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Imaginary bad meets

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By *B9 Queen OP   Woman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

So, this guy turned up looking like he saw personal hygiene as something optional. He tramped dog dirt into the carpet and rubbed it in with the heel of his filthy, moth-hoked trainers saying it was good for the carpet.

He stank of Special Brew and asked if I had any whiskey as he groped my arse with nicotine-stained fingers.

Ok - you get the idea.

Write a description of the worse meet you could have.

No true stories please just use your imagination.

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By *B9 Queen OP   Woman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

*moth - holed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So, this guy turned up looking like he saw personal hygiene as something optional. He tramped dog dirt into the carpet and rubbed it in with the heel of his filthy, moth-hoked trainers saying it was good for the carpet.

He stank of Special Brew and asked if I had any whiskey as he groped my arse with nicotine-stained fingers.

Ok - you get the idea.

Write a description of the worse meet you could have.

No true stories please just use your imagination. "

Can't remember meeting you

Was that the time I caught crabs?

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle


"*moth - holed"

Well we can rule out Tosh if its anything to do with moths

Sorry Tosh sweet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is this the guy with the beard ? The one who said he had bought dinner for two with him ?

And got out two forks from his pocket and began to tuck into his beard ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"*moth - holed

Well we can rule out Tosh if its anything to do with moths

Sorry Tosh sweet "
I thought it was me. Till the moth bit

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

He turned up smelling delicious and looking gorgeous, but his idea of sensual kissing was pushing his tongue as far down my throat as he could, and his idea of fingering was jamming them up to my tonsils. he twisted my nipples like he was searching for Radio 4, and his package was limp and disappointing.

And now he's proposed!

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

Is it the one who turned up in his hi-viz vest, crusty blue spit at the corners of his mouth and only one brown tooth left in his head?

As he unzipped his crusty old cordroys and said "get ya marf rand this and suck the cheese off"

Sorry I cant type anymore, I actually made myself vom then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He turned up looking very dapper in his suit and dicky bow. Sat down,pulled out a deck of cards and said " Let's have a magic trick before we get down to business eh!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She turned up in a dented old car . Oh wait you said imaginary meet !!

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By *B9 Queen OP   Woman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge


"So, this guy turned up looking like he saw personal hygiene as something optional. He tramped dog dirt into the carpet and rubbed it in with the heel of his filthy, moth-hoked trainers saying it was good for the carpet.

He stank of Special Brew and asked if I had any whiskey as he groped my arse with nicotine-stained fingers.

Ok - you get the idea.

Write a description of the worse meet you could have.

No true stories please just use your imagination.

Can't remember meeting you

Was that the time I caught crabs?"

I'm too classy to have crabs. I have lobsters.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She turns up looking sunning I'm nervous but undressing her in a fit of heated passion I slowly caress her body and run my tongue up the inside of her thighs look up and it's a tv with a bigger cock than me =/

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So, this guy turned up looking like he saw personal hygiene as something optional. He tramped dog dirt into the carpet and rubbed it in with the heel of his filthy, moth-hoked trainers saying it was good for the carpet.

He stank of Special Brew and asked if I had any whiskey as he groped my arse with nicotine-stained fingers.

Ok - you get the idea.

Write a description of the worse meet you could have.

No true stories please just use your imagination.

Can't remember meeting you

Was that the time I caught crabs?

I'm too classy to have crabs. I have lobsters. "
Tosh's quick cure for crabs

2lb of sugar . Pour down your knickers

It does not kill them but rots there teeth and stops them nipping . Hope this helps

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He turned up and knocked on my door.

I answered and his mother hustled past him, running her white gloved fingers over the dresser and skirtings.

Tutted and marched upstairs to check out the loo

Walking downstairs she announced that the place was clean enough for her son and she would sit and do her knitting while I sorted out taking her sons verginity

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So I saw a good looking local couple, me and the sexy female start chatting, arrange a meet. I drive over there, planning to meet the husband in a local pub. He looks like he's on drugs and a shower is a luxury, and says his wife likes the look of me, I thought out of respect and foolishness I'd stick around and go to their house.

