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Child maintenance? that'll be 24% of your settlement then

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By *he tactile technician OP   Man
over a year ago

the good lands, the bad lands, the any where you may want me lands

All seems pretty fair to me, but then I'm not paying for the mistakes of a relationship breakdown which involves children, what are your _iews? Got any? or aren't you bothered?

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By *all-Eddies QosCouple
over a year ago

wirral

I get nothing from my ex

i don't want anything off my ex

my kids want for nothing either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I get nothing from my ex

i don't want anything off my ex

my kids want for nothing either. "

But are you happy for the state to pay instead?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I get nothing from my ex

i don't want anything off my ex

my kids want for nothing either.

But are you happy for the state to pay instead?"

who says the states paying instead, I split with my ex 6 years ago and I have never had a penny off him, I work two jobs to keep my house and kids, not all single mums are benefit scroungers

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"I get nothing from my ex

i don't want anything off my ex

my kids want for nothing either.

But are you happy for the state to pay instead?"

How do you know that the state pays for them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/05/14 19:30:07]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i feel sorry for the men who have to pay for the kid that they never realy wanted because the woman didnt use birth control.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i feel sorry for the men who have to pay for the kid that they never realy wanted because the woman didnt use birth control."

they should have used it themselves then

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"i feel sorry for the men who have to pay for the kid that they never realy wanted because the woman didnt use birth control."

Birth control is not just the responsibility of a woman

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i feel sorry for the men who have to pay for the kid that they never realy wanted because the woman didnt use birth control."

It takes 2!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i feel sorry for the men who have to pay for the kid that they never realy wanted because the woman didnt use birth control."

put a condom on it then if you don't want kids, its not rocket science is it

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By *ustcutieWoman
over a year ago

edinburgh


"i feel sorry for the men who have to pay for the kid that they never realy wanted because the woman didnt use birth control."

Blimey and here was me thinking it took 2 to have sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

up until 2 months ago i was getting the magnificent sum of £10 a fortnight from my ex, via the CSA..if it wasn't for them I wouldn't have got anything as he is far too selfish to actually offer to pay maintenance towards our child.

And now the government are saying that people are going to get penalised if they go through agencies to get the maintenance paid, rather than trying to sort it out between each other...well if i could find the no good scroat in the first place that would be a good start but i think my son would be better off without his input anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I get nothing from my ex

i don't want anything off my ex

my kids want for nothing either. "

same boat as me.. we are good as we are

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i feel sorry for the men who have to pay for the kid that they never realy wanted because the woman didnt use birth control.

they should have used it themselves then "

Yes thats true but there are more methods of birth control for women than there are men and you cant realy rely on men to be careful because its not them who gets pregnant.

Then you get women who secretly dont care if they get pregnant anyway, never mind what the man wants.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I get nothing from my ex

i don't want anything off my ex

my kids want for nothing either.

But are you happy for the state to pay instead?

who says the states paying instead, I split with my ex 6 years ago and I have never had a penny off him, I work two jobs to keep my house and kids, not all single mums are benefit scroungers "

and not all people on benefits are scroungers!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't begrudge paying my child maintenance every month and will continue to do so till next year when he reaches 18

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"i feel sorry for the men who have to pay for the kid that they never realy wanted because the woman didnt use birth control.

Birth control is not just the responsibility of a woman "

this..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I get nothing from my ex

i don't want anything off my ex

my kids want for nothing either.

But are you happy for the state to pay instead?"

Do you mean the cost shouldered by the state funding the CSA....?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i feel sorry for the men who have to pay for the kid that they never realy wanted because the woman didnt use birth control."

Controversial comment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i feel sorry for the men who have to pay for the kid that they never realy wanted because the woman didnt use birth control.

they should have used it themselves then

Yes thats true but there are more methods of birth control for women than there are men and you cant realy rely on men to be careful because its not them who gets pregnant.

Then you get women who secretly dont care if they get pregnant anyway, never mind what the man wants."

if a guy was truly that worried he'd not have sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex is a benefit scrounger, had 5 kids of 3 dads

None of us dads get to see our kids , until the child benefit stops, then She kicks them out.

I would put my business in my sons name and take a wage of £1.00 per week before ever giving her a penny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When marriages break down there is often so much discord between the two parents. Agreeing a mutually acceptable amount of maintenance at that point is a very big ask in many cases. Surely the point of the CSA is to protect the financial security of the child. If, in future, 24% of what is paid, doesn't reach the child, that has to be a bad thing. Parents won't increase their payment by that amount, there will just be less left for the child.

We don't expect social workers to levy a charge from the families they work with so we should the CSA be different?

