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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I was sitting in the kitchen eating my breakfast this morning when my wife came in with a horrified look on her face. " What the fucks up with you " I said. " Look at this pile of filth I've just found under our sons bed " she replied and promptly slams down 15 of the most hardcore bdsm, fetish and anal torture wankmags I have ever seen. With despair in her voice my wife says " what the fuck are we going to do about this ". Well love " I said calmly, "I don?t think we should spank him " !!!

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By *ecky-booTV/TS
over a year ago

worthing

My neighbours dog sits in the garden barking all night. We cant get a wink of sleep. No matter how many times I complain he's just not interested.

I thought ok if that's your attitude I'll fix you.. so I stole the dog one evening and put him in my garden all night... Lets see how he likes that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Camila, Duchess of Cornwall wore a pair of new shoes for her wedding.

That night, when the celebration was over and they retired to their room,

She flopped on the bed and said,

"Charles darling, please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me."

Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales tried the right shoe but the shoe would

Not budge. "Harder!" yelled Camilla, "Harder".

Charles yelled back: "I'm trying, darling! But it's just so bloody tight!"

"Come on! Give it all you've got!" she cried.

Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed,

"There! Oh God, that feels so good!"

In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip,

"See! I told you with a face like that, she had to be a virgin!"

Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried,

"Oh God, darling! This one's even tighter!"

At which Prince Phillip said to the Queen,

"That's my boy! He served in the Navy.

Once a Rear Admiral, always a Rear Admiral!"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Camila, Duchess of Cornwall wore a pair of new shoes for her wedding.

That night, when the celebration was over and they retired to their room,

She flopped on the bed and said,

"Charles darling, please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me."

Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales tried the right shoe but the shoe would

Not budge. "Harder!" yelled Camilla, "Harder".

Charles yelled back: "I'm trying, darling! But it's just so bloody tight!"

"Come on! Give it all you've got!" she cried.

Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed,

"There! Oh God, that feels so good!"

In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip,

"See! I told you with a face like that, she had to be a virgin!"

Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried,

"Oh God, darling! This one's even tighter!"

At which Prince Phillip said to the Queen,

"That's my boy! He served in the Navy.

Once a Rear Admiral, always a Rear Admiral!" "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I walked in and said to my Wife,

"I've been so busy I don't know whether I'm coming or going!!"

She Replies,

"By the look on your face you're going. Because when you're coming you look like a fucking stroke victim trying to whistle!"

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By *ackandkateCouple
over a year ago

Truro

There were 3 sisters, Gurty, Nelly and Fanny.

They were lovely girls but all 3 had huge feet.

One day Gurty and Nelly were paddling in the village pond with Billy the bakers boy.

He took one look at the girls feet and said "'kin 'ell, you pair have got huge feet"

Nelly replied, "If you think these are big, you should see our Fanny's"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely hilarious Peaches12 I had tears running down my face.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A Marine boarded a train on his way home from deployment...

The train was quite crowded, and the Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed middle-aged French woman, but when he got there he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"

The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude.. My little Fifi is using that seat.."

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat available was under that dog. "Please, Ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired." She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!" This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window and sat down.

The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!" An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up.

"Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

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