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Dementia?

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By *a-ra-ra-boom-de-ay OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wish it was the Algarve! Aberdeenshire

Sadly since my father died many years ago, my mother turn to alcohol. Its not that she drinks copious amounts & passes out, no its the daily consumption of 2 or 3 glasses a day, but believes this isn't a problem and that its normal. Anyway my point is, we went out last night while she was sitting our children as she is great with them & doesn't as we thought drink when she is responsible for them.

We come back from a great evening to a mad woman ( never seen this ever from her!) Shouting how dare we hid the gin from her, what the hell do we think we are etc & stormed out.. Okay both stunned by her behaviour as we have always taken the view its her life & we just wouldn't treat her in this way. Even had to ask the kids this morning if they had done this as a joke, answer was no!

She is phoning still today & wanting an apology from us, is this the start of dementia & how do you think we should handle it??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/05/14 17:48:09]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It doesn't sound like dementia

More like the actions of a person with a need

p.s. where DID you hide the gin ?

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By *a-ra-ra-boom-de-ay OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wish it was the Algarve! Aberdeenshire


"It doesn't sound like dementia

More like the actions of a person with a need

p.s. where DID you hide the gin ? "

Hehe, thanks guys, she said she found it behind the curtain? We told her if we wanted to hide alcohol from her it wouldn't of just been the gin!

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By *plpxp2Couple
over a year ago

Middlesbrough

Alcohol can cause Korsakoff's syndrome, basically a type of dementia. There's not a lot of information in your post, but the basic advice would be to approach her GP if you have concerns and ask for a referral to a memory clinic if the GP is unable to find any physical causation.

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By *r-UniqueMan
over a year ago

Carmarthenshire

How old are the children? Maybe they put it there?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes speak to the gp especially if she hasn't behaved this way before in your home. could be the start of something

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I sincerely hope that any GP worth their salt would not discuss their patient with anyone without their consent or a court order.

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By *a-ra-ra-boom-de-ay OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wish it was the Algarve! Aberdeenshire


"Alcohol can cause Korsakoff's syndrome, basically a type of dementia. There's not a lot of information in your post, but the basic advice would be to approach her GP if you have concerns and ask for a referral to a memory clinic if the GP is unable to find any physical causation."

Thanks for the advice, her memory has been getting worse over the years but she is 76. But she's absolutely convinced we hid it from her! Yikes x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sadly since my father died many years ago, my mother turn to alcohol. Its not that she drinks copious amounts & passes out, no its the daily consumption of 2 or 3 glasses a day, but believes this isn't a problem and that its normal. Anyway my point is, we went out last night while she was sitting our children as she is great with them & doesn't as we thought drink when she is responsible for them.

We come back from a great evening to a mad woman ( never seen this ever from her!) Shouting how dare we hid the gin from her, what the hell do we think we are etc & stormed out.. Okay both stunned by her behaviour as we have always taken the view its her life & we just wouldn't treat her in this way. Even had to ask the kids this morning if they had done this as a joke, answer was no!

She is phoning still today & wanting an apology from us, is this the start of dementia & how do you think we should handle it?? "

sounds more like the start of alcoholism to me

I work with a lot of dementia people and this does not jump out as a symptom to me

Im not sure why you would think a woman who in your own admission drinks daily, flipping about you hiding gin is anything but a drinking problem?

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By *a-ra-ra-boom-de-ay OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wish it was the Algarve! Aberdeenshire


"How old are the children? Maybe they put it there?"

No, their in there teens but they didn't & wouldn't do this to her. They love her too much! x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a mental health nurse I may be able to help.

First of all how old is she? And does she present as confused often or has she done this before? Is she struggling to remember basic things? Try testing her subtlety, like ask her what month we are on or what day.

I'd be more interested in the possibility it's a substance induced episode of psychosis. As this can happen and would explain her bizzare outburst. Does she drink enough to induce an episode of mental illness tho?