I have never been in this position so have no axe to grind, but I teach and see the financial effects that marital break ups have on less affluent families. I have no desire to see the situation worsen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i feel sorry for the men who have to pay for the kid that they never realy wanted because the woman didnt use birth control.

they should have used it themselves then

Yes thats true but there are more methods of birth control for women than there are men and you cant realy rely on men to be careful because its not them who gets pregnant.

Then you get women who secretly dont care if they get pregnant anyway, never mind what the man wants."

not being remotely maternal, it took a lot to persuade me to even think about having a child as my ex initially said he didnt want kids either....then changed his mind 6 months after we got married , and then f***ed off when the going got tough...but we are far better off without him and i certainly wouldnt beg for maintenance now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"they should have used it themselves then

Yes thats true but there are more methods of birth control for women than there are men and you cant realy rely on men to be careful because its not them who gets pregnant.

Then you get women who secretly dont care if they get pregnant anyway, never mind what the man wants."

I agree.

*take cover*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i feel sorry for the men who have to pay for the kid that they never realy wanted because the woman didnt use birth control.

they should have used it themselves then

Yes thats true but there are more methods of birth control for women than there are men and you cant realy rely on men to be careful because its not them who gets pregnant.

Then you get women who secretly dont care if they get pregnant anyway, never mind what the man wants."

Nope it's still the guys fault if he doesn't want kids and didn't use protection, even if she plans it as more fool him... It takes two and if he is so sure he doesn't want Kids he should bag up x

Child maintenance is rarely fair...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i feel sorry for the men who have to pay for the kid that they never realy wanted because the woman didnt use birth control.

Controversial comment"

Yes well people always say how awful it is for the woman well its not always so good for the man if he has to pay for the kid for the next 18 years.

Not all men want to be dads, maybe they cant stand the woman they happened to get pregnant, maybe they were stupid and made a mistake especialy if they were young.

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"i feel sorry for the men who have to pay for the kid that they never realy wanted because the woman didnt use birth control."

I don't feel sorry for anyone who Is stupid enough not to protect themselves

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I read that it cost £70+ million to run the CSA system which is why they've replaced it with the Child Maintenance Scheme. I'm guessing by adding the costs of 20% to the parent that's paying & 4% to the receiving parent - they're trying to get both parents to amicably agree maintenance payments. Plus save money to the tax payer. I've seen both sides - single mums who receive zilch & single dad's who also receive zilch!

However lots of parents do sort it civally between themselves. To me,20% seems steep, but until it's up and running properly I guess we won't be able to guage if it's better or worse than the previous system.

At the end of the day - in my opinion, both parents should willingly financially support a child regardless of the fact they no longer live together.

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

Bloody hell, there are some borrow minded and ignorant _iews here.

Fancy the health care, welfare and attitude to children that is prevalent in the US? You know, the one where children are removed from their parents care because their mother wants a home birth? People suffering because they cannot afford basic health care? Living on WICC and in family hostels or, heaven forbid, on the street?

Welfare users in this country are often caught in a catch 22 situation which ends up as buggered if you do, buggered if you don't. They are not all scroungers.

As for contraception, if a bloke is foolish enough to spread his seed around willy nilly, then he stands up to that responsibility.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As for contraception, if a bloke is foolish enough to spread his seed around willy nilly, then he stands up to that responsibility. "

I understand that and agree but it's the attitude that virtually dictates 'if this condom breaks I'm having your baby' which I find chilling.

I'm not going to get into this debate again anyway so shall be strategically ignoring this thread.

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton


"My ex is a benefit scrounger, had 5 kids of 3 dads

None of us dads get to see our kids , until the child benefit stops, then She kicks them out.

I would put my business in my sons name and take a wage of £1.00 per week before ever giving her a penny "

and yet you chose to impregnate her. Z

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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

There are ways to avoid pregnancies for both sides so someone saying it was the other parties fault or it was a mistake I was young and stupid is just a stupid comment.

If you have a child then you are responsible for paying to that child. Simple

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i feel sorry for the men who have to pay for the kid that they never realy wanted because the woman didnt use birth control.

Controversial comment

Yes well people always say how awful it is for the woman well its not always so good for the man if he has to pay for the kid for the next 18 years.

Not all men want to be dads, maybe they cant stand the woman they happened to get pregnant, maybe they were stupid and made a mistake especialy if they were young."

A guy obviously doesn't find a woman abhorrent at the point where he got her pregnant!!! Have to agree tho, any man who doesn't take responsibility himself if he doesn't want kids is definitely stupid and age has nothing to do with it!

