FabSwingers.com forum: Friends

By *ebzStar OP Woman
over a year ago

Notting

Dont you want to bloody kill em sometimes!!!

My best buddy from london who we have been good mates for about 16 years now is driving me bloody insane!!!

Had arranged to come up and see me.

Then i heaar nothing.

I send him a emil thru facebook, and asked him to sponsor us, he sends me email back saying he will sponsor us if i sponsor him.

So,

i immediatley went online and sponsored him.

I asked him again about his weekend visit.

Nothing.

He hasnt spondored us either.

I send an email saying cheers buddy - was short cos i was pissed off.

Nothing.

Now his facebook acocunt been deleted, and he not replied to his email AND nor my texts.

Now i know this time of year is shit for him cos its when he lost his partner - so

Question is

Do i keep trying to get in touch

Do i leave him alone and let him get on with it.

I just want him to know i am still here and he is still welcome planned weekend and i wont plan anythign that weekend in case he still wants to make it.

Debz - very frustrated and confused!!!

Grrrrr.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Let him come to you. The lead up to an anniversary of a loved one dying is a horrible time, he may just need some time out from you and everything.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Your a brilliant friend but like me you know that sometimes you just need to be on your own. I would send him one more text just saying that your there when hes ready to get in touch and your thinking of him then leave it at that. He will be in touch cause your such a fabby friend

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By *ebzStar OP Woman
over a year ago

Notting

Thanks hunnies.

I am so upset about it.

Last year he did come to me, and burst into tears on arrival.

I know he is shutting hinself away hence deleting his facebook - so i know its not me, but his way.

I am just a bit worried cos he was saying he was feeling a bit lonely of late.

And i dont want him to go thru all this on his own when he has me.

I fell bad now for getting angry and sending stupid email.

Think the one more text thing is prob the best, but i so wanna do more.

Feel helpless i suppose.

((crying now - thanks Karen for your kind words xxxx love you babes))

Thanks xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just remember the only way to have a friend is to be one..... and you can never get inside anyones head however close you are ......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Leave him alone and let him come to you.

It's coming up to the 20th anniversary of my son's death. In the early days I just wished to be left alone and everyone to fuck off. They don't of course they expect business as usual.

You know it's a rotten time of year for him and you come across as insensitive which I'm sure you don't mean to be.

If you are a friend you'd recognise he's still hurting and just wants to shut the world out for a bit. Endless texts, emailing may make him reconsider your friendship.

Leave him be!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can empathise with you a bit, I know a lady who is very much into Christmas, if anything a bit OTT with all the lights and decorations, but during the early/mid part of December, every year, she shuts herself away and is very down, for similar reasons to your friend.

All you can do is let them know you're there for them, and wait for them to get thru their time of mourning and remembering. In the case of my friend, as we get nearer Christmas she bounces back and normal service is resumed!!

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By *ebzStar OP Woman
over a year ago

Notting

"Leave him alone and let him come to you.

You know it's a rotten time of year for him and you come across as insensitive which I'm sure you don't mean to be.

If you are a friend you'd recognise he's still hurting and just wants to shut the world out for a bit. Endless texts, emailing may make him reconsider your friendship.

Leave him be!"

OUch - that hurt - but yes i can see you are right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Leave him to it I'd say.

At the end of the day, even very good friends could drift apart through time.

As for being insensitive, to hell with that! Who says we have to be sensitive to the needs of others all the time?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Contact him on the day, let him know you're thinking of him. other than that, leave it to him.

If you didnt you'd probably feel crap even if you are justified.

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By *ebzStar OP Woman
over a year ago

Notting

Have had some lovely pm's off friends (some of em i adore and dont wanna kill).

Thanks guys.

The advice i am going to take is not to email anything else. Send another text saying hope he is ok and to call me when he is ready.

Then on the day to get a card to him, with a lovely verse telling him how special he is.

He has been thru lots with me, and even tho we have lived apart for some of that time, our bond is still so strong.

He really took it out on me after the event when we went to Blackpool for a few days.

He really let loose and i nearly came home in tears. I didnt sleep all night and heard him get up. He saw my packed bags and asked when i was going.

I said "no where yet" and he put the kettle on, we went for a walk and he cried and cried and gave me a big hug.

I can understand that he feels poo, and feel awful for not being able to do more - but is suppose that is selfish on MY part - MY feeling useless rather than how he feels.

Will take above advice even tho its hard.

thanks again guys

xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have had some lovely pm's off friends (some of em i adore and dont wanna kill).