It may even be less worrying. Perhaps she was just d*unk and believe you did hide her gin. I suggest a good talking to her

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By *a-ra-ra-boom-de-ay OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wish it was the Algarve! Aberdeenshire


"Sadly since my father died many years ago, my mother turn to alcohol. Its not that she drinks copious amounts & passes out, no its the daily consumption of 2 or 3 glasses a day, but believes this isn't a problem and that its normal. Anyway my point is, we went out last night while she was sitting our children as she is great with them & doesn't as we thought drink when she is responsible for them.

We come back from a great evening to a mad woman ( never seen this ever from her!) Shouting how dare we hid the gin from her, what the hell do we think we are etc & stormed out.. Okay both stunned by her behaviour as we have always taken the view its her life & we just wouldn't treat her in this way. Even had to ask the kids this morning if they had done this as a joke, answer was no!

She is phoning still today & wanting an apology from us, is this the start of dementia & how do you think we should handle it??

sounds more like the start of alcoholism to me

I work with a lot of dementia people and this does not jump out as a symptom to me

Im not sure why you would think a woman who in your own admission drinks daily, flipping about you hiding gin is anything but a drinking problem?"

Yes I do know she is an alcoholic, but what do you do without alienating her, she needs us & we need her, but she is a very stubborn lady?

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By *a-ra-ra-boom-de-ay OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wish it was the Algarve! Aberdeenshire


"I'm a mental health nurse I may be able to help.

First of all how old is she? And does she present as confused often or has she done this before? Is she struggling to remember basic things? Try testing her subtlety, like ask her what month we are on or what day.

Okay this makes sense! Thank you, she has good days & bad, her age is 76, but shes as fit as a fiddle.. I tried telling her she must of forgotten where she had put it. She was livid for the suggestion! x

I'd be more interested in the possibility it's a substance induced episode of psychosis. As this can happen and would explain her bizzare outburst. Does she drink enough to induce an episode of mental illness tho?

It may even be less worrying. Perhaps she was just d*unk and believe you did hide her gin. I suggest a good talking to her"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/05/14 18:14:43]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would suggest that you don't leave here incharge of children till she has gotten help, be it a drink problem or a mental health problem it does not sound like she is in the best health to be incharge of looking after other people

problem is, as we all know you cant help people till they are ready to admit they need help, and that will be your biggest barrier

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm a mental health nurse I may be able to help.

First of all how old is she? And does she present as confused often or has she done this before? Is she struggling to remember basic things? Try testing her subtlety, like ask her what month we are on or what day.

Okay this makes sense! Thank you, she has good days & bad, her age is 76, but shes as fit as a fiddle.. I tried telling her she must of forgotten where she had put it. She was livid for the suggestion! x

I'd be more interested in the possibility it's a substance induced episode of psychosis. As this can happen and would explain her bizzare outburst. Does she drink enough to induce an episode of mental illness tho?

It may even be less worrying. Perhaps she was just d*unk and believe you did hide her gin. I suggest a good talking to her"

Is she bi-polar? Because that sounds plausible to me. All that drinking is likely to unbalance her brain chemicals. Might explain a lot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It could be that she was really pissed off because she couldn't find any alcohol to drink so had a whole evening of having to manage without,much like a smoker that think they can have a cigaretter whenever they want only to discover that they can't and have to wait until much later

Maybe her alcohol intake is a lot more than you realise

I hope you manage to be able to sit down and discuss it with her x

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By *a-ra-ra-boom-de-ay OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wish it was the Algarve! Aberdeenshire


"I would suggest that you don't leave here incharge of children till she has gotten help, be it a drink problem or a mental health problem it does not sound like she is in the best health to be incharge of looking after other people

problem is, as we all know you cant help people till they arse ready to admit they need help, and that will be your biggest barrier "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It could be that she was really pissed off because she couldn't find any alcohol to drink so had a whole evening of having to manage without,much like a smoker that think they can have a cigaretter whenever they want only to discover that they can't and have to wait until much later

Maybe her alcohol intake is a lot more than you realise

I hope you manage to be able to sit down and discuss it with her x

"

As a smoker... If I know I have some in the house, I don't necessarily go and have one. If I run out, late at night, I'm climbing the walls...

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By *a-ra-ra-boom-de-ay OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wish it was the Algarve! Aberdeenshire

I am truly thankful for your help & advice everyone.

