FabSwingers.com forum: acceptance

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

another post provoked a memory that got me curious

our son when chatting with a new girlfriend about meeting parents asked if he thought we would accept her, he replied "my dear if i took a rock home and told them i loved it they would accept it as my lover" now admittedly she said she didn't know if that was a good thing or not

but took comfort in the fact we were accepting of his choices

so to my question

do you feel your can be blindly accepting of your loved ones choices in life and support them no matter what or do you worry about what choices they may make and try to influence them?

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

I usually let people make their own mistakes but I have stepped in ONCE when my brother's pushy wife seemed to be trying to pressurise him into getting her name tattood on him.

I know, I know! He married her and if he won't stand up for himself, than more fool him.

I just kind of lost it when she started with the whole "So you don't believe we're going to be together forever?! Well, shows how you really feel about me" crap.

- Amy. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

having not experienced the dishing out advice to my own child yet i'll just say how it was with my mum when i was younger and sought after it.

She just said 'enjoy whatever it is you have, with whoever it is you choose to have it with and for however long it lasts'

basically live in the moment and go with the flow - no pressure.

There was only one guy she took a dis liking too (naturally i thought the sun shined outta his arse).. she never once said anything like 'well dont come crying when he hurts you'.. she just loved me even more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My kids are all adults now but they know that if i was to tell them i think they are making a mistake or i have a concern then then its serious, otherwise i tend to stay out of their lives.

Gimp

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/05/14 17:21:08]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I usually let people make their own mistakes but I have stepped in ONCE when my brother's pushy wife seemed to be trying to pressurise him into getting her name tattood on him.

I know, I know! He married her and if he won't stand up for himself, than more fool him.

I just kind of lost it when she started with the whole "So you don't believe we're going to be together forever?! Well, shows how you really feel about me" crap.

- Amy. x"

ooo thats actually a good point i hadn't considered, if it was someone that was treating them badly i might have to reconsider my acceptance although i think i would cut out the middle man and go straight to the problem and wise them up to their poor behaviour although may i just say if would do the same to my loved one if i felt they were treating their choice of love badly too

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I've gone through some "experiences" with callum and his choice of partners and he's only 23. He knows no matter what he does or who he chooses it makes not the slightest bit of difference. We did have to go through something pretty devasting and it broke my heart to see him like it but I think it makes you more protective. They will always be our babies even if they are pains in the arse at times lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I think someone is making a mistake I will tell them but only once in a constructive way. After that I let them get on with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mum tried to stop me being in a relationship with someone years ago. I really wish I'd listened as it ended up being the worst possible co-dependent abusive relationship ever! Now I try to listen to my mother's advice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My words to my children when they left home were there will always be room for you here if you want to come back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My words to my children when they left home were there will always be room for you here if you want to come back "

Hello Mummeeeeeee

Gimp

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

"My mum tried to stop me being in a relationship with someone years ago. I really wish I'd listened as it ended up being the worst possible co-dependent abusive relationship ever! Now I try to listen to my mother's advice. "

That's the problem. You need to let people work things out for themselves, otherwise they may just bury their heads in the sand.

My mother voiced her concern once when I was in an abusive relationship and then left me to it with the constant reminder that I always had a home with her if I needed it.

I appreciated that backround support more than anything.

- Amy. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My words to my children when they left home were there will always be room for you here if you want to come back "

This......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"do you feel your can be blindly accepting of your loved ones choices in life and support them no matter what or do you worry about what choices they may make and try to influence them?"

Loved ones will make choices that may be different to what you would have picked for them. It is their life though and I have found that the more you interfere, the more they tend to go the other way! Plus it's all part of life's rich tapestry.

I did exactly that with my own Mum. Ended up staying in a bad relationship in my late teens for longer than I think I would have, simply because she didn't like the guy!

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Worst thing my mother ever said to me was don't do it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have written before about my dislike of my sons girlfriend and it has been tough. I do try to keep calm about it but it not just her that I have problems with, its her family.

The major problem is that both families bring their children up differently, her family think I'm an obnoxious snob (they are not entirely wrong) and I think they are common chavs.

They have taken money off my son, drop her round my house at 7am and bugger off on camping trips leaving me to look after her all weekend and not answer phones when I ring, take clothes off my son. I saw a pic on facebook once of the mother wearing my sons varsity jacket which I bought for £60 and he came home with a primark one.

My son is besotted and he doesn't say anything. I however, cannot let a family of benefit claiming chavs take advantage and whilst I don't say anything to the girlfriend, I have spoken to the mother and it causes bad feeling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Worst thing my mother ever said to me was don't do it."

im stubborn and if my mum ever said it it would make me want it even more

if things were turning sour id stick at it even more just to prove her wrong

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

now this is all making me think

what our son meant more than anything was no matter what gender, colour, religion or political persuasion. i hadn't really thought about behaviour hmmm wonderful a whole new thing to start worrying about jeeeeze

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Worst thing my mother ever said to me was don't do it.

im stubborn and if my mum ever said it it would make me want it even more

if things were turning sour id stick at it even more just to prove her wrong "
that's exactly what I did, 4 years of hell, but bless her we both learnt(I was the oldest) and she's never questioned my decisions about anything again

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By *ScotsmanMan
over a year ago

ayrshire

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By *0hnnyBrav0Man
over a year ago

Great Wyrley

"another post provoked a memory that got me curious

but took comfort in the fact we were accepting of his choices

so to my question

do you feel your can be blindly accepting of your loved ones choices in life and support them no matter what or do you worry about what choices they may make and try to influence them?"

If my daughter brings home a lad that sits in my chair with my remote and xbox controller and looks up at me with an attitude in my own house he will find out how unaccepting I am and how tarmac tastes as he hots the pavement at the end of my driveway

Of course though, my daughter will never be old enough to date and will never want a boyfriend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I will always respect my daughter's choices. She is alternative. And has been bullied for it in the past. But I admire her guts. And adore her for all she is. I would not attempt to step in and try to push my preferences on her,.. She is an individual and needs to find her own path. Always with my support, encouragement and unconditional love..... The only time I would step in is if I felt her choices put her at risk. ie: drugs, abusive relationship etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i dont worry too much because my son has got quite good taste in women, he hasnt ever brought home a girl i havnt liked at all, i think he finds out if they are any good for himself in the end without me having to advice him but if he asked me what i thought of them i would always be honest.

i think your kids are influenced a little bit in some ways by how their parents and close relations are like.

I dont always agree with the things he does or the way he lives his life but usualy keep quiet about it now because he is a grown man and he does what he wants to do. He has taken some notice of things i have said in the past but not others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't always agree with my children's choices but defer to their right to make them.

Besides they know I'm always there to pick up the pieces.

Oh except when I beat up an ex of my daughter's for raising his hands to her. He deserved a good twatting and I'd waited years to give him one.

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