bravery, it's just life.
Do you get any really annoying things said to you by people who think they are being nice?
I never get annoyed by people being nice to me! They may be cliches but would you rather no one gave a shit? Z
I'd rather people who don't know me didn't give a shit! Random pity from strangers is annoying, I refuse to be nothing more than my illness. If they wouldn't be talking to me if I was well the can bugger off with the false niceness cos I'm ill
Don't mention you're ill to strangers then. Incidentally, I don't give a shit that you were ill "Unfortunately it was pretty obvious for a long time. Not so much now thankfully.  | |||
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"Another one is when someone says ..... "ohhhh ouch.... that looks sore".... "Guilty as charged m'lud! | |||
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"I understand what you are saying. It's the victimisation and pity, I think. However, people want to say something and often they are at a loss to know what is appropriate. Clichés help. I just get inappropriate and nosy and ask about treatment, the hospital and side effects. You're living with something not dying of something. You're not dead yet (do you have that T-shirt?)." I'd prefer your approach. I just get so pissed off when people treat me like a martyr - martyrs not only choose their fate but they also tend to be dead!  | |||
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"I understand what you are saying. It's the victimisation and pity, I think. However, people want to say something and often they are at a loss to know what is appropriate. Clichés help. I just get inappropriate and nosy and ask about treatment, the hospital and side effects. You're living with something not dying of something. You're not dead yet (do you have that T-shirt?). I'd prefer your approach. I just get so pissed off when people treat me like a martyr - martyrs not only choose their fate but they also tend to be dead! "Yes, but you're sooooo brave... You prefer my approach but not everyone will. When I was planning to shave off all of my hair taught me a new lesson: the women and the charity I was going to do it for didn't want me to do it. They like my hair and didn't want me to look like I was going through treatment. | |||
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"I've been rather unwell for the last year and a half and have discovered garbage most irritating part of it is the cliches people come out with.
Apparently I'm so brave and a fighter and I'm going to beat this thing and wow I'm people's hero!
Yes life has thrown me a spanner in the works but coping will ill health is not bravery, it's just life.
Do you get any really annoying things said to you by people who think they are being nice?
I never get annoyed by people being nice to me! They may be cliches but would you rather no one gave a shit? Z
I'd rather people who don't know me didn't give a shit! Random pity from strangers is annoying, I refuse to be nothing more than my illness. If they wouldn't be talking to me if I was well the can bugger off with the false niceness cos I'm ill
Don't mention you're ill to strangers then. Incidentally, I don't give a shit that you were ill
Unfortunately it was pretty obvious for a long time.
Not so much now thankfully. "I was, of course, being facetious. I do get what you mean (although it doesn't annoy me as it does you). Glad you're on the mend. | |||
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You've met me: am I just my illness or am I more than that?
To paraphrase "I am not a hospital number, I am a (horny, funny, confident, sexy, fabulous) woman!" | |||
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"Thing is Lickety, I don't want a pity party - especially not one that lasts for 18 months and counting!
You've met me: am I just my illness or am I more than that?
To paraphrase "I am not a hospital number, I am a (horny, funny, confident, sexy, fabulous) woman!" "U missed out awesome!! | |||
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"Thing is Lickety, I don't want a pity party - especially not one that lasts for 18 months and counting!
You've met me: am I just my illness or am I more than that?
To paraphrase "I am not a hospital number, I am a (horny, funny, confident, sexy, fabulous) woman!"
U missed out awesome!! "I wouldn't want people to think I'm big headed.  | |||
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"Thing is Lickety, I don't want a pity party - especially not one that lasts for 18 months and counting!
You've met me: am I just my illness or am I more than that?
To paraphrase "I am not a hospital number, I am a (horny, funny, confident, sexy, fabulous) woman!"
U missed out awesome!!
I wouldn't want people to think I'm big headed. "Oooops I let the cat out the bag there lol | |||
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"Thing is Lickety, I don't want a pity party - especially not one that lasts for 18 months and counting!
You've met me: am I just my illness or am I more than that?
