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dilema please help

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By *exycleaner OP   Woman
over a year ago

pontefract

not swinging related but family problem.

i am now single ,only have 1 sister left as parents and bro and sister all passed away , im the youngest ,my sisters daughter is a single mum to a 5 yr old,my sister looks after little girl a lot ,takes her to their caravan ,doesnt invite me .prob is every time is see this child she says i hate you ,been with them yesterday say to me your not coming for my birthday or christmas and no giving presents ,when we went out for a meal refused to sit next to me in the car ,help what do i do she does it everytime i see her ....

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

do you know why she says it? I'd ignore it if you can kids do and say some odd things but maybe a word with your sister to see if anything could have sparked it off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't take it so personally. The kid's 5 years old.

Or speak to your sister about it.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Maybe speak with your sister and tell her what the 5 year old is saying and it makes you feel a bit sad that the child is saying it....children are funny my niece and nephew are funny with me but only because they don't really know me I don't see them all the time so I'm not familiar to them...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kids say odd things sometimes to get attention, maybe get to see her more.

Take her to the park on a one to one, buy her a comic if she will let you.

Her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As she is only 5 I would ignore it... She's only a child and probably doesn't realise that her actions are hurtful.

Is there something that may have caused her to have this sort of reaction towards you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bury her under the patio

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell her Santa's not real, neither is the Easter bunny.

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By *exycleaner OP   Woman
over a year ago

pontefract

she says it all the time because she is not getting disciplined i had probs with her at xmas then when i went to see my sister on my birthday ,she was sat on my nieces knee who the tipped her off but as she cant say anything to her mum starts on me .its getting to stage where i not want to visit my sister

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Speak to your sister and explain that you find the words hurtful. Try and think about things that you can do with them that puts you in 'fun' mode, you doing the fun things with her and she will associate you with good times. The wee ones mum should help build that bridge

good luck

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By *illwill69uMan
over a year ago

moston

Ask your sister if you have offended her in any way. After all in my experience children don't start acting like that without some reason.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Tell her Santa's not real, neither is the Easter bunny. "

You do know that every time you say that, a Santa dies? Heartless man.

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By *exycleaner OP   Woman
over a year ago

pontefract

as my sister has been taking her to their caravan everytime they go and has done so for past cpl of years in order so child gets to play in fresh air ,and gives my niece a life ,the girl is allowed to do what she wants and is not getting taught thats its not right to speak to me that way ,yesterday starts on me as soon as she saw me , well as my sister never comes visit me time i stopped visiting her .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Tell her Santa's not real, neither is the Easter bunny.

You do know that every time you say that, a Santa dies? Heartless man."

A man dressed in a red and white suit with a fake beard you mean.

Santa's not real.

Santa's not real.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Tell her Santa's not real, neither is the Easter bunny.

You do know that every time you say that, a Santa dies? Heartless man.

A man dressed in a red and white suit with a fake beard you mean.

Santa's not real.

Santa's not real.

"

Bitch. My illusions are shattered.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

See your sister when she is on her own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So if I'm reading this right... The little girl is your sisters grandchild?

Maybe try and some fun factors into the visit when you visit them?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Yes and also her neices daughter......

relations.. pffffft

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You seem to have a tough life.

There is a flipside to every coin that gets tossed.

You aint gonna get the bad side every time.

I've never been in your situation but shit will come good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Tell her Santa's not real, neither is the Easter bunny.

You do know that every time you say that, a Santa dies? Heartless man.

A man dressed in a red and white suit with a fake beard you mean.

Santa's not real.

Santa's not real.

Bitch. My illusions are shattered."

Hehehe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like the lil miss has spoilt brat syndrome hun , maybe she has been allowed to speak to people in such a manner without being chastised and its just normal behavior for her now . A word with your sister might help . If not maybe sit her down and tell her she is being hurtful and how its not very nice to behave that way xx

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Or you could just see your sister when she's on her own.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I'd take it up with your sister, if you get no joy from her then I'd make it clear what is acceptable to your niece. If you still get no joy, I'd fuck them both off.

