FabSwingers.com forum: Don't laugh!

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ok, so when I'm bored, I write random crap. When I read it back I realise how awful it is! But incomplete stuff drives me up the wall.

I just need a line and a word in here. Help? and PLEASE don't laugh, I know its awful! I wouldn't be asking for help if I were able to find the right words

I feel your breath on the back of my neck,

As you reach round I become a wreck.

Your lips brush past my ear and my cheek,

They lock with mine and my knees go weak.

I feel your heart as you pull me close,

[Something something something something].

I'm ready to give myself to you,

I know that I can have you too.

You wrap your arms around my waist,

And lift me [something something something].

Place me down upon the bed,

I'm so [something] I feel like lead.

Again, I know its awful! But its incomplete and I'm getting agitated!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The best bits are the something something's

Joke! Before you lynch me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The best bits are the something something's

Joke! Before you lynch me.

Gee thanks xD

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

And lift me with indecent haste

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"And lift me with indecent haste"

Thank you

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By *ScotsmanMan
over a year ago

ayrshire

I feel your heart as you pull me close

fuck you look like mickey most

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I feel your heart as you pull me close

fuck you look like mickey most"

Helpful lol

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

Instead of: I feel your heart as you pull me close

How about:

I feel your heart as you pull me near

My body shakes, my feelings clear

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/05/14 20:18:52]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Instead of: I feel your heart as you pull me close

How about:

I feel your heart as you pull me near

My body shakes, my feelings clear"

YES! Thank you

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

"Ok, so when I'm bored, I write random crap. When I read it back I realise how awful it is! But incomplete stuff drives me up the wall.

I just need a line and a word in here. Help? and PLEASE don't laugh, I know its awful! I wouldn't be asking for help if I were able to find the right words

I feel your breath on the back of my neck,

As you reach round I become a wreck.

Your lips brush past my ear and my cheek,

They lock with mine and my knees go weak.

I feel your heart as you pull me close,

Our heartbeats match in beating tones,

I'm ready to give myself to you,

I know that I can have you too.

You wrap your arms around my waist,

And lift me; you can't wait to taste,

Place me down upon the bed,

I'm so deep I feel like lead.

Again, I know its awful! But its incomplete and I'm getting agitated!

The 'close' is the really tricky one. Still can't think of anything to fit and I refuse to cheat by googling rhymes!

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

The 'close' is the really tricky one. Still can't think of anything to fit and I refuse to cheat by googling rhymes!"

I cheated by changing the word

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel your heart as you pull me close,

beating faster , it never slows

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all!

Now all I need is the last 2 lines fixed/changed. I'm not wanting to go into the sexy part lol! I just need the:

Place me down upon the bed,

I'm so [something] I feel like lead.

Changes welcome! I just need to wrap it up!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel your heart as you pull me in,

My guilty pleasure, my ultimate sin.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I feel your heart as you pull me in,

My guilty pleasure, my ultimate sin."

Ooh I like that too!!

Maybe I could put that in after the:

I feel your heart as you pull me near,

My body shakes, my feelings clear

But I can't use 'I feel your heart...' twice.. what else could I use?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Place me down upon the bed,

I'm so done I feel like lead

place me down upon the bed

all our emotion now to be shed

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By *ScotsmanMan
over a year ago

ayrshire

You wrap your arms around my waist

I luv potnoodles geeza taste!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the sweat on your bodies as you pull me in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"the sweat on your body as you pull me in "

the anticipation of whats next, my ultimate sin

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Place me down upon the bed,

I'm so done I feel like lead

place me down upon the bed

all our emotion now to be shed "

Second one!! xD

How's this?

I feel your breath on the back of my neck,

As you reach round I become a wreck.

Your lips brush past my ear and my cheek,

They lock with mine and my knees go weak.

I feel your heart as you pull me near,

My body shakes, my feelings clear.

Your body like rock as you pull me in,

My guilty pleasure, my ultimate sin.

I'm ready to give myself to you,

I know that I can have you too [still sketchy on this line]

You wrap your arms around my waist,

And lift me with indecent haste.

Place me down upon the bed,

All our emotion now to be shed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you all!

Now all I need is the last 2 lines fixed/changed. I'm not wanting to go into the sexy part lol! I just need the:

Place me down upon the bed,

I'm so [something] I feel like lead.

Changes welcome! I just need to wrap it up!"