To paraphrase "I am not a hospital number, I am a (horny, funny, confident, sexy, fabulous) woman!" "29 years for me. I don't want pity either. It would be nice, though, to have friends that stand by me during my bad periods. | |||
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"Thing is Lickety, I don't want a pity party - especially not one that lasts for 18 months and counting!
You've met me: am I just my illness or am I more than that?
To paraphrase "I am not a hospital number, I am a (horny, funny, confident, sexy, fabulous) woman!" "I think you've always been the same feisty scary fierce yet friendly bird! I'm guilty of saying dumb things. I do it all the time, not just to poorly people. I can think of at least one dumb thing I've said to everyone I've met. | |||
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"Thing is Lickety, I don't want a pity party - especially not one that lasts for 18 months and counting!
You've met me: am I just my illness or am I more than that?
To paraphrase "I am not a hospital number, I am a (horny, funny, confident, sexy, fabulous) woman!"
29 years for me. I don't want pity either. It would be nice, though, to have friends that stand by me during my bad periods.
"I'm glad it's not just me! A sarky comment from a friend is worth far more than all the effuse pity from randoms. | |||
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"Thing is Lickety, I don't want a pity party - especially not one that lasts for 18 months and counting!
You've met me: am I just my illness or am I more than that?
To paraphrase "I am not a hospital number, I am a (horny, funny, confident, sexy, fabulous) woman!"
29 years for me. I don't want pity either. It would be nice, though, to have friends that stand by me during my bad periods.
I'm glad it's not just me!
A sarky comment from a friend is worth far more than all the effuse pity from randoms."If it annoys you it annoys you and it's only you that can sort out the way you feel. It isn't always easy for people to know what to say .... in death, in illness at the breakup of relationships but some do try. You're entitled to feel the way you feel but I hope you don't express it to well wishers and just internalise the 'fuck offs' | |||
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"I kinda guess not everyone is equipped with levels of mental fortitude or an inherent ability to gauge situations in a way that always allows them to say the right thing at the right time.. The human condition is an affliction which affects us all and no-two people will behave or respond to stressful situations in exactly the same way,,,,, There are people who really struggle dealing with someone-else's illness and this can result in emotional clumsiness, which is why I like to think whatever is said, is usually well-meaning and not intentionally patronising or condescending …. I truly believe there is no right-way or wrong-way to deal with the stress associated with either being ill or coping with the illness of someone else.. ... " | |||
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"I've been rather unwell for the last year and a half and have discovered garbage most irritating part of it is the cliches people come out with.
Apparently I'm so brave and a fighter and I'm going to beat this thing and wow I'm people's hero!
Yes life has thrown me a spanner in the works but coping will ill health is not bravery, it's just life.
Do you get any really annoying things said to you by people who think they are being nice?"A friend of mine had a serious illness...we used to crack jokes about the dreaded treatments and the inevitable side effects. He knew I cared deeply and that was our way of communicating. I'm a foot in mouth kind of girl (even though I've been around serious illnesses) I try to stay quiet mostly. | |||
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"Thing is Lickety, I don't want a pity party - especially not one that lasts for 18 months and counting!
You've met me: am I just my illness or am I more than that?
To paraphrase "I am not a hospital number, I am a (horny, funny, confident, sexy, fabulous) woman!"
29 years for me. I don't want pity either. It would be nice, though, to have friends that stand by me during my bad periods.
I'm glad it's not just me!
A sarky comment from a friend is worth far more than all the effuse pity from randoms." | |||
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"Thing is Lickety, I don't want a pity party - especially not one that lasts for 18 months and counting!
You've met me: am I just my illness or am I more than that?
To paraphrase "I am not a hospital number, I am a (horny, funny, confident, sexy, fabulous) woman!"
29 years for me. I don't want pity either. It would be nice, though, to have friends that stand by me during my bad periods.
I'm glad it's not just me!
A sarky comment from a friend is worth far more than all the effuse pity from randoms.
If it annoys you it annoys you and it's only you that can sort out the way you feel.