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I don't have any, I have no real opinion how other people pay for theirs, or not pay.

I do think some people don't think through the long term before starting a family, but again, life can deal you bolts out of nowhere...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This issue here is not how a child is conceived its how a child can be looked after by those who sired the infant.

In the first instance if the parents are adults then they should come to an equitable settlement on child care costs that is of course if they are not together.

If a financial agreement cannot be reached then an arbiter must decide (CSA?) on the financial contributions t make sure the child has all he or she needs to be safe healthy and nurtured to an agreed standard.

Seems quite a simple process if you ask me but it relies on adults behaving responsibly and with a degree of sincerity.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex and I sorted everything ourselves and although I don't receive money in my hand every month he has carried on paying the mortgage. This keeps a roof over me and the kids. I'm happy with that. So it can be done X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i feel sorry for the men who have to pay for the kid that they never realy wanted because the woman didnt use birth control.

Controversial comment

Yes well people always say how awful it is for the woman well its not always so good for the man if he has to pay for the kid for the next 18 years.

Not all men want to be dads, maybe they cant stand the woman they happened to get pregnant, maybe they were stupid and made a mistake especialy if they were young.

A guy obviously doesn't find a woman abhorrent at the point where he got her pregnant!!! Have to agree tho, any man who doesn't take responsibility himself if he doesn't want kids is definitely stupid and age has nothing to do with it! "

Men get horny and have sex with women they dont realy fancy or cant stand all the time though, or maybe she fooled them into thinking she was something she was not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This issue here is not how a child is conceived its how a child can be looked after by those who sired the infant.

In the first instance if the parents are adults then they should come to an equitable settlement on child care costs that is of course if they are not together.

If a financial agreement cannot be reached then an arbiter must decide (CSA?) on the financial contributions t make sure the child has all he or she needs to be safe healthy and nurtured to an agreed standard.

Seems quite a simple process if you ask me but it relies on adults behaving responsibly and with a degree of sincerity.

"

In an ideal world that is exactly as it should be, however at the point where parents no longer want to be together things are rarely ideal and children all too often get caught in the crossfire through no fault of their own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i feel sorry for the men who have to pay for the kid that they never realy wanted because the woman didnt use birth control.

Controversial comment

Yes well people always say how awful it is for the woman well its not always so good for the man if he has to pay for the kid for the next 18 years.

Not all men want to be dads, maybe they cant stand the woman they happened to get pregnant, maybe they were stupid and made a mistake especialy if they were young.

A guy obviously doesn't find a woman abhorrent at the point where he got her pregnant!!! Have to agree tho, any man who doesn't take responsibility himself if he doesn't want kids is definitely stupid and age has nothing to do with it!

Men get horny and have sex with women they dont realy fancy or cant stand all the time though, or maybe she fooled them into thinking she was something she was not."

Well they might but it does not absolve them of taking responsibility for not fathering children if they do not wish to be fathers!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Until very recently I was paying upward of £500 every 4 weeks. My eldest then got a full time job and my middle one left home when she could and got a job. My ex didn't tell the Csa for 6 months until I questioned where my son was getting his money from.

I've overpaid by a huge amount and I've had to get my mp involved to get my over payments back. The vast majority of it has been miscalculated away and I received a bank transfer for £600 and a few pence due to what they call 'phasing'

When I asked if they would be perusing her for fraud and paying back any money they said they wouldn't as she isn't claiming benefits and would cost more than they would be able to reclaim.

It shows the system is as corrupt as those that don't pay or those that claim illegally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i feel sorry for the men who have to pay for the kid that they never realy wanted because the woman didnt use birth control.

Controversial comment

Yes well people always say how awful it is for the woman well its not always so good for the man if he has to pay for the kid for the next 18 years.

Not all men want to be dads, maybe they cant stand the woman they happened to get pregnant, maybe they were stupid and made a mistake especialy if they were young.

A guy obviously doesn't find a woman abhorrent at the point where he got her pregnant!!! Have to agree tho, any man who doesn't take responsibility himself if he doesn't want kids is definitely stupid and age has nothing to do with it!

Men get horny and have sex with women they dont realy fancy or cant stand all the time though, or maybe she fooled them into thinking she was something she was not."

id still think he was stupid for not using condoms. STI's and all that jazz

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Until very recently I was paying upward of £500 every 4 weeks. My eldest then got a full time job and my middle one left home when she could and got a job. My ex didn't tell the Csa for 6 months until I questioned where my son was getting his money from.

