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urgent advice needed

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By *ondering_yorkshireman OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere near NE Derbyshire/S Yorkshire/Nottinghamshire border

I've been asked by my sister to help her friend who is in an abusive relationship and now have a female friend of his trying to tell me when a women is with a guy she should be almost controlled.

She is telling me that wearing tight leggings and a low cut top as well as taking pride in herself is sluttish and wrong.

And that she should wear jeans or trackies, trainers, a hoody hair up and no make up to have self respect.

Please help me out here folks, is it me or am I seeing this all wrong as it sounds like in her and the guys mind a women is nothing but a object

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It does seem like she is being treated like an object. Maybe she's with the wrong kind of guy. Or she likes the way the relationship is. Suppose you never really know what happens behind closed doors huh mate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

and how are you supposed to help this friend ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"and how are you supposed to help this friend ? "

this

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Sounds messy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just be there as a friend. Can't really do anymore

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

You may be able to offer insight that would help shift her own. But people get something from behaving as they are, so they will both be party to whatever benefits them from this arrangement. She would need to be self motivated for change, rather than having it pushed onto her - that imposing style would also mimic that relationship. If she was at risk of harm, then it would be urgent, but it appears that it is more one of chronic suppression than something to act upon with extreme urgency.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you do an internet search on healthy relationships/domestic abuse there is lots of info/advice. Often women's perception of what is healthy or not can be distorted. To help your friend you may need to gather this info and discuss it with her. She may not want to listen. She may tell you to butt out, but at least it will be a starting point. At the very least she needs to know she has a place of safety to go to if things get out of hand. If there are children involved try and encourage her to seek professional help:gp/health visitor or school nurse. Things can escalate and children can get caught in the crossfire. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you do an internet search on healthy relationships/domestic abuse there is lots of info/advice. Often women's perception of what is healthy or not can be distorted. To help your friend you may need to gather this info and discuss it with her. She may not want to listen. She may tell you to butt out, but at least it will be a starting point. At the very least she needs to know she has a place of safety to go to if things get out of hand. If there are children involved try and encourage her to seek professional help:gp/health visitor or school nurse. Things can escalate and children can get caught in the crossfire. Good luck

"

great advice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you do an internet search on healthy relationships/domestic abuse there is lots of info/advice. Often women's perception of what is healthy or not can be distorted. To help your friend you may need to gather this info and discuss it with her. She may not want to listen. She may tell you to butt out, but at least it will be a starting point. At the very least she needs to know she has a place of safety to go to if things get out of hand. If there are children involved try and encourage her to seek professional help:gp/health visitor or school nurse. Things can escalate and children can get caught in the crossfire. Good luck

"

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

surely she can wear what she wants .. if she stays with him thats her business .. if its too bad she would eventually want to break the bond for herself .. good luck to her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So if I have got it correct, your sister is the friend if the girl and not you?

What does your sister want you to do exactly what she can't do herself?

At least you have the courage to try to help going by the fact that you started this thread. I would only get involved if directly asked.

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By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

Give her the details of a local domestic abuse group and then keep out of it is my advice unless there are children involved. Only she can make the break when she's ready and interfering can often make the abuse worse!!

If there are kids involved then a telephone call to the local social services department as the latest research has shown that children simply living in that situation without being party to the actual abuse has many long lasting effects!!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

[Removed by poster at 19/04/14 11:16:34]

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

So far YOUR SISTER has said 'a girl' is in an abusive relationship and asked you to help.

A friend of the 'abuser' has said women should breath only when men release pressure from their necks.

Has the 'ABUSED WOMAN' asked for help ?

At all ? Has she spoken ..... ? to you ?

to anyone ?

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By *ondering_yorkshireman OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere near NE Derbyshire/S Yorkshire/Nottinghamshire border

I've spoken directly to the female in question. My sister asked me as she doesn't know how to help, (my sister is seeing her friends brother so they are close) I've managed to get her to go speak to someone on Tuesday

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By *ctaviusStuntMan
over a year ago

plymouth

if you are in a relationship and your partner doesnt like what you wear and asks if you could dress differently you have a choice to make. If you want the relationship to continue and choose to change how you dress im not sure you could call that abuse.

If on the other hand your partner tells you to dress differently and gets angry/threatening/ manipulative about it then its probably a different matter.

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