FabSwingers.com forum: Falling out of love

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

My cousin is devastated after her husband told her he is no longer in love with her.

With an affair or being cheated on at least you could use anger as an emotion to help in a way.. but feeling not good enough must be awful

They have 2 kids, both work full time. He adores his kids and would never leave them. Not sure what they are going to do.

Ever experienced it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

oh well at least hes honest, but staying together just for the kids is a waste of a life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think, if you're really in love with someone, you don't fall out of love with them. Real love, hard to define but I think it never goes away

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"oh well at least hes honest, but staying together just for the kids is a waste of a life.

yeah i totally agree.. just heartbroken for her. She never saw it coming (nor did i)

its that helplessness feeling,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"oh well at least hes honest, but staying together just for the kids is a waste of a life.

But he might not be able to afford to leave mortgages debts that people have these days.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well did she ask him why?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"well did she ask him why? "

no idea,, when she told me i just let her spill. didnt want to ask questions, felt it was more important for her just to empty out and to listen.

my own presumptions is they have no time together anymore.. when they fell in love they were young early 20's, no kids and no responsibilities. now he has a 50hr week job, she runs a very successful cake business from home. They also have 2 children (3 and 18months) No time for themselves let alone each other

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I've experienced it. Twice.

Trust me when I say that anger is an easy path, it leads to hate which a cancer for the mind and soul.

I have every sympathy for her and for him, because it's just a shit state of affairs when the love between two people irrevocably breaks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"well did she ask him why?

no idea,, when she told me i just let her spill. didnt want to ask questions, felt it was more important for her just to empty out and to listen.

Sounds like so many marriages these days. maybe she should give up her job till the kids go to school otherwise he will be coming on here looking for someone to give him some comfort.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

i watched my mum fall out of love with my dad,, she just upped and left. i was 16 and doing A Levels..

hated her at the time, admire her courage now

to watch my dad suffer such heart break was something i'll never forget.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Sounds like so many marriages these days. maybe she should give up her job till the kids go to school otherwise he will be coming on here looking for someone to give him some comfort.

From the way she was talking he is sure its over and no way to save it

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

Yes. I fell out of love with my ex. I was still fond of him and cared about him but I was no longer "in love" with him. - Luckily we didn't have any children but we had a mortgage together.

People change and feelings change (which is why, as I'm also not religious, I'm not too keen on the idea of marriage). It can't always be helped. I know with my ex, at the end it just felt like we were friends living together. There was no animosity, no affairs, nothing had really gone wrong. I just didn't feel the same way about him anymore and I gave it years to see if things were just going through a rough patch before I decided to end it.

This one does sound as though their lack of time together may have hindered the relationship but again, there may have been no reason what-so-ever.

Love and hugs to your friend and I hope she finds a way to get through this if things don't work out.

- Amy. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have fell out of love twice.

It isn't nice. It is however better to be honest with them than let them live in a tortuous facade of a relationship imho.

There were elements of them I still loved, and always will I guess, but not enough to make things work long term.

I am still friends with 1, not the other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"well did she ask him why?

no idea,, when she told me i just let her spill. didnt want to ask questions, felt it was more important for her just to empty out and to listen.

Sounds like so many marriages these days. maybe she should give up her job till the kids go to school otherwise he will be coming on here looking for someone to give him some comfort.

A lot of people cannot afford for the woman to give up her income and play the 1950's style housewife attending to her husbands every needs..!!

He's been honest and upfront to tell her he's no longer in love which takes a lot of courage.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

With an affair or being cheated on at least you could use anger as an emotion to help in a way.. but feeling not good enough must be awful

I am not sure why she would feel not good enough, he fell out of love with her and thats it.

At least he was honest and stopped it rather than carry on pretending and potentially finding love behind her back.

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

"maybe she should give up her job till the kids go to school otherwise he will be coming on here looking for someone to give him some comfort.

Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that these days. When you look at living costs, they may rely on her income to be able to keep up with the mortgage, bills, food, ect and to keep the kids clothed.

Unless you earn a rediculous amount of money, most families can't afford to live on a single wage anymore. x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

With an affair or being cheated on at least you could use anger as an emotion to help in a way.. but feeling not good enough must be awful

I am not sure why she would feel not good enough, he fell out of love with her and thats it.

that was just my thoughs, no idea what she is thinking.

guess my logic on why i said it was that if someone had once been in love with me and wanted/desired me then what have i done or how have i changed for him to change his mind about me as a person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Suggest they go to relate. It's not all over until the fat lady sings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its sad, unfortunately people fall in love, and sometimes out of it. This happened to myself, I stayed and ended up resenting him, and feeling very bitter. He couldn't accept it, which in turn caused him too become, fairly violent. I ended up moving 40 miles away. Hopefully now she knows his true feelings, and although undoubtably heartbroken. They can part fairly amicably. If its broken unfortunately its rarely fixable... When it's one sided... It's early days, but she I'm guessing from the age of her kiddies is fairly young. Who knows love can sometimes knock more than once?! Best of luck to her, and you, it sounds like she may be needing you over the coming months. X

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

[Removed by poster at 19/04/14 12:28:20]

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

With an affair or being cheated on at least you could use anger as an emotion to help in a way.. but feeling not good enough must be awful

I am not sure why she would feel not good enough, he fell out of love with her and thats it.

that was just my thoughs, no idea what she is thinking.

guess my logic on why i said it was that if someone had once been in love with me and wanted/desired me then what have i done or how have i changed for him to change his mind about me as a person. "

I obviously don't know about your cousins case, but for me it isn't always about what the person has done to change the way the other feels. it is probably just how he feels.

He probably still cares for her and possibly love her, but just isn't IN love with her so it becomes more brother and sister or friend type feelings.

She obviously must be upset and who knows whether all is lost, they may need just to take stock of their life but I think she would feel worse if he had said he was having an affair.

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