It isn't always easy for people to know what to say .... in death, in illness at the breakup of relationships but some do try.
You're entitled to feel the way you feel but I hope you don't express it to well wishers and just internalise the 'fuck offs'
"I agree 
I just save the "fuck offs" for the medical professionals who should know that no amount of banal platitudes are going to fix things
Sometimes I just need a hug  | |||
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"Thing is Lickety, I don't want a pity party - especially not one that lasts for 18 months and counting!
You've met me: am I just my illness or am I more than that?
To paraphrase "I am not a hospital number, I am a (horny, funny, confident, sexy, fabulous) woman!" "Nah, the NHS has go you and you're now in the I know my hospital number off by heart club. Give up, succumb, let the Pty party commence. | |||
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"Thing is Lickety, I don't want a pity party - especially not one that lasts for 18 months and counting!
You've met me: am I just my illness or am I more than that?
To paraphrase "I am not a hospital number, I am a (horny, funny, confident, sexy, fabulous) woman!"
29 years for me. I don't want pity either. It would be nice, though, to have friends that stand by me during my bad periods.
I'm glad it's not just me!
A sarky comment from a friend is worth far more than all the effuse pity from randoms.
If it annoys you it annoys you and it's only you that can sort out the way you feel.
It isn't always easy for people to know what to say .... in death, in illness at the breakup of relationships but some do try.
You're entitled to feel the way you feel but I hope you don't express it to well wishers and just internalise the 'fuck offs'
"I have been known to give short shrift to people who go out of their way to loudly and intrusively tell me how brave I am, generally a random stranger who interrupts me when I'm with friends or loved ones minding my own business and not thinking about illness. They make their pronouncement in a sickly 'caring and concerned' tone of voice in an inappropriate time and place then stand back and wait to be praised for being so caring and thoughtful.
Yes it does happen like that, I'm minding my own business in a cafe or shop and someone rushes over to fuss and prove to the world how considerate they are. Not even an employee trying to offer practical assistance, just a random busy body. | |||
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"Thing is Lickety, I don't want a pity party - especially not one that lasts for 18 months and counting!
You've met me: am I just my illness or am I more than that?
To paraphrase "I am not a hospital number, I am a (horny, funny, confident, sexy, fabulous) woman!"
29 years for me. I don't want pity either. It would be nice, though, to have friends that stand by me during my bad periods.
I'm glad it's not just me!
A sarky comment from a friend is worth far more than all the effuse pity from randoms.
If it annoys you it annoys you and it's only you that can sort out the way you feel.
It isn't always easy for people to know what to say .... in death, in illness at the breakup of relationships but some do try.
You're entitled to feel the way you feel but I hope you don't express it to well wishers and just internalise the 'fuck offs'
I have been known to give short shrift to people who go out of their way to loudly and intrusively tell me how brave I am, generally a random stranger who interrupts me when I'm with friends or loved ones minding my own business and not thinking about illness. They make their pronouncement in a sickly 'caring and concerned' tone of voice in an inappropriate time and place then stand back and wait to be praised for being so caring and thoughtful.