Life is too short for people who are like that. Choose friends and people who aren't a pain.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"See your sister when she is on her own. "

good idea x ehats being said about you in the household ?

I wouldnt even try to pacify this child x because if shes not told what she says n does is wrong there isnt hope.

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

If you re the person that has tried to or have disciplined the little one in the past you ll be the bad guy in her eyes,

I d be speaking to you sister and niece they need to have a consistent message to the little one, good values are picked up and instilled at a young age through the actions of adults and others

Not easy best of luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well why bother going to see your sister if she doesnt invite you anyway?

the kid sounds evil, i would avoid it.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn


"

the kid sounds evil, i would avoid it."

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By *exycleaner OP   Woman
over a year ago

pontefract

cheers everyone my sister does invite me to her house she doesnt come to see me not been here since day i moved in ,just spoke to her on phone and said about her grandchild what that all about .she says no idea and laughed ,

its just tough cos she is all ive got left

so her not giving a toss about me is hard xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Five? 5? Come on, the kid is only 5! Ignore her if your struggling that much to deal with her, she will grow out of it.

Your sister on the other hand probably won't. It's your choice whether you make a concerted effort to fix your relationship with her or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd take it up with your sister, if you get no joy from her then I'd make it clear what is acceptable to your niece. If you still get no joy, I'd fuck them both off.

Life is too short for people who are like that. Choose friends and people who aren't a pain. "

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By *atelotmanMan
over a year ago

Chatham


"Tell her Santa's not real, neither is the Easter bunny.

You do know that every time you say that, a Santa dies? Heartless man.

A man dressed in a red and white suit with a fake beard you mean.

Santa's not real.

Santa's not real.

I don't wear the red suit all the time an the beard is real.

So NOW YOUR ON MY NAUGHTY LIST

Bitch. My illusions are shattered.

Hehehe"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

3 options

talk it through

ignore it

punch the child in the face everytime she says something

(i would tend to leave the 3rd option as a very last resort)

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"3 options

talk it through

ignore it

punch the child in the face everytime she says something

(i would tend to leave the 3rd option as a very last resort)"
you think violence to a child is acceptable

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By *exycleaner OP   Woman
over a year ago

pontefract

i told my niece last time i was at my sisters that her girls attitude is out of order but yesterday my niece wasn,t there i could ignore it but as it happening everytime i see her im getting to stage where i not want to visit my sister as the child is always there ,my sister is looking after the child so my niece not neglect her but by doing so she is neglecting her own family ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"3 options

talk it through

ignore it

punch the child in the face everytime she says something

(i would tend to leave the 3rd option as a very last resort)you think violence to a child is acceptable "

well, like everyone says, she is only 5.

hardly likely to be ale to fight back

(all extremely tongue in cheek as well you should know)

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"i told my niece last time i was at my sisters that her girls attitude is out of order but yesterday my niece wasn,t there i could ignore it but as it happening everytime i see her im getting to stage where i not want to visit my sister as the child is always there ,my sister is looking after the child so my niece not neglect her but by doing so she is neglecting her own family .."

The 'girl' or 'child' you keep referring to is your great neice. Your neice's child. Your sisters grandchild. The child is FIVE and IS FAMILY.

See your sister when she is on her own.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"3 options

talk it through

ignore it

punch the child in the face everytime she says something

(i would tend to leave the 3rd option as a very last resort)"

I favour method number three..

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"i told my niece last time i was at my sisters that her girls attitude is out of order but yesterday my niece wasn,t there i could ignore it but as it happening everytime i see her im getting to stage where i not want to visit my sister as the child is always there ,my sister is looking after the child so my niece not neglect her but by doing so she is neglecting her own family .."

Erm....your sister's grandchild IS family hers and yours.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i told my niece last time i was at my sisters that her girls attitude is out of order but yesterday my niece wasn,t there i could ignore it but as it happening everytime i see her im getting to stage where i not want to visit my sister as the child is always there ,my sister is looking after the child so my niece not neglect her but by doing so she is neglecting her own family ..

