FabSwingers.com forum: Commitment

By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

So I was talking to someone yesterday about relationships and being single and they said pretty much they hate commitment and would not be in another relationship...I try to understand people's views however I find myself wondering what is so scary about commitment that puts people off ever being with someone again?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Selfishness

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

Think there will be a myriad of reasons as varied as the different personalities we have..

for some they may have been badly hurt and don't wish to go through that again..?

would also suspect that some are so set in their ways or selfish that the thought of compromising as one does in a relationship makes them go Naa..

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I don't know, but there are a few people who would benefit from being committed.

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By *aceytopWoman
over a year ago

from a town near you

iv been single for 18 years an I have got so used to being on my own I dont think I could share my life now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I recently became single and I definitely do not want a relationship again. Long story short I am not afraid of commitment, I just don't want to waste my time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love being single ! But I wish I had someone to spend summer evenings with etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Happy being single. Tend to get bored quickly so not really relationship material!

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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Some mixed responses...I guess it's up to the individual person....I've always been a person that does not close myself off...this reason is probably why I'm so shit at relationships lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After a 11 yr stint I said I would never do that again , single for 3and a half years started to get boring ect as the only singleton about and I actually meet someone recently and I am actually enjoying it which I never thought I would share my life with someone again as I did become very selfish

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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"After a 11 yr stint I said I would never do that again , single for 3and a half years started to get boring ect as the only singleton about and I actually meet someone recently and I am actually enjoying it which I never thought I would share my life with someone again as I did become very selfish"

Good for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some mixed responses...I guess it's up to the individual person....I've always been a person that does not close myself off...this reason is probably why I'm so shit at relationships lol. "

Not sure I fully understand. What do you mean by not closing yourself off?

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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Some mixed responses...I guess it's up to the individual person....I've always been a person that does not close myself off...this reason is probably why I'm so shit at relationships lol.

Not sure I fully understand. What do you mean by not closing yourself off?

I don't even know to be honest I'm tired so probably not making any sense

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I love being single ! But I wish I had someone to spend summer evenings with etc"

Me too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Scared of commitment due to being hurt too much so would rather stay single for the rest of my life.

My sister said I should go and meet someone nice. My response: "you go find him coz I cba!"

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I think the commitment-phobes are fixed on that position until they meet the person that they can't not commit to.

How many times have you heard someone bemoan the fact that the ex-selfish bastard/bitch/other term said they didn't want to commit/live together/get married and now they are rubbing my face in them living with/marrying x?

I couldn't live with someone as I have been on my own too long - I am selfish and I don't want people using my bathroom. I could commit to the right someone. The right someone would know and understand that I don't want us to live together.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For C he was scared. There have been many things he has done in his life that are more scary but actually being in a relationship is probably the one that scares him most. For me I like being in a relationship. I need to feel wanted, loved. Plus I drive myself insane and my OCD just goes into overdrive and I clean too much all the time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some mixed responses...I guess it's up to the individual person....I've always been a person that does not close myself off...this reason is probably why I'm so shit at relationships lol.

Not sure I fully understand. What do you mean by not closing yourself off?

I don't even know to be honest I'm tired so probably not making any sense "

You won't be single for long

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some mixed responses...I guess it's up to the individual person....I've always been a person that does not close myself off...this reason is probably why I'm so shit at relationships lol.

Not sure I fully understand. What do you mean by not closing yourself off?

I don't even know to be honest I'm tired so probably not making any sense "

Was you up late last night ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some mixed responses...I guess it's up to the individual person....I've always been a person that does not close myself off...this reason is probably why I'm so shit at relationships lol.

Not sure I fully understand. What do you mean by not closing yourself off?

I don't even know to be honest I'm tired so probably not making any sense "

No worries

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is entirely subjective. I've always thought I'm happy being single and not made for commitment but, after 3.5 years of being single I recently decided to start dating again and I realised that even though I'm confident and very sociable I freak out on a date as soon as I realise he's genuinely interested, so then never see them again.

I don't know if that's selfish (fear of being hurt again) or if it's simply that I'm not ready for commitment...