Once arriving, he ushers me in first and she's obviously pissed and with a webcam on for a crowd of wankers. Being d*unk she doesn't sense that I'm not impressed and it's all a bit below what I expected....(that's not me being arrogant or expectant, just surprised and not in a good way). That would be a bad start to a meet....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He turned up and was a nice guy. 2 minutes in the bedroom and he had to pull out as he was cuming. After pulling himself together he got sucked to hardness again and promptly came after 30 seconds from a semi. Made an excuse and left. Used and frustrated come to mind.

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle


"She turned up in a dented old car . Oh wait you said imaginary meet !! "

My car resembled that remark

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By *ScotsmanMan
over a year ago

ayrshire

i once dreamt i ate a particularly horrid beef Wellington? . . .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"He turned up smelling delicious and looking gorgeous, but his idea of sensual kissing was pushing his tongue as far down my throat as he could, and his idea of fingering was jamming them up to my tonsils. he twisted my nipples like he was searching for Radio 4, and his package was limp and disappointing.

And now he's proposed! "

You still haven't given me an answer?

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

You know that MysteriousGuy....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You know that MysteriousGuy.... "

Yeah I've seen him lol

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"He turned up smelling delicious and looking gorgeous, but his idea of sensual kissing was pushing his tongue as far down my throat as he could, and his idea of fingering was jamming them up to my tonsils. he twisted my nipples like he was searching for Radio 4, and his package was limp and disappointing.

And now he's proposed!

You still haven't given me an answer? "

And I never will.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"She turned up in a dented old car . Oh wait you said imaginary meet !!

My car resembled that remark "
Don't know what you mean

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle


"She turned up in a dented old car . Oh wait you said imaginary meet !!

My car resembled that remark Don't know what you mean "

At least it was easy to spot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"She turned up in a dented old car . Oh wait you said imaginary meet !!

My car resembled that remark Don't know what you mean

At least it was easy to spot "
Yeah not difficult like my bright red one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"He turned up smelling delicious and looking gorgeous, but his idea of sensual kissing was pushing his tongue as far down my throat as he could, and his idea of fingering was jamming them up to my tonsils. he twisted my nipples like he was searching for Radio 4, and his package was limp and disappointing.

And now he's proposed!

You still haven't given me an answer?

And I never will. "
result!

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

met a lady who proceeded to tell us she'd had the shits all afternoon before coming to meet us - needless to say we didn't dabble! Z

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By *B9 Queen OP   Woman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge


"met a lady who proceeded to tell us she'd had the shits all afternoon before coming to meet us - needless to say we didn't dabble! Z"

It's meant to be imaginary rather than a true story.

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton


"met a lady who proceeded to tell us she'd had the shits all afternoon before coming to meet us - needless to say we didn't dabble! Z

It's meant to be imaginary rather than a true story. "

sorry! Z

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

They were both a stunning couple, we'd seen them on webcam. We drove through the housing association discarded high rise estate, and they phoned down. They were on the 34th floor, and we could get in if we broke a window, around the back - we'd have to use the stairs. If we had any credit for their meters it would help, as it was 11pm.

We traipsed up the stairs, past a few junkies who were passed out.

We pushed the door open, smelling something that hubby, a cop, said was meths and crack, and possibly something else.

She's in the back room, bent over ready for you both, the bloke said - 'rim her arse'.

The water must have been cut off as well, as we could smell her arse, or something, from the hallway, but as it was our introduction to swinging, we went through. Being open minded, we'd put bi curious, so when someone came behind hubby, as he stooped to find her arse, in the dark, he assumed it would be some gentle play, perhaps a back massage. His legs were kicked apart, and, probably a woman's hand or object was slid between them. I felt a little queasy with the stench, and said we'd better go and get something for my stomach, but he forced my head down towards his crotch, but the vile acrid smell of stale urine, and skin infested with severe fungal infection, made me puke. We made our excuses, hoping we'd not disappointed them, or would be labeled as time wasters.