Erm....your sister's grandchild IS family hers and yours. "

Family doesnt mean much though realy does it.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"i told my niece last time i was at my sisters that her girls attitude is out of order but yesterday my niece wasn,t there i could ignore it but as it happening everytime i see her im getting to stage where i not want to visit my sister as the child is always there ,my sister is looking after the child so my niece not neglect her but by doing so she is neglecting her own family ..

Erm....your sister's grandchild IS family hers and yours.

Family doesnt mean much though realy does it. "

who to?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i told my niece last time i was at my sisters that her girls attitude is out of order but yesterday my niece wasn,t there i could ignore it but as it happening everytime i see her im getting to stage where i not want to visit my sister as the child is always there ,my sister is looking after the child so my niece not neglect her but by doing so she is neglecting her own family .."

I'm sorry I may have this wrong, but you sound a tad jealous of the attention your sister pays to her grandchild!

And how on earth is she neglecting her family by taking care of her own granddaughter?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i told my niece last time i was at my sisters that her girls attitude is out of order but yesterday my niece wasn,t there i could ignore it but as it happening everytime i see her im getting to stage where i not want to visit my sister as the child is always there ,my sister is looking after the child so my niece not neglect her but by doing so she is neglecting her own family ..

Erm....your sister's grandchild IS family hers and yours.

Family doesnt mean much though realy does it.

who to?"

Well to anyone unless you all get on well and actualy like each other i suppose.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"i told my niece last time i was at my sisters that her girls attitude is out of order but yesterday my niece wasn,t there i could ignore it but as it happening everytime i see her im getting to stage where i not want to visit my sister as the child is always there ,my sister is looking after the child so my niece not neglect her but by doing so she is neglecting her own family ..

Erm....your sister's grandchild IS family hers and yours.

Family doesnt mean much though realy does it.

who to?

Well to anyone unless you all get on well and actualy like each other i suppose."

well yes. My family mean a great deal to me and I to them and I guess that the op wouldn't consider this to be a dilemma if her family didn't mean much.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Children get used to people with familiarity. There is nothing that says a child HAS to like a member of their family and, OP, I think from what you have said that you don't like your great niece.

You don't like her and she doesn't like you but as she is five she has no hesitation in expressing that she doesn't like you.

As you are the adult in the relationship you have with this child perhaps try and get to know the child and build some rapport. You may not ever like each other but in a year or two she will at least have learnt that stating it so openly isn't part of the social norm. She will grow up.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"i told my niece last time i was at my sisters that her girls attitude is out of order but yesterday my niece wasn,t there i could ignore it but as it happening everytime i see her im getting to stage where i not want to visit my sister as the child is always there ,my sister is looking after the child so my niece not neglect her but by doing so she is neglecting her own family ..

Erm....your sister's grandchild IS family hers and yours.

Family doesnt mean much though realy does it. "

Nothing means much unless you want it to.

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By *exycleaner OP   Woman
over a year ago

pontefract

my sister is neglecting her hubby he told me yesterday ,he is getting fed up with them having my great niece all the time when i needed my sister the most in my life every time i rang her child was there so she couldnt talk to me she sometimes unplugs the phone ,im not jealous of the child or hate her its not her mums fault she is a single mum but my sister is never there for me but ive always put myself out to be there for her

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

chat it through face to face with your sister....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"my sister is neglecting her hubby he told me yesterday ,he is getting fed up with them having my great niece all the time when i needed my sister the most in my life every time i rang her child was there so she couldnt talk to me she sometimes unplugs the phone ,im not jealous of the child or hate her its not her mums fault she is a single mum but my sister is never there for me but ive always put myself out to be there for her "

If your sisters hubby said she is neglecting him as well as you then she is making a big mistake.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"my sister is neglecting her hubby he told me yesterday ,he is getting fed up with them having my great niece all the time when i needed my sister the most in my life every time i rang her child was there so she couldnt talk to me she sometimes unplugs the phone ,im not jealous of the child or hate her its not her mums fault she is a single mum but my sister is never there for me but ive always put myself out to be there for her "

well your brother in law can speak up for himself I would have thought and you must talk to your sister.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"my sister is neglecting her hubby he told me yesterday ,he is getting fed up with them having my great niece all the time when i needed my sister the most in my life every time i rang her child was there so she couldnt talk to me she sometimes unplugs the phone ,im not jealous of the child or hate her its not her mums fault she is a single mum but my sister is never there for me but ive always put myself out to be there for her

well your brother in law can speak up for himself I would have thought and you must talk to your sister. "