Thanks guys.

The advice i am going to take is not to email anything else. Send another text saying hope he is ok and to call me when he is ready.

Then on the day to get a card to him, with a lovely verse telling him how special he is.

He has been thru lots with me, and even tho we have lived apart for some of that time, our bond is still so strong.

He really took it out on me after the event when we went to Blackpool for a few days.

He really let loose and i nearly came home in tears. I didnt sleep all night and heard him get up. He saw my packed bags and asked when i was going.

I said "no where yet" and he put the kettle on, we went for a walk and he cried and cried and gave me a big hug.

I can understand that he feels poo, and feel awful for not being able to do more - but is suppose that is selfish on MY part - MY feeling useless rather than how he feels.

Will take above advice even tho its hard.

thanks again guys

xxxx"

Think we all have freinds like that hun, go through thick and thin together and there's just no way you can close the door on them.

I have a friend like that and she often lets me down, but I could never turn my back on her. We're in it for life. She's helped define part of who I am because of what we've been through so it would be turning my back on myself.

you're quite correct though, sometimes we think how their actions affect us and it's testimony to your friendship that you are thinking about why he may be acting that way.

good luck x

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By *ebzStar OP Woman
over a year ago

Notting

Thanks Bringit.

I need to hear positive stuff.

I know he is retracting himself cos he has deleted his facebook, and he did that last year too - but he did keep in touch via email and text.

Friendship eh - who ever said it was easy???

xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you should reach out to him, when we are hurting we block everything out but really we need some strong arms around us to hold, us, when we hurt sometimes we get so upset we push people away but we don't mean to or want to, Debz, let him know you're there for him with no pressure from any other factors right now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Friendship is never easy.

And tests all the emotions we have.

Like i said in an earlier post, a "friend" of mine i had known 40yrs died last week.

As kids we were often insepreable and got into trouble together.

Over the years she sh*t bigtime on me and we fell out, then made up and then fell out etc.

She lived round the corner from me and altho we wasnt buddy buddy i kept in touch with her daughter and knew she had gone into hospital.

So last week i texts daughter and says,,whens ya mom comming out and gets the reply back...."she just died"

im still in shock really, altho this lady shit on me and we had our fall outs, i still cared. We had to many years between us not to.

life is sooooo bloody short to worry about the crap things and all you can do is live your life and be there for those who matter.

good luck debz

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By *ebzStar OP Woman
over a year ago

Notting

"I think you should reach out to him, when we are hurting we block everything out but really we need some strong arms around us to hold, us, when we hurt sometimes we get so upset we push people away but we don't mean to or want to, Debz, let him know you're there for him with no pressure from any other factors right now

Now i am in tears again.

SOme saying leave him alone and others telling me to let him know i am there.

I am feeling very sorry for my stupid email and am wondering if thats why he not replied- i just got so frustrated with not hearing from him.

So yes - selfish and unfeeling on my part.

But last year i had to slap him back to earth as he got so wound up in his greif - he wasnt being reasonable.

And he is lonely there inlondon, so not even got anyone to let steam off with now.

When i get low- i close up - buti have a few certain friends who nknow, and still text - and when i am having a good day i can blowoff steam,

He doesnt have that.

Sorry - i dont wanna be depressive on a Sat night, but i feel really shit over this

Have alredy sent my text as advised above, and will wait now.

Not even sure i have hisproper email now as he has changed jobs recently.

So that doesnt help

xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Debz

If he knows you , and by what you have said he does really well.

You have been thru shite etc.....

Then he gonna know that you are there if he needs you.

So stop worrying hun ok.

You have done all you can and now its up to him.

Now go get yaself a large stiff one and relax

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By *ebzStar OP Woman
over a year ago

Notting

"Debz

If he knows you , and by what you have said he does really well.

You have been thru shite etc.....

Then he gonna know that you are there if he needs you.

So stop worrying hun ok.

You have done all you can and now its up to him.

Now go get yaself a large stiff one and relax

yep - think i have got myself too wound up.

Thanks Peaches - any directions to a stiff one :0

LOL

Off to buy some wine me thinks, this soberness is not good, hehehehe

xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a fridge full of the hard stuff and two cases of wine i havent touched and what am i drinking...........

Honey and lemon

Lmao..summat wrong somewhere

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Leave him alone and let him come to you.

You know it's a rotten time of year for him and you come across as insensitive which I'm sure you don't mean to be.