So "depressed" etc

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By *ScotsmanMan
over a year ago

ayrshire

You wrap your arms around my waist

any further your gettin maced!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"the sweat on your body as you pull me in

the anticipation of whats next, my ultimate sin "

Even better!

I feel your breath on the back of my neck,

As you reach round I become a wreck.

Your lips brush past my ear and my cheek,

They lock with mine and my knees go weak.

I feel your heart as you pull me near,

My body shakes, my feelings clear.

Sweat on your body as you pull me in,

The anticipation of whats next, my ultimate sin.

I'm ready to give myself to you,

I know that I can have you too [still sketchy on this line]

You wrap your arms around my waist,

And lift me with indecent haste.

Place me down upon the bed,

All our emotion now to be shed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

place me down upon the bed,

My grin is all that needs to be said

place me down upon the bed,

now spoon me like your little ted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

love it - i write rhymes too- i used to be on a forum with friends where id write at least one a week - daily became too much - xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm ready to give myself to you,

I know that I can have you too [still sketchy on this line]

try

the moments we share are (too) few

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a rhyme a day keeps the boredom at bay

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As you place me on the bed

My senses sore as you bury your head.

Place me down upon the settee

I know It's complete, forever you and me!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Instead of: I'm ready to give myself to you,

I know that I can have you too.

Which sounds really cheesy and doesn't really fit with the rest..

Can someone think of something along these lines?

To you I give myself completely,

[something something something something]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To you I give myself completely,

always here , deep and discreetly

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

hubby just suggested

To you I give myself completely,

After all, it won't end neatly!

Teehee. doesn't really fit though!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To you I'm ready to submit

For that flame inside me, you have lit.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"To you I'm ready to submit

For that flame inside me, you have lit."

PERFECT!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

for you i'm ready to submit,

Now for God sake please locate my clit!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Here we go!

I feel your breath on the back of my neck,

As you reach round, I become a wreck.

Your lips brush past my ear and my cheek,

They lock with mine and my knees go weak.

I feel your heart as you bring me near,

My body shakes, my feelings clear.

Sweat on your body as you pull me in,

The anticipation of what's next, my ultimate sin.

I'm ready to give myself to you,

The moments we share are too few.

You wrap your arms around my waist,

And lift me with indecent hasts.

To you I'm ready to submit,

For that flame inside me, you have lit.

Place me down upon the bed,

All our emotions now to be shed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey Talkative Girl...loving the poetry

So nice to read something here with a romantic fire lit within it. I don't really have anything to add but wanted to have a little play around with your words just for fun...I hope you don't mind

It's a bit more surreal but might spark new ideas

I feel your breath, a waking light,

You reach my skin, you fill my sight.

Your lips brush past my memories,

They take what's mine and leave the keys.

I feel your beat as falling near,

My body shakes, my limbs are clear.

There, on you, you pull me in,

The anticipation, the wet within.

I'm ready to leave myself for you,

To open up and let you through.

You wrap your arms around my world,

And lift me up forlorn; uncurled.

To you my body is a fire unlit.

For there, inside, your eyes submit.

You place me down on oceans of kisses,

And shed those shadows in return for blisses.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hey Talkative Girl...loving the poetry

So nice to read something here with a romantic fire lit within it. I don't really have anything to add but wanted to have a little play around with your words just for fun...I hope you don't mind

It's a bit more surreal but might spark new ideas

I feel your breath, a waking light,

You reach my skin, you fill my sight.

Your lips brush past my memories,

They take what's mine and leave the keys.

I feel your beat as falling near,

My body shakes, my limbs are clear.

There, on you, you pull me in,

The anticipation, the wet within.

I'm ready to leave myself for you,

To open up and let you through.

You wrap your arms around my world,

And lift me up forlorn; uncurled.

To you my body is a fire unlit.

For there, inside, your eyes submit.

You place me down on oceans of kisses,

And shed those shadows in return for blisses."

You have just put my poetry to shame xD That's great! Do you mind if I write it in my notebook? I'll make sure I stick your name under it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

keep it the good work the more you write the easier it will be. better than I can do I not good at pomes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You have just put my poetry to shame xD That's great! Do you mind if I write it in my notebook? I'll make sure I stick your name under it

Now you're making me blush

I love what you wrote...it's more direct...I just fancied putting it in the blender to see what came out lol. I'm a musician so I love rambling off with weird lyrics and I just couldn't resist

Yes please...if you like it take it..it's all yours

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