The brother in law who is the father and grandfather?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So this has gone from a 5 year old being a little rude to you, to your sister neglecting you and her husband just because she takes care of her grandchild!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"my sister is neglecting her hubby he told me yesterday ,he is getting fed up with them having my great niece all the time when i needed my sister the most in my life every time i rang her child was there so she couldnt talk to me she sometimes unplugs the phone ,im not jealous of the child or hate her its not her mums fault she is a single mum but my sister is never there for me but ive always put myself out to be there for her "

Forget about your sister and concentrate on your friends, like they say, you can choose your friends but you cant choose your family.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"my sister is neglecting her hubby he told me yesterday ,he is getting fed up with them having my great niece all the time when i needed my sister the most in my life every time i rang her child was there so she couldnt talk to me she sometimes unplugs the phone ,im not jealous of the child or hate her its not her mums fault she is a single mum but my sister is never there for me but ive always put myself out to be there for her

well your brother in law can speak up for himself I would have thought and you must talk to your sister.

The brother in law who is the father and grandfather?

"

just the grandfather or have I missed something?

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By *exycleaner OP   Woman
over a year ago

pontefract


"So this has gone from a 5 year old being a little rude to you, to your sister neglecting you and her husband just because she takes care of her grandchild! "
they have looked after this child a lot since the day she was born let my niece stay with her boyfriend till they got a house then when niece left chap put her up ,so she gets house by herself but has stayed at my sisters for months at a time so maybe my bro in law is getting fed up with never having his house to himself .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its 5 give it a slap..Simples

Gimp

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"So this has gone from a 5 year old being a little rude to you, to your sister neglecting you and her husband just because she takes care of her grandchild! they have looked after this child a lot since the day she was born let my niece stay with her boyfriend till they got a house then when niece left chap put her up ,so she gets house by herself but has stayed at my sisters for months at a time so maybe my bro in law is getting fed up with never having his house to himself ."

None of this has anything to do with us and I'm not really sure why you're telling us their business.

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By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

FFS she's 5 years old don't take it so personally and the reality is a 5 year old is more needy of adult attention than a 53 year old!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take her on Jezza and get it over with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Take her on Jezza and get it over with."

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Oh dear.....it's a child the family are taking care of a child it seems to me you are jealous that they are spending more time with the child than you and the child is feeding off your resentment...children are far from stupid and pick up on things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh dear.....it's a child the family are taking care of a child it seems to me you are jealous that they are spending more time with the child than you and the child is feeding off your resentment...children are far from stupid and pick up on things "

She did say she wasnt jealous though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As she is only 5 I would ignore it... She's only a child and probably doesn't realise that her actions are hurtful.

Is there something that may have caused her to have this sort of reaction towards you? "

No, by doing that the kid grows up thinking her actions are acceptable. Speak to your sister and tell her this upsets you. Our even better very nicely explain to the hotel that she makes you sad as you really like her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Crikey, who'd have thought a 5 year old child could cause so much hassle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you're being a bit over sensitive about it. Children are very easy to win over if you try to make visits fun etc. Saying that, the adult supervising the child should pull her up for being rude, I would if was my five year old.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh dear.....it's a child the family are taking care of a child it seems to me you are jealous that they are spending more time with the child than you and the child is feeding off your resentment...children are far from stupid and pick up on things "

Little pitchers have big ears

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to say this OP but you come across as a needy jealous sibling fighting for attention from your sister rather than an adult great aunt to this young child.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The kid should be tought some manners though because when i was that age i would be too frightened to say anything like that to any of my relations or any other adult and my son was the same he used to love to see people being an only child he was very friendly and loved company of any age, kids and adults.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i told my niece last time i was at my sisters that her girls attitude is out of order but yesterday my niece wasn,t there i could ignore it but as it happening everytime i see her im getting to stage where i not want to visit my sister as the child is always there ,my sister is looking after the child so my niece not neglect her but by doing so she is neglecting her own family ..

