FabSwingers.com forum: 27 Things men do in bed women hate...

By *namsterdam OP Man
over a year ago

Amsterdam, The Netherlands

Just read this, made sense to me. So here are some top tips Gents. Any additions Ladies?

1. ‘When they try to recreate sex positions that they’ve obviously seen on some online porn site, and you end up basically doing a headstand, looking a mess and having to listen to them say: “You’re loving that aren’t you babes?” Err, no.’

2. ‘When you’re on top and they’re just staring at you and it’s like, ahhh what face do I pull? So you just close your eyes and hope for the best.’

3. ‘When they ask YOU to put the condom on. Just no.’

4. ‘When they think it’s sexy to spank you so hard that you just want to turn around and punch them in the face.’

_500_days_of_summer_2009_504_wallpaper

Sex in films is always so much more perfect than reality (Picture: Fox)

5. ‘When they just stop, and it’s like, “hello? Did you hear me orgasm?” No.’

6. ‘Asking “do you like that?” How about just don’t talk and see if I look like I don’t want to kill myself/watch Family Guy over your shoulder.’

7. ‘When you give them a blow job and they start f*****g your face as if you don’t have a gag reflex. How about I’m sick all over your penis?’

8. ‘When they ask you to strip (which is always awkward – what music do you put on?) and then your skinny jeans get stuck round your ankles.’

9. ‘When they see random things they’ve read online and think they’re a good idea. Err no, I don’t want ice rubbed all over my body.’

10. ‘When you’re in the middle of foreplay and they thrust a finger up your bum with NO warning.’

11. ‘When they drag it out because they’re waiting for you to orgasm first. You’re going to be waiting a while for that…’

12. ‘Trying to go down on you in the morning when you’re feeling really unsexy and unclean. Just gross.’

Sex-and-the-city-Interior-design

Everything we’ve learnt about sex came from Sex And The City, we’ll admit it (Picture: New Line Cinema)

13. ‘Putting their fingers in all your holes at once like they’re playing some sort of instrument. Far too confusing, you just don’t know what’s going on down there.’

14. ‘When they think it’s a good idea to stick objects in you. Just no.’

15. ‘Casually trying to have anal sex without asking and without lube. It does not just slip in there.’

16. ‘Being so aggressive with their hands during foreplay that they pretty much give you internal bleeding and bruising.’

17. ‘Nipple biting. It just f*****g hurts.’

18. ‘Pulling your hair so hard you scream and your eyes water.’

19. ‘Baggy boxers. Eww.’

20. ‘Man stubble. And not the type that’s on his face.’

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We’d be pretty happy having sex with Zac Efron tbh (Picture: Warner Bros)

21. ‘When a bloke wants to do 69 but insists he’s on top, so you basically suffocate under his smelly sack. Vom.’

22. ‘Eating fried chicken before a blow job. Pretty much the worst taste imaginable.’

23. ‘When men rush foreplay and think you’re going to orgasm from 27 seconds of finger pumping.’

24. ‘Wanting to cum on your face, in your hair, in your eyes.’

25. ‘Being passive aggressive when they can’t make you orgasm. So sexy.’

26. ‘Trying to remove underwear with their teeth. What even is that?’

27. ‘Not cleaning properly. It’s not attractive to taste urine.’

List via:

http://metro.co.uk/2014/05/03/27-things-men-do-in-bed-that-women-hate-4717030/

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

[Removed by poster at 07/05/14 04:22:23]

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

1 can be fun, or at least funny.

2 just return the eye contact, it's sexy. Same during a BJ.

3 I don't have a problem with putting a condom on a guy. Why would I?

6 Because communication and asking for feedback is such a bad thing. Far better to pump away madly, convinced you're the world's best fuck.

21 If it's smelly he ain't getting a BJ anyway!

22 Huh? Really? Not something I've heard before.

26 Can work in the right circumstances. Besides, doing ridiculous things and laughing about it can be part of good sex.

The rest may have some merit but I've not often experienced any of them. I don't 'hate' them though, I just say what I want. I've yet to meet a mind-reader, never mind fuck one.

I'm sure women do off-putting things in bed too.

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

5. ‘When they just stop"

I kept doing that to Debs the other day, she said "What the fuck are you doing?"

I said I'd seen it on Porntube, it was called buffering

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

dunno why I'd listen to a poll that might be based on people who arent into things I know that people on this particular scene enjoy.......

half those readers may think 50shades of grey is a fantastic book and really very kinky..whereas many of the successful women on fab think its a pile of poo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some ladies really hate it if a guy spits on their pussies. Surprised that ain't on the list.

Neither is the look of discontentment one may get if you wipe your cock clean on her pillow (apparently)

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By *namsterdam OP Man
over a year ago

Amsterdam, The Netherlands

5. ‘When they just stop

I kept doing that to Debs the other day, she said "What the fuck are you doing?"

I said I'd seen it on Porntube, it was called buffering

Lol!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some ladies really hate it if a guy spits on their pussies. Surprised that ain't on the list.

Neither is the look of discontentment one may get if you wipe your cock clean on her pillow (apparently)

I know a girl that loves that, she even asks me to do it

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Some ladies really hate it if a guy spits on their pussies. Surprised that ain't on the list.

Neither is the look of discontentment one may get if you wipe your cock clean on her pillow (apparently)

I know a girl that loves that, she even asks me to do it"

Maybe she likes washing pillow cases

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some ladies really hate it if a guy spits on their pussies. Surprised that ain't on the list.

