FabSwingers.com forum: Chuck Norris

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

OK im not entirely sure who he is but ive seen some of the jokes and they are pretty funny..

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, death hasnt the balls to tell him yet.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice

Chuck Norris is the reason Wally is hiding

over to you lot

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Chuck norris was a martial arts expert and an actor. He was hard as nails.

Not as good as Bruce Lee though

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By *ScotsmanMan
over a year ago

ayrshire

. .chuck norris was the exact same as Bruce lee except not of oriental decent and shit

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By *awkeye and HotlipsCouple
over a year ago

Takeley

"Chuck norris was a martial arts expert and an actor. He was hard as nails.

Not as good as Bruce Lee though

"
Agreed and I used to live on the same road as BL in Hong Kong!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

". .chuck norris was the exact same as Bruce lee except ..."

If you turn him upside down he doesn't have made in China stamped on his arse

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Chuck Norris: he's so hard he doesn't do push ups...He pushes the earth down!

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room...the bear isn't dead, it's just afraid to move

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By *al2001Man
over a year ago

kildare

When alexander graham bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from chuck

Chuck was born in a log cabin...that he built with his own hands

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chuck Norris went to Burger King and ordered a Big Mac, and got one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OK im not entirely sure who he is but ive seen some of the jokes and they are pretty funny..

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, death hasnt the balls to tell him yet.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice

Chuck Norris is the reason Wally is hiding

over to you lot

He was the hardest ginger ever!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chuck Norris gets 'fancy a fuck' emails from the ladies.

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By *ScotsmanMan
over a year ago

ayrshire

whats red and white and flys through the jungle?

chuck Norris with a telephone box on the end of his dick

that joke metamorphosized into its final print as i was textin, it started in my head as chuck norris with a nosebleed. . . .thats just an extra free insight to the making of a chuck norris post.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Chuck norris was a martial arts expert and an actor. He was hard as nails.

Not as good as Bruce Lee though

bruce lee kicked his ass in way of the dragon

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Chuck Norris gets 'fancy a fuck' emails from the ladies."

hahahaha love it

Chuck Norris sleeps with most women around the world once a month,, consequently they bleed for 5 days after

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chuck Norris does not sleep..........

He waits

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris in Texas, until it was noticed that no one dare cross it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Google "find chuck Norris" and hit I'm feeling lucky.

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By *irtyminkyMan
over a year ago

norwich

When asked, bruce lee replied " chuck norris ? Never heard of her ! "

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By *anny PepperoniMan
over a year ago

Matlock

I thought it was a game devised by the coronation street crew.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I thought it was a game devised by the coronation street crew. "

*sniggers*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Chuck Norris went to Burger King and ordered a Big Mac, and got one. "

Yeah but Bruce Lee got a McMuffin at 11:05am

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity... Twice.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker the second Wednesday of every month.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

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By *al2001Man
over a year ago

kildare

Beware the chuck norris "lets fuck today" message here.

Its not a question

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chuck Norris has an extra fist in his chin .... Thanks family guy x

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

chuck norris was originally up for the lead role as "jack Bauer" in 24....

unfortunately the plan has to be changed when he solved the crime, and killed all the terrorist bad guys in 1hr 22 minutes...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, as the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Chuck norris was a martial arts expert and an actor. He was hard as nails.

Not as good as Bruce Lee though

Was?

Chuck Norris still is....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

wahh im proper chuckling away at these.. thanks you lot xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's a website dedicated to Chuck Norris facts. I can't post a link but it ain't rocket surgery....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Chuck norris was a martial arts expert and an actor. He was hard as nails.

Not as good as Bruce Lee though

Very misleading post there. Due to the fact that Chuck Norris is still very much alive and your post insinuates that he has passed away, which he has not.

I love Chuck Norris.. I fear not to tell him so though, just incase he round house kicks me into an early grave.

Chuck Norris is the only person in existance that can hear Braille

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By *0hnnyBrav0Man
over a year ago

Great Wyrley

"OK im not entirely sure who he is"

wtf?????

Shame on you but I shall forgive if you have some cake

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Superman wears Chuck Norris underpants

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

They wanted to carve Chuck Norris' face into Mount Rushmore but the granite wasn't hard enough...for his beard!

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By *entaur_UKMan
over a year ago

Cannock

Chuck Norris was in Expendables 2. He nearly turned the role down because everyone knows he is inexpendable. Every time Chuck walked on the film set, Bruce Willis, Arnold Swarzenegger, Sly Stallone, Jean Claude Van Damme and Jason Statham shat their pants and ran away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are we all done with this thread? Good, then i shall fire the parting shot.

Ahem.