Erm....your sister's grandchild IS family hers and yours.

Family doesnt mean much though realy does it.

who to?

Well to anyone unless you all get on well and actualy like each other i suppose."

Family will always be family no matter what. Its in the blood its in the common sense and its in the moral values.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i told my niece last time i was at my sisters that her girls attitude is out of order but yesterday my niece wasn,t there i could ignore it but as it happening everytime i see her im getting to stage where i not want to visit my sister as the child is always there ,my sister is looking after the child so my niece not neglect her but by doing so she is neglecting her own family ..

Erm....your sister's grandchild IS family hers and yours.

Family doesnt mean much though realy does it.

who to?

Well to anyone unless you all get on well and actualy like each other i suppose.

Family will always be family no matter what. Its in the blood its in the common sense and its in the moral values. "

Years ago when people used to live in the same place as their relatives maybe,

my aunties all lived in devon and london so we didnt see each other very often and we didnt have much in common anyway.

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By *ovemenotWoman
over a year ago

yeovil


"Sorry to say this OP but you come across as a needy jealous sibling fighting for attention from your sister rather than an adult great aunt to this young child. "

I agree ,it reads a bit like you want your sister to pick her gran child or you . I will tell you now YOU WILL LOSE! And getting your brother in law in on the act is just going to stress out her relashionip with him . If he was really unhappy he would say some thing with out you pushing him !! Stop trying to make her pick . If you really don't like the child bugger off and leave your sister and her gran child alone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From the sound of it. Your sister adore her grandchild, perhaps too much to the point she is spoiling her and if she could she'd even keep her and raise her herself. In the other hand you love your sister and see her as the only person left in your family and you feel a some kind of resentment towards your overly spoiled grand niece because she doesn't give you a chance to be on your own with your sister. The child is just five and she is an innocent wee angel not matter how bad mannered she is. She doesn't really know or comprehend wrong from right. You should not blame her for that or for the current situation. She can feel your resentment and even may be she can even hear about from adults in your abscence which is may be the reason why she reacts this way towards you.

I'd suggest you stop interfering in your sister's choice on how much time she wants to spend with her grand child. Instead keep in touch by phone ect and visit when the kid is not there. Your sister have full hands with taking care of the wee one, have a daughter that she take care of too as u mentioned before plus a needy husband. So you need to consider that its fair enough that u visit her instead of she visiting u as she has much more responsibilities than u do. Your sister know that you dont get along with her beloved grand child and thats why she doesnt invite when she goes camping with her. She loves you too and she doesn't want to argue about it but she also want to make her own choices in life and how to spend her time. So accept your neice in your heart. Show her love. each time she says she hates you, smile at her face from your heart and tell her that you love her. Time will make her feel that love and she will naturally express and then things become much better between u and your sister.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Ouch @ some comments.

To the OP...although the child is only 5 years old, manners should be getting taught from an early age. If she is not being pulled up for being rude then it sadly says more about the person who is looking after her at the time.

As it is your sister then I would say something when the child isn't there.

She obviously loves looking after her Grandchild but it sounds like it is stopping you both from having any adult time...maybe ask her to meet you for something to eat when she is on her own. or ask her to make some time for herself and come out with you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You need to talk to your sister, I am surprised your sister has let this continue.

My guess (sorry), is that this is to do more so with what your sister than your 5 year old niece.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I read back my comment and it did seem a tad harsh but you do need to sit down with your sister and tell her how you feel...it's not the child fault the way it is reacting but it does need to be addressed....good luck

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By *exycleaner OP   Woman
over a year ago

pontefract

this as usual has got taken out of hand

firstly i am not jealous of the child

but how the hell can i speak to my sister on her own when child is always at her house , ive tried to get my sister to come over to my place but she makes excuses ,my point was this child is been allowed to do as she pleases without been corrected so is that the right way to bring up a child that is all i asked .