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

I don't want to be in a relationship as I like different aspects of the people I see and I don't think I want to give up that sort of freedom

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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Some mixed responses...I guess it's up to the individual person....I've always been a person that does not close myself off...this reason is probably why I'm so shit at relationships lol.

Not sure I fully understand. What do you mean by not closing yourself off?

I don't even know to be honest I'm tired so probably not making any sense

Was you up late last night ? "

Yep

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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Some mixed responses...I guess it's up to the individual person....I've always been a person that does not close myself off...this reason is probably why I'm so shit at relationships lol.

Not sure I fully understand. What do you mean by not closing yourself off?

I don't even know to be honest I'm tired so probably not making any sense

You won't be single for long

Cheers mystic meg lol

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By *nigmatic1Woman
over a year ago

A seaside town near you!

"I love being single ! But I wish I had someone to spend summer evenings with etc"

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some mixed responses...I guess it's up to the individual person....I've always been a person that does not close myself off...this reason is probably why I'm so shit at relationships lol.

Not sure I fully understand. What do you mean by not closing yourself off?

I don't even know to be honest I'm tired so probably not making any sense

Was you up late last night ?

Yep

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)

"So I was talking to someone yesterday about relationships and being single and they said pretty much they hate commitment and would not be in another relationship...I try to understand people's views however I find myself wondering what is so scary about commitment that puts people off ever being with someone again?

Been there done that and got the kids. 7 years later I'm only just putting the final pieces of my life back together that he shattered.

No way am I ever giving anyone the chance to do that to me again.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Some never commit even when they are in a relationship though so maybe it's just easier for them not to be?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was told today that I'm too choosy so this singledom is of my own making, but said person did say I sounded better than I had in a long time, so perhaps its not a bad thing.

I would like the spontaneity of being in a relationship but don't want them making a mess in my house..lol

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By *nigmatic1Woman
over a year ago

A seaside town near you!

"I was told today that I'm too choosy so this singledom is of my own making, but said person did say I sounded better than I had in a long time, so perhaps its not a bad thing.

I would like the spontaneity of being in a relationship but don't want them making a mess in my house..lol"

Whoever told you that was right heheh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been on my own for so long and used to it, if I started dating I'd have to find the time and not sure I can be bothered. Besides I'm not on a dating site nor do I go into situations that I might meet someone. Am only on this site and whilst it would be nice to meet someone that enjoys sex, I don't and wouldn't use it to look for a boyfriend

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Some never commit even when they are in a relationship though so maybe it's just easier for them not to be? "

That's very true. And, nothing lonelier than being in a relationship with a person who doesn't want to be there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you've been emotionally ripped apart by someone you are love with, it takes courage to commit like that again to someone; to open yourself up to someone and trust them not to hurt you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Responsibilty.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have commitment issues.. I don't even want a bag for life...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not natural. Biologically, men have evolved to be promiscuous. Relationships is a cultural trait that has developed against our natural instinct.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When you've been emotionally ripped apart by someone you are love with, it takes courage to commit like that again to someone; to open yourself up to someone and trust them not to hurt you.

exactly this, I can't trust anyone now so won't commit to them

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

It's not natural. Biologically, men have evolved to be promiscuous. Relationships is a cultural trait that has developed against our natural instinct. "

Its not just the the males of some species that are promiscuous. In fact many females in patriarchal societies will mate outside of their group, especially subordinate females with outside males.

#naturegeek

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not natural. Biologically, men have evolved to be promiscuous. Relationships is a cultural trait that has developed against our natural instinct.

Its not just the the males of some species that are promiscuous. In fact many females in patriarchal societies will mate outside of their group, especially subordinate females with outside males.

#naturegeek

Yeah but that's all culture too. Purely biologically, men are more promiscuous

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not natural. Biologically, men have evolved to be promiscuous. Relationships is a cultural trait that has developed against our natural instinct.

Its not just the the males of some species that are promiscuous. In fact many females in patriarchal societies will mate outside of their group, especially subordinate females with outside males.