Neither is the look of discontentment one may get if you wipe your cock clean on her pillow (apparently)

I know a girl that loves that, she even asks me to do it

Maybe she likes washing pillow cases

Lol, no, I meant she asks me to spit on her pussy!

Poor cat.

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By *oulou45Woman
over a year ago

Bucks

Missed out farting and snoring lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rip up silly rule books about what irritates about the opposite sex, that's my advice.

Soooo draining seeing blokes being criticised all the time, even in jest. Yes I know I'm being humourless, I do know.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

28. A dislike of lists and humour

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"28. A dislike of lists and humour "

I'll take that one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh, I prefer underneath in a 69.....but the balls have always been squeaky clean.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Who wrote that list? Mrs spinster of spinster hill??? Surprised she knows what sex is!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I prefer a 6

I'll do the 9 first or last ..

But a 6 is sooooooooooooooo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not leaving the correct money.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I think a spinster list would be more compliant.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Oh, I prefer underneath in a 69.....but the balls have always been squeaky clean."

I actually nearly suffocated on a guys balls doing that once. He was a big guy and his legs were pinning down my arms so I could move his saggy sack.out of the way!!! (not letsbe before anyone asks

)

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Not leaving the correct money."

Still into sex on buses ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Funny reading

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Oh, I prefer underneath in a 69.....but the balls have always been squeaky clean.

I actually nearly suffocated on a guys balls doing that once. He was a big guy and his legs were pinning down my arms so I could move his saggy sack.out of the way!!! (not letsbe before anyone asks

Did you say ..

Geg ufff !!! yu fack bithtud !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not leaving the correct money."

Well if you insist on carrying no small change.....

I'm thinking £1 slots in trollies now.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

In a Daffy Duck accent

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Will people stop jumping in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not leaving the correct money.

Still into sex on buses ?"

Trams now. I live in a Metropolis

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Number 21 is gross!! Especially if they are unclean with stubble and had fried chicken! Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh, I prefer underneath in a 69.....but the balls have always been squeaky clean.

I actually nearly suffocated on a guys balls doing that once. He was a big guy and his legs were pinning down my arms so I could move his saggy sack.out of the way!!! (not letsbe before anyone asks

That so made me chuckle, I like slim guys, I was stronger than the last one, we arm wrestled pmsl.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Not leaving the correct money.

Still into sex on buses ?

Trams now. I live in a Metropolis"

Bruce ? Is that you ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh, I prefer underneath in a 69.....but the balls have always been squeaky clean.

I actually nearly suffocated on a guys balls doing that once. He was a big guy and his legs were pinning down my arms so I could move his saggy sack.out of the way!!! (not letsbe before anyone asks

)

Did you say ..

Geg ufff !!! yu fack bithtud !!"

Good job I work alone, got tears in my eyes laughing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Getting on top and calling her the wrong name

Free Bronco

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's kind of wrong to generalize what women like and don't like.

I've known several ladies who like being on top in a 69. Some prefer a 69 lying on our sides. Some just don't care.

As for object insertion, my ex loved it when I used my empty beer bottle on her in one of the clubs, two squirting orgasms.

One ex-partner preferred to put the condom on me, saying that way she knew it was on, and on properly

As for not cleaning properly, to me, cleanliness is quite important, and some ladies aren't particularly good at it either!

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

"...the look of discontentment one may get if you wipe your cock clean on her pillow (apparently)

I know a girl that loves that, she even asks me to do it

Maybe she likes washing pillow cases

Or she enjoys the smell of stale sex serums, whilst she's trying to sleep.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Giving her anal, and calling her your best mates name

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it's kind of wrong to generalize what women like and don't like.

I've known several ladies who like being on top in a 69. Some prefer a 69 lying on our sides. Some just don't care.

As for object insertion, my ex loved it when I used my empty beer bottle on her in one of the clubs, two squirting orgasms.

One ex-partner preferred to put the condom on me, saying that way she knew it was on, and on properly

As for not cleaning properly, to me, cleanliness is quite important, and some ladies aren't particularly good at it either!"

it's just a bit of light-hearted reading. Not to be taken seriously. I do agree with a lot of it though

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By *RT7219Man
over a year ago

Warrington

[Removed by poster at 07/05/14 10:04:32]

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By *RT7219Man
over a year ago

Warrington

Hair stuck in teeth for either sex...so gross

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it's just a bit of light-hearted reading. Not to be taken seriously. I do agree with a lot of it though "

Yer, I know, I just have a thing against generalizing anyone, we are all different with different tastes, and fantasies. And even then they change depending on who a person is with.

Anyway, back to light humor

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hair stuck in teeth for either sex...so gross

Going down on a lady and getting a bit of toilet paper in your mouth isn't pleasant either pmsl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not putting your Morrison's shopping away before sex.

There's fish fingers in there!

Enough?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

mmmmm fish fingers ...

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Thinking about food during sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lol some of these are so funny!! Most are true!! I blame porn for most!! I dont fancy having my anus stretched to the point I could wrap my arse cheeks around myself and call myself a sugar puff!! Some poor girls have huge gaping holes and I don't mean the foof!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thinking about food during sex"

Difficult not too when you are against the wall of Morrisons

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rest your pint on her back so you can light your fag...

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