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By *exycleaner OP   Woman
over a year ago

pontefract

and as for the comments im jealous of the time my sister spends with the child than me hasnt anyone realised my sister doesnt spend time with me ,i asked he last year if she would be bothered if i was dead all she could say was i would be the only one left .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be brave and say it when both together say it all hurts you and you don't know what to say and do to make things work ..... Sister and child there together .... You all know where you stand like that ... clear the air so you can all move on but you have to be brave make first moves .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just say hi, smile move away and ignore her.

Ignoring an attention seeking kids will hurt her more then it will hurt you.

Good luck and dont let it get to you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just say hi, smile move away and ignore her.

Ignoring an attention seeking kids will hurt her more then it will hurt you.

Good luck and dont let it get to you."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"this as usual has got taken out of hand

firstly i am not jealous of the child

but how the hell can i speak to my sister on her own when child is always at her house , ive tried to get my sister to come over to my place but she makes excuses ,my point was this child is been allowed to do as she pleases without been corrected so is that the right way to bring up a child that is all i asked ."

There is no right way to bring up a child. If the child was chastised every time she spoke to you then she would have reason to hate you, basic conditioning.

You also have a role and a responsibility in this scenario, you should ask the child why she hates you, and open a dialogue, that would be much better than punishment.

It's OK to ask in front of your sister, but don't exclude the child from the discussion. After all children often tell the brutal truth as seen from their perspective, and I would suspect that the bad behaviour you see has a root cause that you should know about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell her she's adopted.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"and as for the comments im jealous of the time my sister spends with the child than me hasnt anyone realised my sister doesnt spend time with me ,i asked he last year if she would be bothered if i was dead all she could say was i would be the only one left ."

If she doesn't want to socialise with you or bothered if you are not there then my suggestion of you trying to get your sister out alone I take back and will give another.

I wouldn't go somewhere that I wasn't welcome and as you say you don't feel welcome or wanted, then my suggestion is give up... get on with your life.

If she wants to get in touch after that she will and you can decide what to do from there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"and as for the comments im jealous of the time my sister spends with the child than me hasnt anyone realised my sister doesnt spend time with me ,i asked he last year if she would be bothered if i was dead all she could say was i would be the only one left ."

Calm down Carrie, she is 5 hunny.

you and her will be fine

x

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By *exycleaner OP   Woman
over a year ago

pontefract

at the end of the day she lives 25 miles from me so its me that has to go to hers all the time ,so i need to get on with my life , just hurts as she is all ive got it could be the child resents me cos she cant have granny all to herself ,she said that on sunday that spending the day with me was boring cos cos we were'nt doing what she wanted to do .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a lot of people just dont teach their kids manners these days, saying shes just a kid and will be ok when she gets older isnt true because she will just get worst because she hasnt been tought right from wrong.

And as for your sister just because she is your sister doesnt mean you will like each other and get on, i dont get on with mine and neither do lots of other people, theres no point in trying to make it work, just because she happens to be your sister.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"and as for the comments im jealous of the time my sister spends with the child than me hasnt anyone realised my sister doesnt spend time with me ,i asked he last year if she would be bothered if i was dead all she could say was i would be the only one left ."

It's not the response you wanted but context is everything. We don't have the context in which you asked this very loaded question.

You appear to want to spend time with your sister and she wants to use her time in other ways. Perhaps she finds spending time with you difficult, especially if she feels she will be accused of being neglectful of you when you are together.

Forcing a rock to move is an exercise in futility. It is sad and upsetting when people we love don't return our love exactly as we want them to, especially if we are feeling down in life. We don't always know or appreciate what is going on in their lives as generally humans are selfish creatures.

Accept you want more than she is able yo offer right now. Tell her you would like to see her alone and when you meet do something you both enjoy. Nothing heavy, just be together. Build a new friendship with each other as adults.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"not swinging related but family problem.

i am now single ,only have 1 sister left as parents and bro and sister all passed away , im the youngest ,my sisters daughter is a single mum to a 5 yr old,my sister looks after little girl a lot ,takes her to their caravan ,doesnt invite me .prob is every time is see this child she says i hate you ,been with them yesterday say to me your not coming for my birthday or christmas and no giving presents ,when we went out for a meal refused to sit next to me in the car ,help what do i do she does it everytime i see her ...."