If you are a friend you'd recognise he's still hurting and just wants to shut the world out for a bit. Endless texts, emailing may make him reconsider your friendship.

Leave him be!

OUch - that hurt - but yes i can see you are right

Debz, we are all different.

When we post on forums we're looking for differing points of view.

My comments were how I felt. Someone has said even though he's in effect said leave me alone all he wants is a hug. I disagree: when I said it I meant FUCK OFF not hug me, but that was me.

I think he'll know you're there. Just let him be to have his "pity party" (again what I call my down time), he'll be back, he just needs this time.

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By *ebzStar OP Woman
over a year ago

Notting

Sassy.

i was asking the honest truth - and thats what i got.

Yes we are all different - and cos he is different to me - thats why i needed an idea how to proceed.

When i am on downtime, my phone is off, i dont log on anywhere, puter is off,

not even my own mother can contact me.

He has never gone that deep into his burrow before- he has locked everyone else out but always let me in.

Thansk for your opinion tho- i am open to anything xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sassy.

i was asking the honest truth - and thats what i got.

Yes we are all different - and cos he is different to me - thats why i needed an idea how to proceed.

When i am on downtime, my phone is off, i dont log on anywhere, puter is off,

not even my own mother can contact me.

He has never gone that deep into his burrow before- he has locked everyone else out but always let me in.

Thansk for your opinion tho- i am open to anything xxxx"

Awful thing grief. Each year you think it'll get better but it doesn't and you feel worse.

You then feel you're letting people down as you should have "snapped out of it", so you cut people off.

Because you care and you have that closeness perhaps you feel a little hurt he's lumping you with everyone else.

I don't know either of you, I can only speak from my personal experience. He's not shutting you out, he's trying to keep himself in if you know what I mean. Sometimes we just need to draw the curtains block the whole world out - no exceptions - and deal with our pain.

Nothing personal.

You'll see soon enough when he's ready. Xxxx

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

fwiw, I agree with the idea of sending one open text saying you're here when he needs you, and then leaving it.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Sometimes we just need to draw the curtains block the whole world out - no exceptions - and deal with our pain.

Nothing personal.

This is very true, and it helps to be reminded of it.

Thanks Sassy

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By *ebzStar OP Woman
over a year ago

Notting

Sometimes we just need to draw the curtains block the whole world out - no exceptions - and deal with our pain.

Nothing personal.

This is very true, and it helps to be reminded of it.

Thanks Sassy"

Thanks to all of you.

Its easy to get into a rut yourself and not see what it does to friends - but cos they are friends they never remind you of it.

then from outside the box= its a bit harder.

Thanks all, believe it or not i actuallllly feel a bit better about it.

xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now i am in tears again.

SOme saying leave him alone and others telling me to let him know i am there.

I am feeling very sorry for my stupid email and am wondering if thats why he not replied- i just got so frustrated with not hearing from him.

So yes - selfish and unfeeling on my part.

But last year i had to slap him back to earth as he got so wound up in his greif - he wasnt being reasonable.

And he is lonely there inlondon, so not even got anyone to let steam off with now.

When i get low- i close up - buti have a few certain friends who nknow, and still text - and when i am having a good day i can blowoff steam,

He doesnt have that.

Sorry - i dont wanna be depressive on a Sat night, but i feel really shit over this

Have alredy sent my text as advised above, and will wait now.

Not even sure i have hisproper email now as he has changed jobs recently.

So that doesnt help

xxx"

I think you have answered your self, you need to give him what you have said what you would need

if he still doesn't want it then at least you did you best and gave him what you would have needed and wanted

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By *ebzStar OP Woman
over a year ago

Notting

Thanks.

But that is where the selfish comes in - how IIIIIIIIIIIIIII feel, not how he does,

But thanks all.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks.

But that is where the selfish comes in - how IIIIIIIIIIIIIII feel, not how he does,

But thanks all.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx"

Just do you best chicky, it's all we can ever do xxx

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By *ebzStar OP Woman
over a year ago

Notting

"Thanks.

But that is where the selfish comes in - how IIIIIIIIIIIIIII feel, not how he does,

But thanks all.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Just do you best chicky, it's all we can ever do xxx"

i wanna say thank you bitch - but that dont sound right some how, lol xxx

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By *ebzStar OP Woman
over a year ago

Notting

thanks`to all the supportive messages about this.

He has fianlly got in touch and arranging a meeting with ALL of his close friends xxx

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