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By *icknjoCouple
over a year ago

staines

When camera angles lie and they have a tiny cock

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By *ibanditMan
over a year ago

Liverpool


"They were both a stunning couple, we'd seen them on webcam. We drove through the housing association discarded high rise estate, and they phoned down. They were on the 34th floor, and we could get in if we broke a window, around the back - we'd have to use the stairs. If we had any credit for their meters it would help, as it was 11pm.

We traipsed up the stairs, past a few junkies who were passed out.

We pushed the door open, smelling something that hubby, a cop, said was meths and crack, and possibly something else.

She's in the back room, bent over ready for you both, the bloke said - 'rim her arse'.

The water must have been cut off as well, as we could smell her arse, or something, from the hallway, but as it was our introduction to swinging, we went through. Being open minded, we'd put bi curious, so when someone came behind hubby, as he stooped to find her arse, in the dark, he assumed it would be some gentle play, perhaps a back massage. His legs were kicked apart, and, probably a woman's hand or object was slid between them. I felt a little queasy with the stench, and said we'd better go and get something for my stomach, but he forced my head down towards his crotch, but the vile acrid smell of stale urine, and skin infested with severe fungal infection, made me puke. We made our excuses, hoping we'd not disappointed them, or would be labeled as time wasters."

Gordon's alive! I think you've won fabswingers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As I arrived at his house, I noticed he was using sheets for curtains & a number of cats were sat in the windowsill. I avoided the shopping trolley abandoned in the garden & knocked on the door .

He answered. Smiled - or I think he did , but he only had three teeth left in his whole mouth. He was wearing stained trackie bottoms & a t shirt covered with the remains of last nights dinner. His three strands of hair were combed over his bald head. As he went to kiss me the odour of cat pee & halitosis wafted towards me.

I can't write more as made myself feel nauseous !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After a fairly average and non memorable coupling, two kids burst into the room and happily sang to me "you are our new daddy"

She looked at me and said "don't feel pressured about moving in, you can leave it until the weekend."

I thank my lucky stars I have a slutphone and destroy the simcard as I slam the front door behind me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"He turned up and was a nice guy. 2 minutes in the bedroom and he had to pull out as he was cuming. After pulling himself together he got sucked to hardness again and promptly came after 30 seconds from a semi. Made an excuse and left. Used and frustrated come to mind. "

Hey! I met him too!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is it the one who turned up in his hi-viz vest, crusty blue spit at the corners of his mouth and only one brown tooth left in his head?

As he unzipped his crusty old cordroys and said "get ya marf rand this and suck the cheese off"

As soon as I read the cheese bit it made me shudder.

Blurgh!!!

Sorry I cant type anymore, I actually made myself vom then "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is it the one who turned up in his hi-viz vest, crusty blue spit at the corners of his mouth and only one brown tooth left in his head?

As he unzipped his crusty old cordroys and said "get ya marf rand this and suck the cheese off"

As soon as I read the cheese bit it made me shudder.

Blurgh!!!

Sorry I cant type anymore, I actually made myself vom then "
would it help if I told you it was blue cheese?

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

At first I got the wrong house and ended up asking no7 if they were the ones on fab who wanted to meet a tranny. The nice and kind elderly gent who answered the door said no, but that I looked very nice. I told him that was a bit of a problem, as I'd travelled all this way for some kinky sex with a couple. He said he'd help if he could. Did I have a description of them at all, as perhaps he might know them. I said 3/4 of a sky remote, which baffled him, but that the chaps partner had long red hair. A light bulb went on and he said his son lives at no 5, which is actually the 7th house and his partner has red hair. Would I like to try there and could I be quick about it, as my being on his doorstep was having a detrimental effect on his house price.

I tootled off next door, gave it a rat-a-tat-tat and this sheepish looking guy quickly opened it and said, 'get in sharpish, babe - it's like a goldfish bowl here! Now you understand why we insist on discretion.'

