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By *leasureDome OP   Man
over a year ago

all over the place

This is a totally fictitious scenario ,your son or daughter arrive home from the second year of university and announce whilst away they met one of there old teachers.

Furthermore they are now in a full blown relationship.The teacher is moving to France and they want to leave uni straight away and go with them.

How would you feel,what would you say,what would you do...?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

knowing my family history id probably get very very verbal and then moderately physical, leading to some extreme violence.....

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By *leasureDome OP   Man
over a year ago

all over the place


"knowing my family history id probably get very very verbal and then moderately physical, leading to some extreme violence..... "

against who ? son\ daughter,teacher or both .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think i would have a full blown episode... for so many reasons!! i never got chance of uni until last yr i want my child to do it when she is young... then there is the age gap thing... then there is the moving to another country... so many things but would depend on the other person and what stage of maturity the child was at... then if i wasnt happy i think the brothers would be called in to deal with it....xx

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By *leasureDome OP   Man
over a year ago

all over the place


"i think i would have a full blown episode... for so many reasons!! i never got chance of uni until last yr i want my child to do it when she is young... then there is the age gap thing... then there is the moving to another country... so many things but would depend on the other person and what stage of maturity the child was at... then if i wasnt happy i think the brothers would be called in to deal with it....xx"

possibility of driving your Adult son -daughter into their arms maybe....?

tough isnt it lol

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By *prite128Woman
over a year ago

maidstone

i hope i'd try and stay calm and get them to look at all the options. If it seemed they were serious about the person As a teacher / ex teacher i'd hope the new partner would encourage them to finish their education , or look for an alternative way to complete their studies abroad if they were dead set on moving immediately.

rushing into heated conflict would probably just make them go anyway without any hope of me being able to support/negotiate/encourage a broader view.

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

.

You have to let your children make up their own minds.

If you try and stop them they will resent you.

I would sit him/her down, give them my perspective on the matter. But tell them that the final decision is up to them and then sit back and be there to pick up the pieces if when it went wrong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i think i would have a full blown episode... for so many reasons!! i never got chance of uni until last yr i want my child to do it when she is young... then there is the age gap thing... then there is the moving to another country... so many things but would depend on the other person and what stage of maturity the child was at... then if i wasnt happy i think the brothers would be called in to deal with it....xx

possibility of driving your Adult son -daughter into their arms maybe....?

tough isnt it lol"

very but we know the man with the van....teacher maybe be persuaded to change their mind........ xx

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I wouldn't have been amused, but then it wouldn't be my life.

When one of ours was at uni and struggled to know if she wanted to stay there or not in her second year, we told her whatever she decides to do is up to her, but we will support her any way we can.........so I suppose we would have to say the same thing here, and hope we didn't have any pieces to pick up at a later date.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Id like to think id do the right thing, kids have to make there own mistakes etc..

But in reality, im a hot head id probably kick off first and then talk later.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have two sons, 24 and 21, both at uni, and both have been involved in relationships started while being there.

In your scenario, a lot would depend on the age gap between them, the reasons for moving abroad, and future prospects for them as a couple.

Our boys are both emotionally stable and 100% trustworthy, so we would all be able to sit down and discuss the whole thing through.

My immediate thoughts would be, "Don't do it", but life is never straight forward and we have to give our children their freedom too choose what path they want to take.

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By *leasureDome OP   Man
over a year ago

all over the place

for me ..i would try to put them into a holding action and get the new partner on side ..i would prob say ok show me the relationship is serious for 12 months and i will accept it ..go back to uni and show me .apart from that i have no idea

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By *ouvakMan
over a year ago

clacton on sea

most of us are adult's here and have made a fair few mistakes of our own, even after sound advice from our peer's at the time, so let's be honest here, life is about learning, and you only learn by what you do,all we can do is be there hand out advice and hope they see that what we say is the right thing ( well it would be if they listen)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is a totally fictitious scenario ,your son or daughter arrive home from the second year of university and announce whilst away they met one of there old teachers.

Furthermore they are now in a full blown relationship.The teacher is moving to France and they want to leave uni straight away and go with them.

How would you feel,what would you say,what would you do...?

"

The quickest way to push a youngun away is to back them into a corner. I'd speak to him/her about it calmly, explaining that a relationship - if it's meant to last - will wait a year or two while he/she finishes their degree, and that the former teacher should be more than aware, and sympathetic, to this. I'd also want to speak to the teacher and mention the same thing to that person. If it needed explaining in greater detail then the former teacher does not have my son or daughter's best interests at heart and I'd probably be a bit more forceful about insisting my son/daughter finishes his/her degree first.

Ultimately, if the teacher is no longer teaching my son or daughter then they are free to have a relationship if that's what they want. I wouldn't be happy about it but I know that if I dig my heels in I could bring about the very thing I'd be trying to steer them away from. My hope would be that my son or daughter would agree to finish their degree and in the intervening years the novelty would wear off as he or she gets embroiled in Uni life and all that that entails with people of his or her own age group.

My daughter is 12 incidentally, so I'm speaking hypothetically here, but I hope that that's what I would do. The reality could well be something totally different if faced with it.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"for me ..i would try to put them into a holding action and get the new partner on side ..i would prob say ok show me the relationship is serious for 12 months and i will accept it ..go back to uni and show me .apart from that i have no idea"

If my parents had said that to me when I found someone I wanted to have a relationship with I might have said, it is my life, so although you may not approve, I am going to live it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

violence against the teacher most probably, if/when i have a daughter and ends up in that situation it may well be time to call the family round (sound like some sort of mafia!!!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"violence against the teacher most probably, if/when i have a daughter and ends up in that situation it may well be time to call the family round (sound like some sort of mafia!!!)"