(May the norris forgive me for what i am about to say)

Even Chuck Norris is scared of Molly Weasley!

(Grabs coat and sprints for door)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I thought it was a game devised by the coronation street crew. "

Like tossing the caber!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chuck Norris was Bruce lees bitch if it was not for Bruce He would be no were now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stallone asked chuck how many press ups he can do and chuck replied.... All of them!!!

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Some magicians can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Apparently a hair fell out of Chuck Norris's beard back in 1945, he happened to be over Hiroshima at the time ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chuck Norris was born Sept. 1 1945. World War II ended Sept. 2 1945.coincidence?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When Chuck Norris is bitten by a zombie, the Zombie turns into Chuck Norris.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe.........he holds air hostage !

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By *uper_gMan
over a year ago

london

Chuck Norris created the giraffe when he uppercutted a horse!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chuck Norris had phone sex with a girl and she got pregnant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is said that there is no chin under Chuck Norris's beard, just another fist.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognises the element of surprise.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Chuck Norris created the giraffe when he uppercutted a horse!! "

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By *uper_gMan
over a year ago

london

Has anyone tried googling "how do I find chuck Norris?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Has anyone tried googling "how do I find chuck Norris?""

You dont find Chuck Norris he finds you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Has anyone tried googling "how do I find chuck Norris?"

You dont find Chuck Norris he finds you

Hahahahaha! Very good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chucks a top man.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some magicians can walk on water ......

Chuck Norris can swim through land !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chuck Norris can make a gay man straight with a single round-house kick to the head..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chuck Norris is so hard, he winked himself

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By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

"Chuck Norris does not sleep..........

He waits "

------------------

Chuck Norris sits up watching re-runs of

Sex & The City to get more in touch with his

masculine side

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By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

[Removed by poster at 11/05/18 00:31:23]

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By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

"Chuck Norris was in Expendables 2. He nearly turned the role down because everyone knows he is inexpendable. Every time Chuck walked on the film set, Bruce Willis, Arnold Swarzenegger, Sly Stallone, Jean Claude Van Damme and Jason Statham shat their pants and ran away.

--------------------------

Chuck Norris was turned down for the lead role in Brookback Mountain because he was crying uncontrollably to even finish his lines during the auditions

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By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

"Has anyone tried googling "how do I find chuck Norris?"

You dont find Chuck Norris he finds you

-----------------------------------------------

When Chuck tries to login to Goggle +

It tells him "PASSWORD NOT STRONG ENOUGH"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OK im not entirely sure who he is but ive seen some of the jokes and they are pretty funny..

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, death hasnt the balls to tell him yet.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice

Chuck Norris is the reason Wally is hiding

over to you lot

I think Chuck caught up with the OP and exercised a bit of ass whipping for not knowing who he was!!

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By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

"Chuck Norris went to Burger King and ordered a Big Mac, and got one. "

----------------------

...and when Woody Allen went for a Harvey Wallbanger, Chuck Norris got scared and went hiding...

but later served Woody after an hour of apologising

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By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

"Stallone asked chuck how many press ups he can do and chuck replied.... All of them!!!

------------------------------

After each night of shooting Expendables 1, Stallone used to go to Hooters for a drink where a cute Hooters girl in hot pants named Chuck served him...

... the rest as they say is history

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By *antasticMrFucksMan
over a year ago

Taunton

Chuck Norris doesn't have a chin under his beard he has another fist

He also invested the giraffe by uprcutting a horse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Chuck Norris created the giraffe when he uppercutted a horse!! "

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By *ornylittlesubWoman
over a year ago

Grangemouth

Chuck Norris can make milk shake.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/05/18 00:58:14]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Chuck Norris can make milk shake.

Your pics just made my milk shake!

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By *traightguy101Man
over a year ago

Darlington

Chuck Norris dived from his boat into the ocean so hard, it went back in time and caused the dinosaurs to go extinct.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When Alexander graham bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from chuck Norris.

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By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

There's Chuck Norris jokes...

because no one's brave enough

to joke about Bruce Lee!

(mic drop)

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By *haverMan
over a year ago

bracknell

Chuck Norris takes eye Viagra to look hard

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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville

Chuck Norris' left bicep is listed as a Weapon of Mass Distruction by the United Nations.

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By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

"Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime."

---------------

Chuck Norris is one fourth Grand Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man drives a feckin Jeep

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By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

"chuck norris was originally up for the lead role as "jack Bauer" in 24....

unfortunately the plan has to be changed when he solved the crime, and killed all the terrorist bad guys in 1hr 22 minutes...

-----------------------------

Before being discovered as a martial arts talent, Chuck Norris was a writer for Hallmark greeting cards.

Awwwww....

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