Just to keep my end of the conversation up, I told him I thought his father was a lovely old boy. How we laughed as I explained how I'd gone to his dad's house by accident and how I'd told him about the sky remote business. How he laughed as he threw me out on my arse....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is it the one who turned up in his hi-viz vest, crusty blue spit at the corners of his mouth and only one brown tooth left in his head?

As he unzipped his crusty old cordroys and said "get ya marf rand this and suck the cheese off"

As soon as I read the cheese bit it made me shudder.

Blurgh!!!

Sorry I cant type anymore, I actually made myself vom then would it help if I told you it was blue cheese?"

Oh jeez even worse..get me a bucket. Huey time!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is it the one who turned up in his hi-viz vest, crusty blue spit at the corners of his mouth and only one brown tooth left in his head?

As he unzipped his crusty old cordroys and said "get ya marf rand this and suck the cheese off"

As soon as I read the cheese bit it made me shudder.

Blurgh!!!

Sorry I cant type anymore, I actually made myself vom then would it help if I told you it was blue cheese?

Oh jeez even worse..get me a bucket. Huey time!!!"
it has lovely veins

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle


"Is it the one who turned up in his hi-viz vest, crusty blue spit at the corners of his mouth and only one brown tooth left in his head?

As he unzipped his crusty old cordroys and said "get ya marf rand this and suck the cheese off"

As soon as I read the cheese bit it made me shudder.

Blurgh!!!

Sorry I cant type anymore, I actually made myself vom then would it help if I told you it was blue cheese?

Oh jeez even worse..get me a bucket. Huey time!!!it has lovely veins "

Can you bring a packet of Crackerwheat and some butter

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By *ScotsmanMan
over a year ago

ayrshire

. . .tofu is a bit shit. . .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there is some fish paste if anyone wants some

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By *bony in IvoryCouple
over a year ago

Black&White Utopia

The greasy sweep over was the first thing I spoted.. Along with the Mutton eye and ear hairs. I gaze swiftly at my Mr , however he has already been ushered into the hallway. The strange aroma hits our nostrils faster than the speed of light! ... On feeling a nasty dryness at the back of my throat , i ask if possible, could I please have a glass of water. I follow a back combed bee hive , blonde with 4 inch roots, matted hair do , into the kitchen . Strange the things you notice, like the claw like , half inch toe nails ( painted red originally but possibly over a bright plumb) protruding from a pair of lime green peep toed sling backs . Flea bitten legs.

On the cooker is a large pot. Bubbeling away, a thick dark brown scum was caked around the side. I look at the female and my usual expressive face prompted a reply before i had even muttered the question... I was then told thro whisteling false teeth, that she was boiling her hubbies boxers to clean them. ( He had the squits for two days) And it was not their dinner in the pot!

I then see her hubby , at the kitchen door.. Well his large scrotum , football sized hernia , kinda appeared before him. My Mr behind him , his eyes screaming at me ( our code! Lol ) ... out!! We need move now! His eyes were telling me! By this time, my own eyes were protruding from my eye sockets. Hoping he sees that i am saying the same. Oh dear Lord! Were we going to be able to get out alive?! ... I pass the female the glass she had given me , water untouched , as my fingers feel the floresent pink, dryed up lippy encrusted arount the rim! Quick as a flash i do it! Rolls off of my tongue, like I had practiced it all day! Explained "how sorry we were but my great Aunt's , sisters son's , one legged budgie , had fallen off its perch, broken its nose and they needed a lift to a vets! We gotta go urgently" !! Phew! Not sure which one of us got thro that door quickest... Usain Bolt would have been proud!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

as I licked her ringpeice a tape worm slithered out into my mouth!

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By *bony in IvoryCouple
over a year ago

Black&White Utopia


"as I licked her ringpeice a tape worm slithered out into my mouth!"
oh my! Lol

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By *bony in IvoryCouple
over a year ago

Black&White Utopia

[Removed by poster at 22/04/14 22:26:12]

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