#naturegeek

Yeah but that's all culture too. Purely biologically, men are more promiscuous "

I agree with Evie here. Women are just as promiscuous if not more, but they hide it well... We are in a swingers site for god's sake

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not natural. Biologically, men have evolved to be promiscuous. Relationships is a cultural trait that has developed against our natural instinct.

Its not just the the males of some species that are promiscuous. In fact many females in patriarchal societies will mate outside of their group, especially subordinate females with outside males.

#naturegeek

Yeah but that's all culture too. Purely biologically, men are more promiscuous

I agree with Evie here. Women are just as promiscuous if not more, but they hide it well... We are in a swingers site for god's sake

I am not saying they are not. I am saying biologically, men have evolved to be more promiscuous but culture plays big part too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find myself wondering what is so scary about commitment that puts people off ever being with someone again?

You'll probably find in many cases it's more of a self protection thing and not wanting to get hurt. Emotions aside too, ending a relationship where you have begun building a life together is a tricky affair.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

It's not natural. Biologically, men have evolved to be promiscuous. Relationships is a cultural trait that has developed against our natural instinct.

Its not just the the males of some species that are promiscuous. In fact many females in patriarchal societies will mate outside of their group, especially subordinate females with outside males.

#naturegeek

Yeah but that's all culture too. Purely biologically, men are more promiscuous

I agree with Evie here. Women are just as promiscuous if not more, but they hide it well... We are in a swingers site for god's sake

I am not saying they are not. I am saying biologically, men have evolved to be more promiscuous but culture plays big part too. "

Not cultural but survival - women mate outside of their relationships in order to ensure the strongest survive. They pass the off-spring off as belonging to their relationship mate. There is also work showing the usefulness of getting other sperm so that they compete and the strongest survive.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I find myself wondering what is so scary about commitment that puts people off ever being with someone again?

Life is a tricky affair.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't have commitment issues i'm just addicted to sex every relationship i've been in i have strayed and it ended so whats the point in making more bunny boilers hate me.

I use fabs get what I need for my addiction without the rows and upset if I ever meet someone like me,

then maybe try again would love a couple kids before i'm too old to see them grow up but got to meet the "one" first

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't have commitment issues i'm just addicted to sex every relationship i've been in i have strayed and it ended so whats the point in making more bunny boilers hate me.

I use fabs get what I need for my addiction without the rows and upset if I ever meet someone like me,

then maybe try again would love a couple kids before i'm too old to see them grow up but got to meet the "one" first"

You actually a sec addict?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't have commitment issues i'm just addicted to sex every relationship i've been in i have strayed and it ended so whats the point in making more bunny boilers hate me.

I use fabs get what I need for my addiction without the rows and upset if I ever meet someone like me,

then maybe try again would love a couple kids before i'm too old to see them grow up but got to meet the "one" first

You actually a sec addict?"

Sex

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

I don't want full on commitment, I will likely never live with anyone else again, and I do not want to answer to someone.

I love my life currently - work, gym, friends, education, and a partner who accepts me as I am, and understands my reasons for keeping my own space.

I love the balance - the time we spend together is great, and I don't resent him being about all the time - far rather miss him that wish him away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't have commitment issues i'm just addicted to sex every relationship i've been in i have strayed and it ended so whats the point in making more bunny boilers hate me.

I use fabs get what I need for my addiction without the rows and upset if I ever meet someone like me,

then maybe try again would love a couple kids before i'm too old to see them grow up but got to meet the "one" first

You actually a sec addict?

Sex"

It seems iam all my failed relationships its all down to sex with others going out of my way and unable to stop myself lusting and chasing more pussy and or cock

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't have commitment issues i'm just addicted to sex every relationship i've been in i have strayed and it ended so whats the point in making more bunny boilers hate me.

I use fabs get what I need for my addiction without the rows and upset if I ever meet someone like me,

then maybe try again would love a couple kids before i'm too old to see them grow up but got to meet the "one" first

You actually a sec addict?

