FabSwingers.com forum: Best Man speech help

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Right its time i started to think about my speech for my mates wedding in a couple of months time. Now this is going to be a difficult one as he moved away to another area which is over 180 miles away and that was about 15 years ago when he was 20. In that time i have only met him approx a dozen times but we do keep in touch via email, text etc etc.

He's a prison officer so i was thinking along the lines of using that to get the LOL's and also using the fact that he moved away from his home town where he couldn't get his hole and as soon as he's away he gets a gf who will be his future wife.

I know some on here are witty and good with the patter so any help will be appreciated.

Am away to work now so here's hoping i can have a few ideas

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm absolutely crap at speech writing, however there are websites that do specialise in Best Mans Speeches, and are well wortha look.

A quick google should point you in the right direction.

Best of luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lots of general stuff you can whizz in if you just personalise it a bit.

As dibdobs said...lots of websites that will offer tips

have been struggling for a while with my father for the bride speech...just three weeks left to polish it off...but is the easy speech....you definitely have the showstopper so good luck with it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I meant to add, its only a small formal wedding, nothing fancy with less than 20 guest and both families of the couple are well mannered, polite and church going people so it has to be clean

I have looked at some websites but its how i can use thats he's a prison officer or how he fucked off all those years ago to make it personal i am struggling with

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By *ensualfire88Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Unless you know the audience really well - be very careful about being funny.

There's nothing worse than opening with your best gag to total silence and then watching tumbles blow across the room...

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By *uss PussWoman
over a year ago

east cheshire

Get Nottsmale36 to write it...you will be fine

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

lol @ you going to talk about how he couldn't get his hole at home so he moved away....is that wise? lol

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By *atisfy janeWoman
over a year ago

Torquay

Sneak out of the room and slide back in wearing a fancy dress convicts outfit...will go down a storm

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By *ensualfire88Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I can feel the brides fathers eyes burning into him from here...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Unless you know the audience really well - be very careful about being funny.

There's nothing worse than opening with your best gag to total silence and then watching tumbles blow across the room..."

See above your post.

I only know his parents and his sister and even at that its been years since i met them. I have only met his future wife no more than 6 times and thats about it.

What a load of pants

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By *uss PussWoman
over a year ago

east cheshire

I only know his parents and his sister and even at that its been years since i met them. I have only met his future wife no more than 6 times and thats about it.

What a load of pants

Doesnt he have any real friends ?

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"Sneak out of the room and slide back in wearing a fancy dress convicts outfit...will go down a storm"

great idea,tell em youve been sent from the guys on B wing ..make the speech and give him the ball and chain at the end.

lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I only know his parents and his sister and even at that its been years since i met them. I have only met his future wife no more than 6 times and thats about it.

What a load of pants

Doesnt he have any real friends ? "

Aye he has his mates were he is now but they're not as good as me, am his bestest mate

I haven't even met his mates but a few are coming to his stag do.

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By *ensualfire88Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

GO for the prison officer thing - i was at a funtion a few years ago and the speaker was a prison governor.

He did a really good speech, all about him basically running the best hotel in town...

Many of his clients came to stay time and time again.

Some clients spent their whole life there.

He has whole families staying etc etc.

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By *uss PussWoman
over a year ago

east cheshire

LOL have a bestest mate badge for the stage do

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sneak out of the room and slide back in wearing a fancy dress convicts outfit...will go down a storm

great idea,tell em youve been sent from the guys on B wing ..make the speech and give him the ball and chain at the end.

lol

Thanks to Jane and Pleasure, that will go down very well.

Brilliant!!

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By *atisfy janeWoman
over a year ago

Torquay

Tell the wedding guests how the Brinks Mat robbers got away with £35m and only got an average of 13 years inside....

As apposed to the groom who gets nothing and is subjected to a life sentence....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ohhh i feel better now.

I was getting worried i would make an arse of it but i know the good people of Fab would not let me down.

I will be defo getting a convicts outfit with the ball and chain. Already looked on ebay.

Keep em coming.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Don't get your words mixed up

We were at a wedding when the best man stood up and said he'd like to wank everyone for coming

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Get Nottsmale36 to write it...you will be fine

ROFL

Bride or groom....only one way to find out.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A good clean one for best man speech is to put talc on the paper...fold it and as you open it at the table blow the talc (which looks like dust) off and say ..."sorry this has been wrote for a long time"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ask as many guys as you who are going to bring an old key with them,and bring one yourself.at the end of the speach u say the bride once gave you a house key to drop in when groom was away(use their names obviously)for some sneaky fun before it got serious,and you want to return it now.place it in a bowl or maybe an empty pint glass that you have left for this.ask if any other males have keys (for brides house)that they no longer need.all the guys you told to bring keys then walk up and place in key in bowl/glass.

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By *ig badMan
over a year ago

Up North :-)

"Right its time i started to think about my speech for my mates wedding in a couple of months time. Now this is going to be a difficult one as he moved away to another area which is over 180 miles away and that was about 15 years ago when he was 20. In that time i have only met him approx a dozen times but we do keep in touch via email, text etc etc.

I know some on here are witty and good with the patter so any help will be appreciated.

Am away to work now so here's hoping i can have a few ideas

Depends if you want to go techie.

I did one last year for an old friend as a tongue in cheek powerpoint presentation and a projector. You can run graphs that are animated with lines going up and don like a cock rising and one or two other graphics with music and it also gives you the chance to read footnotes.

Ok not always possible to do but when you put flashing baby pics or in my mates case a naked ass you get a laugh.

Sure you will get many ideas from here though and you can pick bits here and there

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks to all for your help.

Much appreciated.

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By *ig badMan
over a year ago

Up North :-)

"Thanks to all for your help.

Much appreciated.

Your thinking ahead so you will be fine. Plenty humor but think on his old conquests and it goes down well

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"Thanks to all for your help.

Much appreciated.

hope it goes well mate

good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've known xxxx for a very long time and, to be honest, it was beginning to look like he was never going to get married - some of us did wonder if he was batting for the other side, especially when he took a job in an all-male environment! But there's no need to worry, we soon realised he's just a control freak. So (turn to bride) xxxx you better be on your best behaviour or he'll have you doing press ups in the exercise yard! ... and be careful in the shower!

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