Kids have a choice who they like and don't but its bad parenting when they are abrasive like that and have no manners. I would avoid when possible if it was me and mention it to the parents as its bothering you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it was me I would see them get it all off my chest .. maybe take them out for lunch . And if don't go to plan you did your best and get on with your life . You can only do so much and you need to live life and be happy .

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By *ovemenotWoman
over a year ago

yeovil

If the kids 5 in September she will be going to school . Then the sister will be all yours Monday to Friday 9-3

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"this as usual has got taken out of hand

firstly i am not jealous of the child

but how the hell can i speak to my sister on her own when child is always at her house , ive tried to get my sister to come over to my place but she makes excuses ,my point was this child is been allowed to do as she pleases without been corrected so is that the right way to bring up a child that is all i asked ."

I can't say if its the right way to bring a child up based on your version of how she is with you. We only have one side of this story and I agree your sister does seem to be spending a lot of time with her garndaughter. However as we all know families have lots of issues and different things going on, we don't know if you and your sister were very close and she has rejected you, if you and her used to fall out a lot etc etc. So no, I couldn't possible say if the child is being brought up properly. I am sorry if you are hurt and I hope you can sort it out but its your sister you should be discsuuong this with.

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By *exycleaner OP   Woman
over a year ago

pontefract

she is 6 in aug so already goes to school and has my sister lives 25 miles away and i work i can only see her on a weekend,

i suppose the problem is little did we all know 6 years ago my niece be left a single mum and me a divorcee my niece obviously has to come first but as my sister is all i have its difficult keeping a grip

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By *ovemenotWoman
over a year ago

yeovil


"she is 6 in aug so already goes to school and has my sister lives 25 miles away and i work i can only see her on a weekend,

i suppose the problem is little did we all know 6 years ago my niece be left a single mum and me a divorcee my niece obviously has to come first but as my sister is all i have its difficult keeping a grip "

Take a day off work and go see her ! If your niece needs her mum to watch her little girl at weekends then you need to see her at other times if you can / don't want to be around the child !

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By *exycleaner OP   Woman
over a year ago

pontefract


"Sorry to say this OP but you come across as a needy jealous sibling fighting for attention from your sister rather than an adult great aunt to this young child.

I agree ,it reads a bit like you want your sister to pick her gran child or you . I will tell you now YOU WILL LOSE! And getting your brother in law in on the act is just going to stress out her relashionip with him . If he was really unhappy he would say some thing with out you pushing him !! Stop trying to make her pick . If you really don't like the child bugger off and leave your sister and her gran child alone "
im not expecting my sister to choose over the child me or her but it would be nice to know that she actually loves me instead of feeling like she doesnt give a toss

try been alone in the world where nobody gives a fuck about you then see how you would all react to the situation none of you know how it bloody hurts xx

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn


"

try been alone in the world where nobody gives a fuck about you then see how you would all react to the situation none of you know how it bloody hurts xx"

you seem to go from highs to tremendous lows, it is sad to read.

Being alone can be a terrible thing, but you are not alone, You have a family, enjoy them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

give the bitch a slap

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sorry to say this OP but you come across as a needy jealous sibling fighting for attention from your sister rather than an adult great aunt to this young child.

I agree ,it reads a bit like you want your sister to pick her gran child or you . I will tell you now YOU WILL LOSE! And getting your brother in law in on the act is just going to stress out her relashionip with him . If he was really unhappy he would say some thing with out you pushing him !! Stop trying to make her pick . If you really don't like the child bugger off and leave your sister and her gran child alone im not expecting my sister to choose over the child me or her but it would be nice to know that she actually loves me instead of feeling like she doesnt give a toss

try been alone in the world where nobody gives a fuck about you then see how you would all react to the situation none of you know how it bloody hurts xx"

Well i dont think your jealous and i can understand why you feel hurt especialy by your sister. Its not a matter of your sister choosing between you and her grandchild either.

Your sisters husband has every right to moan about things to you if he feels he needs a shoulder to cry on too, why should he be expected to be treated like a door mat, too many grandparents spoil their kids.

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