Sex

It seems iam all my failed relationships its all down to sex with others going out of my way and unable to stop myself lusting and chasing more pussy and or cock"

But that doesn't mean you're a sex addict, could just be a total love rat lol. I think you are deemed a sex addict once it starts effecting everyday life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Commitment is far too scary to contemplate when you're as independent I am. Long distance relationships and dating long haul pilots suit me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am surprised so manly people don't like to commit. I have enjoyed my time on fab bit it's no way as good as having relationship . It's just something to pass time in between relationships.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't have commitment issues i'm just addicted to sex every relationship i've been in i have strayed and it ended so whats the point in making more bunny boilers hate me.

I use fabs get what I need for my addiction without the rows and upset if I ever meet someone like me,

then maybe try again would love a couple kids before i'm too old to see them grow up but got to meet the "one" first

You actually a sec addict?

Sex

It seems iam all my failed relationships its all down to sex with others going out of my way and unable to stop myself lusting and chasing more pussy and or cock

But that doesn't mean you're a sex addict, could just be a total love rat lol. I think you are deemed a sex addict once it starts effecting everyday life. "

It does when in a relationship that's why i'm single. I fed my addiction with fabs now clubs, couples, men and constantly on here which is classed as a porn site done loads of reckless things in the past to get my leg over some things I have never told anyone as too ashamed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't have commitment issues i'm just addicted to sex every relationship i've been in i have strayed and it ended so whats the point in making more bunny boilers hate me.

I use fabs get what I need for my addiction without the rows and upset if I ever meet someone like me,

then maybe try again would love a couple kids before i'm too old to see them grow up but got to meet the "one" first

You actually a sec addict?

Sex

It seems iam all my failed relationships its all down to sex with others going out of my way and unable to stop myself lusting and chasing more pussy and or cock

But that doesn't mean you're a sex addict, could just be a total love rat lol. I think you are deemed a sex addict once it starts effecting everyday life.

Tell us. We won't tell anyone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Commitment is far too scary to contemplate when you're as independent I am. Long distance relationships and dating long haul pilots suit me

Or someone in the navy 6 months away then back for a few weeks then gone again heaven

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

"I am surprised so manly people don't like to commit. I have enjoyed my time on fab bit it's no way as good as having relationship . It's just something to pass time in between relationships. "

Between relationships? Lol, I'm greedy - and enjoy both

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't have commitment issues i'm just addicted to sex every relationship i've been in i have strayed and it ended so whats the point in making more bunny boilers hate me.

I use fabs get what I need for my addiction without the rows and upset if I ever meet someone like me,

then maybe try again would love a couple kids before i'm too old to see them grow up but got to meet the "one" first

You actually a sec addict?

Sex

It seems iam all my failed relationships its all down to sex with others going out of my way and unable to stop myself lusting and chasing more pussy and or cock

But that doesn't mean you're a sex addict, could just be a total love rat lol. I think you are deemed a sex addict once it starts effecting everyday life.

Tell us. We won't tell anyone "

When i can't find anyone willing I have sometimes paid for sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not scared of commitment. I'm scared of men

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am surprised so manly people don't like to commit. I have enjoyed my time on fab bit it's no way as good as having relationship . It's just something to pass time in between relationships.

Between relationships? Lol, I'm greedy - and enjoy both

But if you could only pick one, what would you pick? Committed relationship or free to meet as you please with who you please?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interesting thread. Life for me is all about various loves....each of which demand commitment before you can truly discover their depths. There is love of yourself (one of the most important), love of another, love of your family and dependents, love of the world around you, and, if you're spiritually inclined, love of the source of all things (which strangely ties straight back to love of yourself in an unexpected way)

Each of these loves can be experienced with much joy...but each of them also have their own 'commitment moment' where, if you are to really tap deeply into them, you need to develop some resolve.

