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"ive been in an abusive marriage ,the sexual abuse being the hardest to come to terms with, my question for you all is i guy ive known from my past keeps in touch ,he was on my profile but he's left the site ,in touch on another site ,i keep knocking him back cos of him telling me to shave my pussy ,wear stockings no knickers ,what he likes and do stuff he wants just cos he likes it am i being paranoid cos of my past ???" No you aren't. Read your post back to yourself, now imagine its someone else saying it to you...what would you advise them to do? You are worth more than doing things just because a man wants you to, believe that | |||
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"You should never do anything that makes you uncomfortable. " That's buying new shoes out of the equation then. I'm surprised you're even asking the question. | |||
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"i do but he keeps getting back in touch wont leave me alone .told him to leave me alone tonite so he tells me to go talk to someone about my past ,thats why i wonder if its me being paranoid cos of what ive been thru " Well talking to someone about your past might help you but it needs to be for you not because some guy is using it as a way of implying that you wont do what he wants because of your past. Don't tell him to leave you alone, just don't respond to him again. | |||
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"i do but he keeps getting back in touch wont leave me alone .told him to leave me alone tonite so he tells me to go talk to someone about my past ,thats why i wonder if its me being paranoid cos of what ive been thru " He isn't being very understanding then trying to force you to do something you don't want to or change for his desires. Sounds like you need to sever ties with your past and start fresh. | |||
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"i do but he keeps getting back in touch wont leave me alone .told him to leave me alone tonite so he tells me to go talk to someone about my past ,thats why i wonder if its me being paranoid cos of what ive been thru " He only gets back in touch because you answer him. If you break all contact he will leave you alone. | |||
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"ive been in an abusive marriage ,the sexual abuse being the hardest to come to terms with, my question for you all is i guy ive known from my past keeps in touch ,he was on my profile but he's left the site ,in touch on another site ,i keep knocking him back cos of him telling me to shave my pussy ,wear stockings no knickers ,what he likes and do stuff he wants just cos he likes it am i being paranoid cos of my past ???" Can you block him on the other site? I haven't been in your position but you don't need this | |||
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"i do but he keeps getting back in touch wont leave me alone .told him to leave me alone tonite so he tells me to go talk to someone about my past ,thats why i wonder if its me being paranoid cos of what ive been thru " Tell him enough is enough it sounds to me like he is making you doubt yourself to put you off balance and use that to gain the upper ground. If in doubt back off. Block him,don't reply do whatever it takes but don't let him push you into things your not comfortable with, good luck x | |||
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" Well talking to someone about your past might help you but it needs to be for you not because some guy is using it as a way of implying that you wont do what he wants because of your past. Don't tell him to leave you alone, just don't respond to him again." to this. If you do want to talk to someone, talk2gether might be a good place to start? | |||
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"i do but he keeps getting back in touch wont leave me alone .told him to leave me alone tonite so he tells me to go talk to someone about my past ,thats why i wonder if its me being paranoid cos of what ive been thru He only gets back in touch because you answer him. If you break all contact he will leave you alone. " This. Also, not moulding yourself to what HE wants you to be doesn't make you paranoid. Past or not, you are who you are and you have every right to stay that way if you want to. If Vince started telling me to dye my hair blonde or telling me what to wear, ect, I'd tell him to go fuck himself. - Amy. x | |||
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"i do but he keeps getting back in touch wont leave me alone .told him to leave me alone tonite so he tells me to go talk to someone about my past ,thats why i wonder if its me being paranoid cos of what ive been thru " I think he has a valid point about speaking to someone. But, and it's a huge but, his motives are totally wrong it just sounds like it's so he can get what he wants and isn;t being suggested from neither a compassionate or suppoprtive perspective. To be honest you portray him as controlling and selfish. And those are traits are ones I'd advise anyone to avoid | |||
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"It sounds to me like he is making you doubt yourself to put you off balance and use that to gain the upper ground. " My thoughts exactly. x | |||
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" To be honest you portray him as controlling and selfish. And those are traits are ones I'd advise anyone to avoid" ^THIS Tell him to go fuck himself. | |||
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"i do but he keeps getting back in touch wont leave me alone .told him to leave me alone tonite so he tells me to go talk to someone about my past ,thats why i wonder if its me being paranoid cos of what ive been thru " Don't reply to him. Don't even read his messages. Block him and report him on the other site if that's possible. Ignore him completely. | |||
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"i do block him and his emails but he texts me ,yes he can be controlling and selfish and yes i am doubting myself ,been told what to wear ,how to have your hair and what to do when your on a meet by your hubby is making me not want to be told what to wear by a guy from a swing site ,thats why i asked cos i thought i was just me having a hard time recovering from the past " Ignore him. Do not read his texts. See if there is an app to block his texts. Tell him to stop sodding well texting or you'll report him to your service provider for harassment and have them block him. And then keep ignoring him. He's bothering you because you reply to him. He probably thinks there's a chance he can win you round or you're playing hard to get or something. Ignore him. He will get bored. | |||