I've overpaid by a huge amount and I've had to get my mp involved to get my over payments back. The vast majority of it has been miscalculated away and I received a bank transfer for £600 and a few pence due to what they call 'phasing'

When I asked if they would be perusing her for fraud and paying back any money they said they wouldn't as she isn't claiming benefits and would cost more than they would be able to reclaim.

It shows the system is as corrupt as those that don't pay or those that claim illegally. "

so kids suddenly become 'free' at 18?

nah,, children cost money for a lifetime

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Until very recently I was paying upward of £500 every 4 weeks. My eldest then got a full time job and my middle one left home when she could and got a job. My ex didn't tell the Csa for 6 months until I questioned where my son was getting his money from.

I've overpaid by a huge amount and I've had to get my mp involved to get my over payments back. The vast majority of it has been miscalculated away and I received a bank transfer for £600 and a few pence due to what they call 'phasing'

When I asked if they would be perusing her for fraud and paying back any money they said they wouldn't as she isn't claiming benefits and would cost more than they would be able to reclaim.

It shows the system is as corrupt as those that don't pay or those that claim illegally.

so kids suddenly become 'free' at 18?

nah,, children cost money for a lifetime "

The point is he wasnt supposed to have to pay after the kids turned 18.

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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

Unfortunately when things break down there is often one if not both parties who will be difficult about maintenance. In my experience and am not just referring to my own experience I have seen many things. A guy who pays over £500 a month having no life himself even though he is actually only supposed to pay half of that. She stops him from seeing the kuds when he says he onky wants to psy what he has to. A man who only pays what he is told and not a penny extra too. The children loose out. I know that some people have their new family and certainly do not treat their ildest children the same as the latest child.

It's heartbreaking to know that the kids are used as weapons in all of this and will lose out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i feel sorry for the men who have to pay for the kid that they never realy wanted because the woman didnt use birth control.

Controversial comment

Yes well people always say how awful it is for the woman well its not always so good for the man if he has to pay for the kid for the next 18 years.

Not all men want to be dads, maybe they cant stand the woman they happened to get pregnant, maybe they were stupid and made a mistake especialy if they were young.

A guy obviously doesn't find a woman abhorrent at the point where he got her pregnant!!! Have to agree tho, any man who doesn't take responsibility himself if he doesn't want kids is definitely stupid and age has nothing to do with it!

Men get horny and have sex with women they dont realy fancy or cant stand all the time though, or maybe she fooled them into thinking she was something she was not.

id still think he was stupid for not using condoms. STI's and all that jazz"

Maybe he didnt screw around and thought she didnt either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This issue here is not how a child is conceived its how a child can be looked after by those who sired the infant.

In the first instance if the parents are adults then they should come to an equitable settlement on child care costs that is of course if they are not together.

If a financial agreement cannot be reached then an arbiter must decide (CSA?) on the financial contributions t make sure the child has all he or she needs to be safe healthy and nurtured to an agreed standard.

Seems quite a simple process if you ask me but it relies on adults behaving responsibly and with a degree of sincerity.

"

except that the CSA no longer exists, its now the Child maintenance agency and the government wants the parents to come to an agreement over maintenance themselves...which is not not always possible

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By *r-UniqueMan
over a year ago

Carmarthenshire


"All seems pretty fair to me, but then I'm not paying for the mistakes of a relationship breakdown which involves children, what are your _iews? Got any? or aren't you bothered?"

Where did you get that stat from?

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By *all-Eddies QosCouple
over a year ago

wirral


"I get nothing from my ex

i don't want anything off my ex

my kids want for nothing either.

But are you happy for the state to pay instead?"

you assume i (we) don't work??

you assume wrong

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By *oxic1998Woman
over a year ago

Belfast


"I get nothing from my ex

i don't want anything off my ex

my kids want for nothing either.

But are you happy for the state to pay instead?

who says the states paying instead, I split with my ex 6 years ago and I have never had a penny off him, I work two jobs to keep my house and kids, not all single mums are benefit scroungers "

Well said.......had 3 jobs when I left my ex and never asked him for a penny.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This issue here is not how a child is conceived its how a child can be looked after by those who sired the infant.

In the first instance if the parents are adults then they should come to an equitable settlement on child care costs that is of course if they are not together.

If a financial agreement cannot be reached then an arbiter must decide (CSA?) on the financial contributions t make sure the child has all he or she needs to be safe healthy and nurtured to an agreed standard.

Seems quite a simple process if you ask me but it relies on adults behaving responsibly and with a degree of sincerity.

In an ideal world that is exactly as it should be, however at the point where parents no longer want to be together things are rarely ideal and children all too often get caught in the crossfire through no fault of their own. "
For those of lucky enough to have children is it not incumbent of all parents to believe that from the moment your off spring make an appearance in the world they are the most important thing in existence and from that moment in your life you cease to become the most important thing in your life.