Here in the west it seems that freedom is paramount...and yet love, by it's very definition, is a most wonderful enslavement...a giving of yourself to another. Some can only give so much before they get cold feet. Others are ready to give it all in an act of absolute abandonment. All for love. Ironically, as far as I'm concerned, it is in the act of giving ourselves completely that freedom is finally found

Sorry if that's too much romantic wishy washy stuff for some people

That's just the way I see things

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

"I am surprised so manly people don't like to commit. I have enjoyed my time on fab bit it's no way as good as having relationship . It's just something to pass time in between relationships.

Between relationships? Lol, I'm greedy - and enjoy both

But if you could only pick one, what would you pick? Committed relationship or free to meet as you please with who you please? "

Honestly, I'd choose freedom to do what I please. I am committed to my other half, but he understands my desire on here, and also that I would never live with him or take any of the expected next steps (engagement, kids, house, mortgage etc) I'm very fortunate that he gets that, and doesn't want those things from me, or anything more than weekends when I am free - altho we do text and phone a lot. If the day comes he does want that (unlikely), then for me it will be time to call it quits.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am surprised so manly people don't like to commit. I have enjoyed my time on fab bit it's no way as good as having relationship . It's just something to pass time in between relationships.

Between relationships? Lol, I'm greedy - and enjoy both

But if you could only pick one, what would you pick? Committed relationship or free to meet as you please with who you please?

So this is a boyfriend not a fuck buddy?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been on my own now 20 years since my wife died and have never wanted to settle down again , main reason I swing you could say

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I keep an open mind. I don't need someone in my life but it would be nice to share it with someone.

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

So this is a boyfriend not a fuck buddy?"

Yes, he's a boyfriend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So this is a boyfriend not a fuck buddy?

Yes, he's a boyfriend. "

Sounds like a fb to me. How can you be in relationship without commitment?

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

So this is a boyfriend not a fuck buddy?

Yes, he's a boyfriend.

Sounds like a fb to me. How can you be in relationship without commitment? "

Its not no commitment - its just not the standard thats expected... its what suits us both. He's more than a FB - he's met my son (rarely - my choice) and we've been seeing each other for just under 18 months now. He's met my family, and I've met his - being there with him at his fathers funeral. Thats more than FBs

I don't judge anyones relationships, as long as it works for them, in a way they feel comfortable, then good for them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So this is a boyfriend not a fuck buddy?

Yes, he's a boyfriend.

Sounds like a fb to me. How can you be in relationship without commitment?

I don't judge anyones relationships, as long as it works for them, in a way they feel comfortable, then good for them."

Fair point.

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

So this is a boyfriend not a fuck buddy?

Yes, he's a boyfriend.

Sounds like a fb to me. How can you be in relationship without commitment?

I don't judge anyones relationships, as long as it works for them, in a way they feel comfortable, then good for them.

Fair point.

Its just what works for us both - and we've already decided that should the sexual side ever stop, for whatever reason, then we will remain very close friends as we do get along very well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What?!?!? a bloke asks a woman a question which involves picking one of two options and she actually picks one rather than insists on having both?!?!? Is the world ending or something? lol, just being a cheeky git

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

"What?!?!? a bloke asks a woman a question which involves picking one of two options and she actually picks one rather than insists on having both?!?!? Is the world ending or something? lol, just being a cheeky git

Lol, I am frequently told I'm not normal anyway

lol

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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Some really interesting posts on this...I guess I've never been afraid of commitment...I enjoy the freedom being single but I miss the relationship part a lot more..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Independence and space is a big issue for some

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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Independence and space is a big issue for some

That is very true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Another possible fear relating to commitment is the fear that you'll let the other person down and hurt them. It was certainly one of the fears I had when I was younger

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Interesting thread. Life for me is all about various loves....each of which demand commitment before you can truly discover their depths. There is love of yourself (one of the most important), love of another, love of your family and dependents, love of the world around you, and, if you're spiritually inclined, love of the source of all things (which strangely ties straight back to love of yourself in an unexpected way)

Each of these loves can be experienced with much joy...but each of them also have their own 'commitment moment' where, if you are to really tap deeply into them, you need to develop some resolve.

Sorry if that's too much romantic wishy washy stuff for some people

That's just the way I see things

Might be for some but I agree with you

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