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"i do block him and his emails but he texts me ,yes he can be controlling and selfish and yes i am doubting myself ,been told what to wear ,how to have your hair and what to do when your on a meet by your hubby is making me not want to be told what to wear by a guy from a swing site ,thats why i asked cos i thought i was just me having a hard time recovering from the past " You provably are having a hard time but that's no reason for him to be pushy and controlling. I have never been in an abusive relationship but if a man started telling me how to look etc I'd tell him to fuck off. | |||
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"i do block him and his emails but he texts me ,yes he can be controlling and selfish and yes i am doubting myself ,been told what to wear ,how to have your hair and what to do when your on a meet by your hubby is making me not want to be told what to wear by a guy from a swing site ,thats why i asked cos i thought i was just me having a hard time recovering from the past Ignore him. Do not read his texts. See if there is an app to block his texts. Tell him to stop sodding well texting or you'll report him to your service provider for harassment and have them block him. And then keep ignoring him. He's bothering you because you reply to him. He probably thinks there's a chance he can win you round or you're playing hard to get or something. Ignore him. He will get bored." Download Mr Number and use it to block his number. You can also block withheld numbers so he can't contact you that way. Consider changing your number do he definitely can't contact you. He's the one with the problem - he's been told no and blocked by various methods but persists in trying to contact and control you, he's a twisted and broken person. | |||
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"i do block him and his emails but he texts me ,yes he can be controlling and selfish and yes i am doubting myself ,been told what to wear ,how to have your hair and what to do when your on a meet by your hubby is making me not want to be told what to wear by a guy from a swing site ,thats why i asked cos i thought i was just me having a hard time recovering from the past " You have said quite clearly in the forums and in your profile that you aren't meeting, has anything changed? This is not meant to be harsh but for your own self esteem and emotional safety you need to stick to decisions that YOU have made and let go of the idea that a man will know you better than you know yourself. All of us are advising you to walk away.....but you still wonder if it's you not him.....it's him trust us. Stick around in the forums, let yourself heal and believe that you don't need a man telling you how to act. | |||
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"ive been in an abusive marriage ,the sexual abuse being the hardest to come to terms with, my question for you all is i guy ive known from my past keeps in touch ,he was on my profile but he's left the site ,in touch on another site ,i keep knocking him back cos of him telling me to shave my pussy ,wear stockings no knickers ,what he likes and do stuff he wants just cos he likes it am i being paranoid cos of my past ???" He met you on a sex contact site and approaches you on that basis. If you don't want this man to ask for what he wants...... STOP TALKING TO HIM. Don't reply with ......oooooo I do but he messaged again ....... JUST DONT TAlK TO HIM. When he realises he isn't getting sex. He'll stop the contact. There's no love in it. Trust me. | |||
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"He sounds like a coercive manipulator who does not have your best interests at heart. When we have had experience thats been ongoing for some time we need to break the patterns ourselves. Often it can be very alluring to repeat stuff we have done, almost compulsive. It seems you have let go of one bastard, and it would be tragic having another one abuse you. Accept that you are vulnerable and must stick for now with people in your life who are supportive 100% of your best interests. Any less is not good enough. Rebuild your self esteem and confidence however you can. Allow yourself to only have the fun thats right for you. It is better to be alone than have anyone who will degrade your spirit any further. For sex, stick with guys who have a complete need to ensure that your sexual fulfilment is what matters to them - there are many around. Outline your needs and meet socially-only, until you are sure that someone is compatible. Block anyone who attempts anyhow to pull you down, or push you into doing anything that is not your desire. If you notice anything happening anytime that is similar to your past, be honest with yourself, stop it and move on. Good luck!" | |||
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"Morning... I was also in a verbally and controlling relationship for 21 yrs. I was always told i was fat and to change my hair colour, clothes etc. He used to compare me to an ex who Aparently used to up for him. After finally waking up i left him and it's been long journey but now three years on, I realise I should only do wear things that I want!! I will admit councelling did help me greatly they made me see it was him with the problem and not me!! Hunni, please get this person out of your life as there are some people out there want you as you are and will not insist on things that are not comfortable with. Women like us do tend to make the same mistakes over and again unless we admit and see that we are beautiful just as we are and don't need anyone telling us what to do, wear, change etc! Sorry for the long message, but this really upsets me when I see someone being treated like this. Find someone who likes you for YOU! HUGS XX" I (mrs) can totally relate to this, I was in a mentally abusive marriage for 12 years and now 2 years down the line since splitting up I am with the most fantastic man who builds me up every day and makes me feel special, don't give up hope you will find someone who respects and loves you for you xxx | |||