I have no time for adults that shirk financial and more importantly emotional responsibilities where children are concerned.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I get nothing from my ex

i don't want anything off my ex

my kids want for nothing either.

But are you happy for the state to pay instead?"

Is that because a single mother must also be a benefit scronger...

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By *ScotsmanMan
over a year ago

ayrshire

Fuck sake im a man but even if your so called tricked to put your winky in a hole that produces a baby 9months later then Thats it,he or she is half your responsibility forever..unless you're a selfish wank that doesnt realise Thats what we are really here for and wants nothing to do wi his own child. Then he or she lives their life without contact with the child or children they have made and wil usually end up a sad specimen of a human being and cursed for life anyway . .Thats the wayit rolls folks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i feel sorry for the men who have to pay for the kid that they never realy wanted because the woman didnt use birth control."

Its not just the womans reponsibility

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts


"i feel sorry for the men who have to pay for the kid that they never realy wanted because the woman didnt use birth control.

Controversial comment

Yes well people always say how awful it is for the woman well its not always so good for the man if he has to pay for the kid for the next 18 years.

Not all men want to be dads, maybe they cant stand the woman they happened to get pregnant, maybe they were stupid and made a mistake especialy if they were young.

A guy obviously doesn't find a woman abhorrent at the point where he got her pregnant!!! Have to agree tho, any man who doesn't take responsibility himself if he doesn't want kids is definitely stupid and age has nothing to do with it!

Men get horny and have sex with women they dont realy fancy or cant stand all the time though"

I'm still failing to feel sorry for the guy here...

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By *ScotsmanMan
over a year ago

ayrshire

See the sad guys that get caught on watcdog tryin to sell pensioners chairs for 5grand . .im watching it right now. . . . .i bet they've got children they dont see Thats the type of cunt we are dealing with here. .they all end up billy or willimina no mates.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im a single dad with two teenage kids who live with me because i was in a better position to look after them. I gave up a lucrative job so that i woul not be compromised over them. I have private pensions and do not receive any benefits...because my kids are mine ...and my responsibility. I get nothing off my ex....nor want anything off her. Dads are in the minority...but id do it all again and have no regrets.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi

I am also a Male single parent, my Daughter wants nothing to do with my ex wife.

My ex wife physically and mentally abused my Daughter.

I receive £20 a month csa.

I somehow have to find half of the equity of my house that I have has been in my name for the last 20 years to pay her off.

It's as if she is getting a reward from me for the evil things she did to our daughter.

It's a big shitty mess

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By *r-UniqueMan
over a year ago

Carmarthenshire


"Hi

I am also a Male single parent, my Daughter wants nothing to do with my ex wife.

My ex wife physically and mentally abused my Daughter.

I receive £20 a month csa.

I somehow have to find half of the equity of my house that I have has been in my name for the last 20 years to pay her off.

It's as if she is getting a reward from me for the evil things she did to our daughter.

It's a big shitty mess"

Csa?

I know all about shitty messes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nothing is 100% I fell pregnant on the pill and condom split accidents happen but as hard as it is being a single mum my girls rock my world and I have worked and will be back to work again as soon as possible. I have paid my taxes x

Most people get benefits even those who work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Csa child support agency

My exwife is pretty much unemployable.

So I £20 a month.

Yet she will be getting a cash reward as a settlement from our marriage.

Only now realising how much of a shite mother she was!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i feel sorry for the men who have to pay for the kid that they never realy wanted because the woman didnt use birth control.

Controversial comment

Yes well people always say how awful it is for the woman well its not always so good for the man if he has to pay for the kid for the next 18 years.

Not all men want to be dads, maybe they cant stand the woman they happened to get pregnant, maybe they were stupid and made a mistake especialy if they were young.

A guy obviously doesn't find a woman abhorrent at the point where he got her pregnant!!! Have to agree tho, any man who doesn't take responsibility himself if he doesn't want kids is definitely stupid and age has nothing to do with it!

Men get horny and have sex with women they dont realy fancy or cant stand all the time though

I'm still failing to feel sorry for the guy here..."

me too, more fool them I say

be it a one night stand or a relationship, if you dip your wick and a baby is born as a result of that its your responsibility

you can put as many bows on it as you like the fact of the matter is if you don't want a kid suit up, it may feel better at the time fucking skin to skin but whats your priority a more sensitive fuck or not having a kid, if its a more sensitive fuck and you end up with a kid deal with it, you made it you pay for it

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