Yes it does happen like that, I'm minding my own business in a cafe or shop and someone rushes over to fuss and prove to the world how considerate they are. Not even an employee trying to offer practical assistance, just a random busy body."Does this happen often? I'm surprised to hear that members of the generally reserved British public are so forthright and rude with such frequency that it results in your obvious annoyance. Hope it isn't as much of a problem now you're getting better. | |||
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"I hate it when they say stuff like "get out of bed and get back to work you malingering bastard there's nothing wrong with you for fuck sake". I think it shows a distinct lack of empathy. " Tell me about it ! Truth hurts dunnit ! | |||
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"I understand what you are saying. It's the victimisation and pity, I think. However, people want to say something and often they are at a loss to know what is appropriate. Clichés help. I just get inappropriate and nosy and ask about treatment, the hospital and side effects. You're living with something not dying of something. You're not dead yet (do you have that T-shirt?). I'd prefer your approach. I just get so pissed off when people treat me like a martyr - martyrs not only choose their fate but they also tend to be dead! "I'm not meaning to hijack the thread. I don't think I've ever been ill enough for the pity. But a similar thing applies to carers in terms of pity. "wow you're so brave" "youre a hero" "most people would have left if they were in that situation, people like you are amazing" and shit like that. Obviously being a carer is (for most people) a choice, illness isn't. But just because we are different doesn't mean we are amazing/strong/brave. | |||
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"I think some people just think they're being nice and supportive when really they just want to find out the details, or think they know best when they have no clue. I have a friend with a rare chest condition and I'm used to dealing with her 'attacks' now and most of the time she just needs leaving to it whilst it passes. The reactions we've had though when I've left her sat somewhere safe as I've gone to get the car to take her home or just sat next to her doing nothing has been almost funny though. I've had people tell me she needs an ambulance, but there is absolutely nothing a paramedic or a&e can do for her, unless replacement bodies have become available! " People aren't mind readers though are they? You may get a few busybodies who are just being nosy but I do think that the majority of people are just showing concern. Seems we're damned if we do and damned it we don't | |||
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"I think some people just think they're being nice and supportive when really they just want to find out the details, or think they know best when they have no clue. I have a friend with a rare chest condition and I'm used to dealing with her 'attacks' now and most of the time she just needs leaving to it whilst it passes. The reactions we've had though when I've left her sat somewhere safe as I've gone to get the car to take her home or just sat next to her doing nothing has been almost funny though. I've had people tell me she needs an ambulance, but there is absolutely nothing a paramedic or a&e can do for her, unless replacement bodies have become available! People aren't mind readers though are they? You may get a few busybodies who are just being nosy but I do think that the majority of people are just showing concern. Seems we're damned if we do and damned it we don't "Asking if she's OK is one thing, asking me what the fuck I think I'm doing going getting the car instead of ringing an ambulance is another. No one is being asked to be a mind reader, but also would be nice if they didn't jump to conclusions! Also, I should have added to the previous post that some people don't want reminding that they are ill when they are out and about carrying on their normal lives as best they can, so having strangers come and randomly give pity might seem like they're just being nice but it can just bring someone back to earth with a bump when they were having a rare minute of not having to think about the next batch of meds | |||
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" Asking if she's OK is one thing, asking me what the fuck I think I'm doing going getting the car instead of ringing an ambulance is another... [snip] " You didn't say that though did you? You just said their reactions were 'almost funny'. Not sure what the answer is... maybe wear a big smiley badge saying 'Im fine and don't need your concern - now fuck off!' ?? | |||
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"My cliché is - 'Am I in your will? No? Ok, get well soon, then.' I don't get invited to many hospital beds for some reason. " | |||
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" Also, I should have added to the previous post that some people don't want reminding that they are ill when they are out and about carrying on their normal lives as best they can, so having strangers come and randomly give pity might seem like they're just being nice but it can just bring someone back to earth with a bump when they were having a rare minute of not having to think about the next batch of meds"
I am far more than just a diagnosis, being reduced to that is not pleasant.
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"I've been rather unwell for the last year and a half and have discovered garbage most irritating part of it is the cliches people come out with.
Apparently I'm so brave and a fighter and I'm going to beat this thing and wow I'm people's hero!
Yes life has thrown me a spanner in the works but coping will ill health is not bravery, it's just life.
Do you get any really annoying things said to you by people who think they are being nice?
I never get annoyed by people being nice to me! They may be cliches but would you rather no one gave a shit? Z
I'd rather people who don't know me didn't give a shit! Random pity from strangers is annoying, I refuse to be nothing more than my illness. If they wouldn't be talking to me if I was well the can bugger off with the false niceness cos I'm ill "I fully understand what your saying as I was ill last year too. I found it most annoying at my company xmas party when people kept asking me if I was ok.I know they mean well but all I could see was pity in their eyes and the thanks fuck its not me. | |||
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"I've been rather unwell for the last year and a half and have discovered garbage most irritating part of it is the cliches people come out with.