And do jail time whilst forever pushing your daughter away and into the arms of the man you least want her to be with. Very wise.

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By *leasureDome OP   Man
over a year ago

all over the place


"for me ..i would try to put them into a holding action and get the new partner on side ..i would prob say ok show me the relationship is serious for 12 months and i will accept it ..go back to uni and show me .apart from that i have no idea

If my parents had said that to me when I found someone I wanted to have a relationship with I might have said, it is my life, so although you may not approve, I am going to live it."

you rebel lol

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"for me ..i would try to put them into a holding action and get the new partner on side ..i would prob say ok show me the relationship is serious for 12 months and i will accept it ..go back to uni and show me .apart from that i have no idea

If my parents had said that to me when I found someone I wanted to have a relationship with I might have said, it is my life, so although you may not approve, I am going to live it.

you rebel lol"

haha, but you know what I mean, how do you tell a grown woman to put their life on hold to something that YOU want them to do.

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By *leasureDome OP   Man
over a year ago

all over the place


"for me ..i would try to put them into a holding action and get the new partner on side ..i would prob say ok show me the relationship is serious for 12 months and i will accept it ..go back to uni and show me .apart from that i have no idea

If my parents had said that to me when I found someone I wanted to have a relationship with I might have said, it is my life, so although you may not approve, I am going to live it.

you rebel lol

haha, but you know what I mean, how do you tell a grown woman to put their life on hold to something that YOU want them to do."

to be honest i was clutching at straws,i dont know what i would do lol

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By *atisfy janeWoman
over a year ago

Torquay


"violence against the teacher most probably, if/when i have a daughter and ends up in that situation it may well be time to call the family round (sound like some sort of mafia!!!)"

In the second year of University the 'child' would be 19/20 years of age...why on earth would anyone want to inflict violence on a tutor for having a romance with a 19 year old?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"violence against the teacher most probably, if/when i have a daughter and ends up in that situation it may well be time to call the family round (sound like some sort of mafia!!!)

In the second year of University the 'child' would be 19/20 years of age...why on earth would anyone want to inflict violence on a tutor for having a romance with a 19 year old?

"

its a difficult one for me as the teacher could be 50...... or could be 30... or just so many other things! xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"violence against the teacher most probably, if/when i have a daughter and ends up in that situation it may well be time to call the family round (sound like some sort of mafia!!!)

In the second year of University the 'child' would be 19/20 years of age...why on earth would anyone want to inflict violence on a tutor for having a romance with a 19 year old?

"

I am with you on that one by 20 and living away for more than a year then you can't call someone a child as they are fully independent.

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By *atisfy janeWoman
over a year ago

Torquay

It doesn't matter what age the tutor is....the student is an adult at the age of 19 or 20, we are not talking about a 15 year old here.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

However hard it is to do, you have to let them lead their own life and make their own mistakes.

I left home at 19 to work away, as far as I was concerned I was an adult..so you have to treat your kids of that age the same way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i know but it just doesnt sit well with me!! im not goin to apologize for it, by no stretch of the imagination! age gaps have always sat uneasy with me and thats my choice and taste! x

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"i know but it just doesnt sit well with me!! im not goin to apologize for it, by no stretch of the imagination! age gaps have always sat uneasy with me and thats my choice and taste! x"

I was just talking in general Mz.and no, you shouldn't apologise for it.

But although there are things in our kids lives that we think, shit, they are going to come a cropper, and even though we have told them what we are thinking,we have had to take a step back and let them decide.

Although, saying that, the MIL is still telling Mr R how to run his life , even down to what time we had to go to bed last week when she was visiting haha , so I think us mothers will always think our offspring are still our babies.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lol!! i think cause its a girl i have and i know what i was like when i was younger i know that the worry i caused my mum is goin to come back to me ten fold!!! xx

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By *exeteraWoman
over a year ago

Bridgend


"This is a totally fictitious scenario ,your son or daughter arrive home from the second year of university and announce whilst away they met one of there old teachers.

Furthermore they are now in a full blown relationship.The teacher is moving to France and they want to leave uni straight away and go with them.

How would you feel,what would you say,what would you do...?

"

There are too many unknowns in this scenario but here goes. A child is always our child regardless of their age and we obviously want what's best for them. I would just ask have they thought this through in depth ie pros and cons. Ultimately it's their decision, I was always told to not regret the things I've done because they were done for a reason but I think most of us have regrets about things we never did. All we can do is to be there for support should things go tits up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"violence against the teacher most probably, if/when i have a daughter and ends up in that situation it may well be time to call the family round (sound like some sort of mafia!!!)

In the second year of University the 'child' would be 19/20 years of age...why on earth would anyone want to inflict violence on a tutor for having a romance with a 19 year old?

its a difficult one for me as the teacher could be 50...... or could be 30... or just so many other things! xx"

What's wrong with 50 ?

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By *leasureDome OP   Man
over a year ago

all over the place


"This is a totally fictitious scenario ,your son or daughter arrive home from the second year of university and announce whilst away they met one of there old teachers.

Furthermore they are now in a full blown relationship.The teacher is moving to France and they want to leave uni straight away and go with them.

How would you feel,what would you say,what would you do...?

There are too many unknowns in this scenario but here goes. A child is always our child regardless of their age and we obviously want what's best for them. I would just ask have they thought this through in depth ie pros and cons. Ultimately it's their decision, I was always told to not regret the things I've done because they were done for a reason but I think most of us have regrets about things we never did. All we can do is to be there for support should things go tits up. "

Totally agree with you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

your children are only lent to you ...they have to make their own decisions in life good and bad...all u can do is be their friend if it all goes wrong ???

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