Feel a bit daft putting this post up, but I didn't know where to turn & hoped some of you had options for me. Which you have.

Just want to be sure before I ruin our mother daughter relationship!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

hi , firstly not daft and every right to be worried about your mum and your kids , i work with people with dementia and am very closely involved with a guy suffering from korsakoff syndrome ( pretty sure its not this - if you google it nothing like your mum ) - i think like others have said its more a need for drink and just to know its there not necessarily craving it - but like having a security blanky - dont use it just need to know its there - if its just a one off put it down to her having an off day - we all have them - if you notice other things ( dont go searching for odd behaviour we all would go crazy doing that) then maybe a chat with the doc - if youre close t her - maybe a little chat over a brew might be all it needs - xxx good luck

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By *a-ra-ra-boom-de-ay OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wish it was the Algarve! Aberdeenshire


"hi , firstly not daft and every right to be worried about your mum and your kids , i work with people with dementia and am very closely involved with a guy suffering from korsakoff syndrome ( pretty sure its not this - if you google it nothing like your mum ) - i think like others have said its more a need for drink and just to know its there not necessarily craving it - but like having a security blanky - dont use it just need to know its there - if its just a one off put it down to her having an off day - we all have them - if you notice other things ( dont go searching for odd behaviour we all would go crazy doing that) then maybe a chat with the doc - if youre close t her - maybe a little chat over a brew might be all it needs - xxx good luck "

Thanks..x

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

that doesnt sound like dementia to me .. i would not like to appease a person who demanded drink like this .. when the safety of your kids is at stake i feel a gentle lesson in tough love like you have given your mother is in order and you should not feel guilty that she has gone into a rage ... id just hope she comes round to thinking perhaps not drinking while babysitting would be a better idea .. but she sounds in charge of her faculties ... just not in control of the drink .. so sorry to hear of your predicament

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

maybe she thought you didn't trust her by hiding the drink sit and talk to her

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Do the family often speak to her about her drinking and how it worries them ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It sounds like she was desperate for a drink and couldn't get one, probably why she exited the house so quickly on your return. She's probably a little embarrassed about her outburst but as you say she's stubborn she wants to pass the blame to you. Don't make a big deal of it but keep an eye on her. I wouldn't leave her in charge if the kids again though as she'll probably bring her own booze next time if she thinks your hiding yours.

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By *a-ra-ra-boom-de-ay OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wish it was the Algarve! Aberdeenshire


"Do the family often speak to her about her drinking and how it worries them ?

"

Yes my brother once brought it up, she fell out with him big time, unfortunately my brother lives in Africa & is very rarely in touch now! Its down to me to deal with it & expecting the same, its going to be difficult which ever way I look at it. xx

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By *a-ra-ra-boom-de-ay OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wish it was the Algarve! Aberdeenshire


"It sounds like she was desperate for a drink and couldn't get one, probably why she exited the house so quickly on your return. She's probably a little embarrassed about her outburst but as you say she's stubborn she wants to pass the blame to you. Don't make a big deal of it but keep an eye on her. I wouldn't leave her in charge if the kids again though as she'll probably bring her own booze next time if she thinks your hiding yours. "

Thank you, no we wont be letting her sit for the kids until we sort this out..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

perhaps she thought that ye were being disrespectful to her , by hiding the gin ,did it dawn on you that perhaps she had no intention of drinking , but having discovered the hidden alcohol took offence to the thoughts ye assumed she couldnt be trusted around alcohol . If your mum was kind enough to babysit your kids so that ye could have a break , maybe she is hurt at your assumptions .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/05/14 19:37:49]

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By *a-ra-ra-boom-de-ay OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wish it was the Algarve! Aberdeenshire


"perhaps she thought that ye were being disrespectful to her , by hiding the gin ,did it dawn on you that perhaps she had no intention of drinking , but having discovered the hidden alcohol took offence to the thoughts ye assumed she couldnt be trusted around alcohol . If your mum was kind enough to babysit your kids so that ye could have a break , maybe she is hurt at your assumptions . "

Okay I thought I had made it clear on my post, we didn't hide our booze, she mislaid it & then convinced herself that we had..

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