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"do what you want, not what he wants. if he is really interested in you he would respect that." | |||
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"thanks guys ,ive known this guy 3 yrs before my marriage break up the more i knock him back the more he comes back ,he knows what ive been thru as he met my ex for me a lot of the stuff touches on sexual abuse in my mind thats why i thought i was paranoid , i came on a site to meet guys for company and sex so they cant control me and tell me what to do x" if hes asking you to do this now, what will he be like further down the line ask yourself? if a man likes you it should be for YOU | |||
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"thanks guys ,ive known this guy 3 yrs before my marriage break up the more i knock him back the more he comes back ,he knows what ive been thru as he met my ex for me a lot of the stuff touches on sexual abuse in my mind thats why i thought i was paranoid , i came on a site to meet guys for company and sex so they cant control me and tell me what to do x" The one thing that stands out for me is that you say you are on a site to meet guys for company and sex. As I said before you clearly say on your profile and have said in the forums that you aren't meeting anyone. You need to be clear in your own mind before you engage with others or you will be sending mixed messages. You MUST take responsibility for yourself and the way you engage with people. | |||
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"thanks guys ,ive known this guy 3 yrs before my marriage break up the more i knock him back the more he comes back ,he knows what ive been thru as he met my ex for me a lot of the stuff touches on sexual abuse in my mind thats why i thought i was paranoid , i came on a site to meet guys for company and sex so they cant control me and tell me what to do x The one thing that stands out for me is that you say you are on a site to meet guys for company and sex. As I said before you clearly say on your profile and have said in the forums that you aren't meeting anyone. You need to be clear in your own mind before you engage with others or you will be sending mixed messages. You MUST take responsibility for yourself and the way you engage with people." that is the reason i joined these sites but for now i not meet anyone so that i can clear my head a bit xx | |||
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"i keep reading this and im tempted to say hes harassing you - if you do as others have said and give nothing back at all and he carries on id be thinking along the lines of reporting him to authorities - hes a pest" i sent him a cpl of messages last night and he hasnt replied so hoepfully he's got the message but he does that and gets back in touch weeks later xx | |||
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"i keep reading this and im tempted to say hes harassing you - if you do as others have said and give nothing back at all and he carries on id be thinking along the lines of reporting him to authorities - hes a pest i sent him a cpl of messages last night and he hasnt replied so hoepfully he's got the message but he does that and gets back in touch weeks later xx" just block him if the friendship is bringing unwanted drama into your life. | |||
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"i sent him a cpl of messages last night and he hasnt replied so hoepfully he's got the message but he does that and gets back in touch weeks later xx" Why? Keep feeding him the attention and he'll keep coming back because he knows how to get a reaction out of you. Don't bother messaging or responding to him. You've said it once and if he carries on, go to the police. Delete any messages that come through without reading or responding to them and he will soon get bored. x | |||
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"i keep reading this and im tempted to say hes harassing you - if you do as others have said and give nothing back at all and he carries on id be thinking along the lines of reporting him to authorities - hes a pest i sent him a cpl of messages last night and he hasnt replied so hoepfully he's got the message but he does that and gets back in touch weeks later xx" If you keep responding, he'll keep messaging!! Delete, block and move on!! | |||
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"i messaged him before i asked for advice, it was what he said about seeking help about my ex that made me think i was the one thats wrong x now i can see im not so i know where to go from here ,thanks again folks " you should not have to ask him before you do things ? you are your own person . | |||
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"blocked him on the other site ,blocked him from my emails and as for my phone can delete texts he sends xx " sounds like your in control well done. x | |||
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"thanks guys ,ive known this guy 3 yrs before my marriage break up the more i knock him back the more he comes back ,he knows what ive been thru as he met my ex for me a lot of the stuff touches on sexual abuse in my mind thats why i thought i was paranoid , i came on a site to meet guys for company and sex so they cant control me and tell me what to do x The one thing that stands out for me is that you say you are on a site to meet guys for company and sex. As I said before you clearly say on your profile and have said in the forums that you aren't meeting anyone. You need to be clear in your own mind before you engage with others or you will be sending mixed messages. You MUST take responsibility for yourself and the way you engage with people.that is the reason i joined these sites but for now i not meet anyone so that i can clear my head a bit xx" I am honestly not being harsh here but can you see how you might be giving out a mixed message? You are saying to us that you aren't meeting anyone but you're engaging with this guy enough for him to be suggesting things of a sexual nature to you. | |||
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"Tell him to take a long walk of a short pier...stay in your comfort zone and don't go an inch outside it for anyone. " | |||
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