Apparently I'm so brave and a fighter and I'm going to beat this thing and wow I'm people's hero!
Yes life has thrown me a spanner in the works but coping will ill health is not bravery, it's just life.
Do you get any really annoying things said to you by people who think they are being nice?"I guess some people get validation from thinking that they have been helpful. Sadly when they do not know anything about the situation their help is probably more for their benefit than the subject's. My approach is if someone is not visibly struggling to leave them be and if they are simply ask "do you need any help?" That way they can simply dismiss my offer without embarassment or offence if they are fine as they are. If they need something they can describe it to me without my ignorance presuming anything and making everything more annoying. | |||
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"I've been rather unwell for the last year and a half and have discovered garbage most irritating part of it is the cliches people come out with.
Apparently I'm so brave and a fighter and I'm going to beat this thing and wow I'm people's hero!
Yes life has thrown me a spanner in the works but coping will ill health is not bravery, it's just life.
Do you get any really annoying things said to you by people who think they are being nice?
I never get annoyed by people being nice to me! They may be cliches but would you rather no one gave a shit? Z
I'd rather people who don't know me didn't give a shit! Random pity from strangers is annoying, I refuse to be nothing more than my illness. If they wouldn't be talking to me if I was well the can bugger off with the false niceness cos I'm ill "How do they know you have been ill? | |||
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" Asking if she's OK is one thing, asking me what the fuck I think I'm doing going getting the car instead of ringing an ambulance is another... [snip] You didn't say that though did you? You just said their reactions were 'almost funny'. Not sure what the answer is... maybe wear a big smiley badge saying 'Im fine and don't need your concern - now fuck off!' ?? "True I didn't, but I still think it's laughable that some people think I'd just leave her sat on the floor and wander off if she needed an ambulance! But I wasn't very clear about what it was I found almost funny you're right. | |||
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" True I didn't, but I still think it's laughable that some people think I'd just leave her sat on the floor and wander off if she needed an ambulance! ." To be fair, if I found a stranger on the floor with breathing diffuclties i would ask if they needed an ambulance too. Sometimes we ( as a nation ) get told we turn a blind eye too much, so I think sometimes we can't win if we stop and try to help. | |||
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" True I didn't, but I still think it's laughable that some people think I'd just leave her sat on the floor and wander off if she needed an ambulance! . To be fair, if I found a stranger on the floor with breathing diffuclties i would ask if they needed an ambulance too. Sometimes we ( as a nation ) get told we turn a blind eye too much, so I think sometimes we can't win if we stop and try to help." But they hadn't 'found her' on the floor, they had watched me with her and decided I was abandoning her there which is the laughable part...then they made her tell them that wasn't the case instead of taking my word for it which just caused her further distress as she was forced to converse when she couldn't really and didn't need the hassle whilst I just wanted to get the car in walking distance and get her home. That's just one event though in many over the years. Some people I'll agree have genuine concern, but others just seem to think they know better when they haven't a clue what is wrong, and make assumptions about what is wrong too. | |||
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"You could have said to them ..... Thanks...... You stay with her and i'll be two mins getting the car. Why pillory people for bothering about other humans. " Why would I thank someone for asking me where the fuck I was was going when my friend (in their opinion) needed an ambulance? I did say she's fine I'm just getting the car but they decided that wasn't an acceptable answer when to be honest at the time I couldn't have given a shit about their opinions or thoughts as I just wanted to do what was best for my friend and get her where she was comfortable not have to explain to people who had no interest in listening to me anyway about her medical history. Plus, she didn't want strangers sat fussing over her, she just wanted to go home, and the aggressive nature of their approach just got her more worked up so no I didn't really want them to stay with her to be honest. Yes that's a one off incident with such an extreme but some people do not ask out of concern, they ask because they are nosy and want to know the details, or because they want to impart their 'wisdom' on how you will get better, or they think they know better what is needed because they once knew someone who had mild asthma...not all people are actually bothered about the other human being from my experiences. | |||
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